Well, Halloween may be behind us now but the bloodbath definitely continues in episode 6 of American Horror Story: Hotel. We are moving into the second half of the season and now things kind of have to start coming together (I'm looking at YOU, Asylum), so it seems almost everyone gets at least a cameo tonight. You know what else happens tonight? THIS: We flash back to Los Angeles in 1926 where The Countess gets out of a cab at....the Murder House from Season 1! Holy shit! She is there to visit crazy ass Doctor Montgomery about an abortion. She claims to be 3 weeks along in her pregnancy but has quite the baby bump going on. I guess incubation is accelerated when you're a vampire? Kristen Stewart was ahead of her time?
Anywho, Dr. Montgomery takes her to the basement where (for those of you who don't remember) he typically performs abortions along with many gruesome murders. He's a bit startled to see that The Countess' body temperature is 75 degrees. Meh, the thermometer just must be broken. He proceeds to abort the "3 week old" fetus and discovers that it's a very much alive baby...a baby that attacks and kills his nurse. Like mother, like monster. As The Countess wakes up from the ether, Dr. Montgomery hands her the little bundle of joy and says "Congratulations, it's a boy." Could this be the psycho deformed baby from Season 1 as well?
Chase You Down Until You Love Me
John rolls over in his bed and sees Holden. The little guy says "Hi Daddy" and runs away (feels like we've seen this before). John chases him down to the room with the coffins where he also sees a sleeping Alex. He faints...because we're going to need him to wake up again....because that's how ALL of his scenes start on this show.
Alex puts John to bed and asks Liz Taylor to help relocate the coffins. Might as well - John already thinks he's going crazy anyway, so why not remove things he thinks he saw? John wakes up (shocker!) in his bed and Alex is there in a non-vampire nanny outfit to tell him that he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. She encourages him to check out of the hotel and seek professional help, but he wants to go down to that empty pool. Alex accompanies him and of course there are no coffins there.
Liz Taylor and Tristan then get it on and apparently they've been getting it on a lot. They've become a couple, they're in looooove, and Liz is scared of what The Countess will do when she finds out. Tristan believes she'll understand once she sees them together. Tristan is effing stupid.
The Countess meanwhile is, um, servicing Will Drake but he's not rising to the occasion, so she sends Tristan a text to "cum up." When Liz's new man arrives and realizes The Countess wants him to help "get Will started," he tells her he doesn't want to. The Countess gives him a look that could kill. She informs him that for the next hour he will be doing what she wants him to do. I was kinda hoping she'd say "As your maker, I command you!"
When all of this romping is finally finished (Tristan must be exhausted), The Countess heads to room 33...where her son Bartholomew resides in a crib. So, still a baby? Mother Monster lifts him and tells him she's off to Paris and will return with so much money, she'll never have to leave him again.
"Roses Have Thorns," They Say.
Donovan and Ramona roll up after The Countess is gone because it's finally time for them to get their revenge show on the road. They hop right in the elevator and head to the basement to kill the vampire children who, by the way, aren't down there anymore. Donovan chickens out as the elevator doors open but Iris meets Ramona at the pool to assist. Nope. No creepy kids there. Ramona tells Iris she can go in search of the children but Ramona wants to take out the baby in room 33 herself. Iris gives her the key to the room and "Auntie Ramona" pays Bartholomew a visit. The room is dark and she searches for him with a flashlight. We see Bartholomew's strange little eyes just before we see Ramona go down to the floor.
Turns out Ramona just has a bump on the head and she nurses it at the bar with Liz. Alex is on the search for Bartholomew (worst nanny ever) as Liz confides in Ramona about her loooooove for Tristan. We know how Ramona's story ended when she strayed from The Countess. She gives Liz a good warning about the situation, but Liz totally thinks she can reason with the woman who killed Ramona's boyfriend and his entourage when she found out Ramona was cheating on her. Totally.
Donovan uses this time to visit the empty penthouse and sniff The Countess' undergarments. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess. Those two Danish girls who were killed in the early episodes interrupt him - they're still looking for Universal Studios and Hollywood attractions. Donovan tells them they can't leave the hotel. "Until you find a purpose, you will be stuck in an unbreakable chain repeating yourselves over and over again." Interesting.
The girls hope their purpose might be to kill hotel guests and they give it a go with a cocky guy who had just checked in, but they find themselves in the same situation they were before. Alex gives them an alternate idea....instead of murdering guests, why not just make them go crazy? Why not test out this new plan with John? Why not have them approach a very drunk John for a 3 way? Why not have blood pouring down their bodies while naked and straddling him? FINALLY John packs his suitcase and leaves the hotel. He doesn't realize, however, that Bartholomew has hidden inside.
John picks up Scarlet from her Grandma's house and returns home. She tells John she hasn't heard from her mother in two days and he swears he won't leave Scarlet alone again. He promises he's going to make everything right again. John. Dude. Give it up. He hears something in the kitchen and starts shooting his gun...within eyesight of Scarlet...and back to Grandma's she goes.
Alex comes to the house to see Scarlet off and she tries to calm John. He calls her out and says he knows she's going back to the hotel. He then goes into the bedroom and slams the door. On her way out, Alex finds Bartholomew hiding in the bushes and brings him home. I guess it wasn't a wasted trip after all!
I Won't Stop Until The Boy Is Mine
The Countess returns home from Paris (that was fast) and she says goodnight to Will, who tells her he loves her. Awww. This would be perfect timing for Liz to confess her undying Tristan love to The Countess. Well, Liz thinks it is anyway. The Countess is thrilled to hear that Liz is in love, but when she finds out who Liz is in love with, she simply states: "I don't share. Maybe when I'm done with him." The problem with that is, Liz is mortal. She doesn't have two or three decades to wait to start her life over again with a new love. Fair enough. The Countess brings Tristan into the discussion. She tells them they have betrayed her and Tristan escalates what began as a calm conversation. "You feed off of the heartbreak! Not me. I was made for real love." Liz pipes in. She wants Tristan. Tristan wants Liz. The Countess wants to rip open Tristan's throat. So she does.
In this episode we found out that Mother Monster gave birth to a monster, the new and improved Alex will go to any lengths to make sure no one interferes with her new status, and hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned. Honestly, Tristan annoyed the shit out of me...and I'd be just fine if we never see him again...but I was sad for Liz when her one true love gushed blood all over her as he died. The Countess can go ahead and add one more to the list of people who want revenge on her.
The biggest "aha!" in this episode though is Hotel's direct connection to Murder House. Sure, we recently saw the Murder House realtor, but seeing The Countess interact with the franchise's first psycho was pretty neat. I'm interested to know if Bartholomew is the infantata from Season 1 but for all we know, that was the first and last we'll see of the house this season...
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