In a culture where shows like Jersey Shore, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo engross TV viewers everywhere, it's important to acknowledge programming that engages audiences with clever writing and stimulating material. Every so often the networks get it right and support a series that is a breath of fresh air with clearly developed characters, perfectly cast actors, and a luring and often intricate plot. In appreciation of such shows, I have started this commentary.

Monday, December 9, 2013

AHS Coven: Nothing's Sacred

It feels like it’s been forever since the last episode of American Horror Story: Coven. No amount of turkey or mashed potatoes could distract me from the two week hiatus we had. Before the show took the Thanksgiving break, there were many lingering questions and shit was really starting to hit the fan. Here’s where we are:
                          

Use Your Words
Zoe tries to teach Kyle to speak so he can rejoin society. Why would he do that? I’m not sure what they did with his mother’s body….but if anyone is looking for suspects I imagine that the suddenly not dead son might need to go in for questioning. Madison is fine with Kyle being the way he is, as evidenced by the way she enters the room and shoves her tongue down his throat. They leave him alone with a computerized learning program so they can go do witchy things, and Zoe returns later to check on his progress. Kyle holds her and tells her “This road goes two ways. I love you.” Zoe loves him too and a distraught Madison listens in on the other side of the door. This Tarzan/Jane thing is cute and all, but again…I am so bored with this story line.

The Voodoo That You Do
Precious Queenie walks through a sketchy part of town and encounters a homeless man who wants to have his way with her. She really knows how to attract the good ones, huh? Precious Queenie picks up a piece of wood with nails sticking out of it, bashes her own hand with it, then him, and homeless dude is down for the count. Zoe and Madison find her at that moment and tell her they need her in the coven. Precious Queenie says she’s with Marie and the voodoo witches now….as she tears out the heart of the homeless guy. She tells her former sister witches “War is coming. And you’re going to lose.”
 
When we next see her, Precious Queenie is delivering fast food to Madam LaLaurie. She asks Precious Queenie what she ever did to deserve the betrayal. She tells the young witch “You put me in here. You can let me out.” Precious Queenie looks like she’s considering this but Marie shows up and cuts off Madam LaLaurie’s right hand. Damn. It’s going to be hard for her to finish her burger that way.

The Perfect Storm
Cordelia gathers Madison, Zoe and Nan to discuss the battle plan for Fiona’s demise. She notes that losing Precious Queenie was her own failure but also states that the young voodoo witch is dead to her now. Me too. I can’t believe she could betray anyone wearing that cute tiger sweat suit. Anywho, Cordelia explains that they have one shot at this and to fail would be a suicide mission. No kidding.
 
The coven’s devious planning is interrupted by a knock at the door. Somehow Spalding is not available to answer it…neither is Madam LaLaurie. When Zoe finally makes her way to the front of the house, Misty Day is on the other side of the door looking for help. Yay! I’ve missed her…and I’m sure she’s missed Stevie. She tells Zoe that a witch hunter tried to kill her and asks for protection for her and her friend. Um, Friend? Myrtle!!!! I’m so excited to see her. She’s got some very unfortunate skin and her voice is raspy and rough. She has a happy(ish) reunion with Cordelia and states that she has seen the face of the new Supreme. Misty’s power of resurrection far surpasses the feats a growing Supreme encounter as they come into their powers. “She’s brought more people back from the dead than Jesus Christ.” Ha! Get this woman a new Stevie!

The witches robe up and begin a ceremony known as The Sacred Taking which allows for the ascension of the next Supreme. It is a ritual that has been invoked three times in periods of crisis to ensure the survival of the coven. The first convening happened during the Salem witch trials when the surviving witches decided it was time to move south. The reigning Supreme at the time knew she would be too weak to travel with them and she took her own life so a new Supreme could lead the group to their new destination. This is the sacrifice the Supreme is intended to make when The Sacred Taking occurs. This is what they expect from Fiona (really? have they met her?).

As the faces of the previous Supremes stare down at the women from the paintings, Cordelia says no one should wish to be the next Supreme. She notes that none of the women on the walls had happy lives. Fiona only lived it up because she ran from her responsibilities. Now is the time for her to fulfill her obligations as Supreme.

Remember Luke?
So, the delicious next door neighbor Luke was stabbed by a zombie during the Halloween show, taken to heal…and then never heard from again. Nice to know he’s still alive I guess? His mother dresses his wound and tells him how evil the girls from Miss Robichaux’s are. When Luke explains that they saved him, momma Joan slaps him across the face and says “Only Jesus can save you.” Duh Luke. Joan then insists he cleanse himself of his sins. How? Maybe going to confession? Prayer? Giving himself lashes? Nah. An Ajax enema is the best way to purify these days. When Joan looks at Luke and says “take off your pants” I wait for Frankenkyle to burst through the door and bludgeon her to death with her bible. That does not happen. Instead, Luke tearfully climbs into the bathtub to begin his cleansing.
 
Later on in the evening Nan goes to check on Luke. She’d heard his cries and swoops in for the rescue. As they attempt to make their escape, momma Joan appears. She has dialed 911 and is telling the operator there is an armed intruder in her house. Luke freaks out and pushes his mother in the next room. Joan thinks she has the upper hand…but then several bullets fly through the window and take both her and Luke out. Nan can’t seem to catch a break.

No need to worry though – Misty arrives quickly to revive Joan as Nan accompanies Luke in an ambulance. Cordelia lurks outside and finds a silver bullet. As she touches one of them she has a vision of a witch hunter shooting Joan. So, is Joan a witch or did he intend to kill Nan and the Ramseys just happened to be there?
 

I’m Ready For My Close Up
Fiona is sick as shit, vomiting frequently and writhing on the floor in pain. She has about a month left to live and the time is slipping away quickly. Luckily Fiona has The Axeman to comfort her. He wants to run away with her and spend that last month together. She doesn’t want her new love to see her decay and he offers up the idea of Fiona killing herself so she could be free of the pain. Fiona doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction but...

After another round of puking, Fiona hears music coming from Madison’s bedroom. She’s startled to see Madison dancing around in a red dress. This scene kind of reminds me last season when Sister Mary Eunice danced around in the red lingerie while singing “You Don’t Own Me.” Fiona can’t believe her eyes. Clearly she doesn’t realize no one (but Kaylee) dies on this show. Madison claims she is the next Supreme and says Fiona will burn for slitting her throat and framing Myrtle for Cordelia’s attack. She gives Fiona an ultimatum – burn or swallow a handful of pills and go to sleep.
 
Fiona starts to pack her bags. She’s getting the hell out of here…but wait. Myrtle appears and tells Fiona that Madison, the new Supreme, resurrected her and reiterates Fiona’s choices. Fiona doesn’t want either choice. She tells Myrtle she has found someone she loves, that she belongs to. “He wants to take care of me.” Myrtle not so kindly points out that The Axeman won’t stay til the end and Fiona will die alone anyway…and so Fiona prepares herself for the pills.
 
She reminisces with Myrtle about the selfish detours she has taken in life. She recalls a boy she met at Woodstock. This is a bit random. Is the Woodstock boy Cordelia’s father? Do we care at this point? Fiona asks Myrtle to look after Cordelia, her “most terrible failure.” She picks up a handful of pills and washes them down with a glass of water. As she closes her eyes Myrtle leaves the room…but Spalding appears. What!?!?! Is he resurrected now too?!?!? To my relief he is just a ghost. He tells her he was murdered and remains in the house as a watcher, just as the previous members of his family had been. Spalding tells Fiona she has been tricked and is giving in to a group of lesser witches. He hands Fiona a bottle with a liquid that will expunge the pills. I guess that’s better than an Ajax enema….and she’s used to barfing at this point anyway.  
 
The coven waits downstairs for the new Supreme to reveal herself. Instead, Fiona appears... looking very much like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. Side Note: Patti LuPone (Joan Ramsey) played Norma Desmond in the London cast of Sunset Boulevard in the early 90s. Fiona congratulates Cordelia on the plan she and the girls concocted. “I’m so proud of you. You really are my daughter.” Cordelia buys into this nonsense quickly and tells Fiona about the witch hunters. They need Fiona now more than ever.

 
The doorbell rings. Again, Spalding and Madam LaLaurie are nowhere to be found to answer it. You can tell Fiona’s wheels are starting to turn as she opens the door. Where is the maid? She receives her answer immediately…the delivery at the front door is Madam LaLaurie’s head in a box. She’s still “alive” so to speak, which is more than we can say for the Minotaur.
 

The episode ends there and I do feel like we are getting somewhere at least. We’ve resurrected just about everyone, we know that Luke is okay but his mother is a whack job, and we’ve caught a glimpse of Frankenkyle possibly just becoming Kyle. What we don’t know is – when will the coven learn that Hank is hunting them and he’s working for Marie? WHO is the next Supreme? How many more episodes until we get a coven vs. voodoo showdown? I’m so glad we don’t have to wait two weeks for the next episode and I’m beyond eager to see what the next AHS hour holds.

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