With only one week left until the finale, one would hope we start getting some real closure in Chapter 9 of AHS Roanoke and we do. We find out who the sole survivor is, how this person escaped the worst real estate investment ever, and it did not play out like I thought it would at all. I'm not complaining though. I love where we end up when the hour ends.
Right Back On My Feet Again
The episode opens with three soon to be dead fans of My Roanoke Nightmare trekking through the woods trying to find the Season 2 shoot. They are wearing helmet cameras and also have selfie sticks, hoping to "blow up the internet" with their Instagram posts throughout their journey. Just as they are about to geek out over finding the tree that once held Flora's yellow hoodie, they see a woman frantically running around looking for her car. She's bleeding. She's Diana. She's dead. When they finally do arrive at the car, it is flipped over and Diane's body is inside.
The youngins are Milo, Todd and Sophie (welcome back Taissa Farmiga). They run a fan website and blog for My Roanoke Nightmare and they hightail it to the police station and describe what they had seen. The detective interviewing them says they found no body at the scene - just the overturned vehicle. He calls them pranksters and warns them to stay away from the house. Todd (formerly Jake Puckerman on Glee) thinks there's an injustice here and he won't stand for it.
Of course the trio heads back into the woods to face their fears and they return at night, no less. They posted their video of the dead body and received 20,000 follows and they are thrilled to know they are trending on Twitter...not trending enough to blow up the internet though. We'll get back to these fools in a bit.
Well You're A Real Tough Cookie
We switch gears to the nonsense happening inside the house now as Dylan, the actor who played Ambrose in My Roanoke Nightmare, is explaining himself to Audrey and Lee. Seems Sydney instructed him to show up at the front door at a certain time on a certain day, but Dylan has not heard from his producer since. He does not have a car with him because he ubered...but he somehow also does not have a cell phone on him. How is that possible? I must have a total misunderstanding on how one ubers around. Plot hole?
The ladies are quick to inform him that errrrrybody is dead and it's the last night of the blood moon. Dylan suggests they make a stretcher for Lee and head out on foot, citing his time in the military evacuating folks under dangerous conditions. Lee tells him the Polks are nearby and they have vehicles and weapons....they also might still have Monet.
Dylan, Audrey and a hobbling Lee make it to the outskirts of the Polk's farm and they see a truck. It's getting dark and they need to act...they decide that Dylan will run for the truck and the women will do a quick search nearby to see if they can find Monet as well as the incriminating tapes. Dylan tells them that as soon as they hear the truck start, they have to jump in regardless of whether or not they find Monet. The three of them go off in separate directions. Audrey finds Monet, and the camera, and one of the last hillbillies standing and she shoots him. The two women flee the scene and end up back in the Miller's farm house. Good grief. Oh and Dylan? The other hillbilly has nabbed him for The Butcher and her mob...they are now approaching the farm.
As Monet and Audrey discuss getting their shit together and getting out of this mess, Audrey can't help but think Lee is dead. She wouldn't have left behind the camera they found since, you know, they needed it to prove their innocence. Monet grabs the camera and they watch Lee's confession about Mason. Oh shit. Lee, by the way, is still in the woods and now meeting up with not Lady Gaga. She eats a pig's heart, ala The Butcher, and we can only assume she's now batshit crazy.
You Don't Fight Fair
Todd, Milo and Sophie are getting closer to the Miller's house when they encounter Lee or whatever version of Lee she is now. She slits Todd's throat and Sophie and Milo sprint until they find the production trailer. Inside they see they see the cameras for each room and all of the dead people. Sophie's whimper of "awww, but I love Shelby" makes me laugh...as if Shelby was still a character to her. They also see Lee approaching the house and call the police. The police, of course, don't believe them. Sophie wants to save Audrey and Monet and convinces Milo to join her.
Monet and Audrey have locked themselves in the upstairs bedroom and hear a commotion in the hallway. Monet peaks out and sees Lee at the top of the stairs. Lee doesn't look right but the women are too busy telling her they know about Mason to realize it. Lee says "You don't belong here. Your vile presence spoils this sacred ground." Uh oh. We've heard this before. Monet starts yelling all kinds of shit back at her and Lee throws her over the banister to her death. Damn. Audrey runs out of the house but ends up falling half way into the bunker. Lee cleaves her in the shoulder and dumps her ass in.
Milo and Sophie have now reached the house but so have Lee, The Butcher, and her followers. They witness Dylan get the old disembowel treatment before being burnt to a crisp on stakes. We see all of this happen via the iPhone cameras these two fools are still toting. Thank goodness for the iCloud?
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
When morning arrives, so do the police...apparently they decided to take the social media posts from the youngins seriously. They are too little too late though as they arrive to the remnants of a human bbq as well as the rest of the carnage throughout the house and at the nearby trailer.
Lee is no longer possessed by not Lady Gaga and is very out of sorts when the police wake her up in the woods near the bbq scene. You know who else is out of sorts? Audrey. She's still alive but she's been in a nasty ass underground space all night. The police rescue her as well and she sees Lee getting into a police car. She flips the eff out, yells "murderer!" and grabs a gun from the cop helping her and aims it at Lee. The remaining cops, having no idea what the hell is going on, put a shit ton of bullets into Audrey and also put a permanent stop to her accent. Thank you.
The episode ends there and wow! Ryan Murphy allowed the demise of Sarah Paulson's character! I know technically Sally was dead last season but her ghost was a main character so that doesn't count. I did read that Sarah will return as stupid Lana Winters from Asylum in the finale, so he was probably comfortable with her shootout tonight knowing that Lana is getting another chance in the spotlight. Will Lee be able to exonerate herself? Will she go to jail for Mason's murder? Will she ever look at beef jerky the same way again? We only have one more episode to go (this season feels so short) and I'm eager to see how Roanoke finishes up. I've SO loved this season. 
No comments:
Post a Comment