AHS Roanoke: Chapter 4

Oh man. This episode is wince worthy for so many reasons. Shit hits the fan in Chapter 4 and we learn the harsh lesson that what Ryan Murphy giveth, Ryan Murphy can just as quickly taketh away. In this hour the Millers end up with no other option than to embrace the truth behind their land and the spirits that surround it, and they must put a plan into place to save their own butts as well as Flora's...but is it too late? Here's where we are at the end of episode 4 of Roanoke. 

Gone, Gone, Gone. 

We pick up with Shelby screaming at Matt for screwing Lady Gaga in the wilderness. Naturally Matt has no idea what the hell she is talking about.  Shelby also has trust issues now that Matt and Lee offered to make a deal with The Butcher without telling her. Matt defends his choice to try to bargain for Flora's release but then when Shelby goes batshit crazy on him again about manhandling Mother Monster, he loses it. He cries, she cries, and all is forgiven way quicker than I thought was necessary. 

Shelby inexplicably goes upstairs by herself to take a shower and she is met by the dude with the pig head wielding a knife. She screams for Matt and Matt runs upstairs...only to realize he should be running like hell downstairs. He grabs Shelby and they make way for the front door, but dude with the pig head is there to greet them. Dr. Elias Cunningham(!) jumps in from behind and bashes the pig guy on the head and yells "Croatoan!" Piggy disappears. 

So Elias survived the Blair Witch Project type video diary he was keeping a decade before. He explains to the Millers that "Croatoan" was a message left behind in Roanoke so people would be able to find the colonists who relocated. He says "Croatoan" is a word of dark magic. Elias also informs our still rather naive couple that he bought the house to write a book but then kept the house so no one else would live there. He happened to come up short when property taxes were due and the house went up to auction. Elias begins to tell more of his story and how he can help, but then Matt turns into a jackass and orders him out of the house. What is WRONG with these people? After Elias starts yelling about the things he knows, which are also things that Shelby has seen, Matt stops being a jackass and they listen. 

Elias only actually lived in the house for 6 months because he had learned that everyone who lived there previously had either died or gone missing. In 1952 three hunters were staying in the house and blew each others faces off with their rifles. In the 1970s a family from Taiwan owned the house and realized fairly quickly there was evil there. They performed some rituals and prayed to their ancestors, but those prayers were no match for The Butcher. The family was eventually reported missing. Others followed, dating all the way back to the 1700s when Edward Mott (the original builder/owner) was the first to disappear.  Elias then tells Shelby and Matt about the crazy nurse sisters and how The Butcher used their sinful blood to sanctify the land. Cut to one of the sisters having her limbs torn off while the other one gets cleaved to death. Neat. 

Your Hope Dangling By A String

How do The Butcher and her followers actually kill the living? Well, they can apparently haunt the place at any time they wish, but during the 6 day lunar cycle in October which ends in what they call "the blood moon," it's a killing free for all. Oh and hey, guess what? Tonight is night 1 of 6. Now if I was on the listening end of Elias' tale, my ass would be in the car on my way to anywhere else. The Millers? They are suspicious, Maybe Elias just wants the house back. I just had to fight back an overwhelming urge to slam my head against my keyboard as I typed that. Matt says they can't leave until they get Flora back and Shelby tells Elias she is with Priscilla. Elias knows just where to go. 

Elias takes the Millers through the woods (at least it's daylight) to an area where...Flora is blindfolded and playing some sort of twisted Marco Polo game with Priscilla, the nurses, the pig man, and the Taiwanese family. The hunters also walk by at one point. Matt starts screaming and running toward Flora because he's an idiot, but Elias stops him and says the best way to get Flora back is to allow him to talk to Priscilla. Elias approaches the young girl and asks her to release Flora to her family but the conversation is interrupted by a horn...and then many, many arrows flying into Elias' body. The Butcher's followers had arrived and snatched Flora away. 

Making probably their first good choice in a very long time, (perhaps ever) Shelby and Matt decide not to try to save the skewered Dr. and run back to the house. I have to say I am proud of them for realizing they were severely outnumbered by ghosts with weapons and that Elias was most likely being prepped for bbq. They make their way home and run into a familiar face. Tangina Cricket is waiting on the doorstep. Woohoo! Love this guy.

I'll Share In Your Suffering 

Tangina Cricket sits Shelby and Matt down and tells them he feels that Flora is still alive. He also tells them that they are effing stupid for making a liar out of him when he was striking a deal with The Butcher. Shelby asks him to talk to The Butcher and tell her they will do anything she wants, but Tangina Cricket already tried that. "Momma was in no mood." The Butcher told him her power now is from the moon. The little guy ventures out again though and meets Gaga instead, whom he calls "the bitch with the real power." He offers her the only thing he knows she wants...Matt. Even wood witches need to be pleasured now and again. 

Living to tell the tale, Tangina Cricket returns to the house to recap everything for Shelby and Matt. He says the witch touched him and she lifted the veil. She had hurled him centuries into the past where the former Roanoke residents were relocating to what is now the Miller's land. We see that the land is perfect for growing crops and the colonists believe they had hit the jackpot. There is a price for this newfound opportunity though....The Butcher sacrifices Priscilla by beating her over the head with a rock. Holy shit. Not everyone is on board with the idea of human sacrifice though. Ambrose talks shit about the witch of the woods and tells his mother in front of the entire congregation that she brought evil into their lives. He wants to turn back to God and so do the rest of them. The bitch with the real power tells The Butcher her people are children that need to be disciplined, so The Butcher sets up this amazing feast with the colonists and tells them she wants to repent. She passes around a basket of apples (often thought to be the 'forbidden fruit') for everyone to enjoy, and as they begin choking and vomiting, she takes her cleaver to all of them. "If thou wishes not to follow me in this life, thou will follow me in the next! I will soak this earth with our blood, let it mingle with the soil and tether us to these grounds forever!" With all of her not-so-followers dead, The Butcher approaches the witch of the woods as a final sacrifice. Gaga slits her through and she bleeds out with the rest of them. This bloodbath occurred during the current lunar cycle. 

   

Tangina Cricket ends the story and assures Shelby and Matt that he now knows the spell to rid The Butcher and her spirits. He plans to put an end to everything tonight but he needs to go back to his hotel to pick up some things. The little guy calls an uber (of course he does - they must be everywhere in the woods near farms) and he is off on his way. In the midst of asking his uber driver if he is "gay for pay," Flora runs past the car and Tangina Cricket goes after her.  

When Enemies Are At Your Door

Hours have gone by and The Millers are worried that Tangina Cricket has not returned. Night falls and they both have begun to snooze. Matt hears a noise outside and goes off to investigate, ending up in the cellar in the woods with a scantily clad Lady Gaga. They begin to...get intimate...and through that connection Matt learns her history. She was a descendant of the druids and Roman conquerors and had left England as a stowaway. She was discovered on board the ship and was set to be burned at the stake as a witch - she was blamed for the misfortune and death that had occurred on the ship throughout its journey to the new world. "But there were other gods demanding blood. More ancient and thirsty gods." We see her massacre a group of soldiers and escape into the woods as a being who merged the old world with the new. She wants Matt to join her and he's tempted until he hears Shelby's voice screaming for him. She woke up to an angry mob marching toward the house and she's scared as hell. In my best Whoopi Goldberg voice: "Shelby, you in danger girl." 

Matt puts his clothes back on and races back to the house. The Butcher is there with her people and Flora. She is just about to slit Flora's throat when Priscilla pushes The Butcher over. Flora runs into Matt's arms and the Millers take her inside, lock the doors, and go upstairs...because this is a solid plan for safety. Flora isn't the only hostage though... Tangina Cricket now stands among the torches. The Butcher slices his abdomen and Ambrose takes a hook and pulls out his insides for all to see. Now I know what disembowelment is supposed to look like. The Butcher looks up and Matt and Shelby in their window as we hear Matt narrate "the message was clear - we were next."

The episode ends there and thank goodness for that. My stomach wasn't going to be able to handle much more. So in this hour we find out Elias is alive! Except now he is not. We also find out Cricket is back! Except now he's dead too. What's next, Ryan Murphy? Are you going to bring Twisty the Clown back only to take him away a few episodes later? Yes, I'm still bitter about Freak Show. 

Can't blame a guy for trying. 

We also now know why The Butcher and her followers are bound to that land and we know why they've just been haunting the Millers this whole time and not killing them. We also know more about the witch in the woods, though I am still kind of foggy on what her deal is. Did she actually give Cricket a spell to rid The Butcher or was that a fake out for a make out with Matt? If there's no Butcher...who would do the human sacrifices the witch needs? Where's Lee? Why didn't Shelby call the police and say she had made a terrible mistake? And whhhhhyyyyyyy would I even think to believe that uber has extended its services to a road surrounded by thousands of acres of woods and minimal houses? Who are the normal customers? You can't tell me the hillbillies use that app and I doubt the unbathed boys who were eating livestock in the barn have smartphones. Just sayin.