AHS Asylum: He Sees You When You're Sleeping

Well, if you were hoping for some sort of Christmas miracle during American Horror Story’s holiday episode, this recap will be a colossal disappointment. Yes, Christmas has indeed come to Briarcliff Manor, but the celebration is anything but holy….              

 

The episode opens with a mother and son putting money in a Salvation Army pot while trying to do some last minute shopping. The little boy is eager to talk the Santa Claus ringing the bell because he desperately wants a coon-skin hat for Christmas. Santa makes promises, the mother and son go off on their merry way, and then the store closes. Santa begins wrapping up his charity work and encounters a murderer (Deadwood’s Ian McShane). The killer shoots Santa in the head and takes his costume.

 
In 1962 we see a peaceful neighborhood filled with decorations and holiday cheer. A little girl is roused from her slumber to find a beardless Santa Claus in her living room playing with the train set under the Christmas tree. They have a brief conversation that reminds me of Cindy Lou Who and The Grinch, and then they journey upstairs to wake mom and dad.  Santa ties them together near the Christmas tree and tells dad that he chose this house because of the abundance of Christmas decorations outside. He asks which one of them wants to die first, but he starts with dad before a decision can be made….winning himself a room at Briarcliff in the process.

We jump to 1964 where Sister Mary Eunice is bringing the holiday spirit to the asylum. Yes, the demonically possessed nun wants the inmates to celebrate Christmas. Do what you want with that information. She tells the crowd Briarcliff is under new management, and even though Sister Jude had thrown away all of the decorations the year before, the asylum inhabitants are about to get creative. The tree is soon adorned with dentures, hair ribbons (still containing the hair), and other personal items, and this gives me quite a chuckle.

Side note: The Screen Actors Guild and Golden Globe nominations are out, and Jessica Lange has been recognized once again. I am bummed however, that there was no love for Lily Rabe or even Stupid Lana Sarah Paulson.

 

While Sister Mary Satan enjoys Christmas music by the fireplace in Sister Jude’s office, Jude sneaks up on her and nearly slits her throat. She is carrying the razor blade that had been left for her in the Nazi hunter's hotel room in the previous episode. Violence is averted when Dr. Arden arrives and has Sister Jude thrown out of Briarcliff.

 

The devil nun visits the killer Santa in his cell. He is reminiscing about last Christmas at the asylum where Sister Jude had him handcuffed during the celebration. Seems she was hesitant to let a man who killed 18 people from 5 families in one night run free in Briarcliff. I guess security was tighter back then? Kit practically ran the place for a while and he had been accused of wearing women’s skin! Anyway, Sister Jude had arranged for a holiday photo of the inmates to be taken, and an orderly made the rounds as Santa Claus handing out presents. Our killer Santa was not a fan and bit the guy’s face off. Literally. The photographer took advantage of this Kodak moment, and now we know why Sister Jude subsequently did away with holiday festivities.

 

Santa has spent the past year in solitary confinement and Sister Mary Satan has brought him a new suit to wear for her pending Christmas celebration. Calling him Lee (thank goodness he has a name – it was getting tough to keep typing “killer Santa”), she reminds him that as a young man he was just a petty thief guilty of stealing a loaf of bread. Jean Valjean, anyone?  While serving time for his offense, Lee was visited by five security guards who came a caroling and also a raping. “One took your virginity; the others took your dignity.” So yeah – Lee doesn’t like Christmas anymore.

 

Elsewhere in the asylum Frank the Security Guard is guilt-ridden over accidentally killing Grace during the previous episode. He prays over her body and promises he’ll make things right. Frank tells Dr. Arden that they should confess everything to the police – Kit, the creatures, Grace’s death, and so on. Frank says he is ready for whatever consequences await him, but clearly he doesn’t understand that his punishment will come from Briarcliff and not from the law.

 

The devil nun has moved herself into Sister Jude’s office permanently and is enjoying Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” when Dr. Creepy enters. He has brought her a Christmas present (Ravish Me Red lipstick?) and she assumes it’s “probably some cheap toilet water from Woolworth’s.” Ha! She instead opens ruby earrings, and she is practically foaming at the mouth over their glamor. Arden explains that he took them from a Jewish woman at one of the camps he was stationed at as a Nazi. This woman swallowed these earrings every day, carried them around inside her to keep them safe, and then she would go to the latrine and dig them out of her feces. Uh-huh. Sister Mary Satan is wearing shit earrings. The good doctor goes on to say that after this woman died of internal bleeding, he took the earrings from her INTESTINES and vowed he would give them to someone worthy of their beauty (and smell?). The devil nun, however, doesn’t realize that he had been testing her – Dr. Creepy realizes now that the pure Sister Mary Eunice is gone and this nun is possessed. She calls him pathetic and declares “You’re either with me or against me, and if you’re against me…even God can’t help you.”

Sister Jude consults Mother Superior about Briarcliff, proclaiming that she is a soldier in God’s army and she must be allowed to go back to the asylum. Their conversation is cut short when Dr. Arden arrives (he interrupts everything?) at the church to mend fences with Jude. He claims that they both have the same amount of passion for Briarcliff and he is turning to her for help. Knowing that Sister Mary Eunice is in trouble, Dr. Creepy tells Sister Jude that he believes in evil, which is why Mary’s purity meant so much to him. “Please…and that’s not a word I use often. I’m begging you.” Sister Jude buys all of this (I do not) and puts a plan of action in place to save Briarcliff as well as Sister Mary Eunice.

 

Dr. Creepy returns to the asylum in time to see Monsignor Timothy deliver the star for the Christmas Tree. He observes Lee, who is enjoying the freedom to celebrate in the common room with the other inmates and is just overjoyed with Sister Mary Eunice’s efforts at Briarcliff.  Am I going to have to start calling him Stupid Father Hotness? I sure hope not. He is just about to leave the celebration but hangs in there just long enough to witness Lee try to kill Frank the Security Guard. Planned by the devil nun? Probably. Frank and the orderlies restrain Lee instead, and Frank takes him back to solitary confinement. The devil nun follows them and slits Frank’s throat with Sister Jude's razor. Poor guy. He never seemed to have a clue about….anything.

 

 

Ever the social butterfly, Dr. Arden lets Sister Jude into the asylum and escorts her to her office to try to free Sister Mary Eunice from possession. She begins to pray before taking on the large task ahead of her. Instead of Sister Mary Satan, however, Lee joins Jude, and the devil nun locks the two of them in the office together. I knew Arden was lying to her – it was wayyyyy too out of character for him to want Sister Jude’s help. Seems Lee did not appreciate all of the time he spent in solitary thanks to Sister Jude, and he is eagerly prepared to torture and kill her.  He beats the crap out of her, eventually caning her over desk the way she had punished so many others. Holding a cane high he yells, “There is no God, but there IS a Santa Claus!!!”

 

It’s starting to look like this may be it for Jude, as he is relentlessly throwing her around the room now and striking her repeatedly. She is able to grab a letter opener from her desk, and as Lee mounts her, she stabs him in the neck. Hooray!

 

We visit Stupid Lana now who is puking her guts out in a bedpan. Oh yeah. She has to be preggers. If I was only suspicious last week, I'm pretty damn sure this week. She wanders a bit, because that’s what the patients at Briarcliff are allowed to do, and she finds Kit Walker. He is dreaming about celebrating Christmas with a pregnant Alma…and then a pregnant Grace. He looks pretty good in that turtleneck though. When he wakes up, he sees a Stupid (pregnant) Lana. She informs him that according to the radio, the police are still looking for him and have no idea he is back at Briarcliff. She’s able to listen to the radio too? What the hell? Kit tells her that Grace is dead, and Stupid Lana confirms Kit’s innocence for him by telling him that Thredson is Bloody Face. Good talk, guys.

 

Stupid Lana sneaks off again to call for help, and who should be waiting in the very dark room that has a phone? Dr. Bloody Face of course! Seems the car accident she was in made headlines in the local papers: “Escaped Mental Patient Returns to Ward.” Thredson tells her he has disposed of any and all evidence that he is Bloody Face and informs her that her betrayal cannot go unpunished. After all, he gave her his “intimacy.” Ew. He begins to strangle her and Kit bursts in to save the day, knocking Thredson out. And then they are going to kill him right? Nope. Kit needs him alive to prove his innocence. Because he’ll just confess? Sigh. Their master plan is to tie him up and “hide” him behind mattresses. Really? Before she leaves the room, Stupid Lana promises Thredson that she will bury him someday. Why not nowwwwwwwwwww?

 

 

As the episode draws to a close…some housekeeping remains. Now that Frank has been silenced, Dr. Creepy proceeds to dispose of Grace’s body through the death chute. Sudden lights and piercing noises bring him to his knees, and when he is able to see again, Grace’s body is gone…taken by the aliens. Wait, so the spacemen want a dead Grace? When are we going to get some answers on the alien front?!?!

 

We only have one more episode before American Horror Story goes on hiatus until 2013. Next week’s show promises more information about the modern day Bloody Face (has to be the bun in Stupid Lana’s oven), and it looks as though Sister Jude may not have to leave Briarcliff after all. How many cliffhangers do we have to look forward to in the final 2012 episode? I say there are still several twists in store for us.