TWD Season 5 Episode 6: Cosumed

Okay, I'm going to just breathe for a second. At long last, we have a Carol and Daryl episode. Side by side. Just the two of them. The hour is all about the badass duo's quest to find Beth. This is by far my favorite episode of the season and I'm not ashamed to admit that I will be re-watching "Consumed" several times. Here's what went down (or didn't)...

Exiled

We have a serious of flashbacks throughout the episode, and the first one we see is immediately after Rick sent Carol off on her own when she admitted to killing Karen and David. I know...I don't really remember them either. She drives away from Rick and pulls over on the side of the road, sobbing while Walkers bang on her windows. This is a woman who had literally lost everything and I remember the bitterness I felt when this happened. Carol finds her way to an empty law firm and sets up shop there for a little while, until looking out the window one day to see smoke coming from off in the distance. This was the day the Governor attacked the prison, and Carol made her way there as fast as she could. 

Carol's next flashback has her digging graves for Mika and Lizzie. Man. They are seriously tugging at my heartstrings tonight. She pauses and looks up at another cloud of smoke, which we know now was Terminus. We also know that she caused a hell of a lot more smoke at Terminus when she essentially blew it up. But this memory ends with her just looking up, on the verge of saving her friends, just as the prison flashback ended with her car pulling up just as the prison chaos was starting... these are the moments before she went in for a rescue. 

Following those memories, we see Carol burning the bodies of Karen and David. More smoke. This is the most extreme situation Carol has faced when thinking she was "saving" the group. This was not a rescue...but it was Carol taking extreme measures to keep the healthy people safe. 

The final flashback is of Carol taking off the Walker guts poncho she wore while taking down Terminus. She's seen walking away...but I assume this is right before she decided to reunite with the group and take them to see Tyreese and Judith. She went from exile to redemption in what seemed like forever to us...but really just a short time in The Walking Dead world. 

Bonnie and Clyde

Carol and Daryl are following the car they believe also took Beth away last season. Carol suggests they run the car off the road and then make the driver talk, but Daryl wants to be sneaky and observe. Unfortunately, they run out of gas before they can follow the car back to its origin and they have to find shelter for the rest of the night. My brain is thinking "Yes! Finally! Carol and Daryl are totally going to hook up!" I mean, it's TIME for this to happen, right? 

Carol takes him to a women's shelter she knows of nearby and they find themselves in one of the temporary housing rooms...with bunk beds. Carol offers to take the top bunk but says she will keep first watch while Daryl sleeps on the bottom bunk. Carol asks him if he's started over. He says "I'm tryin'." When Daryl asks her what's really on her mind she says "I don't think we get to save people anymore." He asks why she's here then. Carol replies "I'm tryin'." She sits down next to Daryl on the bed and then lays back. Daryl also lays back...this has to be it, right? Right?  Right?!?!?! Nope. They hear a noise and go to investigate it. A Walker is banging on one of the office doors...the mood is sufficiently killed...and Carol and Daryl sleep in shifts. AGHHHHHH.

When morning comes, the two make their way through downtown Atlanta on foot in an effort to find the car that had alluded them. Daryl's plan is to make it to the top (or close to it) of one of the big office buildings to get a good look at the surrounding area. They find a suitable building and navigate through it, though not without some challenges. They encounter several Walkers and many of the doors are chained shut. Daryl and Carol squeeze through one doorway and find an office with a pretty great view of the city. Daryl sees a car with the same white cross markings as the one that took Beth. It's parked just across the way. They have a lead. Just before they head out of the office, Daryl makes a couple of comments about a painting hanging on one of the walls. "Looks like a dog sat in paint and wiped its ass all over the place. Carol says she likes the painting, and when Daryl teases her, she says "I'm serious. You don't know me." He replies "You keep telling yourself that." 

How Is He Still Alive?

While pushing herself back through the chained doorway, Carol inexplicably exits the door backwards...and Noah is there pointing a gun at her. Noah? Really? Dude can barely walk. He hasn't been eaten yet?  Anyway, he takes Carol and Daryl's weapons, cuts open some tents that had been holding Walkers, and hobbles away. Asshole. Carol still has a handgun hidden and she begins shooting. Daryl swipes at her hand to make sure she doesn't kill Noah and she swears she was aiming at his leg. Daryl says "he's just a damn kid" and Noah makes a narrow escape. 

Carol and Daryl try to find their way out of the building while Carol grumbles about losing their weapons. She says she doesn't want to see Daryl or anyone at the church die, and that's why she was lingering near the car outside of the church. "You're not who you were and neither am I...I don't know if I believe in God or Heaven anymore, but if I'm going to Hell, I'm making damn sure I'm holding it off as long as I can." With that, Carol hastily picks up her bag and a book falls out - Treating Survivors of Child Abuse. She had taken it from the women's shelter. 

Traveling on foot once again, Carol and Daryl cross a bridge and find a van with the white markings leaning over the edge. Daryl carefully searches the vehicle as a ton of Walkers approach. Knowing they can't kill their way out of the horde with minimal weapons, they climb in the van, fasten their seat belts....and go over the bridge, crashing into the ground below. Holy shit. Many Walkers follow them over the edge and we can see and hear them splattering on the van's roof and windshield. It makes me giggle. Carol's arm is all effed up and she's not walking too well. Daryl says it was a stupid thing to do and Carol replies "We made good time getting down." HA! She's got a point. They are three blocks from the hospital now, and they are going back to observing mode.

Finding another building to hide in, Carol and Daryl snack and have a heart to heart. He mentions Carol's comments about how he's not who he was before. Daryl asks her "How was I?" Carol says he was like a kid before....but a man now. She then tells him that she and Sophia had stayed in the women's shelter for a day and a half before running back to her abusive husband. "Who I was with him...she got burned away and I was happy about that. And at the prison, I got to be who I always thought I should be...thought I should have been. Then she got burned away. Now it just consumes you." Daryl looks at her and says "We ain't ashes," and this would be the PERFECT time for a smooch, but they hear gunfire and rush to check it out.

Wouldn't you know it? Noah is still doing his damnedest to survive. Carol and Daryl kill a Walker that's attacking Noah, but he tries to run away again. Seeing the opportunity to get the weapons back, Daryl traps him under a bookcase and considers leaving him to become Walker food. "I already helped you once. It ain't happening again." Carol pleads with Daryl to save Noah...and Daryl does so at the very last second. 

Noah tells them he's from the hospital and Daryl asks him if he saw a blond girl there. "You mean, Beth?" Wow. I know we're in a zombie apocalypse but had no idea Beth was the only blond girl around anymore. Noah tells them she's still trapped there and the three of them try to exit the building before the shady cops find them. Carol runs outside and a hospital car hits her. The cops put her on a stretcher and take her away. Daryl and Noah steal a huge truck and head back to the church to call in the cavalry.

The episode ends there and now we know why Carol ended up in the hospital. She's not there as a spy - she's seriously all kinds of banged up. And with Noah in the picture and the church group about to join in, I think we missed the boat once again on the Carol and Daryl romance. Damn it. 

We do seem to have ourselves quite the rescue mission coming though. All of Carol's flashbacks with her various "I'm going to save everyone" situations have lead up to her really being one of the characters we simply can't do without on this show. She's seen a lot of smoke and lost parts of herself along the way, but Daryl is right...she's not ashes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a kick ass hospital invasion with Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Tyreese. It can't get much better than that....oh yeah it could. Daryl could friggin kiss Carol when they rescue her. I'm not asking too much, am I?

AHS Freak Show Episode 6: Bullseye

When we last left the craziness of Freak Show, Stanley (disguised as talent agent Richard) had Elsa and the twins believing they would soon embark on a television career. Elsa, however, dumped Dot and Bette at psycho Dandy's house, which is throwing a wrench into Stanley's plans of collecting their heads....literally. Desiree found out she's allllll woman, and Jimmy discovered that he's not exactly the ladies man he hoped to be. Dell might have had the quickest romance in AHS history, and Precious Regina was introduced, hopefully to wreak some havoc on Dandy's insane ass. There's a ton happening on the show right now and "Bullseye" is just as chaotic...

It's My Party

It's Elsa's birthday week and everyone is celebrating. The "freaks" believe that once Elsa makes it big in Hollywood, she will bring all of them out there to share in her success. Even though Elsa's family is excited for their future, they can't help but mope a little about the twins' departure. Elsa had told the group Dot and Bette decided to leave on their own accord, and she doesn't want to hear another word about it. 

Elsa calms her frustrations by hopping into bed with the tattooed Seal Boy. They've apparently had quite the fling going on and she offers to have him meet her in Hollywood before the rest of the clan. He says he could manage to learn how to drive to make this happen. Elsa responds with "of course, when I have a normal suitor, you can simply pretend to be my chauffeur...which you would be." Ouch.  

Don't feel too sorry for Paul the Seal Boy. He's managed to also hook up with the hospital volunteer from the first episode. Dude gets around. Apparently Jimmy's not the only guy in the Cabinet of Curiosities with magic hands. Anyway, Paul and his tattoos jump from Elsa's bed to this young lady's and he professes his love for her. Elsa eventually finds out that someone else is sampling Paul's, um, ink and it does not go over well. More on that later. 

Wheel Of Fortune

Paul the Seal Boy makes his way into town to buy perfume for, well, the woman he's banging who isn't Elsa. He runs into Dandy and Dandy is in quite a hurry, buying two of all of the female hair care products and make-up. Dandy pretends not to know him, but Paul mentions that Dandy showed up to the Freak Show and tried to buy the twins....and then Paul puts two and two together, so to speak. 

He goes back home and tells his theory to Jimmy, insinuating that Elsa got rid of the girls. Jimmy dismisses Paul as an ungrateful jerk and the Seal Boy ends up confronting Elsa. He reeks of someone else's perfume, so Elsa already assumes he is cheating on her (if we can really call it that). And when Paul mentions the twins, she instantly flips her shit. She wakes everyone up, screams at them, demeans them and tells them they are not loyal. She says the only way to prove they are faithful is for one of them to climb aboard the wheel/bullseye. You see, Elsa was quite the expert knife thrower back in the day, so those who would trust her would have no problem being strapped to the wheel. Jimmy volunteers first, but Paul pushes him aside. 

Elsa takes her time and draws out the suspense. The first knife lands near Paul's head. The second lands between his legs. The third lands right in his gut. D'oh! She swears it was an accident, but there's no way she was going to let him stick around with his accusations....or perfume. They move him to Elsa's trailer (to wait for the doctor that is never coming) and his lady love arrives to check on him. Apparently the two were supposed to rendezvous at some point during the night and he obviously never made it. Elsa leaves the lovebirds in her trailer and heads to the big top, and that's the last we see of Paul and his girlfriend this episode. 

Pick On Someone Your Own Size

Stanley and Maggie/Esmeralda meet on the outskirts of the camp to discuss the missing twins. Stanley wants a payday and tells Maggie to lure Jimmy to a barn so they can kill him and take his hands back to the museum. Maggie argues and he presses her for a better idea. She offers up Ma Petite...the world's smallest (and possibly cutest) woman. The plan is jar her up and drown her...but Maggie can't go through with it. She's grown to care for these "freaks" and she asks Jimmy to run away with her. They smooch and he tells her to pack her bags. He just has one thing to take care of first. Maggie gleefully returns to her tent, but Stanley is there and he is pissssssed. He says he's moving forward with his plan to get Jimmy's hands and storms off. 

Marry That Girl. Marry Her Anyway. 

Dandy and Gloria have a new maid but Dandy liked Dora better. "Hindsight is 20/20 dear," his mother tells him. Gloria assumes that Dandy is going to use Dot and Bette as some sort of plaything(s) but Dandy declares he is in love with them. He intends to marry them. Gloria is appalled...because, you know, a two headed daughter-in-law is far more disgraceful than a son who murders people. 

Bette is also totally in love with Dandy but Dot continues to be a Debbie Downer. She assumes she and Bette are prisoners without really being prisoners...and she's right. She asks if they can go back to their tent and retrieve some personal items, but Dandy insists he will just replace anything that they may have left behind. He also informs them that there's a story in the newspaper about the first surgery separating Siamese twins. A light bulb goes off in Dot's head....Dandy has the money it would take for their surgery. She envisions being free of Bette and reuniting with Jimmy, hoping that she would be the twin to survive the procedure.

Dandy would like for the girls to get along a bit better. He doesn't want any secrets between the three of them and offers an "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours" revelation game. Dandy starts by saying he was the one who killed the clown and saved everyone. He tells the girls Jimmy was unconscious and he's the real hero. Bette is enamored and Dot calls bullshit. The game ends abruptly. 

Gloria finds her son sobbing in his room and runs to his aid. He broke into Dot's diary and read the not so friendly things she wrote about him. He realizes that his aspirations of a happy trio have been demolished, and he tells his mother "I was never destined to feel love. I know why I was put here. My purpose is to bring death." He grabs a knife and heads down the stairs. Jimmy is at the door, looking for the girls. 

I'll Cry If I Want To

Ethel invites Elsa to have a piece of the birthday cake she made for her. Elsa gives a teary speech about family and how she sees Ethel as a sister. She doesn't understand why the others don't trust her. Ethel lights the candle on the cake and comforts Elsa...then she says "If I ever found out you're lying or did wrong by those girls, I'll kill you with my own two hands. Now, make a wish." Ha! Elsa wishes to be loved, blows out the candle, and the episode ends there. 

Just about every bit of this episode ended on a cliffhanger. What will happen to Jimmy and the twins? Will Paul die from his wounds? Is there a point to his lady love showing up when she did? How quickly does Maggie think she can get Jimmy out of town? I feel like a major death (or two) is coming next week. They've been teasing us with the "These characters are dead and at the oddity museum! Just kidding!" scenes for a while now, so there has to be something big coming soon right? One thing's for sure: Ethel is one bad ass bearded lady. I have to wonder if Elsa ended up with any hair in her cake....  

TWD Season 5 Ep 5: Self-Help

Last week The Walking Dead fans got what they have been waiting for (or what they cared very little about) with a "what really happened to Beth?" episode. Clearly we're going to find out the aftermath of Noah's escape, Beth's failed escape, and Carol's arrival at the hospital, right? Nah. We're shifting gears in "Self-Help." Here's how the episode played out...

Nice Ride

Abraham drives the school bus as Smokin' Hot Rosita caresses his hair. He offers to let her shave him down "dolphin smooth." Well, there's something you don't hear everyday. Stupid Tara makes a joke about Eugene's hair, asking him if it's his source of strength. Eugene looks pretty stressed out though. I guess there is a lot of pressure on him with saving the world and stuff. Maggie asks how long it will take for Eugene to do what he has to do...and Eugene talks about the density of the infected, target sites worldwide, as some other "factors" that will determine the timeline. Glenn asks a few more science-y questions, then finishes with "Why the hair?" Eugene replies "Cuz I like it." Done and done. 

Unfortunately the bus blows a tire, hits a broken down truck, and then flips on its side after a few seconds of being airborne. To make matters worse - a horde of Walkers is right there to check for survivors. Everyone is injured but there's no time to worry about that. They have to get out of there pretty damn quick and take out those Walkers, which they do with no problems. They just need to get the first aid kit and other supplies from the bus and then they can move on....except the bus is now engulfed in flames. Damn. Eugene suggests they make their way back to the church but Abraham says the mission hasn't changed. "We're at war. If we retreat, we lose."

Peeping Tom

The group finds shelter in a book store and Abraham finds some "alone time" with Smokin' Hot Rosita.  Apparently Eugene likes to watch and Smokin' Hot Rosita sees Eugene peeking through the self-help section. Ha! Abraham says Eugene is harmless and keeps doing what he's doing. Stupid Tara catches Eugene (who is not doing a great job at hiding by the way) and he tells her that he enjoys the female form and thinks this is a harmless crime that allows both comfort and distraction. I do love this man...well I do right up until he tells Stupid Tara that he sabotaged the bus. What!? Whyyyy? Eugene apparently knows that he can't survive on his own, and if he's not meant to save the world, then why would anyone keep him around? Dude has serious confidence issues. 

The next morning Smokin' Hot Rosita tends to Abraham's wounds and suggests they stay in the bookstore one more day. Everyone is injured and she thinks they should regroup before pressing forward on foot. It seems they've lost several members of their group along the way from Houston, and she believes they should be at 100% (or close to it) before continuing on. No dice. Abraham is all about the mission and getting Eugene to Washington as quickly as possible because people are dying, blah, blah, blah. Maggie and Stupid Tara enter the room to say the town and store appear to be in good shape. They suggest scavenging for one more day, but Smokin' Hot Rosita backs Abraham and says they'll sweep as they go. Interesting.

Never Trust A Mullet

Abraham spots a fire truck and voila! The group has a new set of wheels to get them back on their journey. Just kidding. The truck won't start and the firehouse is overrun by Walkers. Our heroes themselves are running on empty at this point, so Eugene's move of turning the fire hose on all of the zombies was brilliant. Abraham temporarily fixes the fire truck but it doesn't get them far. The group ends up back on foot again and they smell something awful. Just ahead lies two farms on either side of the road. Both are infested with Walkers....and I do mean infested. You'd need to drop a bomb on that land to make it passable. Abraham maintains that they need to press on but everyone is calling bullshit at this point, including Smokin' Hot Rosita. Emotions run high, fights break out, and Eugene screams "I'm not a scientist! I lied. I don't know how to stop this."

Silence and lots of it. I have to wonder exactly how the wheels are turning in everyone's minds at this point. Who will really react first? Smokin' Hot Rosita says that she's seen Eugene do things that only a scientist would know how to do. Eugene explains that he is smarter than most and that he "knows things." He believes that Washington really is their best shot at survival. Abraham beats the shit out of Eugene and his hands are covered in Eugene's blood. Smokin' Hot Rosita puts her hand on her gun and tells him to get away. Abraham walks a few paces, drops to his knees, and sobs. 

We flash back to Abraham's days just after the zombie apocalypse began. Abraham had a wife and two kids and we see them scavenging at a grocery store. Abraham's hands and clothes are bloody and it looks like he's been doing whatever is necessary to protect his family. He's been taking out Walkers...as well as the living competition. Abraham is violent to a point where his wife and children are terrified of him. The next flashback we see is Abraham waking up to a note that says "don't try to find us." Apparently his family thought they were safer without him. Ouch. Crazy or not, I know damn well I would be better off with Abraham. That dude could protect me far better than I could ever protect myself. 

Abraham of course goes on a search for his wife and kids...but he only finds their bodies. He decides to kill himself and is seconds away from putting a bullet in his brain when he hears screaming. Eugene is running away from three Walkers and Abraham saves him. Eugene explains that he is on a very important mission, and suddenly Abraham has something to live for. 

The episode ends there and I feel terrible for Abraham. Now we know why he was so adamant about completing the mission and not wasting any more time. He's not just an asshole - he's a man who had one reason to continue on, and that one reason was a total lie. As much as Eugene makes me smile, I'm pretty pissed at him. I'm interested though to see what Team Eugene will do now that Eugene is a fraud. Common sense says to go back to the church, but will they all stay together? 

I'm also not sure what to expect next week now that we have the severed story lines. Will we see more of this group? Will we get back to the hospital in Atlanta? Will we check in on Rick and the church? As much as I hate the group divided, I'm loving this season and can't wait to see what happens next. 

AHS Freak Show Ep 5: Pink Cupcakes

Coming off of the Halloween episodes, I was almost sad going into this evening's American Horror Story hour. Twisty's departure definitely caused a lull in "Pink Cupcakes" but we did learn some interesting things about our already very interesting characters. This is an episode of lust, deceit, and murder, but tonight's show lacked the overall edge of your seat vibe the previous episodes had. Here's where we are in week 5 of AHS Freak Show... 

An Assortment of Oddities

The episode opens with a celebration at the American Morbidity Museum where professional swindlers Stanley/Richard and Maggie/Esmeralda stand disregarded in the background. The museum is unveiling its new exhibit: "Modern Mutations." When the curtain opens, the tattooed Seal Boy from The Cabinet of Curiosities is dead and floating in a sealed tank. You think that's shocking? The tank featuring Dot and Bette's heads is next and I have an "oh shit!" moment. I hope this is just a fantasy Stanley/Richard is having. We already lost Twisty incredibly soon. Let's hold onto the twins for a little while longer, shall we?

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar.

Jimmy practices his lobster boy juggling act outside because he apparently still gets stage fright. Esmeralda approaches and offers to read his palm and tell him his future. She says that a man is coming to give him information and that man will be a liar. Esmeralda then tells Jimmy that he should go north and get out of the freak show. Sensing that Esmeralda really cares about him, Jimmy goes in for the kiss...but Esmeralda pulls her head away. She says Jimmy's future is bright but she is not in it. Ouch.

Back to work. Dell is nowhere to be found and we are getting close to show time. Jimmy goes to Dell and Desiree's trailer and finds a very pissed off Desiree. She has no idea where her hubby is and cries over a drink...and her 3 boobs...about the early days between her and Dell. He made her feel alive and now she feels nothing. Jimmy is all kinds of depressed too and he sits down and cries about Meep. This seems like an appropriate time for them to make out(!) and I immediately wonder what the lobster hands are going to do with all of those titties. Jimmy makes do and moves his hands even lower. Desiree is bleeding "down there" though Jimmy passes her off to Ethel to take to a doctor. 

After an examination, Ethel's doctor tells Desiree she has suffered a miscarriage, which is strange considering Desiree never believed she could reproduce at all. Everyone thought Desiree was a boy when she was born. Her parents named her Derek and imagine their surprise when "he" hit puberty and sprouted boobs.  The doctor says Desiree was never a boy at all though...turns out that ding-a-ling she had described is actually an enlarged clitoris. She's all woman and then some. 

So you're saying I don't have a ding-a-ling?

Desiree confronts Dell when he finally comes home. See, Ethel had told her that Dell is Jimmy's father (do you think that made Desiree feel weird about having his lobster hands in her lady parts?) and she's pissed that Dell kept this a secret from her. She informs Dell that she is leaving him - the doctor is going to hook her up with some cosmetic surgery to take care of her abnormalities, and she's going to find a normal husband, have a normal life, and make some normal babies. For now though...she's moving in with Ethel which is pretty damn funny. Dell takes it upon himself to visit the doctor the next day and break both of his hands. He tells the doctor to stay away from his wife and threatens to kill the doctor's family if he tells anyone about this visit. What. A. Douche.  

  

Pushing Up Daisies

At Gloria and Dandy's house, Momma discovers (most underused guest star ever) Patti LaBelle's dead body in the dining room. No Gloria...Dora will not be turning the percolator on. Nor will Dora be available to clean the mess that is, well, Dora. Dandy rushes in with a "Someone must have broken into our home and murdered her" bullshit comment but Gloria knows right away that he killed their beloved maid. Gloria sends Dandy to his room which is totally the right punishment. I'm guessing if he had chopped Dora's body up, he wouldn't get dessert tonight either. Harsh, Gloria. Harsh.  

Dora's final resting place is a specially made flower bed. Dandy apologizes to his mom for killing her and Gloria shrugs it all off as mental condition common among the affluent. She says Dandy's father had the same illness, and "he stifled it the only way he knew how." He apparently hung himself from a maple tree. There's no indication of how long ago this happened though. 

I wondered if this would be the last we hear of Dora, but Gabourey Sidibe has been cast as Dora's daughter, Regina. Seems Precious Regina has been trying to get a hold of her mom with no luck. She calls Gloria, who assures her that Dora is fine...she just works really hard and probably won't be able to call Precious Regina back for at least a month. That's not suspicious at all, Gloria. She makes the conversation even more awkward by asking Precious Regina her opinion of what kind of a mother she's been to Dandy. Gloria cries about her failures as a parent and Precious Regina freaks out and pretty much hangs up on her. 

American Psycho

Dandy works out in his room in his tighty whities and converse sneakers and thinks about his new lease on life...as well as taking lives. He believes Twisty was put on earth to introduce him to murder and now he has quite a taste for it. "But I am no clown. I am perfection. I am greatness. I am the future and the future starts tonight." Apparently tonight is a popular night at what looks like the local (probably secret) gay strip club. Dandy gets himself all dressed up for his big night there. You know who else is in the club though? Dell and his stripper/escort boyfriend, played by Matt Bomer. Well color me surprised! This explains why he banged the bearded lady and married a woman who he thought had a penis. Best of both worlds. 

Anyway, Dell is very protective of his new man....a little too protective. He doesn't seem to get the whole "escorts service other guys too" portion of the job, so he's there every day trying to spend time with the young hottie. I guess we know why Dell is missing from the freak show all the time. Everyone assumes he is on a drunken binge, but in reality he is pretty much obsessed with this dude. Dell ultimately wants to leave his wife and the freak show behind and start a new life with his new paramour, but the young hottie is mostly content with his job and assumes Dell is all talk. With his emotions getting the best of him, the strong man storms off, leaving his boyfriend to be Dandy's next victim. Off to Twisty's bus they go and Matt Bomer exits the show as quickly as he entered....well not super quickly...Dandy has to stab him a bazillion times and cut off his limbs before he finally dies. 

I Want My ETV

The new "talent scout" Richard visits Elsa in her tent just before showtime. He tells her he works in television and can make her a star, but Elsa is not a TV fan. She wants to be in motion pictures. She's ready for her close-up and believes television is "the death of art and civilization." Richard says he's eager to watch tonight's performance anyway and he exits to go find his seat in the full house. Elsa takes the stage but the audience is not a fan. Some are giggling, some aren't paying attention at all, and some start to "boo" and throw food at her. Suddenly Elsa has changed her tune and wants Richard to tell her more about television stardom. 

Elsa totally buys Richard's story about having "The Elsa Mars Hour" on TV. She gets herself all done up and struts toward his car, ready for her big break. As she approaches impostor's vehicle though, she sees Dot and Bette in the back seat....then she sees Richard drive away with them.   

Stanley/Richard takes the twins on a picnic, complete with poisoned cupcakes. He's been trying to sell them on their own one hour TV show and the ever so gullible Bette is on board right away. Dot doesn't indulge in her cupcake but Bette is affected by the poison of hers right away. Dot feels the pain as Bette fades away. Stanley suffocates Dot...and then we find out that this has ALL been a DAYDREAM. Whew. Both twins actually refuse the cupcakes. After all, they have to watch their weight if they are going to be TV personalities. 

When the sisters return to camp, they tell Elsa all about this new opportunity. Elsa explains that she too will have her own show but she'll mentor them in their career as well. Isn't that nice of her? Dot is hesitant but Bette is practically packing their suitcase. Elsa takes the twins to meet a seamstress who will make them new TV-worthy clothes. Well, that's what the twins think anyway. Elsa actually takes them to Gloria's house. Whaaaat?

The episode ends there and I'm just tired of all things having to do with Dandy. Twisty was so much more fun and brought a terror factor that no one else on this show has. I'm offended on behalf of the clown any time Dandy puts on Twisty's mask, and I really hope he moves to the back burner next week. I did, however, really enjoy Angela Bassett tonight. She hasn't done much since her character's introduction and it was time for her to have a moment. Is she really done with Dell? Is Dell going to go from douchebag to psycho when he realizes his boyfriend is dead or at least missing? Will Stanley and Maggie actually snag any of the freaks or will Stanley's museum fantasy remain just that? I'm waiting for some of these folks to start serving a purpose and I'm hoping the wait doesn't go on for too many more episodes. 

TWD Season 5 Ep 4: Slabtown

Well here you go kids. We have a Beth episode. For those of you who don't remember Beth, don't worry - most of the characters have forgotten her too. The only Beth moment we've had at all this season was the brief moment Daryl thought he saw the car that she was taken away in. He and Carol went on a Beth finding adventure, telling no one, and in "Slabtown" we finally find out what happened to the girl who only wanted Peach Schnapps.

Sleeping Beauty

Beth wakes up in a hospital bed and finds herself locked in a room. Dr. Steven Edwards and Officer Dawn Lerner enter the room and inform Beth that she's in Atlanta. Dawn's officers supposedly found her alone, being chased by Walkers. "If we hadn't found you, you'd be one of them. So you owe us." Apparently Dawn runs the show at Grady Hospital. 

Beth starts to learn her way around the hospital and tries to pick up on how things operate there...so to speak. She encounters Officer Gorman, who claims he saved her from the Walkers. He explains that nothing in the hospital is free and everyone works off everything they "owe" based on the care they've been given and the food they eat. The patients are not allowed to leave until this debt is paid. I'm not sure how all of this is tallied and monitored but Gorman is a douche. Steven seems like a good guy though and he tries to make Beth feel comfortable. He even offers to split his guinea pig dinner with her. Chivalry is not dead y'all.  

Better Than Terminus?

A couple of patients arrive. The first one is Gavin, who fell from a first floor apartment trying to get away from some Walkers. Dude is bleeding internally and Steven thinks it's a lost cause. For some reason Dawn is hell bent on saving Gavin and slaps Beth when Steven says it's a waste of resources. I have no idea what's going on right now. The next person brought in is Joan, who apparently was in the hospital and escaped left at some point. Joan's arm is a hot mess so they cut it off. Neat.  

After a really weird effing day, Beth drops off some laundry with Noah. He's apparently in charge of washing and ironing the scrubs which is probably one of the better jobs at the hospital. I'd certainly rather do that than hold amputees down and dump dead bodies down the elevator shaft. Anyway, Noah says that "management" at the hospital has gotten worse and worse in the year he has spent there and people do not get to leave of their own free will. Well, no surprise there. Noah has been quietly plotting his own departure back to his hometown of Richmond, Virginia....and he's awfully brave to trust Beth with this information. Must be her kind face. Maybe he liiiiiikes her. 

Noah hits a snag in his plan though when Beth accidentally administers the wrong drug to Gavin. She thought she followed Steven's instructions but it doesn't end well. Gavin seizes and dies and Noah takes the blame, saying he must have bumped the ventilator while mopping. Dawn knows he's lying...but Noah gets the shit beat out of him anyway. At this point Beth definitely wants to help get Noah out and she decides to leave with him. 

The Not So Great Escape

Beth attempts to steal the extra elevator key that Dawn keeps in her office. She makes two discoveries. 1) Gavin was a doctor (Dawn had his ID in her desk drawer) and 2) Joan is dead. Looks like Joan found a pair of scissors in Dawn's desk, cut her bandages, and let her arm bleed out. Bummer. Gorman finds Beth and says no one has to know that she was trying to take the key. He goes from douche to sleazeball immediately. Beth sees that Joan is beginning her Walker transition and briefly plays along with Gorman's fantasies. She hits Gorman over the head, tosses him to a hungry Joan, takes his gun and the extra key, and she gets the hell out of there. With Dawn now distracted by a Walker problem, Beth and Noah make it out of the hospital alive. Beth then goes into total badass mode and takes out a ton of Walkers. Daryl would be so proud. In the midst of all of this chaos, Noah gets away but Beth is captured by Dawn's officers. 

Dawn gives Beth a beating (of course) so Beth is further indebted to the hospital. As Steven patches her up, she confronts him about Gavin because, you know, she's pissed she was tricked into killing someone. Steven admits that he told her the wrong drug on purpose. Dawn was too eager to save Gavin and Steven couldn't afford to have another doctor around. If Gavin had lived, Dawn and company could have easily gotten rid of Steven. Well, none of that matters now - we have a new patient. The Queen Badass herself, Carol, arrives on a stretcher. 

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The episode ends there and that is quite a cliffhanger. Is Carol pretending? I mean, she blew up Terminus so she's not above going balls to the wall to save people. Maybe Daryl came up with this strategy....but who accompanies Daryl back to the church? Noah? Does Daryl go back to get reinforcements while Carol spies on Dictator Dawn? Soooo many things up in the air right now but here's hoping Carol busts Beth out of there next week. And if Noah survives, Beth can have a new boyfriend, we can get rid of that Beth/Daryl romance nonsense, and Carol and Daryl can become the most kick ass couple on television. Just sayin. 

AHS Freak Show Episode 4: Edward Mordrake Part 2

After a week of wondering, we found out tonight who the ominous Edward Mordrake would take from the freak show back to whatever hellish place he comes from. Though one of our favorites had a close call, the chosen departed character is not who I thought it would be. This was an hour of story telling within the story and it was great to get some background on some of the characters. Here's where we are with part 2 of the AHS Halloween episode....

I Coulda Been Somebody

Erotica. Romance.

Edward Mordrake makes his way from tent to tent, looking for the next companion in his wicked afterlife. Though he encounters several deformed individuals with sad back stories, he has a difficult time zeroing in on "the one." Edward finally arrives at Elsa's tent where she immediately wants to discuss business. She believes Edward is there as a talent agent, so imagine her surprise when Mr. Mordrake's escorts invade her tent as well. We're only 9 minutes in and I'm already incredibly tense. 

Elsa tells Edward how she came to be the owner of the Cabinet of Curiosities. We flash back to Berlin in 1932 where Elsa was a popular dominatrix in some sort of crazy sex club. Apparently she made men "ejaculate gold," but I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that. Sounds incredibly uncomfortable. Anyway, one customer in particular drugged Elsa and made her the star of her own film...a film where two men took chainsaws to her legs. They dashed away with their footage and left her to die. Luckily one of her regulars (who was madly in love with her) had followed her and saved her from bleeding to death. "I had the most beautiful legs." Edward's second head says she's the one and Elsa tells Edward she is ready. She begs him to take her but suddenly Edward is distracted by music in the woods.

I Coulda Been A Contender

Twisty's captives are once again planning an escape (because it worked so well last time). The girl makes her way out of the bus and through the woods with Twisty right behind. Jimmy and Esmeralda hear her screams as they have run out of gas on their way back to the freak show and are now walking back to camp. Jimmy wants to help this girl and follows Twisty back to the bus...where he realizes Twisty is the serial killer still at large. Just as he looks at Esmeralda and says "we need the cops," Dandy sneaks up behind them and knocks them both out. 

When Jimmy wakes up he is tied up by a campfire near the other captives. Dandy is in the process of sawing Esmeralda in half while Twisty haphazardly plays a xylophone or some sort of toy piano. Jimmy is able to use his lobster hands to untie himself and he punches Dandy, frees Esmeralda, and tells everyone to run. Twisty holds onto Jimmy as the others flee but the show is not over yet - Edward Mordrake arrives for the final act. 

Edward asks Twisty to remove his mask and tell his story. The maskless Twisty kind of reminds me of Sloth from The Goonies...but, you know, evil. He tells Edward his back story and we flash back to 1943. He was a very successful clown in a traveling carnival and he loved the children. He did not, however, love the freaks. They made fun of him and ran him out of the carnival by spreading rumors that he loved kids a little too much. So the sad clown returned home to Jupiter. His mother had died and he took up making toys out of garbage. Literally. Twisty tried to peddle his works at the local toy store but he creeped everyone out in the process and went back to his bus very defeated....so defeated that he put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Instead of killing himself though, he only managed to blow most of his mouth off, causing him to need the creepy ass mask. Twisty then began his murderous rampage in an effort to "save the children" from people who were mean to them. Well, that and to seek some revenge. The toy store owner bit the dust a few episodes ago. 

Edward says Twisty's story has caused his demon head to weep. The extra head says "you are the one" and Edward stabs Twisty to death. Twisty's spirit joins Edward and the other damned souls and the group disappears. Dandy comes upon the clown's body just then and takes his mask....and puts it on his own face. Ew. Police sirens are heard nearby and Dandy flees. 

A Hero's Welcome

Jimmy (who has witnessed all of this from the bus window) becomes a hero. He "caught" the serial killer and now the captive kids can return to their homes...well, not the one kid. His family is dead. But no one mentions that. 

Jimmy and Esmeralda return to their camp and notify everyone that the curfew has been lifted and they can put on a show. The local people arrive to thank Jimmy for his heroic efforts and the Cabinet of Curiosities has found a welcoming audience. That evening's show sells out quickly, and one of the ticket buyers is Denis O'Hare disguised as a talent scout. Of course. I was wondering when he would pop up again. 

What A Waste

Dandy returns to his house where the most underused guest start ever, Patti LaBelle, is putting together a food tray. She makes some comments about Dandy's dirty mask and scolds him because Gloria has been out all day trying to find him the perfect costume. Dandy approaches her with a knife but she ain't got time for that. She tells him to take the tray upstairs to Gloria...and he promptly slits her throat. Really? Sigh. At least we got that one Woody Woodpecker impression. 

The episode ends there and we've seen the last of Twisty. I must say that I expected his character to linger longer, and I feel that there was more to him than the brief story we got tonight, but I'm also sure the countless fans who are terrified of clowns will not miss seeing his face each week. His exit does seem to open up a new world for Jimmy and his hopes to be normal, as well as Elsa's hopes to keep her Cabinet of Curiosities afloat. But what happens next? Will the freaks realize Esmeralda and the new talent agent are frauds? Will Gloria hire a new maid? How long will Dandy continue to be a jackass before someone kills him? Because I'm seriously ready for someone to take him out. Seriously. Time will tell, but I have a feeling we are going to start seeing the large cast of characters continue to diminish. 

TWD Season 5 Episode 3: Four Walls and a Roof

After last episode's Bob-b-que, the Grimes group's brief moment of joy was shattered. Carol and Daryl took off in search of Beth, Father Gabriel was hiding some sort of secret, and we discovered Tyreese is still in "I can't kill nobody" mode. However, "Four Walls and a Roof" was an intense hour and definitely delivered some "hell yeah!" moments. Here's where we are with Episode 3... 

Tainted Meat

It sucks to be Bob. Gareth and the other douchebags are still chowing down on Bob's leg while Gareth shares his philosophy on Terminus and eating people and blah, blah, blah. I'm incredibly tired of him. Bob, however, goes from defeated and crying to laughing hysterically and now I'm wondering....YES! Bob definitely has a Walker bite on his shoulder. "I've been bitten you stupid pricks! I'm tainted meat! Tainnnnted Meaaaaat!" HA! Gareth kicks Bob in the head and knocks him out, but damn that was funny. 

This Is The Lord's House

The group realizes Bob, Carol and Daryl are missing and confront Gabriel. He swears he has nothing to do with their disappearance but the look on Rick's face lets Gabriel know that it's time to start talking. The priest says that he always lock the doors at night and tells the group that the apocalypse started very early in the morning and the doors to the church were still locked. He chose to save himself and not open the doors, leaving entire families to be ripped apart by Walkers. This is basically what I had guessed last episode. I'm 2 for 2! Gabriel is crying at this point and says he buried the bones and what was left of his parishioners...."I'm damned. I was damned before. I always lock the doors at night. I always lock the doors..." 

Father Gabriel's emotional confession is interrupted by the sound of tainted meat being dumped on the lawn in front of the church. Sasha and the others drag Bob inside and Bob tells them that the Terminus survivors captured him and ate his leg. He also informs his group about Gareth seeing Carol and Daryl drive away from the church. Smokin Hot Rosita offers to find pain pills in the first aid kit...but Bob reveals his bite and everyone knows his fate is sealed. They move him to a couch in Gabriel's office where Sasha is forced to say a very difficult goodbye. Tyreese reluctantly offers to do what needs to be done when Bob dies, and the gentile giant lingers behind to put a knife in Bob's head just before he turns. RIP Bob.  

Abraham announces that he's taking Eugene, Smokin Hot Rosita, and the bus, and he's getting the hell out of there. Rick refuses to leave without Carol and Daryl, everyone yells and screams, and Stupid Tara, Glenn and Maggie agree to go with Abraham if they stay one more night and help take care of the Terminus douchebags. Off they go to seek their revenge, but Gareth and company invade the church as soon as they think they are in the clear. The entire place is quiet until Judith starts to cry. Damn it!

The Terminus survivors move toward the baby noises but two of their gunmen are taken out with shots to the head immediately. Rick and everyone we thought had left the church were actually hiding inside and Gareth and company lower their weapons. Instead of wasting any additional bullets, the Grimes group beats/stabs every last Terminus douchebag to death and it's gruesome. Rick also makes good on his promise to kill Gareth with the machete, so at least we know he's a man of his word. Father Gabriel is appalled by what he sees, saying they are in the Lord's house. "No," Maggie replies. "It's just four walls and a roof." 

New Divide

When morning comes, Glenn, Maggie and Stupid Tara make good on their promise and take the bus to Washington with Eugene, Abraham and Smokin Hot Rosita. Rick promises to be right behind them as soon as Carol and Daryl get back (and still no one has mentioned Beth), and Abraham leaves them with a map to find their way. It's a long ass way. The folks staying behind dig graves for Bob and his captors, and the celebratory dinner the group had just yesterday feels like months ago. 

Gabriel accompanies Michonne as she keeps watch, though I'm pretty sure she's not interested in the company. They hear a noise in the bushes. Daryl appears then...and he's not alone...but we don't see who comes out of the bushes after him. Ugh. I bet it's Beth and I bet Carol somehow got separated again. 

The episode ends there and I'm thrilled that the Terminus nonsense is over. The Grimes group showed no mercy and that whole scene had me on the edge of my seat. I'm definitely bummed about Bob though. It seems that Tyreese and Sasha just aren't meant to have romance on this show, but I'm glad Tyreese manned up and helped Bob in the only way he could. That being said, I worry about what lies ahead for Carol. If Daryl returned without her, I'm hoping the reaction is "Carol saved our asses a lot so we also need to save hers." I don't know that I can handle another half season of Carol being separated from the group....but here's hoping I won't have to.