AHS Coven: Just....Ew.

Episode 3 of American Horror Story: Coven is brought to you by the letter “M.” You can take your pick of “M” words in this hour: magic, molestation, masturbation, Minotaur, murder and mayhem just to name a few. That’s right – this show just became all kinds of gross.

Stupid Cordelia

Okay, so she’s not pregnant with Satan’s spawn and I’m fairly disappointed. I would have greatly enjoyed that storyline. Instead, Stupid Cordelia is informed by her doctor that there’s just no way can she get pregnant. She feels sorry for herself for a bit and then seeks the help of Marie Laveau…hoping the voodoo witch will sacrifice a goat over her womb or something so she’ll be magically knocked up. Marie, by the way, sits on top of her snake voodoo throne playing solitaire on her iPad as this conversation begins. That gives me quite a giggle.

Side note: Really, Ryan Murphy? Can you puhlllllease give Sarah Paulson a character who isn’t painfully annoying? Can we look forward to that in Season 4...because she really is a wonderful actress.

 

Back to Stupid Cordelia’s fertility. Marie toys with her a bit, guaranteeing her pregnancy for the bargain price of $50,000.00. Wow! At that point I feel like you just go back to the doctor and do in vitro fertilization. And least no animals have to shed blood on your lady parts in that scenario…and I imagine the conditions are far more sanitary. Cordelia vows to come up with the money but Marie laughs in her face and tells her that she would never help anyone affiliated with Fiona. “You the daughter of my sworn enemy! She done messed with da wrong witch.” Mmmmmhmmmm.

 

Mommie Dearest

Zoe takes a trip to visit Kyle’s mom (played by Mare Wittingham) who seems to be some sort of hippie with a drug problem. Eh, there are worse things I guess. Mom explains that Kyle took care of her when his dad left and she’s just devastated by his death. She tells Zoe that she was seconds away from hanging herself when Zoe called to say she was coming by…

 

Seeing an opportunity to reunite mother and son, Zoe collects Frankenkyle from Misty’s humble abode and Misty is pissssssssed. She enjoys having Kyle lay next to her, staring blankly at the ceiling while listening to Stevie Nicks. Hey, it’s not a bad way to live…or not live…is he dead or not? Anywho, Misty tries to get them both to stay but Kyle is homeward bound. Zoe promises Misty she’ll come back for her but Misty knows she is lying. Oh well. There’s always Fleetwood Mac.

Kyle’s arrival at home is awkward. His mom is overjoyed, but Frankenkyle seems to go from that blank stare to a look of fear. Maybe I’m just overanalyzing?

Momma checks in on him as he is getting ready to go to sleep that night. She’s concerned because he’s “different.” Does she mean “different” because he’s not really speaking and only seems to have one or two muscles on his face that are currently working? Nah. She’s bothered by the fact that his body looks different. Um, okay. I can go along with that for the moment. She then kisses him…and then kisses him some more. Then her hand travels low beneath the blankets. Whoa. WHAT?! EWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

I guess the incestuous romp with her son isn’t what she hoped it would be, because Kyle’s mom calls Zoe to tell her Kyle is not the same person. Well duh. She informs her son that Zoe is on her way and sort of half scolds him for having a girlfriend and not telling her. Momma seems pretty delusional as she goes on to say that Kyle had needed “it” as much as much as she did…but now it’s okay for him to move on with his life. Frankenkyle begins to emerge now as she kisses him and talks about pleasing him. He beats her to death with one of his trophies. Enter a very disturbed Zoe and we have ourselves a cliffhanger.

 

Karma is a Bitch

Liiiiiiiiiiiies!

When we first see Madame LaLaurie this episode she sits in the corner of the bedroom weeping while watching TV. At first I assume that she is still adapting to 21^st century technology, but then I realize she’s watching Barack Obama give a speech. Oh man. If she thought bumping into Precious Queenie was traumatic, how will she handle this?  Fiona tries to educate her – tells her that the United States has had black Secretaries of State, Supreme Court Justices, etc…but Madame LaLaurie is having none of it. “That magic box lies!” Fiona, in turn, notifies Madame LaLaurie that she is the new maid of the house and those duties shall include waiting on Precious Queenie hand and foot. Heh. Fantastic.

Madame LaLaurie and Precious Queenie spend the evening together, the voodoo witch demanding food and the new maid clarifying that Precious Queenie is far too fat already. I’m actually enjoying their little exchange, but the banter is interrupted by the Minotaur outside the house. Madame LaLaurie is terrified and tells Precious Queenie exactly who she is. I wonder for a second if our sassy witch will throw the former slave torturer against a wall, but Madame LaLaurie saves herself by telling Precious Queenie that the Minotaur was a house boy who “violated” her daughter. I think that’s up for interpretation.

 

Nonetheless, Precious Queenie orders Madame LaLaurie to hide and heads outside to take on the Minotaur. The beast corners her in the greenhouse and she proceeds to tell him that everyone deserves love….crying and meaning every word of her speech. I feel sorry for her. Briefly. Precious Queenie then begins to touch herself (using her voodoo powers to please the Minotaur as well), and I am completely grossed out. Again…EWWWWWWW.

 

The Boy Next Door

The young witches practically drool over the hunky new next door neighbor who, I might add, shouldn’t wear a shirt for the rest of the season. Luke Ramsey has just moved to town with his mom, Joan…played by Patti LuPone! Oh my God. I’m geeking out right now. This woman is a Broadway legend. Thank you, Ryan Murphy.

 

Madison gets herself all slutted up and takes Nan with her to welcome Luke to the neighborhood. Nan has baked him a cake, and he is far more interested in dessert than Madison’s remarks about his “package.” Luke doesn’t even realize Madison is famous. He begins to tell the girls that he doesn’t have internet or TV when Joan arrives to shoo the witches away. It’s time for church, after all, and Momma is extremely religious. Madison expresses her own thoughts about Jesus and in the process of verbally offending her new neighbors, she also sends a knife flying and mentally sets fire to the curtains. Not a good idea, kid.

 

The Supremes

We flash back to 1971 where a young Fiona swaps insults with the Anna-Lee, the current Supreme (played by Christine freaking Ebersole… my theater cup runneth over tonight!). We learn that as the next Supreme in line gets older and stronger, the reigning Supreme gets weaker. They are linked to one another. Anna-Lee swears she will see Fiona burn in hell before she ever lets her take over her throne. “Save me a spot,” Fiona says, as she cuts Anna Lee’s throat. Nooooooo! At least let her sing first – she’s a Tony Award winning actress for crying out loud! Sigh. A very creepy looking Dennis O’Hare lingers to clean up after Fiona’s mess, and we revert back to present day…

Fiona sits at the dining room table downing some liquor when Joan Ramsey arrives baring the Bible. She tells Fiona about Madison’s antics. Fiona’s eyes shift. She wants to hear more. Arson? Fire? The slutty witch young witch appears just then to insult her new neighbor again, and a very distraught Joan leaves the house…but with a warning for the witches to stay away from her home and family.  

 

The Supreme witch seems to have something up her sleeve when she invites Madison for a night on the town. They play pool, they pick up boys, they drink up...then drink up some more. When they return to the house, we learn that Madison is the next Supreme. Fiona tells Madison that Madison’s powers are growing because Fiona’s life force is pouring out of her body. She reveals that she has cancer and will not last the year. Fiona also admits that she was a shitty Supreme and is ready to pass the torch. She takes out the knife she used to cut Anna-Lee’s throat and tries like hell to get Madison to take her place as the head of the coven. Madison cries, screams, and refuses to use the knife. Fiona’s rage and frustration builds and she slits Madison’s throat. A creepy, older Dennis O’Hare arrives again to clean up the mess. The final line of the episode is: “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme – it needs a new rug.”

 

So, as many times as I yelled “ewwwwwww!” at the TV screen, this was quite an episode. We saw several struggles for power: Kyle vs. his disgusting mother…young Fiona vs. Anna Lee…old Fiona vs. Madison….and even Madame LaLaurie vs. Queenie. The battle between dark magic and full on evil shit is now further complicated by the arrival of the Bible beaters. Will Joan Ramsey join in on the diva struggle? Can Patti hang with Angela, Kathy and Jessica or will she be killed in the next few episodes? Who the hell is Cordelia’s daddy? Is it Dennis O’Hare and his creepy butler/groundskeeper character? I’m really liking how everything is starting to build. Bring on the next episode!

AHS Coven: The Perfect Man?

The second episode of American Horror Story: Coven provides a bit more background to our characters as the budding (and former) rivalries between the big divas of the show. We also witness the reappearance of a few dead, but not really dead, but mostly dead characters and I’m completely relieved by their return. Here’s where we are…

 

Stupid Cordelia (that’s her name for now):

Cordelia is having reproductive problems. She and her husband (who knew she had a husband?) consult with their doctor who tells them that the fertility drugs she’s been taking aren’t working. Cordelia’s man apparently knows all about her magical background and wants her to just use a spell to get knocked up. It’s easier, cheaper, less stressful, and she might be able to use that extra fertility treatment time keeping her students from killing people. Just sayin. So Cordelia does some sort of a dark spell complete with a pentagram, and she and her husband proceed to have evil black magic sex while covered in snakes. Chances are she now has a demon baby in her oven. Stupid Cordelia.

 

The Youngins:

We learn that Precious Queenie arrived at Miss Robichaux's Academy via one nasty customer service incident. She was formerly a manager at a Popeye’s or something like it. Holy stereotypes, Batman! Really? The heavy African-American girl worked at a fried chicken place? Classy stuff, AHS. Anywho, there was a dude there who acted incredibly rude, calling Precious Queenie awful names while trying to secure an extra piece of chicken. The lengths to which some people go to for good soul food… She retaliated by shoving her arm in a fryer and scorching the dude up. As Precious Queenie explains this story she also lets us know she’s descended from Tituba, a very famous house slave from Salem. I assume we will hear much more about this in the episodes to come.

When we first see Zoe in the hour, she is reading the obituary for our dearly departed frat boy, Kyle. Madison interrupts, apologizes (but doesn’t really mean it) and says it was for the best. After all, if they were to take their relationship too much further, he would have succumbed to her toxic vagina. Again, sucks to be Zoe.

The girls’ conversation is cut short when they are called into Stupid Cordelia’s office for questioning. Seems the local police are onto the young witches. One of the detectives calls Zoe out on visiting the douchebag fraternity guy who survived the bus accident. He links her visit and douchebag’s death to the death of Zoe’s former boyfriend, Charles.  Zoe freaks out almost immediately and tells the detectives everything. Oh good lord. Can I punch her? Can someone? Thankfully, Fiona steps in does better than that. She employs some pretty phenomenal brainwashing and the two detectives forget everything and are allowed to leave (mostly) unharmed. Fiona then throws both girls against the wall and tells them “The weakest of us are better than the best of them. The only thing you have to be afraid of is me.” Duly noted. I’m still waiting to see how much strength it’s going to take her to send Queenie flying…

 

And how do the two young witches handle their scolding? Do they lay low? Take the day to help Queenie get over her distressing Popeye’s experience? Nah. Zoe and Madison break into the morgue with a resurrection spell. Throughout the room they find various parts of the fraternity boys on the bus, including Kyle’s. And yup, they think this is the perfect opportunity to make their own Frankenstein. Frankenkyle maybe? Yeah, I like that. This is really Zoe’s only chance at love. I imagine her toxic vagina will have no effect on a dead man.  

 

The Frankenkyle spell works, but only after Madison thinks it failed and leaves Zoe alone with all of the dead bodies/parts. As Zoe drives off with Frankenkyle, Misty Day pops up in the back seat of the car. Lily Rabe is back! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Sure, she’s only really haunting the land, but I was SO pissed last week when I thought she had just made a cameo. Misty takes the young lovebirds home to her shack and vows to nurse Frankenkyle back to health.  They listen to “Rhiannon” and Misty tells Zoe that Stevie Nicks is “The White Witch. The only witch before you I've ever known.” Oh how she makes me smile.

 

The Divas:

Fiona has quite the smell coming from her chambers….tends to happen when you have a woman who’s been buried for almost 200 years tied to a chair in your bedroom. After Nan shoos Madame LaLaurie from the house, Fiona finds her sitting outside her old home, and Madame LaLaurie finally tells her story.  She’s not dead at all. She’s immortal after being tricked by “The Black Devil.” You see, Angela Bassett (I now know her character name is Marie Laveau, another real person) didn’t poison her after all. Instead when Madame LaLaurie woke up from the love potion slumber, she found Marie outside of her house with a mob. They had hung Madame LaLaurie’s family, and I was surprised to see her display such grief over these deaths...well, just her daughters. She had apparently planned to kill her husband anyway. Having murdered Madame LaLaurie’s family, Marie explained that she had given her everlasting life, not a love potion. Madame LaLaurie was then buried alive but wishes nothing more than to die at this point.

Somehow Marie Laveau bestowed immortality (or one hell of a youth spell) upon herself as well. She now owns a salon nearby. Fiona shows up to get her hair did and the two engage in perhaps my favorite discussion in all three AHS seasons. Fiona claims the white witches are superior. Marie claims those witches learned everything from the Voodoo witches…with Tituba starting everything with her power of necromancy. Fiona is offended. Marie continues to do Fiona’s hair and they go back and forth oh so cordially as if they were simply discussing competing fast food chains (shout out to Precious Queenie). The high point for me is when Jessica Lane interjects “no more spray” then continues on without missing a beat. Amazing.

 

Neither woman wins the argument, but Fiona does threaten to set the place on fire before she leaves. Marie knows Fiona has the upper hand and a battle is coming…or so she tells…the MINOTAUR!!! Whoa! He’s still around too?! I have to hand it to Angela Bassett – Tina Turner has nothing on her.

 

The episode ends there and I’m pretty satisfied. We now have some longevity for Lily Rabe and Evan Peters, we know Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett have been around a long time and have quite the score to settle, and we have Jessica Lange just being fantastic. I’m not sure that I care at all about Cordelia’s storyline just yet, but I imagine as her demon baby (seems we need one of those every season) takes shape, she’ll get more interesting. For now though I just giggle in anticipation of the Bates/Lange/Bassett grouping and can’t wait for next week.

AHS Coven: Hell Hath No Fury

We start the Season 3 journey at Kathy Bates’ house in 1834. The newest member to the AHS family plays  Madame LaLaurie (who actually existed), and as the show opens she is throwing some sort of party at her New Orleans plantation. She introduces the gentlemen callers to her three daughters, the youngest of which speaks of her talents in the boudoir…so we already know this girl is a slut. Momma’s not happy.

Cut to Madame LaLaurie getting ready for bed and putting on a little foundation before sleep. Oh no wait. That’s blood. Whatever floats your boat, lady. Her face-painting is interrupted by news that her youngest has been cavorting with the help - seems they were caught having a romp after the party. Momma has gone from not happy to furious and proceeds to beat the shit out of her kid. The horny slave takes quite a beating too. Madame LaLaurie orders the slave to be chained up in her attic, where she apparently makes a habit of torturing slaves. Everyone has their hobbies I guess. Inspired by the Greek mythology stories her father read to her growing up, Momma puts a bull’s head on the horny slave and her version of a minotaur is born.

 

After we see the opening credits (which are gross by the way) we jump to present day. Season 1 vet Taissa Farminga introduces us to her character, Zoe. So Zoe is not quite a slut…but she does bring her boyfriend Charlie home with her in an effort to lose her virginity. Somehow during the act though Charlie has a nosebleed…which then turns into blood pouring from several areas, convulsions, then death. The coroner’s report stated Charlie died of a brain aneurysm, but Zoe finds out later that she’s a witch and caused the death herself. That news has to be met with mixed emotions…

 

“Honey, you’re a witch.”

“Woohoo!”

“But you have a toxic vagina.”

“Damn it.”

After the Men in Black and Frances Conroy/old Moira/the Angel of death (no idea what her character's name is yet)  come to Zoe’s house to take her away, she journeys to New Orleans to a school “for people like her.” Giving us a history lesson, she notes that after the Salem witch trials many witches fled south ending up in Louisiana. When she arrives at Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, we know we are in for one hell of a ride. This friendly looking place was established as a finishing school in 1790. During the Civil War it was converted into a hospital before finally being transformed to a safe haven for young witches.

 

Zoe explores the long white corridors as she searches for signs of life in this place. She hears people running around…playing tricks on her. At first I think it’s the guys from Eyes Wide Shut but to my relief they are students themselves:

·         Madison (Emma Roberts) is a young actress with a temper. She’s telekinetic and can make things explode when she’s pissed off. 

·         Queenie (I’m going to have a hard time not calling her “Precious”) is essentially a human voodoo doll. She herself doesn’t feel the pain, but her targets better watch out.

·         Nan (played by Season 1’s Jamie Brewer) is the resident sweetheart and a clairvoyant.

This season Stupid Lana plays Cordelia Foxx, the headmistress of the Academy. She escorts Zoe throughout the house and the camera angle on the staircase in this place is pretty awesome…it’s a long staircase, like the stairway to heaven in Asylum, but it splits off in two directions. Perhaps representing good magic vs. bad magic? Or maybe the regular witches vs. the “supremes?” Cordelia explains to us that supremes are witches with countless gifts. To my disappointment Diana Ross is not making an appearance this season.

 

Elsewhere Jessica Lange watches monkey research hoping to find the secret to eternal life.  She plays Fiona, a witch looking to maintain her youth at any cost. Fiona tries to coerce the monkey research doctor into giving her an experimental drug he’s been working on, but no dice.

How does one deal with this disappointment? Well with cocaine, cigarettes and dancing alone near the windows of her house of course! She turns on the news to see Lily Rabe...who this season plays Misty Day (totally a porn name), a witch with the power of resurgence. The news channel reports that Misty was burned at the stake and Fiona is pisssssed. So am I. I love Lily Rabe. Ryan Murphy giveth and Ryan Murphy taketh away….bummer. Fiona’s rage is interrupted by the monkey doctor at her door. She asks him once again for the youth drug. He says no, she starts some witchy shit, and he’s donezo. Fiona kisses him and literally sucks the life out of him. I’ll never look at the phrase “sucking face” the same way again.

When we next see Cordelia, she is hard at work with has her own version of Breaking Bad. I'm not sure what she's cooking up in her lab but something tells me she has quite a few tricks up her sleeve. Fiona shows up and we learn that they are mother and daughter. Fiona is a supreme, by the way, and she’s none too pleased that Cordelia isn’t the witch she could have been. Okay so Cordelia has mommy issues.

Meanwhile Madison and Zoe head out to a fraternity party because they are young girls and should completely ignore their deadly powers for the night and drink some really cheap beer. Zoe meets Kyle, played by AHS vet Evan Peters, and Kyle is a responsible member of a rival fraternity. It’s love at first sight, but Zoe knows if she bangs him, he’s done for.

Madison, on the other hand, meets one of Kyle’s douchebag fraternity brothers. She tells him he can be her slave and commands him to get her another drink. When this horny slave asked what he’ll get in return, Madison responds: “slaves get nothing.” Well that’s not really true, is it? The horny slave slips something in her drink and Madison is pretty much gang raped with Kyle’s other douchebag brothers taking videos. Kyle tries to stop them but they flee to their bus, knocking out Kyle as he enters the vehicle to attack them. Madison walks out to the street calmly and blows up the bus as it drives away. Problem solved? Nope. While Kyle died in the crash, the head rapist douchebag survived. Zoe visits him in the in the hospital and gives him and aneurysm  via a hand job and some sex. Now that’s what I call teamwork.

Fiona finds out about these shenanigans and scolds the girls the next morning, throwing Madison against the wall when she starts to get mouthy. She then takes the girls on a field trip to Madame LaLaurie’s house, which is now a historical site with tours. The guide tells them that the house is famous for 179 years worth of hauntings. She also says Nicolas Cage is a previous owner….so chances are it’s the angry spirits of his dead career haunting the house and not Kathy Bates. The guide also explains that Madame LaLaurie met her demise when a voodoo-y Angela Bassett poisoned her ass with a “fidelity potion.” Apparently the horny slave had been Angela Bassett’s lover and she wanted revenge. Wow. He got around. We find out that Madame LaLaurie’s body was never found…but Nan knew immediately that she had been buried in an unmarked grave across the street. Fiona and some unidentified friends dig up Madame LaLaurie and man she looks good for a dead woman. That blood mask she put on every night must have had some serious anti-aging powers.   “Come on, Mary Todd Lincoln” beckons Fiona. “I’ll buy you a drink.” Fantastic.

 

This ends the first episode of Coven.  We’ve been provided with quite a setup for the season, and I’m beyond thrilled to see what’s coming next. Is Misty Day really gone? Will we see Kyle again? What role will the minotaur play? What’s the deal with Angela Bassett? I assume she’s still around too? The rivalry between these women as already pretty amazing, and I hope it only gets better from here.

 

American Horror Story: Coven

I have to say…it’s been a long 8 months without American Horror Story. I’ve been reading blogs, scouring through YouTube and other sites for trailers and interviews, and really just yearning for the return of AHS. Season 1 was amazing. Season 2 took a bit of a downward turn only because there was a ton of content, but the storylines weren’t always consistent…and wrapping them up (the ones that were wrapped up) seemed to happen in a flash. The performances is Season 2, however, far surpass the first season. As Coven approaches, I hope that we have the best of both worlds. If we could revert back to one overall theme, but include spellbinding characters (see what I did there?), I would be so grateful. With a witchy premise, a cast that includes Jessica Lange duking it out with Angela Bassett and Kathy Bates…Kathy freakin’ Bates…I think to myself: “How could this go wrong?” I’m sticking to that frame of mind for the time being. Can’t WAIT for this to start.

AHS Asylum: That's All She Wrote

Welcome to the Season 2 finale of American Horror Story. I’ll be honest and say that it took me over a week to post this blog entry because I didn’t really want the season to be over…and I’ve also been processing this final episode in my brain since it aired. There were a lot of loose ends to tie up going into this hour, and for the most part, we get the answers we’ve been looking for…

 

The episode opens (as did the first episode – nice touch) with Leo and Teresa making their way into Briarcliff to explore the asylum as part of their haunted honeymoon. What they don’t know is Johnny Morgan, our Modern Day Bloody Face, is doing his own sightseeing there as well. We know now that it was Johnny who cut off Leo’s arm in episode 1, and unfortunately for the lovebirds as well as the Bloody Face teenage fans, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The rest of the finale is told through a present-day interview with Stupid Lana. Yes, I’m still pissed at her. Seems she will be receiving an award at the Kennedy Center Honors and the Kennedy Center crew is putting together a video package for the ceremony. Stupid Lana has found fame and fortune at this point and even love….her partner is an opera singer and they have a lavish home together in New York.  

During the interview we learn that Stupid Lana did go back to Briarcliff several years after she and Kit met for coffee and he told her she sucked. Arriving through the death chute (which should just be marked as the main entrance at this point), Stupid Lana took a cameraman into the asylum so she could document her great act of liberating the inmates and revealing the deteriorating conditions in Briarcliff. The inhabitants were indeed living in fifth, malnourished and covered in feces. This exposé set Stupid Lana up for her future career of investigative journalism and revealing the truth behind the world’s shadiest of characters.

 

The first shady character on her list was Cardinal Timothy Howard. She confronted him that year, on camera of course, as he was on his way to Easter mass. She informed him that the world now knew about his dealings with Dr. Arden due to documentation found in the asylum...including the human experiments conducted under the former Monsignor’s reign.  This confrontation caused him to slit his wrists in a bathtub shortly thereafter.

Stupid Lana had hoped to free Sister Jude as part of this documentary as well, but the former nun was nowhere to be found. She did find paperwork on Betty Drake, the alias given to Jude by Monsignor Timothy before he left Briarcliff, and she discovered that Betty Drake had been released to Kit Walker just after they had spoken. So off she went to Kit’s house, camera crew in tow, to try to catch a reunion on film. Kit, however, wanted no part of the documentary, but he did agree to tell Lana what happened to the Jude.

After discovering Jude was still alive, Kit had started visiting Jude at Briarcliff. He eventually brought her home to live with him and help raise his children. He explained to Lana: “I didn’t do it for her. I didn’t really do it for me. I did it for the kids. I needed to be there for them, and the only way I could leave Briarcliff behind once and for all was to find some way to forgive. Someone to forgive.”

Jude had her ups and downs at Kit’s house in the beginning. She first had to go through a detox from all of the asylum’s happy pills. Then there were also times she believed she was still the head of Briarcliff (there is a hilarious scene where she chases little Thomas around with a broom while she threatens to kick his ass). But one day Thomas and Julia took her by the hand and led her out into the woods behind the house. They must have done some weird alien healing stuff to her (Pepper comes to mind here), because when she returned to the house she was good to go. Jude spent her final 6 months or so loving life at the Walker house, teaching Kit and the kids to swing dance and becoming a mother/grandmother figure to the family.

Jude’s health finally started to wear down, and she talked with the kids while she was on her death bed. She told Julia to never let a man tell her who she is or make her feel like she is less than he is. Her words of wisdom to Thomas were to never take a job just for the money – to do something important that he would love instead. The children referred to her as “Nana” when Kit shooed them away in Jude’s final moments. He promised not to leave her alone, but she was already prepared for The Angel of Death who lurked in the corner.

“Jude, we’ve been doing this dance for so many years. Are you sure you’re ready this time?”

“I’m sure. I’m ready now. Kiss me.”

And yes, this entire portion of Jude’s story got to me and made me very emotional. I’m so glad that she was able to find happiness in the end and make a difference in the lives of children. Jude had spent so many years wracked with guilt thinking she had accidentally killed a child, and to have Julia call her “Nana” was beyond touching. I’m entirely satisfied with how her story ended, and I'll never be able to say enough about Jessica Lange's performance this season.  

Present day Lana takes an interview break at this point and a man posing as a Kennedy Center crew member brings her a sparkling water. It seems Johnny has chosen this day to confront his mother, and he glares at her when he delivers her beverage. The interview continues...

Coincidentally (or not) Lana chooses to reveal a big secret during the second half of her interview. She explains that Thredson’s baby, who she claimed in her book had died shortly after birth, is alive. He sure is. She tells a story about having guilt over giving him up for adoption and checking up on him at a school playground in the 1970s. A young boy at the time, Johnny was bullied much like his father was growing up. Lana stuck up for him, helping him off the ground and putting his glasses back on him…reminding her for sure of Thredson. She put her hand on his cheek and then he left. This was the only time she saw him. “But I thought about him so often, wondering where he was, how he turned out.”

This encounter led her back to Kit Walker and his family, and Lana tells her interviewer that she became close with Kit’s kids which helped her fill the void left by not raising any children of her own.  We also learn that Kit married a girl named Allison and they all became one big happy family with Lana as the children’s godmother. Thomas grew up to become a law professor at Harvard and Julia became a neurosurgeon at John’s Hopkins.

And now we reach the end of Kit’s story. At around the age of 40 he developed pancreatic cancer. His fight was brief and he spent his last couple of months under a nurse’s care in his home. Lana mentions that the kids offered to take care of him but he did not want to burden them. I’m not sure where Allison was during all of this. One day, however, Kit just disappeared. We as viewers see him rolling his wheelchair down the hallway and the bright alien invasion lights take over the screen. We can assume that they took him, cured him, and hopefully refrained for probing him anymore. His kids must have been clued in to his abduction because they insisted a funeral was not necessary…that there was no reason to mourn. There is no mention at all of Allison. What was the point in having her around at all?

Now I will say that the way Kit’s story ends is very disappointing to me. This was as rushed as Grace and Alma’s deaths to me and Kit deserved far more than that. What we got was 3 minutes of “Kit got married to someone who seems meaningless to the plot, then he got cancer, then the aliens came for him. But it’s okay. Mourning wasn’t necessary.” These 3 minutes also bring us to the end of the alien storyline, so we never quite figure out why the hell they were obsessed with him to begin with.  If he was so amazing, shouldn’t Allison have had alien spawn with him too? I guess we’ll never know. Moving on (unhappily).

The interview comes to an end and everyone leaves. Lana starts to pour herself a drink…and reaches for two glasses. Wait. What? “Can I pour you a drink? Why don’t you come out now? No need to hide,” she says. “Not anymore.” Johnny enters the room. She knew who he was all along. Detectives had paid her a visit with photos of Johnny after he became a suspect in several murders, including the deaths of the elderly couple who was living in Oliver Thredson’s old house. Would she have told her interviewer the story of guilt she felt for her long lost son if he hadn’t been in her house? Probably not.

Mother and son chat over a drink. She tells him he looks like his father. He tells her that he knew he was her son when she helped him that day on the playground – that he felt something. He would see her on TV and tell people she was his mother and they would laugh at him. Johnny had hopes that she would come back for him or reach out to find him when he got older. After he bought Thredson’s confession tape on eBay (yup, shout out to eBay), he decided he hated her. Thredson had pled with Lana to keep the baby and she told him over and over again on tape that she didn’t want his baby.

Johnny sits on the coffee table in front of Lana and face to face they size each other up. He is eager to finish his daddy's work. She keeps her cool until he pulls a gun on her holds it against her head....then she starts to sweat a little and needs to do some quick thinking. Time to regroup. Johnny explains that he just wants to make his father proud, but he just can't seem to measure up. She tells him his father was a monster. She calls him “baby” and starts to play the mom role just as she had done with Thredson. She puts her hand to his cheek once more. “You could never be like him. Not that sweet little boy I saw on the playground. Even then I knew you were a better man that he was. It’s not just him that’s in you. I’m a part of you too.” With these soothing words, Lana is able to lower Johnny’s gun. He sobs and tells her that he's hurt people. Mother tells him “It’s not your fault, baby. It’s mine.” Then she puts a bullet in his head.

The screen flashes back to 1964 and I start to freak out because I think there’s a twist coming. No twist though. Just Lana and Jude’s first meeting at Briarcliff - the journalist hungry for a story and the nun who dismisses her as “Lana banana.” Jude gives her unsolicited advice and and cautions Lana on her ambitious nature. “Just remember…if you look in the face of evil, evil’s going to look right back at you.” Lana heads out the doors of Briarcliff and we can hear Kit being escorted in from outside. Jude turns back toward the stairway to Heaven, glances at the statue of the Virgin Mary, then makes her way outside to meet the newest asylum resident.  

 

And that’s that. All in all, there were not many surprises in this finale. The fact that Lana knew who Johnny was from the moment she saw him was clever, but we all knew there would be a showdown between the two. And because Lana has been Ryan Murphy’s favorite character all season, I’m not shocked that she is the last one standing. It’s no secret that I was not a Lana fan. I think Jude had moments of redemption and Kit served his role as a Christ figure well. But Lana? I never found myself rooting for her….not even when her son had a gun to her head. All of her "moments" this season were shrouded in her selfish tendencies. But even though she was Stupid Lana to me, Sarah Paulson did an amazing job portraying her.

 

Also, If the season was going to end up being all about Lana’s struggle, then perhaps we didn’t need multitude of other subplots. In 13 episodes we had demon possessions, The Angel of Death, Nazi hunters, human experiments, flesh-eating mutants, alien abductions, suicidal drifters, molested axed-murderers, bloodthirsty Santas, homicidal children, Anne Frank (but not really), and more breastfeeding than I ever cared to see. Here’s hoping Season 3 is simpler…

With that in mind, Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson and Lily Rabe have all signed on for another season, and Season 1's Taissa Farmiga (Violet) is rumored to be the lead character. Ryan Murphy promises us glamor which means my earlier Salem witch trials theory is probably wrong, but maybe we’ll get some sort of modern day witchcraft anyway. We have a long time to wait, but I will absolutely be chomping at the bit until the series returns. In the meantime, I'll be on the lookout for other shows to add to this blog. Stay tuned…

AHS Asylum: I'm Sorry... WHAT?

Welcome to the most confusing episode in AHS history. Last year at this time, we had no idea that Season 2 of American Horror Story would have a new storyline with new characters, so we went into the finale thinking “What the hell? We’re going to have a Season 2 with all dead characters?” But now we know each season will be that way, so surely the second to last episode of this season will start giving us answers, right? RIGHT?....

 

The episode opens in 1967, three years after Kit and Lana entered the asylum. We are in Kit’s house now where the camera pans through happy pictures of his unconventional family, followed by a shot of Kit lifting an axe from someone/something and sitting down in a chair crying and covered in blood. We then flash back to the events leading to this moment.

Kit Grace and Alma have their own Big Love thing going…living together and raising Alma and Kit’s daughter, Julia and Kit and Grace’s son, Thomas.  I miss Big Love. And I miss Chloe Sevigny (RIP Shelley).  Alma seems surprisingly okay with the fact that Kit knocked up a certified axe murderer, and I realllllly wish we had been there for that conversation. How did he explain it?

Kit: “Alma – you’re not dead! And you have a baby!”

Alma: “I’m back from outer space! And while I was getting probed, you were having sex with a murderer on a baking table. And YOU have a baby! Asshole.”

Kit: “Um, yeah. About that. Think we could all live together? You’re obviously still the ‘First Wife.’”

Regardless of how it went down, Grace is hell bent on reliving her abduction, struggling to remember the details and drawing pictures almost obsessively of the aliens. She calls one of them her “doctor.” Grace views her extraterrestrial experience as some sort of enlightenment – a life changing event she is grateful for. Alma, on the other hand, wants Grace to stop being so damn creepy because she is still terrorized by her own abduction.

Kit is passionate about the Civil Rights Movement and wants his family to participate in the local march.  He goes on and on about this not really realizing that he may have walked in on a family dispute.   When they get ready for bed that evening, Alma tells Kit that Grace’s obsession indicates that she is dwelling on the past because she is unhappy in the present. She encourages him to spend more time with her. He goes to Grace, and she explains that she’s making the drawings for the kids….that they need to know where they came from. Grace is less concerned about past memories of the alien abduction and more worried by her memories of the night she murdered her Mother and Stepfather with an axe. Fair point. He begins to give her some “special attention,” but they are interrupted by flickering lights and loud noises. Could it be another invasion? No, just some hooligans trying to set fire to their house. It happens. But Alma is inconsolable - she is clearly terrified of seeing the little green men again.

When Grace confronts Alma on the tension in the house, Alma tells her she is done with the alien talk. Alma compares the aliens to little boys plucking wings off of butterflies. They performed senseless and cruel experiments (paging Dr. Arden) that horrified her. Grace explains that their two children are miracles and one day the aliens will come back for them - that the aliens chose Kit because his mind is so open.  She starts to describe how Kit has empathy for all living things and how Alma is hiding herself away. “Is this how you want Julia to grow up? Ashamed of who she is?!”Alma slaps her across the face and shuts her up. She apologies as Kit walks in and Grace leaves the room.

That night Kit finds Grace in the living room drawing more pictures. She tells Kit she loves him, loves Alma, and loves their miracle babies. Grace also explains though that she does not want to live in isolation, that the future is coming and locked doors and shut windows won’t keep it out. Kit being so energized by the changes he hopes will come from the Civil Rights Movement is captivated by Grace as she talks….right up until the moment Alma puts an axe in Grace’s back. Twice. WHOA! The irony!  Kit jumps on Alma as she is yelling “She wanted to bring them back into our home! I couldn’t let her! We have to hide.”  He checks on Grace, who has bled out at this point, removes the axe from her back and sits on the chair. And this is where we came in….

Jumping forward again to 1968, we visit Briarcliff now where Judy is dominating a game of Candy Land. Pepper is now her right hand woman, and the two seem to be running the joint… from the inmate standpoint anyway. She can’t be bothered with the television reports that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had been assassinated – she is too busy concentrating on Peppermint Stick Forest. Enter Monsignor Timothy to deliver the news that he is leaving. He tells Judy (newly named Betty Drake because Father Jackass faked her death) that he has been appointed Cardinal of New York. He also notifies her that the Catholic Church has released Briarcliff to the state to be used as an overflow facility. Just like that, huh? Father Jackass then promises to get Judy out of the asylum. “The cruelty ends here.” Really? Cruelty? He ARRANGED for Judy to be confined in the asylum in the first place! She replies, “The cruelest thing of all, Timothy, is false hope.” False hope indeed. He’s not going to set her free.

As Judy revels in thoughts about her pending release, the overflow inmates begin to arrive…including Alma. Bummer. One of the other inmates is played by Frances Conroy and obviously is a dead ringer for the Angel of Death. Judy tells her to stay away over and over again stating she’s “not ready.” However, this woman legitimately does just seem to be a convict and wants to dethrone Judy as the Queen Bee (or Queen of Candy Land – whichever works best). She even stabs one of the other prisoners for continuing to take his medication. Clearly he did not respect her authority. The Angel look-a-like ends up as Judy’s roommate and tries to get friendly with her. When she leans in to give her a kiss as she sleeps, Judy thinks it’s the kiss of death and beats the crap out of her. However, as the security guards arrive and turn the lights on, Judy’s roommate isn’t the Angel of Death (or Frances Conroy at all). It’s just some unattractive, and perhaps unhygienic, pissed off woman instead. What?

It gets better. Judy now sits in a straight jacket in her former office where Dr. Miranda Crump is trying to bring her to her senses. She informs Judy that she’s been through five roommates in the past 2 months, which doesn’t add up for her considering she just spoke with the Monsignor the Monday before. Dr. Crump then tells Judy that Cardinal Timothy Howard moved to New York two and a half years ago and that Pepper has been dead since 1966. WHAT?!? So Judy’s just bonkers?

Side note: Jessica Lange did NOT with the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress. She lost to Julianne Moore. Here’s hoping the voters get it right at the upcoming Screen Actors Guild Awards because she is stellar at playing crazy.

Now at this point I’m thinking: why is Briarcliff still running? Did Lana give up after she found out Judy was “dead?” Well, it seems Lana had other priorities after giving birth to the son of Bloody Face. When we catch up with her, she is at her own book signing and she has become quite the celebrity. Lana reads a passage from Maniac: One Woman’s Story of Survival but it seems as though she has embellished a bit. She imagines Thredson standing up in the bookstore and calling her out on the details. An imaginary Wendy pipes up as well, blasting Lana for calling her a roommate. Granted, most “true stories” are not completely accurate accounts of the events that occurred, but Lana’s attitude is starting to put her back to Stupid Lana status.

As she signs books, Kit surprises her. She is happy to see him and gives her condolences regarding Grace. Stupid Lana explains that she has just been too busy to contact him. Kit begins to tell her about the asylum, Grace, Alma, etc. but Stupid Lana goes back to bragging about her book and the movie rights to her book. She also goes on to talk about her next book which will be about Lee Emerson, our Bad Santa. I was wondering what happened to him. He apparently killed seven nuns before he was caught again. Stupid Lana wants to call her new book Santa and the Seven Nuns. Whew. She is just so full of herself right now. Kit has had enough. He yells at her for not taking down Briarcliff and not saving Sister Jude. “You were going to be a reporter, not a cheap celebrity.” Stupid Lana explains that people change, that she’s made a life for herself, that she found a voice…blah, blah, blah. Then Kit tells her Sister Jude is still alive.

How does he know this? Kit tells Stupid Lana he visited Alma at Briarcliff to bring her art projects from the kids. Security at Briarcliff, by the way, was worse than ever. In one corner a man ripped off his catheter and played with it….in another two inmates had sex. I never thought I would long for the days of Security Guard Frank. Couldn’t Kit just take Alma out through the death chute? This seems a little ridiculous. No matter though – Alma is dead. “Her heart just stopped.” Kit stood by her bedside and apologized for failing her, Grace and the kids. Whoa. Wait. Alma’s heart just stopped? And we’re good with that? No outrage? No “THEY MURDERED MY WIFE!” How are we okay with her heart just stopping one day. American Horror Story, you are starting to piss me off.

When Kit was on his way out of the asylum that day, he ventured into the common room where he found Sister Jude. She was watching “The Flying Nun” on the television and rocking back and forth in her seat. She tells Kit the TV show is based on her life saying, “she stole my hat.” This gives me a giggle. Judy then tells Kit. “I don’t need the hat. I can fly without it. One of these days, I’m going to fly my ass right out of here.” Bonkers.  

Stupid Lana tells Kit she is sorry for all that has happened to both him and Jude but there’s nothing she can do about Briarcliff. She even goes so far as to say that every bed in that place, Sister Jude made. Stupid Lana then goes back to her book signing, and I hate her.

Our episode ends in the present day with Johnny Morgan tracking down one of the last autographed copies of Maniac at a bookstore that is going out of business. The owner does not want to give the book up, saying it was her mother’s and had inspired her mother to leave her abusive husband. Johnny claims to be Lana Winters’ son, but the book store owner tells him the son of Bloody Face died shortly after birth and he can’t have the book. He then gives her a convincing argument:

"When I see her, I am going to greet her with a polite 'Hello, Miss Winters. Do you know who I am?' And she'll shake her head in ignorance. And then I’ll present her with this book of lies. And then I’ll say, 'I'm in your book! Except I didn't die. I'm the piece of trash you threw away 48 years ago. I’m your son.' And when she fully understands who it is standing in front of her, I’ll take out my handgun, point it at her face, and pull the trigger. And finally, I will have completed my father's work. But first: I'm going to need that book!"

Not surprisingly, the owner hands the book over.

So now we are down to the season finale next week, and I have to say that this was my least favorite episode of the season. I realize they needed to start wrapping things up, but this was a little much for me. Alma kills Grace, Alma goes to Briarcliff, Alma dies with no real explanation. Judy is living happily (for the most part) at the asylum as mother hen with Pepper at her side, except she’s not because she has no concept of time, she sees the Angel of Death in other inmates, and Pepper’s dead….with no explanation. Stupid Lana is a successful writer and a massive bitch, and I honestly don’t care at this point if she prevails next week if/when she comes face to face with Johnny. Ryan Murphy indicated that there would be one person left standing at the end of the show.  I’m hoping for Kit instead of Stupid Lana. It would be awesome if Judy remained  (since her character was the survivor last season) but by present day, I feel that she would have to be either dead or reallllllly old. We have a short wait to find out, and I am borderline freaking out in anticipation of what’s to come!

AHS Asylum: The Beginning of The End

Tonight’s episode of American Horror Story opens with our modern day Bloody Face, Johnny Morgan, waiting for a visitor. When he answers his door a busty woman named Pandora is standing there, all smiles because she just gave birth three weeks ago. There’s nothing like a prostitute who has been out of work because of child bearing. Welcome back to the world of fetishes and kinks, Pandora. I will do my best to refrain from “Pandora’s Box” jokes. Maybe.

 

Anywho, Johnny had used the internet to contact Pandora and her triple Ds because much like his daddy before him, baby needs colostrum. No seriously – after some “dirty talk” regarding lactating and wet bras (gross), Johnny breastfeeds from this woman. Breast. Feeds. My first thought: EWWWWW. And...I don’t think I had a second thought. Unfortunately for Pandora though, she allows Johnny to talk about his mommy issues. He gets himself all worked up over his biological mom, eventually grabbing Pandora by the throat and screaming in her face. We can go ahead and imagine that her evening does not end well.

Back to 1960s Briarcliff now, where Kit awakens in solitary confinement. Thredson enters to assure Kit that he believes all children require love and attention and offers to allow Kit to spend time with his bouncing baby (alien?) boy. They make their way to the common room where Grace and baby Thomas are hanging out, and Thredson allows the three of them to spend some quality time together. Kit is overwhelmed by it all and finally asks Grace for some details. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been wondering “WTF?” right?

Grace then begins to explain her time away from Earth. She remembers being shot by Frank the Security Guard but when the bright light came, it was the aliens that came to get her. They impregnated her (with a baby that looks like Kit?) and her pregnancy advanced quickly because “time works differently up there.” No kidding.  Grace also tells Kit that Alma is dead, but the only reason the aliens wanted Alma and Grace is because Kit is the common link. He is “special.” Baby Thomas is also special and Grace predicts that he will change the way people think. Believing his wife to be dead, Kit looks at his newborn and then asks Grace to marry him so they can become a real family. She agrees and it’s all very adorable.

The sweet scene is interrupted, however, when Monsignor Timothy and the orderlies enter to take baby Thomas to a home for lost children. It seems the Monsignor thinks a lot of himself now that he has rid Briarcliff of the devil (and inadvertently Dr. Arden as well), and he has resumed his role as head honcho. He has also become quite the dick at this point, and I can no longer feel good about calling him Father Hotness…. Father Jackass works better for me now. He has no remorse at all as the baby is ripped out of the arms of his parents and walked out of the room. But wait. Thredson would never allow another baby to be put into the system on his watch, would he? Not if Kit gives him the confession tape….which will not be an easy feat.

Meanwhile Mother Claudia finds Stupid Lana in the bakery and tells her she is taking her from Briarcliff. She explains that Judy confessed everything that Stupid Lana had been through and hands Lana her patient file which documents the awful things that have happened to her in the asylum. Lana now sheds her stupidity (finally!), grabs Thredson’s confession tape and promises Judy that she will come back for her.  As Kit distracts Thredson, she follows Mother Claudia out of Briarcliff and hops into a cab. Thredson realizes just a bit too late that this is happening and when he runs outside to stop her, she leans forward in the cab window, holds up the confession tape…and flicks him off as the cab speeds away. Priceless! 

Knowing that he is screwed, Thredson hurries home to begin whatever escape plan he had in mind. Lana, however, is waiting for him there with a gun. She tells him that the police have the confession tape and should be arriving any moment. Thredson says he is relieved not to have to live with secrets anymore, and he reiterates that he was right about her being “the one.” He moves to make himself one last martini and we see that he has a gun stashed in the bar area. The suspense builds.

Lana asks him what happened to Wendy’s body. She wants to be able to give her former love a proper burial. Thredson wants to spare her the details, but Lana insists: “I want to know everything.” He begins to describe how he left Wendy’s body intact and put her on ice just for Lana. You see, he “practiced” with Wendy before raping Lana. How could Thredson be okay with having sex with a corpse you wonder? Well, he just turned her head around the other way and then everything worked splendidly. “Wendy allowed us to create this life you have growing inside you.” And now I’m just nauseous.

Unfortunately for Lana (and Wendy), Thredson had to take Wendy’s body apart and scatter the pieces when Lana escaped from him the first time. So…no burial for Wendy. He begins to make himself another drink as the sirens are heard approaching the house. Lana assures him that even if she kept their child, he would never see it because he would soon be on his way to the electric chair. Not so fast. Thredson is quick to remind her that he is "insane" and will most likely end up with a life sentence at Briarcliff. He reaches for the gun and Lana blows his brains out.

When we next see Lana she is putting flowers near a plot in a mausoleum. Though Wendy’s body was not recovered, this will be designated as her final resting place. Lana plans to wrap some things up (get an abortion) and then head to New York to live out her days as a famous journalist. She leaves the mausoleum surrounded by paparazzi. They all shout questions to her and she climbs into her car, rolls down the window and tells them “all I can say is…read my book.”

Back at Briarcliff Judy is becoming a constant rebel. She challenges the patients to stop taking their happy pills, and she has also developed a deep appreciation for the new jukebox. Father Jackass knows that he needs to keep her quiet. The newspapers are all publishing stories about Briarcliff and the reporters linger outside the gates hoping to speak with someone inside. I guess they don’t know about the death chute – it’s so easy to come and go as you please when you know about the death chute. 

Judy is rocking out to “Love Potion No. 9” in the common room when Father Jackass approaches her. She calls him out on relinquishing his virtue to the devil (big no-no for those who want to be Pope) and expects him to renounce his vows because of his unholy indiscretion. The Monsignor tells her he has too much to give…too much to offer. He can’t just throw it all away now because of a weak moment while being mounted by a demon. (Oh, and there’s the little matter of him MURDERING Shelley, but Judy doesn’t know about that). She is disgusted and feels ashamed that she once would have done anything for the Monsignor and she causes a scene. “I am blessed with the gift of total clarity. I am more sane now as a mad woman than I ever was as the head of Briarcliff.” Father Jackass orders her to solitary confinement.

Kit, on the other hand, is getting out of solitary confinement for good as he has been served his walking papers from Briarcliff. Now that he has been cleared of the Bloody Face murders, he is a free man. He’s not going anywhere without Grace and baby Thomas though, so he strikes a deal with Father Jackass. Technically Grace is dead – Frank shot her and Arden signed a death certificate. So no one would need to know if she is “released.” In exchange for his family, Kit promises to never speak to any of the journalists about the asylum. He promises that no one at Briarcliff will ever hear from him again.

Kit, Grace and their baby arrive home at Kit’s house. I know I am not alone when I ask: how does Kit still have his house? Do accused serial killers in insane asylums get to hold on to their houses just in case they’ve been falsely imprisoned? It’s not like we’ve seen any evidence of Kit and Alma’s families playing any kind of role in their lives. No matter though – the spare key is under the rock right where it’s supposed to be (cringe), and the house is in the same state it was during the alien invasion. The happy homecoming is short-lived, however, due to a noise coming from the bedroom. Kit approaches the intruder…only to see ALMA alive and well…and holding a baby of her own. HA! I feel that Kit could easily have his own baby mama drama reality show now.

Speaking of baby mamas, Lana is now faced with the decision of whether or not to keep her baby. She’s at a home of a doctor who performs abortions on the side and after hearing Lana’s story (though she tells the woman her name is “Jane”…interesting), the doctor is more than happy to assist. As the procedure begins however, Lana just can’t go through with it. “No more death. No more.”

Several months pass (in looking at how far along she is in her pregnancy), and Lana returns her focus to taking down Briarcliff, visiting the police to help with their investigation. Seems Mother Claudia was transferred to Puerto Rico right after she helped Lana break free, so more witnesses are needed. Lana tells the detectives that Judy can corroborate her allegations, but she hasn’t been allowed back in to Briarcliff to see her. Yeah, no kidding. Armed with a court order, she accompanies the detectives to the asylum to confront Monsignor Timothy and get Judy out of there. Father Jackass informs them that Judy hung herself and produces a death certificate to “prove” it. He also explains that because she committed suicide, she was denied a Christian burial and was cremated immediately. Convenient. Lana is soooo pissed, however, we the audience know that Father Jackass is lying. Judy is then shown in solitary confinement.

Our episode ends with Lana in a hospital after giving birth. She had asked not to see the baby, but the boy is allergic to formula and won’t stop crying. Yup – baby needs colostrum. Lana begrudgingly breastfeeds the little one, looking disgusted at first, but then eventually cradling him.

So, is Johnny Morgan truly the son of Lana and Bloody Face? Does Lana end up keeping the baby and raising him in secret? Is there some sort of twist coming where he ends up being the son of Kit and Grace? We’ll know for sure in a couple of weeks.

I also wanted to say how captivated I was during this episode. It was brilliantly directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon, and the camera angles, music and split screens were a throwback to Brian De Palma films, with some Alfred Hitchcock thrown in, and I LOVED every bit of it.