AHS Roanoke: Chapter 3

When we last left the folks from the worst real estate investment ever, the Millers were on a search to find Flora who was inexplicably left alone once again in another part of the haunted house. Though her yellow hoodie was found in a tree nearby, Flora was just plain gone. Tonight we pick up right where we left off and also learn a bit more history from back in the colonial days. Here's where we are after Chapter 3. 

In The Depths Of Your Despair

The local police have organized a search party for Flora but with the forest stretching over a thousand acres, the odds of finding the kid quickly are not great. Lee tells us in her interview that she was not appreciative of the cops - that she believed they might have been in cahoots with the hillbillies who took Flora. AGH! We're still on the "rednecks are trying to scare us out of the house" thing?!?!? Facepalm.

The forest is sectioned off in a grid and Lee, Shelby, Matt and the volunteers and police all split up to cover a section alone. After hours of looking, Lee comes across Flora's doll...or at least the body of it...with a pig head and pig legs sprawled on the ground. Ew. Matt and Shelby join Lee as she continues to walk. About 100 yards from the doll they arrive at an abandoned (?) farm with the remnants of the dead pig as well as the doll's head outside. They follow more pig body parts to the barn where two boys who look like they've been living inside a chimney are feeding from a dead animal. Step in time! 

The dirty kids are from the Polk family and the general consensus is the rest of the family abandoned the boys and made off with Flora. So the Polks must have been part of the hillbilly conspiracy that's making my brain hurt. A social worker tries to talk to the boys but the only word they will say is "Croatoan." Cut to Matt in his interview saying "none of us knew what it meant." HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? How does one grow up near Roanoke and NOT know that word was the only message left behind when the lost colony became the lost colony?!?

I'm Gonna Make Your Head Burn

Back to the search, Flora has now been missing for over 72 hours and Lee knows from her time as a police officer that at this point, they might as well be searching for a body. Mason joins the Miller trio at the house and accuses Lee of hiding Flora because she knew Mason was going to get her visitation rights revoked. He says he is going to tell the police and storms off. 

Shelby, Matt and Lee go to bed but do not get much sleep. Matt's cell phone rings and he's told a body was found in the woods. They make their way to the crime scene, but it's not Flora's body they see...it's Mason's. Holy shit. Mason's body has been tied to one of those huge wooden stick dolls and burned to a crisp. The only way Lee is able to identify him is through the ring on his hand that managed to survive the flames. 

In the morning Matt and Shelby look over the video from the cameras Matt had installed around and in the house. The footage shows Lee leaving the house the night before and returning four hours later. She looks guilty as hell and Shelby thinks Lee killed Mason to keep him from going to the police. Oh yeah? The hillbillies didn't kill Mason? Well it's nice they've been kept out of this one. Lee overhears the conversation and enters the room with that "awww hellll naw" look on her face. She and and Shelby exchange words and Matt interrupts, suggesting they get out of the house and go stay at a hotel...as he says this we see a smallish man come through the front door in the background...

I Can See You Crystal Clear

Enter Tangina Barrons Cricket Marlow who claims he has been called by a spirit to help find Flora. He knows "the comings and goings of the other side" and apparently has a history of working with the FBI in abduction cases. The Miller trio is wary of this little guy until he makes his way to the top floor and walks right to the storage area Flora had been negotiating her doll trade in. Tangina Cricket opens the door and finds a bonnet. He picks it up and says "Flora is not dead and she wasn't taken by the living. Your daughter is with Priscilla." My smile is immediately erased when Lee says "That's not possible. Priscilla isn't real!" Lee...you're @!#%ing killing me. 

Anywho, the Millers are willing to give the psychic thing a shot and they try a seance to contact Priscilla, who Tangina Cricket explains is a child that was fond of corn husks and dolls. She died in the late 1500s. The group lights candles and a spirit does enter the room. Tangina Cricket is concerned and tells Lee, Shelby, and Matt to join hands as The Butcher reveals herself to the short psychic. The candle on the table splits down the middle...of course it does. She has a cleaver! She tells Tangina Cricket "I protect this place. This place is mine! Ours! I shall stop at nothing to help save this colony." The Butcher claims Priscilla has taken Flora beyond The Butcher's land. "I shall not step one foot off my land. Never again. I must protect it from trespassers." Tangina Cricket tells her this land does not belong to the dead. He calls HER the trespasser and the windows in the room break. Neat! He yells "Croatoan!" a couple of times and the seance is over. 

"This house is not clean."

Shelby remembers this word from the chimney boys and she wants answers. Tangina Cricket says he can take them to Flora for $25,000.00 and Matt calls him a con artist. Does Tangina Cricket not understand that they barely paid the $40k for the house? Geez. And because all of the Millers are stupid now, Matt assumes the whole thing was a hoax and Tangina Cricket had a group of people outside shooting his windows out with BB guns. Maybe the rednecks? The little guy defends himself though, saying his gift is real and even the FBI pays when they need his help. Matt tells Tangina Cricket to get the hell out of his house and he complies...while saying "I'll be back. You will invite me." Just before he walks out the door Tangina Cricket whispers something to Lee. In the interview world, Lee is hesitant to address it. The interviewer asks "Did Cricket Marlow say something about your first daughter? About Emily?" Whoa! Lee had another kid? We then hear Cricket say "Emily says hello. She wonders why you quit looking for her all those years ago."

In the interview world, Lee glares at the interviewer and tells him to turn off the cameras. They keep rolling and she demands to know how he learned about Emily. He says they ran background checks on the people participating in the video. "Death certificates are public record." Lee is very emotional. After a bit of a break the cameras turn back on Lee tells us she was 17 when she had Emily. Her little one was almost 4 the day Lee lost her. Lee was running errands and ran into the grocery store to grab a couple of things...she left Emily in the car. When she went back Emily was gone and she never saw her again. 

Don't Underestimate The Things That I Will Do

Lee somehow comes up with $25k and pays Tangina Cricket to help find Flora. He tells her the only way to get the child back is to find out all they can about the enemy...The Butcher. We flash back now to colonial times when The Butcher's name was Thomasin White and Kathy Bates was not yet wielding a cleaver. Her husband, John, was the governor of Roanoke Colony and had been called back to England to get more supplies. He left his wife in charge and she has the awful task of managing a colony of 116 settlers that are starving. Her son, Ambrose (played by Wes Bentley) suggests they move the community elsewhere but she'll hear none of it. 

Back in interview land, Lee tells us "everyone who grew up where we did knows the story of Roanoke. It's a ghost story." Wait, you knew about it? Then why don't you know about Croatoan?!?!? Sigh. Lee goes on to say that there's a Lost Colony monument an hour away from where Matt and Shelby bought their house, so Roanoke has nothing to do with them or Flora's disappearance. 

Flashing back again we see Thomasin ambushed and voted out of power...so much so that she is banished from the colony wearing an iron mask. Even Ambrose doesn't save her. After a few days Thomasin is dying in the woods of hunger and thirst. She sits by a tree, defeated and sad. She's startled by that awful pig squealing sound and she falls to her knees and prays...until some sort of evil witchy being arrives with a still beating pig's heart. Hey! That's Lady Gaga! She was the one walking around with that bloody scalp in first chapter! Hooray! Anyway, Thomasin eats the heart which apparently gives her strength and motivation to go back to her colony and take a meat cleaver to some heads. She barely spares Ambrose, but those other dudes who staged the coup are no more. Ambrose now says he agrees that the colony should stay put...but The Butcher now declares they should move inland...where the Millers unfortunately purchased that damn house. This is how the lost colony became lost.

Tangina Cricket accompanies Lee back to the house and together they enter the woods with Shelby and Matt to attempts to negotiate with The Butcher. She stands flanked by her loyal followers and she wants their asses gone.  Tangina Cricket makes her a deal - the Millers will burn the house down and leave forever if The Butcher compels Priscilla to give Flora back to them. This is news to Shelby but Matt had already agreed to it. Wait...where is Matt? He was there a minute ago. Shelby (who is totes getting on my nerves this episode) wanders away from the negotiations to find him. Matt is busy. He's in the middle of banging Lady Gaga from behind as the hillbillies look on and pleasure themselves. There are so many things wrong with this scene. So. Many. Things.

Lee leaves the negotiations as well now that both her brother and sister-in-law have wandered off. She finds them at the house...but they are not alone. Shelby is all pissy with Matt because of his Gaga pounding escapades (which he has no memory of) as if he called up the hillbillies and said "Hey, while I'm in the woods later bring a creepy women out there so I can have sex with her not too far from my wife and sister. Oh, and feel free to jerk off while all of this is happening." Shelby, you're stupid. This bitch also went and called the cops, leading them to believe Lee is behind Mason's death. They take Lee away in a cop car and the episode ends there.

Okay, so I'm having a hard time buying Sarah Paulson as Lily Rabe. Lily Rabe's Shelby interviews are naive for sure but I've never thought "you stupid bitch" when she's done talking. Sarah Paulson's Shelby causes me to say just that. The Lee and Matt interview/re-enactment characters match up pretty well for me, but the Shelby thing is annoying. So is Lee screwed now that Shelby called the police? Is the burning down the house deal off? Was Lady Gaga's witch character born that way? What's her story? Annnnnd is Cricket one of Sia's backup dancers? I know it's a long shot, but my life would be complete if he would do a quick prance to "Chandelier" in Chapter 4. Just sayin'.