AHS Hotel Finale: Be Our Guest

Tonight we say goodbye to American Horror Story: Hotel and after last week's bloodbath, I went into this final episode wondering what the big showdown would be. There really isn't one...but there is a lot of jumping ahead in the timeline and then jumping ahead again. I'm happy to say though that I think things are wrapped up pretty nicely in this hour with poetic deaths, sweet reunions, and several characters finding redemption. Here's how "Be Our Guest" closed the season:

I've Had A Little Bit Too Much

The episode opens with a closeup of Liz Taylor and we are hearing her thoughts about how great things were supposed to be when the Hotel Cortez was reborn under new management. Then we see her throat slit. Yup.  

Turning back the clock a bit, a man and woman stand at the front desk waiting to check in. Both Liz and Iris greet them and offer up a glass of champagne. Iris believes these folks are internet reviewers and the new managers are eager to have the Hotel Cortez written up as a 4 star hotel. In selling off The Countess' artwork, Liz and Iris were able to do some very impressive renovations and improvements. When Liz shows the internet couple to their room, it looks nothing like the "this place is haunted and you will die quickly" style we've been seeing all season. Things are looking up!

Well, not quite. The internet couple barely has a chance to marvel at the amenities before Sally shows up and ruins it all.  She gives dude a lethal dose of heroin and when the woman runs out into the hallway screaming, Will Drake stabs her in the neck. Liz surveys the damage and says "It's time we had a god damn meeting."

Several ghosts attend a get together at the bar and the new management pleads with them to stop killing the guests. Most of them aren't really in tune with what's going on at the hotel anyway, but Sally and Will maintain that they will continue to shed blood all over the new carpets. They're like a couple of toddlers who just learned how to say "no." James March enters the room and agrees that the murders must stop. He's concerned that if business turns south, the hotel might have to be sold again...and the next buyer could easily be someone who wants to tear the place down. March is concerned about what happens to the ghosts if the hotel disappears. Will they face judgement day?

March also has a trick up his sleeve. He's holding out hope that the Hotel Cortez will be named a historical landmark and therefore can never be torn down. Apparently the place already fits most of the criteria - it just hasn't been around 100 years yet. Close, but not quite. Sally gets super bitchy about needing to find and kill her soul mate but March reminds her that he could easily send the wrinkly/rubbery rapey guy with the spiral strap-on to set her straight. Ew. She walks out of the meeting and Will follows. 

Gonna Be Okay
Iris visits Sally's room. "You're one lonely, miserable bitch." Ha! Iris tells Sally she is truly sorry for pushing her out a window and talks with her about John. She wants to help ease Sally's pain and gives her a smart phone loaded with Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Sally. Freaking. Loves it. Sure Sally can't leave the hotel, but she can make connections anyway. She finds followers and feels like she is able to express herself to the world. Sally even ditches the needle in her (gasp) happiness. 

Liz, meanwhile, is tasked with reeling Will in and it's not easy. Will has been dead for over a year now and didn't realize his fashion business is pretty much also dead. We learn that Liz sent Lachlan away to "one of the finest schools in the country" and Will wants to keep his son as far away from the hotel as possible. The industry rumor going around is Will has disappeared due to madness or illness. Liz encourages him to sketch new ideas...which Liz will happily bring to the world on his behalf. Cut to Liz addressing the board at Will's fashion house to reignite business...and then cut to fashions shows at the hotel where the ghosts are the models. Awesome. 

As Liz tries to bask in the success, she still misses Tristan who still has inexplicably not shown up in the hotel like everyone else who has died there. In an effort to help, Iris brings in a psychic - Billy Dean Howard from Season 1 (also played by Sarah Paulson). She has a show on Lifetime now where she helps people reconnect with loved ones and she's interested in the paranormal rumors surrounding the hotel. First though, she agrees to try to help Liz. Billy Dean makes contact with Tristan but Tristan doesn't want to talk. He's been hiding on purpose? Billy Dean isn't done though - she has a message from Donovan. Iris panics. "He's not here?!?!" No he's not, but Billy Dean tells her that where Donovan is, it smells like the pancakes she used to make him on Saturday mornings. He says he loves her. Awwww.

Tormented by Tristan's rejection Liz turns her attention to her son and new granddaughter. Once again life was good...right up until it wasn't. We next see Liz telling Ramona about her prostate cancer that is "past the point of treatment."Oh hell. Ramona offers to turn Liz but Liz isn't interested in that. She would prefer to die at the hotel so her actual family can keep visiting her there and she can be with her adopted family forever. Liz calls another meeting and explains the situation. She reveals a bunch of weapons and kindly asks her friends to kill her. She lays back on the bed and everyone grabs a weapon and prepares to strike. Just then....The Countess arrives! None of these people have seen her since her demise (guess she's been hiding out with March). "You were always my fondest creation. I wanted to be here to help you transition." And with that, Liz lays back down and The Countess slits her throat. Liz stands, overlooking her own dead body, and lights a cigarette. She hears someone say "those things will kill ya" and turns to see Tristan standing behind her. He says he didn't talk to Liz because she still had too much living to do. They smooch and it's adorable. 

Turn The Lights Out

We fast forward ahead to October 30th, 2022 (Devil's Night!) where we find out that Billy Dean has had three prime time specials from visits at the Hotel Cortez. Now errrrrybody wants to be haunted there. Iris and Ramona discuss how out of hand this whole thing has gotten and John Lowe appears and joins their conversation. Seems Billy Dean tries to contact him, The Ten Commandment's Killer, every year on Devil's Night. Oh really? This is getting very interesting. John tells Iris to go ahead and get Billy Dean in his hotel room for "an interview." She arrives and he sits across from her, answering her questions. Billy Dean's camera crew doesn't pick him up, but I imagine her ratings will soar nonetheless. 

John explains that his family did find out about his side job as a serial killer...that he was cleaning up the world in his own way. He was being hunted and took his family back to the Hotel Cortez. Well except for Scarlet (naturally). She was shipped off to the school Lachlan was at because she hasn't been abandoned enough this season. The police did catch up with John eventually, a shootout ensued, but he did not quite make it back to the hotel to die. He tells Billy Dean that she only feels his presence on October 30th because it's Devil's Night. He says if she leaves her camera crew behind, he'll show her what Devil's Night means. 

John takes Billy Dean to dinner and introduces her to the cast of killers we met at Devil's Night earlier in the season. She's overwhelmed by the dark spirits so John gives her some absinthe and she drinks it because...why not? They give her a seat at the table, cuff her to the chair, and they all take out a weapon. Billy Dean is terrified. John tells her that they will let her leave, but the interviews, the visits to the hotel, and the TV specials have to stop. She calls his bluff -- these ghosts can't leave the hotel to hold her to her word. Nope. But Ramona can. "I'm a creature who kills to live and drinks a body's worth of blood a day and doesn't think twice about who I'm sucking it from." The next time we see Billy Dean, she's running like hell from the hotel. John goes back to his room where his family is waiting for him. Scarlet is all grown up now and is incredibly understanding and accepting of her crazy ass family's situation. 

You're thisclose to becoming dessert.

The episode ends with The Countess sitting in the lounge wearing a barely there dress and eyeing a young, handsome guest. She compliments his jawline (it always comes down to a Rudy Valentino-esque jawline) and that's that. 

Side note: not sure how many of you obsessively follow awards season like I do, but Lady Gaga won a Golden Globe on Sunday for AHS. I seriously hope that she sticks around for another season. I'd love to see what she does with a role that's a little less....Gaga. 

I still maintain that this was the best AHS season yet. It was 'out there' without being all over the place. It had characters that were annoying but not infuriating. It was violent but with a purpose. It included crumbling relationships that found common ground (some that were better late than never) and in the end, it brought some of the darkest characters out of their hole and into a community. Granted, it was a twisted community, but the sense of family these hotel ghosts and vampires shared tugged at my heartstrings in this episode. Hotel kept the idea of being reborn (one way or another) throughout the season and I love the way it all came together. And since Devil's Night was my favorite episode, I'm thrilled that this hour essentially ended with a reunion. 

We now face another long American Horror Story hiatus. I'm not sure if I will be tuning in to Ryan Murphy's next venture, American Crime Story, but I will sure be keeping an eye out for clues on what Season 6 may hold. Thank goodness I have second half of Season 6 of The Walking Dead to hold me over in the meantime. 

AHS Hotel Episode 11: Battle Royale

After a long holiday break American Horror Story: Hotel is back with the final two episodes of the season. When we last left the Hotel Cortez, Liz Taylor and Iris were on a shooting spree in the penthouse, John and his undead family went home, and Ramona was chowing down on a bunch of vampire kids. Tonight we pick up all three of those story lines as well as link Hotel to another AHS season. Here's where we are with "Battle Royale."

Another Shot Before We Kiss The Other Side

Donovan is begging The Countess to let him love her when Iris and Liz burst through the doors with guns blasting. Though The Countess is hit, Donovan shields her and takes the majority of the bullets. Iris apparently had no idea Donovan was in there (even though she knew his obsession with The Countess had resumed) and she runs to his side as he lay dying...again. He begs her not to let him die in the hotel, and while Liz is freaking out about The Countess escaping, she agrees to help get Donovan out the front door. As soon as they get outside Donovan tearfully thanks his mother then dies in her arms. His desire to be out of the hotel still leaves me wondering about Tristan and how he never came back. Pretty sure that's a plot hole. 

The Countess, meanwhile, is at the mercy of Sally who removes the bullets and bandages her very bloody wounds. She wants The Countess to promise she will never leave her because, you know, "they always leave." I feel like that should tell you something, Sally. Anyway, we then get a bit more background on how hypodermic Sally became the hot mess she is now.  

I'll be needing stitches.

We flash back to Los Angeles in 1993 where she was a songwriter for an up and coming boyfriend/girlfriend duo. They would take Sally to the Hotel Cortez to shoot up and have threesomes. Life was good. One day Sally decided she needed to literally sew the couple to her own body while they were super high and super naked...but the couple was also super overdosing....so this was not a great idea. After a couple of days of being sewn to two dead bodies, the wrinkly/rubbery man with the sharp spiral strap on showed up and began to torture her. Sally pushed through the pain and tore herself away from her lovers. I'm still not sure what the origin of that skin spiral dude is, but at least we know a bit more about why Sally is so effing crazy. I'm wondering though...if those two died in the hotel, where the hell are they?  Plot hole?

Back to the present, Sally explains that she needs The Countess to stay alive because she has to get John Lowe back. Mother Monster is weak though and needs blood to recuperate...blood like her own. Instead of telling Sally to get Ramona out of the cage in the hidden hallway (duh), she feels that she is forced to eat her precious remaining vampire children instead, which she totally does. She sucks them all dry. Just as well though - they don't have a nanny anymore anyway. 

Put My Coat On Faster

The Lowe family arrives back at their house and John and Alex tell their daughter that Holden's return must be kept a secret. Too many people will ask questions about his "hasn't aged a day" appearance. Scarlet is suspect, but really at this point Scarlet should just be happy her parents remembered she exists. They are ready to be one big happy family again....except for they part where Alex and the children are kidnapped when John is away from the house. A key to the hotel hangs near the doorway and John ends up back to the place he was hoping to escape. 

When he arrives at the hotel John goes right to Sally. He assumes she took his family to lure him back in the hotel to kill him. She tells him that March is holding John's family hostage - he still owe's March one more victim. Thou shalt not kill. Once he gives March what he promised, Sally says she will be able to take John to his family. She assures him they are all safe.

Baby You'll Be Famous

Iris and Liz are unable to find their wounded victim and they begin to panic. They go to the hidden hallway and release Ramona, who has finished eating the vampire children Alex and John stashed in there. Seems munching on those little guys didn't agree with her stomach though (really?) and Ramona needs a new human victim immediately. Enter Precious Queenie from Coven who is in town to win big money on The Price is Right. Her "Supreme" enchanted her ticket so she is a shoe in to "come on down!" If you recall, at the end of Coven the witches were "out" and Cordelia and the girls were giving interviews on TV about their home for wayward witches. Liz recognizes Precious Queenie from CNN and helps her to her room. Precious Queenie immediately comments on the bad vibes she's getting from the room but "the hotel is at capacity" so she'll have to make do.

When Precious Queenie goes into the bathroom to freshen up, Ramona is behind the shower curtain. She slices the young witch's chest....but Precious Queenie uses her powers to make sure every cut on her body also appears on Ramona's. "I'm a human voodoo doll, bitch. Anything you do to me goes right back to you!" They fight and exchange angry words, but ultimately Precious Queenie is stabbed from behind by James March. "You may be a witch, but I'm a ghost." Ramona feeds and is ready to take on The Countess. March explains that he helped Ramona because he needs The Countess to die in the hotel so he can have her forever. 

Ramona finds a very sad Gaga in the penthouse and inexplicably has a drink with her. The Countess says she feels cursed because no one who comes within 10 feet of her survives. She offers to give the hotel to Ramona in exchange for her life. The Countess just wants to take Bartholomew and leave. After some making out and probably some other stuff (!) Ramona agrees. We next see The Countess heading toward the elevator with her suitcases. She doesn't make it far. John steps out of the elevator and shoots the shit out of her....he provides her head to March for his collection. 

That evening March and The Countess dine together but she's not quite the same. She says she feels no passion and no power. He vows to help her get accustomed to her new state and he tells The Countess he forgives her for turning him in to the police. She tells her former husband that she did no such thing. March has little time to be confused because Ms. Evers is losing her shit. She's soooo not happy that The Countess is stuck in the hotel. She turned March in - she wanted them to die together so he would see the depth of her devotion. He banishes her from his presence and Ms. Evers says as she take off her apron that she feels strangely free. She leaves the room and doesn't look back. March sits back down at the table and raises a toast in honor of the monthly dinner date with his ex becoming a permanent arrangement. The Countess cries as she sips from her glass. 

The episodes ends there and the finale is just a week away. I will say that my favorite part of the episode was the surprise of seeing Precious Queenie in the hotel. Now Hotel has connections to Murder House as well as Coven. We know that Freak Show and Asylum are connected through Pepper and Sister Mary Eunice, and I'm totally on board with the fan theory that Coven's Madison Montgomery is related to Dr. Charles Montgomery...meaning Murder House and Coven have a connection as well. I love how this is all coming together, but will we get any other surprise connections next week? Will John be reunited with his family (again)? Will Ramona, Iris and Liz be business buddies? And what the hell happened to Lachlan? While I am greatly looking forward to seeing how the season ends, I'm also really sad that the season is ending. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the finale is just as strong as the majority of the previous episodes and we get a fitting send off for these characters. Here's hoping!