We're getting down to the wire now on American Horror Story: Coven. With only a couple of weeks to go before the season ends, our remaining witches are going to extremes...some to achieve great power, and others just to stay alive. Here's where we are:
Ashes to Ashes
Nan is apparently really dead. According to Fiona she "fell in the tub." Nan even gets a funeral at the cemetery where Misty is buried alive somewhere. Myrtle wishes Misty was there to bring Nan back...okay Myrtle...do you know WHERE Misty is? Do you care? You've been touting her as the next Supreme and you're not concerned that she disappeared after the visit from Stevie Nicks? Sigh.
The funeral is interrupted by Precious Queenie, who is joined by a fully pieced together Madam LaLaurie. Yay! Might I point out that Madam LaLaurie is still wearing the tiger sweatshirt. Might I also point out that Precious Queenie has her on a leash. Literally.
Madam LaLaurie resumes her work as the maid of Miss Robichaux's Academy, only now she is also serving Marie. As she resumes her duties she buts heads continuously with Madison. The young witch still believes she is the next Supreme and has no problem belittling Madam LaLaurie. At one point Madison refuses to flush the toilet, telling the maid "you flush my shit, bitch." See, Madam Laurie might be a servant....but that doesn't make her as humble or harmless as Madison may think. Taking a page right out of The Help playbook, Madam LaLaurie turns Madison's shit into soup and serves it to the inhabitants of the Academy. Heh.
Green Acres
The Axeman and Fiona are really getting serious. He loooooves her and wants them to settle down. Apparently The Axeman's daddy owned some farmland that could easily be fixed up and he says they should spend the rest of their days living on the farm. I'm going to overlook the fact that The Axeman has been "dead" for a long time and probably would not have access to whatever land his father may have owned many, many decades ago. Regardless, the killer wants to give up his axe and he wants Fiona to give up the Coven. All they have to do is kill the next Supreme, lengthening Fiona's life, and then they can peace out and "live like normal folk."
Fiona doesn't hesitate. She tells her lover he has a deal. Interesting - I guess all of that stuff about the Supreme sacrificing herself for the good of the Coven is bullshit. I had thought for a while that Fiona was selfish for sure but also wanted to remain the Supreme to retain power over the Coven. Now it seems that she could care less about the Coven, who rules it, and what happens to it. Maybe it's just as well - it's not like the place was run well by Stupid Cordelia anyway, which brings us to....
Stupid Cordelia
There has been little progress with Stupid Cordelia as she is still sulking over her lost power of second sight. She tries to have a heart to heart with Precious Queenie to welcome her back in the Coven. She promises things will be different - that she is running the Academy with both eyes open (so to speak). Precious Queenie points out that in the short time she was with Marie, Nan died and Misty went missing under Stupid Cordelia's watch. Yes indeed. There's also the part where Madison was murdered, but we'll let that slide because she was also resurrected. Oh, and then there's the part where she was married to a witch hunter and didn't know it. Yep. She's quite the leader.
Stupid Cordelia has had it. She tries to make potions to give her the visions again but no dice. She returns to her greenhouse/garden/whatever to take another stab at it....but takes a stab at herself instead. Cordelia grabs her gardening clippers and gouges her eyes out and I scream right along with her. I have two immediate thoughts when this happens:
1) I hope her power actually does comes back, otherwise she's just beyond stupid for blinding herself.
2) She ruined the eyeballs that crazy ass Myrtle secured for her. Rude.
Crazy ass Myrtle tells Fiona about Cordelia's actions. While she is disappointed that Cordelia ruined some of her best work, she's proud of Cordelia. Myrtle explains that Cordelia made a sacrifice to protect the Coven - her visions will help keep them safe. Fiona scoffs at this and storms toward Cordelia's bedroom door. She pauses when she realizes that Cordelia might be able to sense all of her secrets now and decides against checking on her daughter. Also rude.
Three's Company
The ridiculous Zoe/Kyle/Madison triangle continues and I am doing my best to ignore it. Zoe and Kyle sneak off to the bathroom to do some magic over the tub where Nan "slipped." Zoe sees Marie and Fiona drowning Nan and knows they are not safe at Miss Robixhaux's. Madison arrives then to bitch about Kyle and Zoe being alone and proceeds to initiate a blowjob with Kyle. The frankenteen yells "no!" (which is really one of the only words he has said all season) then declares his love for Zoe. Madison goes into mega-bitch mode and I'm ready to move on.
Crazy ass Myrtle summons Zoe to the greenhouse/garden thing. She gives Zoe her most prized possession in case Zoe ever needs something to pawn. Myrtle then tells the young witch that she is sending both Zoe and Kyle away. Giving Zoe two bus tickets to Orlando and some odd facial expressions, Myrtle provides the lovebirds with the opportunity to start a new life together.
Kyle is afraid to leave with Zoe. After what happened with his mom and Misty's portable Stevie, he's concerned that he will lash out again and put Zoe in danger. She pretty much tells him to suck it up and off they go. As they board the bus, I wonder if Madison will show up and set the bus ablaze, but that still remains to be seen.
Burying The Hatchet
The fellas at the Delphi Trust are still reeling from Hank's hair salon massacre. They want a truce with the witches in order to get their finances back on track and the Coven is more than willing to set up a meeting. After all, they set the trap...and these witch hunters were dumb enough to fall for it.
Marie and Fiona arrive after the six suits have entered whatever board room they are in. Fiona summons a server and orders a martini. Marie asks for a diet Sprite. Hank's daddy is not at all amused by the witches' confidence but offers to restore Marie's shop in exchange for reopening his own company. He presents a document that will enact a 100 year truce between the witches and witch hunters. Fiona counters: "You disband this merry troupe of assholes, never to harm another witch from now until the end of time, and I would like for you to sign over your house in Barkley Square to me. I would also like a private jet, and Marie wants a private jet." Hank's daddy is laughing, but while this exchange is going on...the server is doing something suspicious at the catering table behind the six suits. Oh shit. The server behind the six suits is The Axeman. He whacks the suits quickly, leaving Hank's daddy all for Fiona. Turns out she has quite a swing herself.
We flash back to 1830. Madam LaLaurie has just made the big move from Paris to the manor in New Orleans and she is immediately restless. Her disappointment in the intellect of her slaves is noted first, followed by the sheer boredom involved in conversing with her daughters. Madam LaLaurie needs inspiration. Madam LaLaurie needs...blood.
After beheading a chicken to prepare for dinner, the disgruntled plantation owner finds a slave with a severe leg injury. Madam LaLaurie inserts her fingers in the wound and contemplates licking her fingers. Instead, she knocks the slave out, ties him up...and looks upon him as if he were an early Christmas present. With a devilish grin on her face she says "I think I'm gonna like it here."
When we return to the present day, James the gardener (who?), arrives in the kitchen with one hell of a hand injury. Seems he has cut himself with the sheers. Sure, Madam LaLaurie could have patched him up and sent him on his way...but she suddenly remembers what filled her soul back in her hay day. The maid takes James to Spalding's creepy attic room and proceeds to cut off his toes while giggling "this little piggy went to market." Say what you want about Kathy Bates' performance in Misery - I would argue she is taking crazy to a new level in this season of AHS.
Spalding appears to Madam LaLaurie as she is admiring her messy handiwork. He tells the torturous woman that her situation can be changed. He wants to protect the Coven and believes that Marie has to be killed to preserve everything the witches of Salem struggled for. Madam LaLaurie reminds Spalding that Marie is immortal, but the former man servant says he can provide the means to make it happen.
In exchange for a very rare doll from 1895, Spalding agrees to share his secret. The potion that will render Marie mortal is...Benadryl. Wait. What? Allergy medicine? Is he serious!?!?! Nope, he just finally has a good sense of humor. Spalding tells Madam LaLaurie to drop two tablets in Marie's drink. She begins to pronounce the name on the box and he scolds her...she can't say the name aloud. The potion is too powerful. Ha!
Madam LaLaurie gives it her best shot, that's for sure. After she mixes Marie a drink, the maid follows Marie to her room to finish her off. She stabs Marie in the heart...but Benadryl is no match for Marie. When Madam LaLaurie realizes she's been duped she takes off running through the house. Marie chases her hesitating just at the top of the stairs where Spalding clocks her with one of his dolls. and sends her tumbling. He then tells Madam LaLaurie that Marie is definitely immortal...but could always be buried. Hmmm.
With that, another AHS hour has come and gone. Now that the witch hunters are out of the picture, what can we expect in the final two episodes? Will Fiona really kill off the potential Supremes to live happily ever after as a farmer's wife? Will Madame LaLaurie bury Marie alive (preferably as a swap for Misty)? Will Kyle and Zoe come back...and does anyone care? What role will Cordelia's renewed blindness play in all of this...and does anyone care? Is Precious Queenie pretty much immortal now? WHO is the next Supreme? We're running out of time to get the answers to these questions, but here's hoping Ryan Murphy will tie everything up nicely...or close to it at least.
No comments:
Post a Comment