This week we revisit Ramona's vendetta against The Countess (haven't seen her since her failed attempt at offing Bartholomew) and we find out how Donovan and Iris are actually going to help execute her plan. Ramona is not the only woman with revenge on her mind though. After finding out what James March did to the love of her life, The Countess herself is mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore. Bonus points if you know the movie reference. Here's what happened in "She Wants Revenge."
Can't Believe My Eyes
We have one cutaway story in tonight's episode and Alex gets the spotlight for just a few minutes. She stops by to check on Max, the boy she gave "the virus" to and then never followed up with. In this scenario "better late than never" doesn't really apply. Alex had seen news reports about children witnessing horrific crimes and a damn light bulb finally went off in her head. Max's house is filled with bodies and he and his buddies are currently finishing up a meal when she arrives. Several of the kids are no longer interested in killing. All of their parents are dead and some of them just want to be normal again. Alex tries to get them to come back to the hotel with her (can't wait to hear Mother Monster's take on this) but they decline and leave together. As Alex watches them go, I have to wonder if she truly understands how badly she effed up here. She just haaaad to save this kid but had no problem leaving her daughter behind to become a vampire nanny...and not a very good one.
Meanwhile the Countess stares into the hidden corridor that once housed Rudy Valentino and his wife. She cries, thinking about all of the time spent wondering why these two left her when in reality they were in the same building with her all along. I'd be pretty pissed too. She tells March that their arrangement is over - she will no longer dine with him once a month and exchange pleasantries. "I'd kill you if you weren't dead already." She wants the hidden chamber fixed and fixed immediately. I wonder who The Countess is looking to store in there....
In preparation for the his upcoming wedding, Will is helping Lachlan put the finishing touches on his tuxedo. He tells his son that he never met someone who really understood him until he encountered The Countess. "She's the one." Ms. Evers appears then (out of nowhere naturally) and tells Will not to marry her. She offers Will an array of weapons and he looks extremely confused. "Clearly you want to commit suicide. Why else would you want to marry that poisonous leech of a woman?" Will tells Ms. Evers she's fired (ha!) but she continues to try to warn him. "No one survives her." Ain't that the truth.
I'd Give Anything Again To Be Your Babydoll
Despite ongoing plans for this farce wedding The Countess has hired a private detective to locate Rudy. She finds him at a motel and he is overjoyed to see her. Rudy kisses her and pulls her into his room immediately. I'm guessing the wife is in there too but we don't see her. The next scene is full of nudity, moaning, and gyrating. You'd think this would be The Countess and Rudy, but it's actually The Countess and Donovan. They seemed to have kissed and made up. Donovan wants The Countess to swear that from now on she will love only him. The naked lady makes this promise but mentions that she is getting married on Wednesday. "Don't worry. I'll be a widow by Thursday. A rich widow."
Back at the Cortez a trio of questionable characters who could easily be, as Iris observes, from the "douchebag convention" arrives. They have a reservation under the name Stormcock. Really? Turns out we have two porn stars and their director and they've come to make a movie. Apparently many amateur porn entrepreneurs have used the Hotel Cortez as a shooting (heh) location over the years and Iris is just plain tired of it. When the couple is mid-scene she knocks on the door. A very angry director answers and she slits his throat immediately. Iris also doesn't bat an eye when the woman begs for her life. She drives that knife into her chest like it's nothing. The male star runs into the bathroom naked and locks the door. Donovan walks by just then and is pleasantly surprised by the mess his mom has made.
Donovan reveals to Iris that his revived status with The Countess is a sham. He's still on board with Ramona and they need to act fast. Iris has some news of her own. When The Countess confronted her about Bartholomew's escape, Iris had no choice but to say Ramona was behind it. This was the best way for Iris to protect herself and her son. As Iris talks, Donovan hears the naked dude in the bathroom and breaks the door down. The next time we see the porn star Donovan is offering him to Ramona. He tells Ramona that they have to kill The Countess that night before she gets married. He says he needs to be rid of his "addiction."
Ramona and Donovan sneak into The Countess' room while she sleeps. Ramona approaches her with a knife with the intention of stabbing The Countess in the heart and then cutting off her head. Just before this happens, The Countess opens her eyes and Donovan tasers Ramona. When Iris sees Donovan carrying a semi-conscious Ramona to the new and improved secret corridor, she's confused. She wasn't filled in on this part of Ramona's plan...because Donovan has gone rogue. He's back to believing The Countess will never leave him and he plans to help her store "their" enemies in this room. Iris. Is. Pissed. She goes off on her son and tells him he'll die once The Countess is tired of him again. Ramona groans "listen to your momma" and claims The Countess has probably already moved on to her next man, but Donovan doesn't want to hear any of this. He storms off.
But we know The Countess does have a new man...or an old man who's the current man again...however you want to spin it. Rudy is having a tough time adjusting to this modern world. Natacha, on the other hand, is all about this revived life of theirs. She loves shopping and Uber and more shopping. The Countess tells Rudy that she is about to come into a great deal of money and she wants to use that money to revamp the Hotel Cortez into "a fortress against the modern world." Rudy wants to know where his wife fits into all of this. The answer? She doesn't. The Countess doesn't share. Rudy acknowledges that he would survive if something were to happen to Natacha as long as The Countess is there to comfort him. Wow. He's entirely too agreeable to this.
Electric Chapel
We've reached the wedding and it is definitely a small affair. While Will would have liked a lavish affair with celebrities and media coverage, The Countess had insisted on something intimate and super quick which worked out well. Lachlan is eager to get back to the video game room, The Countess is eager to get the honeymoon started, and Will is eager to have a drink. March shows up at the bar and introduces himself as a long time resident of the hotel. Fair enough. The two men talk about how wonderful marriage is and then The Countess' original husband drops the Bartholomew bomb on Will. See, Will had no idea that he is now a step-dad. As he leans forward over Bartholomew's crib wondering what the hell he's looking at, The Countess enters the room and knocks Will out. When he wakes up...Will finds that he is Ramona's roommate in the completely sealed off hallway. He panics, saying that they will starve if no one comes to save them. Ramona smiles and says "I won't." Then she slits his throat and feeds. The Countess watches all of this on TV from the cameras she installed in the corridor.
The episode ends there and The Countess is once again a widow. I'm wondering how she's going to spin this though. If Will dies in the hotel, won't he stay there? And most likely not trapped in the secret hall? I'm not sure how The Countess can inherit the money if Will is walking around freely. The episode was pretty good though. There seemed to be a lot of filler but I know we're only a week away from the last 2015 episode so I'm guessing episode 10 is going to pack quite a punch. Will The Countess be able to get rid of Natacha? Will Donovan find out he's been had? Is Iris going to bust Ramona out of her prison? Are we going to see John's return before the year ends? There are a number of people looking for revenge at this point and I think everything will come to a head very soon.
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