AHS Coven: Come on babe, why don't we paint the town?

With Halloween over AHS: Coven is moving away from zombies but not necessarily away from the dead. The title of tonight’s episode is “The Axeman Cometh” and we are introduced to an interesting and twisted character.  We also check in on some familiar faces we haven’t seen in a while and get some answers to several lingering questions. Here’s where we are:

 

Jazz Hands

We flash back to 1919 where The Axeman roams the streets of New Orleans, killing its inhabitants at will. The Axeman is based on a real person and is played here by Danny Huston.  He arms himself with a suitcase for his saxophone which also doubles as a carrier for his murder weapon. Is he crazy? Crazy about Jazz.  The killer places an advertisement in the newspaper stating that he will take more lives but will only choose victims in houses that are not playing jazz music. Curious. The ladies of Miss Robichaux’s Academy won’t stand for this. Led by Lily (played by Meryl Streep’s daughter, Grace Gummer), the young witches rebel against the wishes of The Axeman. As he strolls through New Orleans he is pleased to hear jazz music playing loudly from each house….each house but Miss Robichaux’s.  Shrill opera music beckons The Axeman to the upstairs bedrooms of the house where he finds Lily and some tarot cards. She flips over the “death” card and suddenly the witches surround him, stabbing The Axeman repeatedly Julius Caesar style.

 

Stupid Zoe?

Still on a mission to find Madison, Zoe searches the missing witch’s room searching for clues. Seems Madison has a storage area filled with pictures of the past residents of the academy. Zoe shares this information with Precious Queenie and Nan, showing them that each class picture shows fewer and fewer witches. She tells her sister witches that they all need to look out for each other…that they are all dying off. Zoe then whips out a spirit board to try to contact Madison. They make contact with a spirit right away – the spirit of someone murdered in the house. It’s The Axeman. Way to go Zoe.

In their research the young witches discover The Axeman’s gruesome past. Nan and Precious Queenie each have a brain in their heads so they want nothing more to do with the spirit board or The Axeman. Stupid Zoe (that’s her name now) contacts the killer again, telling him that she will release him if he reveals Madison’s location. The spirit spells out the word “attic” on the board and Stupid Zoe is reunited with Madison’s decomposing remains. Ew.

The girls tie Spalding up and torture him. Nan is brought in to read his mind (why couldn’t we have gone this route several episodes ago?) and Spalding admits to killing Madison. The way Nan translates his narratives about sex with her corpse is hilarious. The witches aren’t buying his story…they don’t think Spalding killed Madison but they are pretty sure he knows what happened to her.

It’s Going To Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Fiona tries her hand at chemotherapy and as she sits through the treatment she discovers that she has the power to read the minds of the patients around her. She explains to the doctor that she’s only doing this for Cordelia. Her daughter needs her now and she wants to beat cancer. Fiona also says that she’s not ready to go yet….that she wants one more great love affair…just to “belong to somebody.”

 

Cordelia makes it home from the hospital and Fiona is there to welcome her. Hank tries to help his wife into bed, but when he touches her…she again sees him getting it on with Kaylee. “Who is she? Who is the red head?” Ha! You’re screwed, Hank. She tells him to get out and he goes quietly. Fiona is thrilled to see this all unfold and starts to comfort her daughter. When Fiona touches Cordelia, however, Cordelia sees Myrtle burning at the stake. She can’t believe Myrtle would ever try to hurt her….and Fiona also leaves the room with her tail between her legs.

The Witch Hunter

So we knew Hank is a killer…and we knew he’s pretty rambunctious in the sack. What we did not know was – he is a witch hunter employed by Marie. He accuses Marie of attacking Cordelia, which she immediately denies, and he explains that Cordelia has a second sight now and the jig is up. Seems Hank has not only been knocking off the witches at the academy over the years, he has also been tracking and killing other Salem witch descendants as well. He’s successfully slayed 9 descendants in 3 years.
 

We flash back to a time where Kaylee (yay!) visited Miss Robichaux’s Academy. She apparently has the power to start fires with her mind when she’s angry and she isn’t quite sure what to do about it. She decides the school is not for her because she wants a normal life with a husband and kids. Hank listens in on the conversation Kaylee has with Cordelia and knows exactly how to lure her in.

Marie scolds Hank…telling him he’s in love with Cordelia and has turned soft. His judgement has been clouded and he has allowed the current witches at Miss Robichaux’s to run amuck (I’ve been dying to throw in a Hocus Pocus reference). Marie then has the line of the night though: “When I plant a fat ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted.” HA!!!! Marie wants all of their heads, including Cordelia’s. She tells Hank that if he kills them all…she will let him live.

Misty’s Magic Touch

Off in Misty Day land, Myrtle is being nursed back to help which makes me very happy. And I had almost forgotten about our modern day Frankenstein when he shows up in her…garden? Is that what that area is? Regardless, Misty takes Kyle in her house and bathes him while listening to Stevie Nicks. He seems to be having flashbacks to a time when his mother also, um, assisted his naked body and he flips out. He even breaks Stevie which is a shame. Seriously, that’s the one thing Misty has going for her in her solitude. Stupid Zoe walks in just as Misty calls him a monster and she orders him out of her house.
 

Stupid Zoe didn’t just come for a visit, however. She wants Misty to bring Madison back to life. Does anybody actually die on this show!?!?! Can we please bring back Kaylee? This is getting ridiculous. Misty tries to work her magic, but it’s tough given how long Madison has been dead. Misty says she needs help and asks Zoe to push on the dead witch’s stomach. Madison promptly wakes up and asks for a cigarette. Heh. So wait. Does Stupid Zoe have the power of resurgence now or was she just able to channel her energy with Misty's? Is she becoming the next Supreme?
 

Back at the house…Madison can’t remember how she died. She only remembers “red.” She tells her friends that there is nothing on the other side. No white light. No beautiful afterlife. It’s just black.

 

I See Dead People

Cordelia struggles in her current predicament. She’s blind, her husband is a douche, and she’s realizing that her new “gift” of clarity might be more of a curse. She gets ready for bed….but someone is in the room with her....and she can kind of see him. The Axeman approaches her and demands release. She screams and Stupid Zoe realizes she pissed off the wrong spirit. She gathers Precious Queenie and Nan and thinks they are saying a spell to help The Axeman move on, but what they do instead is release him to the outside world. Again, way to go Zoe.
 

No jazz music plays on the streets but The Axeman does find a bar with suitable ambiance. Fiona is there drowning her sorrows. Her hair has begun to fall out and she’s losing hope. The Axeman sits down beside her. “Well hello, pretty lady. Whatcha drinkin?”  Is this Fiona’s last great love affair? Oh my…

  

 

And with that, the episode comes to a close. Just as everyone in Season 1 of American Horror Story seemed to die and get stuck in the murder house, everyone in Season 3 dies but then not really. So far though, it doesn’t seem like those who cheated death have had or will have a lifetime of happiness to show for it. The remaining episodes could easily prove me wrong though. Is being reborn worth it?
 

We finally have some good stuff going on with Cordelia and Hank’s revelation is an awesome twist. I missed seeing Madame LaLaurie during this hour though and I desperately need Myrtle to wake up. Will she ruin Fiona’s potential love life? With Marie wanting her head, does Fiona have a chance at all? Can Zoe be less stupid from now on? Will Cordelia’s second sight take her a step further, revealing Hank and Fiona’s roles as killers? I think shit is going to hit the fan very, very soon.