After a long holiday break American Horror Story: Hotel is back with the final two episodes of the season. When we last left the Hotel Cortez, Liz Taylor and Iris were on a shooting spree in the penthouse, John and his undead family went home, and Ramona was chowing down on a bunch of vampire kids. Tonight we pick up all three of those story lines as well as link Hotel to another AHS season. Here's where we are with "Battle Royale."
Another Shot Before We Kiss The Other Side
Donovan is begging The Countess to let him love her when Iris and Liz burst through the doors with guns blasting. Though The Countess is hit, Donovan shields her and takes the majority of the bullets. Iris apparently had no idea Donovan was in there (even though she knew his obsession with The Countess had resumed) and she runs to his side as he lay dying...again. He begs her not to let him die in the hotel, and while Liz is freaking out about The Countess escaping, she agrees to help get Donovan out the front door. As soon as they get outside Donovan tearfully thanks his mother then dies in her arms. His desire to be out of the hotel still leaves me wondering about Tristan and how he never came back. Pretty sure that's a plot hole.
The Countess, meanwhile, is at the mercy of Sally who removes the bullets and bandages her very bloody wounds. She wants The Countess to promise she will never leave her because, you know, "they always leave." I feel like that should tell you something, Sally. Anyway, we then get a bit more background on how hypodermic Sally became the hot mess she is now.
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| I'll be needing stitches. |
We flash back to Los Angeles in 1993 where she was a songwriter for an up and coming boyfriend/girlfriend duo. They would take Sally to the Hotel Cortez to shoot up and have threesomes. Life was good. One day Sally decided she needed to literally sew the couple to her own body while they were super high and super naked...but the couple was also super overdosing....so this was not a great idea. After a couple of days of being sewn to two dead bodies, the wrinkly/rubbery man with the sharp spiral strap on showed up and began to torture her. Sally pushed through the pain and tore herself away from her lovers. I'm still not sure what the origin of that skin spiral dude is, but at least we know a bit more about why Sally is so effing crazy. I'm wondering though...if those two died in the hotel, where the hell are they? Plot hole?
Back to the present, Sally explains that she needs The Countess to stay alive because she has to get John Lowe back. Mother Monster is weak though and needs blood to recuperate...blood like her own. Instead of telling Sally to get Ramona out of the cage in the hidden hallway (duh), she feels that she is forced to eat her precious remaining vampire children instead, which she totally does. She sucks them all dry. Just as well though - they don't have a nanny anymore anyway.
Put My Coat On Faster
The Lowe family arrives back at their house and John and Alex tell their daughter that Holden's return must be kept a secret. Too many people will ask questions about his "hasn't aged a day" appearance. Scarlet is suspect, but really at this point Scarlet should just be happy her parents remembered she exists. They are ready to be one big happy family again....except for they part where Alex and the children are kidnapped when John is away from the house. A key to the hotel hangs near the doorway and John ends up back to the place he was hoping to escape.
When he arrives at the hotel John goes right to Sally. He assumes she took his family to lure him back in the hotel to kill him. She tells him that March is holding John's family hostage - he still owe's March one more victim. Thou shalt not kill. Once he gives March what he promised, Sally says she will be able to take John to his family. She assures him they are all safe.
Baby You'll Be Famous
Iris and Liz are unable to find their wounded victim and they begin to panic. They go to the hidden hallway and release Ramona, who has finished eating the vampire children Alex and John stashed in there. Seems munching on those little guys didn't agree with her stomach though (really?) and Ramona needs a new human victim immediately. Enter
When Precious Queenie goes into the bathroom to freshen up, Ramona is behind the shower curtain. She slices the young witch's chest....but Precious Queenie uses her powers to make sure every cut on her body also appears on Ramona's. "I'm a human voodoo doll, bitch. Anything you do to me goes right back to you!" They fight and exchange angry words, but ultimately Precious Queenie is stabbed from behind by James March. "You may be a witch, but I'm a ghost." Ramona feeds and is ready to take on The Countess. March explains that he helped Ramona because he needs The Countess to die in the hotel so he can have her forever.
Ramona finds a very sad Gaga in the penthouse and inexplicably has a drink with her. The Countess says she feels cursed because no one who comes within 10 feet of her survives. She offers to give the hotel to Ramona in exchange for her life. The Countess just wants to take Bartholomew and leave. After some making out and probably some other stuff (!) Ramona agrees. We next see The Countess heading toward the elevator with her suitcases. She doesn't make it far. John steps out of the elevator and shoots the shit out of her....he provides her head to March for his collection.
That evening March and The Countess dine together but she's not quite the same. She says she feels no passion and no power. He vows to help her get accustomed to her new state and he tells The Countess he forgives her for turning him in to the police. She tells her former husband that she did no such thing. March has little time to be confused because Ms. Evers is losing her shit. She's soooo not happy that The Countess is stuck in the hotel. She turned March in - she wanted them to die together so he would see the depth of her devotion. He banishes her from his presence and Ms. Evers says as she take off her apron that she feels strangely free. She leaves the room and doesn't look back. March sits back down at the table and raises a toast in honor of the monthly dinner date with his ex becoming a permanent arrangement. The Countess cries as she sips from her glass.
The episodes ends there and the finale is just a week away. I will say that my favorite part of the episode was the surprise of seeing Precious Queenie in the hotel. Now Hotel has connections to Murder House as well as Coven. We know that Freak Show and Asylum are connected through Pepper and Sister Mary Eunice, and I'm totally on board with the fan theory that Coven's Madison Montgomery is related to Dr. Charles Montgomery...meaning Murder House and Coven have a connection as well. I love how this is all coming together, but will we get any other surprise connections next week? Will John be reunited with his family (again)? Will Ramona, Iris and Liz be business buddies? And what the hell happened to Lachlan? While I am greatly looking forward to seeing how the season ends, I'm also really sad that the season is ending. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the finale is just as strong as the majority of the previous episodes and we get a fitting send off for these characters. Here's hoping!
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