AHS Coven Finale: Who Reigns Supreme?

So, I've watched the finale of American Horror Story: Coven several times now and I  really might still be processing. Things did not pan out the way I hoped they would, or even thought they would, and some elements still don't make sense to me, but let's go ahead and recap the end of the Coven season.

 

 

The Last Supper

The episode starts with Stevie Nicks roaming the house and singing "Seven Wonders," so I am immediately excited for the remainder of the hours. The witches of the house are studying hard for the Tri-Wizard Tournament test to see who will become the next Supreme. As the witches practice the seven wonders, Misty seems to have trouble bringing a plant back to life...which makes no sense to me given her ability to cure a charred Myrtle and revive a severely decomposed Madison...but what do I know?

 

Crazy Ass Myrtle has prepared a meal for the Supreme hopefuls, calling it "the last supper" because for one of them, their life (or 2nd life) is about to change. The women sit at the table mimicking Da Vinci's painting and pass the food around silently. Cordelia speaks up, telling them childhood is over and it's time for the girls to put aside their fears. She then says encourages them to "kick ass tomorrow." Cordelia isn't taking this test because....I don't know. Does she just assume that because she's been useless for 90% of the season that she's not worthy?

 

Bring It On

Myrtle explains that typically the test begins with the easiest of the seven wonders and progresses based on level of difficulty. To hell with that. She tells the girls to start with telekinesis. Kyle (having no other reason to be here) lights four candles on the table across from the witches and all of them succeed in moving them.

 

Next we have concilium or mind control. Misty makes Precious Queenie slap herself silly and I laugh out loud for a couple of minutes. Then Precious Queenie makes Misty pull her own hair. Madison and Zoe predictably have a pissing contest over Kyle. Madison makes him kiss her and lick her boots...Zoe makes Kyle make out with her...Madison makes Kyle choke Zoe...and then Cordelia finally puts an end to it. Thank you. I can now stop rolling my eyes and flaring my nostrils.

 

The third trial is a visit to the netherworld where they will all experience their own version of hell. Myrtle reminds them, just as Papa Legba told Precious Queenie last week, that they can not let their souls linger there or they may never return. Precious returns to the chicken shack and comes back to reality quickly. Madison awakens next and tells Myrtle that hell was a network live version of The Sound of Music and she was cast as Liesl! Ouch to Madison...and a great big ouch the NBC's recent telecast of the musical (which, by the way, I thoroughly enjoyed).  Just then Zoe springs up and says her personal hell is Kyle breaking up with her over and over again. GROAN. Let's get to the part where Misty wakes up....Misty? Um, when is Misty going to wake up? She's in some sort of science lab where she is supposed to be dissecting a frog. The problem is...she always brings it back to life. The science teacher makes her kill the frog over and over again, crying as she does so. Okay, fine. Things will be better when she wakes up... except she doesn't...and her body slowly disappears. DAMN IT. Really, Ryan Murphy? She was perhaps the most harmless and helpful character all season. You had to put her in hell?!?!?!

The witches mourn Misty very briefly then move on to transmutation, a talent Charmed fans know as "blinking." God I miss that show. Anyway, the girls essentially play tag throughout the house and actually look like they might be enjoying themselves. They even smile in a happy when and not in a stone cold bitch way. Good for them. The fun is stopped however when Zoe impales herself on the gate. Bummer.

So I guess now we've arrived at the resurrection challenge. Precious Queenie tries to bring Zoe back but can't because....I don't know. Didn't she just revive Misty in the coffin last week or was Misty just resurrecting herself? Cordelia tells Madison to bring Zoe back but we all know this bitch doesn't like being told what to do. Madison asks if she'll be the Supreme if Zoe lives and Cordelia says the test will continue once Zoe is revived. Madison is not interested. She kills a fly and then resurrects that instead, telling Myrtle and Cordelia "either crown me or kiss my ass."

Royal Blood
Cordelia decides at that point that she has sucked as a leader (yup) and as she wallows in those thoughts, Myrtle tells Cordelia that she was born to the Supremacy. She says Cordelia must do the seven wonders, and Cordelia plows through the first few quickly. Her version of hell is getting bitch slapped by Fiona every time she tries to earn her mother's approval but Cordelia barely gets through telling us about it before she begins the transmutation test and blinks all over the place.

With Cordelia almost caught up to Madison, the two witches move on to divination. Using pebbles, Cordelia is able to identify which part of the house the broach of a former Supreme is located. Madison fails the test then goes off to pack her bags. She's going back to Hollywood "where people are normal." Madison also threatens to expose the Academy when she gets there.

The last test standing between Cordelia and the title of Supreme is resurrection. She is able to bring Zoe back...just as Kyle chokes Madison to death for letting Zoe die. Side note...I wonder how Evan Peters and Emma Roberts felt about this scene? They were in the headlines recently for a "domestic dispute" that turned violent, so this made me cringe a little. Regardless, Spalding

Winner Winner
As Cordelia realizes she has mastered the seven wonders, her eyesight comes back and she stops looking like a hot mess. As the new Supreme, Cordelia "outs" the Coven, giving TV interviews ala Stupid Lana from last season. She wants witches in hiding to come out of the shadows and she tells them they have a home at Ms. Robichaux's. Her message brings witches to New Orleans in droves.

The new Supreme allows Kyle to move into Spalding's role (sans creepy dolls and necrophilia) and she also promotes Zoe and Precious Queenie to The Council. Fair enough...all of the previous participants are dead or deadish. With that in mind, Myrtle insists Cordelia punish her for killing the other Council members. Myrtle doesn't want her crime to tarnish Cordelia's reign, so....off they go to burn the witch....again.  With that little item taken care of, Cordelia can now have a fresh start.

Not so fast. A familiar presence is in the house. It's Fiona and she's disheveled and dying. Apparently her plan all along was to fool the witches by faking her death so the new Supreme would emerge and not fear Fiona's reaction. The Axeman was in on it as well and Fiona planted the vision of her fake murder in his brain. Cordelia's second sight power couldn't get beyond the fake murder because....I don't know. I guess Fiona's brainwashing of The Axeman was more powerful than Cordelia's visions? Either way, Fiona had planned to take out the new Supreme but the plan became complicated when her daughter emerged victorious. "From the moment you were born, each time I looked at you I saw my own death." Soooo this is why Cordelia has mommy issues. Fiona hands her daughter the knife she killed her former Supreme as well as Madison with and asks her to use it. Cordelia refuses, telling Fiona to let the fear in and then let it go. They hug...and Fiona slips away.

Farmer's Wife
Fiona arrives in hell, which fittingly is located in a farmhouse run by The Axeman. He walks in with a bunch of catfish and he explains that they will be together for eternity. Fiona wanders through the house shaking her head. She says she can't stay there...that the place wreaks of fish and cat piss. Fiona sees Papa Legba and realizes where she is just as The Axeman says "I'm in heaven." Of course he's in heaven because....I don't know. I guess axe murders are rewarded with killing witch hunters by an eternity with the woman her loves? Again. I don't know.

The season ends with a whole new generation of witches beginning their journey at Ms. Robichaux's. In the long run I guess I'm not surprised that Cordelia is the Supreme. Ryan Murphy has some sort of obsession with Sarah Paulson and after her turn as Stupid Lana last season, it stands to reason that she would also emerge as some sort of heroine this year. I'm good with Madison's demise, and I'm still indifferent to Zoe and Kyle's presence. Given how important Zoe's "journey" was meant to be at the start of the season, I wasn't bothered by her transmutation error. But Cordelia needed young witches to help her lead the way, so the two who remained make sense. Misty's death, however, infuriates me. Not only did she die...she's trapped in hell....without even a shawl to twirl. I wonder how Stevie Nick's feels about this.

And when the credits start to roll I think about Marie and Madam LaLaurie, and how much I enjoyed their feud...and how abrupt their exits were. I think about Nan and how quickly she was forgotten, as well as the strange story of Luke, his mom, and his ajax enemas. There are still several things that I don't know, as referenced throughout this post, but overall I really loved the season. It might be my favorite of the three just for the actors that were in it. Ruthless Fiona, Crazy Ass Myrtle, Evil Marie, Twisted Madam LaLaurie and Hippy Misty brought me satisfaction each time they were on screen and I look forward to watching this season from start to finish many more times.