We've reached the final American Horror Story episode of 2015. Its title is "She Gets Revenge" and she sure does. But let me say first that this hour is absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud so many times (perhaps because my sense of humor is as twisted as Ryan Murphy's) and if we have to take an AHS hiatus, this was a great episode to leave us hanging. Here's what went down:
Bluffin' With My Muffin
Liz Taylor is still all messed up about Tristan, so much so that she considers shooting herself in the head. She tells Iris, "I don't want to be here anymore" and Iris reminds her that if she kills herself in the hotel, she will likely be stuck "here." Iris asks if she has any unfinished business and Liz mentions her son. She always wanted to make things right after leaving him. Iris tells Liz to wrap up what needs to be wrapped up...and then they will "go" together. Iris isn't interested in being there anymore either, especially now that Donovan sees no one but The Countess again.
Ms. Evers helps Liz by calling her son and telling him his papa has arranged for him to stay at the luxurious Hotel Cortez for a week. Liz tells her that she hasn't seen her son in 31 years. WOW. I didn't realize Liz had been at the hotel quite that long. Ms. Evers' view of Liz's lifestyle isn't too favorable (given the time period she is from, that's not surprising) and we learn that she is helping Liz for a price....a brand new jug of oxy soap. "It's like Christmas morning!" HA!
Liz's not so little boy Douglas arrives at the hotel and makes his way up the hotel steps to the bar for happy hour. He does not recognize his father behind the bar and assumes he is shooting the shit with "Liz." Quite a bit of time passes and Douglas talks about his failed dreams and his stale marriage. The conversation then moves to Douglas' childhood where "dad split and missed my one good season of pee-wee league." He mentions that he's in town to reconnect with his father but Liz keeps her cover and says nothing. She offers to buy Douglas' next drink but he's off to bed. "Some other time."
Because Liz feels like she reconnected with Douglas...even though Douglas didn't actually know he was talking to his father, Liz feels like she's ready "to go." She and Iris buy Ms. Evers a stack-able washer/dryer in appreciation of all her help (this show is a riot tonight) and they begin to discuss the manner in which they will off themselves. Ms. Evers interrupts and says Douglas is at the bar waiting to chat some more with Liz. They talk briefly and then Liz starts to tell Douglas who she is. Douglas knew already. His mom had given him a few clues over the years and he recognized his father right away. Douglas tells Liz "there's plenty of room for another woman in my life." Awwww.
Liz goes to Iris to tell her the news but Iris is busy finalizing her tribute video. Really - she put together a photo collage of herself and animals to the tune of "I Hope You Dance." That's television gold right there. "I wanted to be a beacon of hope to my 3 followers on Instagram." HA! I love this woman. Liz breaks the news gently. She wants to stay alive for her son. She tells Iris that the two of them should take over the hotel. Liz says they've earned it. "The best is yet to come."
This Time I'm Not Leaving Without You
John has taken another victim...well, victims really. In his effort to kill a holy man who clearly didn't understand the "thou shalt have no other gods before me" commandment, he stabbed the shit out of a couple of this man's followers as well. John walked away with the man's ears though so it was a pretty productive outing.
Having secured his new trophy along with the rest of the collection, John decides it's time for a face to face with Alex. John is pissed that she made him believe Holden was a hallucination. They argue for a bit but they can come to an agreement on one thing - they have been the worst parents ever to poor Scarlet, who is still with grandma wondering what the hell is going on. While Alex has not forgotten about her, she tells John she has a bigger problem on her hands. The Countess found out about the murderous gang of children roaming the city and she is soooo not happy with her vampire nanny. Alex either has to "make things right" or The Countess is going to kill Alex and Holden. Alex needs John's help. Bad.
Alex and John find the children's hideout house (in record time) and the two inexplicably split up to find the kids. Alex comes across Kimmy, one of the girls who does not want to be a part of this group anymore. She's not doing so great. Max and company attack them, John shows up with his gun but doesn't kill any of the kids, and Kimmy dies because she's stopped feeding. "It's too late for Kimmy but it's not too late for the rest of you," Alex says. The kids follow Alex and John back to the Hotel Cortez and they find themselves locked in the secret hallway with Will's dead body and a pissed off and hungry Ramona. "Mama smells appetizers." Oh my. Do vampires eat other vampires?!?!
For whatever reason John and Alex have some sex after locking the kids away. I feel like Sally is going to flip her shit when she finds out. Maybe the rubbery wrinkled rape man will make another appearance. Anyway, John doesn't want to go through with the divorce and Alex mentions that John does seem different now. She's interested in this new John Lowe but she needs to go be a vampire nanny. Sally appears then (yes!) and accuses John of treating her like a whore. She tells him that he can't deny that she is who he really wants. They start to fool around but John stops before it gets too far. Sally tells him that Alex won't want him when she finds out he's a serial killer. "She left you. She lied to you. She wanted you out of her life. I was there for 5 years!" John tells Sally he can't be with her and storms out of the room.
With Alex's permission, John goes to the video game room and reunites with Holden. Alex is no longer in her vampire nanny uniform and they decide they are taking Holden home and becoming a family again (I assume this also means picking up Scarlet from grandma's house). They walk out of the hotel hand in hand as Sally screams from the balcony above.
Can't Read My Poker Face
Natacha enters the Hotel Cortez as Donovan enters the other hotel housing Rudy Valentino. This can't be good. As The Countess is confessing her undying love for Rudy in her room, Donovan is professing his undying love for The Countess in Rudy's room. Natacha draws a knife and says "I should have killed you after our first tango" as Rudy draws a sword on Donovan. Rudy is ready to run him through...but Donovan pulls a gun and blows Rudy's brains out. A lot. The Countess, meanwhile, kills Natacha the same way.
The Countess has also reported Will Drake missing and meets with the police to play the very convincing role of worried wife. No need. Will walks into the room saying "darrrling" and the look on Mother Monster's face is priceless. He explains that he was looking through the renovation area and got lost for 2 days. The Countess ushers the detectives out quickly, shuts the doors, and Will says "you murdered me, you bitch." They argue over what is going to happen with Will's money and The Countess reminds Will that Lachlan will inherit everything and he made her Lachlan's legal guardian. She mentions that maybe Lachlan won't reach adulthood and Will is not happy The Countess is threatening his son. "I don't kill children. But I could make him a blood relative." Another laugh out loud moment tonight. As Will storms off, March appears to remind The Countess that she was warned not to kill Will on the premises. For real - what was she thinking? How could she be so surprised when Will waltzed into the room while she was declaring him a missing person?
Later that night she has a casual romantic with Donovan and tells him about her error. She needs Donovan to retrieve Will's body and put Ramona back in her metal cage. Sure thing. "Perhaps while I'm cleaning up your mess, you can clean up mine." The Countess is confused. What does he mean? "Why don't you text your boyfriend and ask him? Oh that's right, he doesn't know how to text. And you can forget about FaceTime." Oh. Shit. The Countess rushes to Rudy's hotel room and finds what's left of him. It's not pretty.
When The Countess returns to the Hotel Cortez, Donovan is rocking out to "Hotline Bling." He seems very proud of himself. She tearfully turns off the music and shouts at her jealous lover. "He made me! He made me everything I am." Donovan states that when The Countess turned him...she tried to make him in Rudy's image. The Countess agrees but tells Donovan that he could never live up to Rudy. She asks Donovan why he stayed knowing that she would come back to kill him. Donovan replies that he accepts his death if it is the only way she will let him love her. The Countess cries. She begins to forgive him...but then Iris and Liz storm in with guns blazing and the episode ends.
In this episode I still look at "she" as Ramona. Whether or not Iris and Liz were successful in their assassination attempt, Rudy's murder dealt a pretty amazing blow to The Countess and knocked her completely off guard. Her broken heart has to be a "win" in the Ramona column. As we go into the holiday break though, we have several open items to wonder about: Will John give up his serial killer quest to be a doting husband and father full time? Will The Countess (if still alive) go after Alex and Holden? Will James March find a new protege? And whether The Countess and Donovan are dead or not, will Iris and Liz take over the hotel? Does Will Drake even care at this point? We'll see what happens when the show returns again in 2016. Til then, I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season!
No comments:
Post a Comment