AHS Asylum: Nevermind. Not THAT Anne Frank.

Sorry kids – seems I got all excited about the Anne Frank storyline on American Horror Story for nothing. Well, almost nothing. More on that later. Sister Jude, all worked up over Dr. Arden possibly being a war criminal, reverts to Judy (but not Slut Judy…not just yet) to pay a visit to Sam Goodman, a Nazi hunter. She brings him what little information she has on Briarcliff’s resident physician. The huntsman explains that if Dr. Creepy is, in fact, a former SS doctor, he will have a tattoo which would be visible if he removes his shirt. Sister Jude blushes when Mr. Goodman asks if she’s seen Dr. Creepy without a shirt on, but she’s not fooling me. We all know she has seen many a bare male chest in her day. She is told not to act on any of her theories until the hunter can do some research.

 

Sister Mary Eunice is busy snooping through Sister Jude’s office when Anne Frank brings Dr. Creepy in at gunpoint, calling him a monster. Sister Mary Eunice leaves to summon Sister Jude, and Anne’s plan is foiled when Frank the Security Guard (could we have given him a different name? Anne Frank is caught by Frank?) enters and points his own gun at Anne.

 

Anne had to be sedated and comes to with Sister Jude hovering over her. She tells Anne that she searched Arden’s office and found no sign of a creature with no legs. The conversation is cut short when Sister Mary Satan arrives to tell Sister Jude that Anne Frank’s husband is waiting in her office. Apparently Anne Frank is actually Charlotte Brown…and that, my friends, is a huge buzz kill. Huge. I’m still going to call her Anne though, because it’s too difficult to accept at the moment. Anne’s husband shows Sister Jude a picture of their son, David, and tells her the story of how his wife became obsessed with Anne Frank after reading The Diary of a Young Girl and seeing the play. She even gave herself the Auschwitz tattoo with her sewing machine and kept a den filled with newspaper articles, photos and notes from the Holocaust.  

 

Dr. Thredson interrupts, telling Anne’s husband that she must suffer from post-partum psychosis. He’s having none of it, saying she’s just very emotional and needs to come home. Down the stairway to heaven she goes, dressed in a TV housewife dress from that era and very confused. Anne negates her husband’s notions of their life together and fights hard to maintain her false identity until she sees a family photo with her baby boy. She recognizes him, and they leave quietly.

 

Fearful that she has really done some damage with Dr. Creepy and Monsignor Timothy, Sister Jude calls the Nazi hunter and leaves a message for him to forget everything. Dr. Creepy enters and lets her know that she is screwed. He plans on pressing charges, because under Sister Jude’s watch, Anne got a hold of a gun, shot him, and then she sent Anne home with her husband as if nothing happened. And then there was the drunken movie night where three inmates escaped…yeah, that all sounds pretty bad. Sister Jude pleads with him, hoping they could start over, but he says “You’re through here Sister, and you know it.”

 

Dr. Creepy returns to his lair to dress his wounds, and Sister Mary Satan appears and assists him. She apologizes for the whore behavior she exhibited the night of the storm. He lets bygones be bygones (don’t you want to call her a whore one more time? Please?) and thanks her for assisting him. Ah! Seems the devil nun disposed of Shelley. Dr. Creepy assumes she was dumped in the woods to be devoured by the other creatures, but just then, we cut to a school yard. My initial thought is – this has something to do with Stupid Lana and Wendy’s teaching careers, but I’m wrong. A child discovers legless, deformed Shelley crawling up the stairs, and this scene is just awesome. It kind of reminds me of the girl from The Ring crawling out of the well. But the question is – why was Shelley dropped off in public rather than killed?

 

 

Meanwhile, Kit and Grace sit in side by side cells waiting for sterilization. Kit mentions that he and Alma always wanted kids, but they wouldn’t have that chance now anyway. Grace tells him she’s not sorry for what they did, and though there is a wall between them (literally), they comfort one another. Sister Mary Satan arrives to bring Kit to supper. She tells him Sister Jude changed her mind, and off he goes. Grace is also looking forward to supper, but alas, her procedure is still on schedule. She is left alone to scream in terror and shouts until she is entirely exhausted. No worries, Grace – you are about to be abducted by aliens anyway.

 

Whether or not this abduction is real remains to be seen, but Grace opens her eyes to some hazy existence where Alma tells her “not to fight it.” Does Alma look pregnant? Is it Kit’s or an alien baby? The alien cuts Grace’s stomach, and I am flabbergasted. Is she receiving a microchip? Is she pregnant now too? Am I imagining things?

 

Kit meets with Dr. Thredson and makes a deal with him – Thredson asks Kit to talk into a tape recorder and say exactly what he think happened to Alma and the other women. In return, Thredson will tell the courts that Kit needs to stay institutionalized, thereby avoiding the electric chair. Does this deal make sense to anyone else? “Let me record you saying you killed those women in cold blood, and there are no little green men. I won’t do anything with the tape – I’ll just tell the judge you’re crazy for thinking aliens are real….even though again, you are admitting to murder and no aliens.” Kit buys it and spills his guts. Should I start calling him Stupid Kit?

 

Dr. Creepy might able to confront his assailant sooner than he thinks, as Mr. Brown has already returned the woman who believes she is Anne Frank to Briarcliff. Seems she didn’t take too kindly to the housewife/mother role and tried to suffocate her baby. Lessons learned, my friend. Suddenly she is no longer “an emotional person.” She now “needs professional help.” Okay, okay. Let’s call in Dr. Thredson. Where is he? No Thredson? No worries - Anne Frank is in good hands. In fact, Dr. Creepy has “cured” her by giving her a lobotomy. Now she is fortunate enough to be like the Stepford wives and be the perfect woman.

 

Stupid Lana waits at the front stair case for Dr. Thredson. He has promised to sneak her out of the asylum tonight. The two of them walk right past the car and Stupid Lana makes it into the car unnoticed. I seriously think that if Sister Jude ends up being fired for negligence, the entire security staff should be caned for incompetency.  Frank the Security Guard rushes outside to ask Thredson to come back inside to examine Anne Frank. He replies “I don’t work here anymore, Frank. As a matter of fact, I never did.” And therrrrre we go. His new name is Dr. Bloody Face.



Mint?

They make safely it to his home and he tells Stupid Lana to start calling him Oliver. Clearly they should be on a first name basis now that he has kidnapped rescued her and all. She wants to go to her own house, and he tells her no way - that is the first place the Briarcliff bad guys will go to look for her. Are you sure? Those guards don’t seem too bright, and Sister Jude is in the midst of losing her mind. She wants to make a phone call but he can’t allow that – he is harboring her and has put himself at risk too. She buys that as well, but she isn't happy. It's okay though - he asserts that they will absolutely go to the police in the morning and expose Briarcliff once and for all. Tomorrow will be a triumph. For now though, let’s have some wine, shall we? Stupid Lana sits down contentedly with her wine glass and listens to this man she trusts tell her that she is going to win the Pulitzer Prize for writing about this whole crazy thing. He tells her “You are the person to tell my story.” Uh huh. NOW, do you get it? NOW do you see where this is going, Stupid Lana? Not quite, but the wheels are turning. She looks around and gazes upon a lamp nearby that includes an interesting shade. Wait. Is that….is that a nipple impression on the lamp shade? IS THAT SKIN?!?!?! He offers her a mint…from a bowl that absolutely is a portion of a skull. Your move, Stupid Lana. She pulls one of those “I need to use the restroom” excuses that fool no one and disappears down the hall. His glasses come off. Showtime.

 

Instead of a restroom she finds a craft room of sorts. He pops up behind her, telling her he makes lamp shades as a hobby. She nervously asks what kind of material he uses. “Skin,” and then Stupid Lana disappears through a trap door. Stupid, Stupid Lana.

 

After what was probably an insufficient search, Frank notifies Sister Jude that Stupid Lana is nowhere to be found. Knowing this is probably the final straw (again, cane the security guards), Sister Jude launches into an emotional narrative that is too good not to quote in its entirety. Well done, Jessica Lange.

 

“You know, when I was a child, I would come home after school to an empty house. My father had flown the coop. My mother worked as a maid at a hotel. It was lonely. So I brought in a baby squirrel that I had found and kept him in a shoebox came home. He looked sickly. He was dead already, but I didn't know that. I had forgotten to feed him for a couple days. So I took him out of the box and laid him on the table, and I and prayed my heart out for several hours, and when my mother came home and found him she screamed bloody murder and threw him in the garbage.  She worked hard, my mother, she was exhausted. She couldn't have known how cruel that was. I cried and cried and saying God didn't answer my prayers. I remember my mother was pouring herself a whisky -- the Martin family cure for everything. She looked at me and laughed. ‘God always answers our prayers, Judy. It's just rarely the answer we're looking for.’  It's over for me, Frank. My goose is cooked.”

 

And with that, Sister Jude tosses her robes aside, grabs some of her best “ravish me red” lipstick and hits a bar. Welcome back, Slut Judy.

 

 

Stupid Lana awakens in a room that came straight out of the Saw movie. Who’s that over to her right? That’s just Wendy, all dead and frozen. Dr. Bloody Face slithers in and wants to continue the therapy they had started at Briarcliff. He tells her she can start by kissing Wendy’s lips. “Don’t worry. She won’t bite. I took her teeth.” Those teeth now reside on the Bloody Face mask, which he slowly puts on.

 

 

 

As we near the end of the episode, everything falls apart for our other protagonists as well. Kit enters the common room to see Grace bleeding from her womb. Was is a botched sterilization or an alien procedure? Kit doesn’t have time to find out – he is arrested for the murders of the Bloody Face victims and removed from the asylum. As he is escorted out, he realizes that Thredson screwed him. Grace wants to help, but she can barely speak....she tries to tell the authorities that everything Kit said is true – that Alma is alive, but no one beyond Kit takes any notice of her. Probably just as well. I doubt anyone would take her seriously, but at least Kit knows now that his story was true. He can think about that on the way to the electric chair.



We end the episode with Anne Frank, fresh from her lobotomy, being the ever doting wife and mother. Now that she has found her purpose in life, she is cleaning out her Auschwitz room and throwing away all of the items from her false identity. One picture lingers for our eyes though. Funny, even though she is not Anne Frank, she still has a photo of Hans Gruber, aka Dr. Arthur Arden hanging out with Hitler. Come back, Slut Judy!

 

Again, a lot of issues remain unsolved. Are there really aliens? It seems strange that Grace was left bleeding in the common room. One would imagine that if Dr. Arden really did perform a "sterilization" he would have just kept her as an experiment if the operation wasn't going according to plan. She had to have been abducted, right? What happens to Kit now? He has been touted as a Christ figure all season. Will he be executed/sacrificed for the sins of others? AND what is to become of Briarcliff? If Dr. Creepy does gain control, how long can that last given Shelley has now been found? My guess is Sister Mary Satan wants the place all to herself - she's just taking baby steps to get there. Oh, and there's that little matter of her being POSSESSED. I guess no one is too concerned about her change in behavior.

 

Next week we are promised Bloody Face's back story. If he wants Stupid Lana to write his tale, he can't kill her...at least not yet. To be honest, I'm still not rooting for her. I'm far more concerned with Kit clearing his name and Sister Jude taking down Dr. Creepy. Who knows if either of those things will happen, but I am eager to find out!

 

AHS Asylum: Yes...THAT Anne Frank

Episode 4 of American Horror Story: Asylum opens with a curious new occupant at Briarcliff Manor. She calls herself “Anne Frank,” meaning the Anne Frank. Forget the history books, kids: Season 2 of AHS is ready to break some boundaries. She is a self-admitted patient, straight from a bar where she attacked business men with a broken beer bottle for making anti-Semitic jokes. More on her later…

Meanwhile in the infamous Briarcliff bakery, Kit and Grace discuss Dr. Arden’s latest frustrations with the chip formerly residing in Kit’s neck. Dr. Creepy must have lost it because he believes it has found his way back inside Kit somehow. Perhaps the alien Sister Jude saw last week confiscated it. After all – Dr. Creepy was very busy elsewhere in the asylum screaming “whore” at inanimate objects.

At this point Grace decides to trust Kit with her story (or maybe she just wanted to “one up” him. Either way). She was a farm girl who awoke one morning to discover an axe wielding hired hand named Red killing her father. That's how she woke up? Where the hell was the rooster when all of this was going on? She runs down the stairs to hide in the hall closet as the killer searches for her. For a second I feel sorry for her, hiding all by herself. No worries though - there is a big heap of what used to be her stepmother right behind her to keep her company. Red never returned to finish the job, and it turns out he was in cahoots with Grace’s stepsister, who ultimately framed her for the crime. Bummer.  Seems everyone has their own family drama. She was taken from the farm and her beloved horses and was admitted to Briarcliff immediately thereafter.

 

Back in the common room, Anne Frank is writing a diary entry on a piece of paper. Stupid Lana approaches and warns her that writing will only cause her trouble. Anne is having none of Stupid Lana, but before she can really react, Dr. Creepy enters the room. Anne immediately remembers him as a “Nazi swine!” named Hans Gruber. She is taken from the common room still screaming at him.

Sister Jude, fresh from her movie night hangover is not buying Anne’s story. “What a relief it will be to millions of school children to know that you survived.” Oh how I love this woman’s sarcasm. Anne explains, however, that when the concentration camps were liberated, she was rescued but was too sick to tell anyone her name. She flashes a tattoo – a number from the death camp. After she was freed, Anne says she met a U.S. soldier who married her and brought her home with him. She became a widow when he went back overseas to fight in Korea, and that same year Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl was published in America. The diary received so much attention because of a 15 year old martyr, Anne believed she could never reveal that she was still alive.

Anne goes on to tell Sister Jude about Dr. Creepy’s past. Back when he was Hans Gruber, he was an SS guard who was at first known for his kindness. She recalls a time where he saved two twin boys from guards who were ushering children to an untimely fate. He also brought the girls chocolates and sweets, offering to help them. When he brought them back, however, they would be sick and sometimes deformed. So, Dr. Creepy began his medical experiments decades before he ever arrived at Briarcliff.

Side note: if you are wondering why the younger version of Dr. Arden seen in the flashbacks is a dead ringer for James Cromwell, the young actor is James Cromwell’s son.

Sister Jude isn’t 100% sold on this portion of Anne’s story either, but she becomes incredibly suspicious when two investigators show up to question Dr. Creepy. Detectives Bias and Conners explain that the good doctor has been accused of roughing up a certain lady of the night after she saw some pornography and Nazi memorabilia in his home. So the prostitute is still alive? Good for her. Dr. Creepy denies ever having met her and leaves the room. Turns out the detectives are there on a more serious matter – namely, they believe Dr. Creepy might be Bloody Face. Naaaah. Too obvious.

Sister Jude takes her concerns to Monsignor Timothy (welcome back, Father Hotness) in hopes that he will rid the asylum of this Nazi war criminal. He reprimands her for her “obsession” with Dr. Arden and tells her to worry about herself instead. Seems her drunken display during movie night is well known, and he blames her for the escapes….well, escape attempts but she doesn’t know that. She is on thin ice.

Distraught and disappointed, Sister Jude seeks advice from her Mother Superior, and I’m just impressed that she left the asylum. Mother Superior tells her that “God loves to see us triumph” and encourages her to follow her instincts.

Elsewhere, Kit continues his sessions with Dr. Thredson, who is still caught between a rock and a hard place trying to determine whether or not to report Kit as insane. He doesn’t believe Kit is evil, but he does tell Kit: “You are a victim of a brutish society that drove you to commit act so terrible, so antithetical to who you are as a person, that your psyche concocted this elaborate fantasy about alien abduction to absolve you of your guilt.” Sigh. Sadly, the notion that someone can “fall victim to a brutish society” and distort reality is far more accurate than many would think. Dr. Thredson believes his theory to be true and… wait, what? When did this happen? Just recently he went to Wendy’s house to give her Stupid Lana’s message and feared she had been killed by Bloody Face. Why the sudden change of heart?

The situation now becomes even more bizarre. Thredson is willing to lie to the state to keep Kit in the asylum rather than sending him to the electric chair as long as he faces the truth of what he’s done. He then describes to Kit just how Kit did kill those women. Ah ha! Have we found the real Bloody Face? Thredson seems farrrrrr too detail-oriented here even if he did have the police reports.

Kit goes back to the bakery and expresses self-doubt to Grace. He worries that Thredson’s theories about him are true. Grace assures him that she believes in him, and then they have one hell of a romp right there on the kneading table. Their ecstasy is short-lived, however, by the arrival of Frank the security guard.  

Off the sinners go to Sister Jude’s office for punishment. Sister Mary Eunice (where the hell has she been?) eagerly chooses a cane for Sister Jude to beat them with. Sister Jude says Grace and Kit are drawn to each other like the serpent and the apple and accuses them of trying to make a “murder baby.” Instead of a beating, she insists that the two be sterilized instead. Wow. That’s harsh, but I imagine no one wants Dr. Creepy as a gynecologist.

Grace and Kit are separated and Sister Mary Satan holds Kit for a chat. Does she want to make her own murder baby? Not just yet – she tells him that Grace was not framed after all. She is a 1960s version of Lizzie Borden. As Kit and Grace sit in cells next to one another, she comes clean about her crime. Her father had sexually abused her repeatedly, and when she told her stepmother, she was given candy to keep quiet instead of help. The last straw came when her father sold the horses (the last straw can mean many things to many people), and out came the axe. Kit isn’t upset with Grace for killing her family, just upset that she lied to him. Ah, young love.

With Kit being contained, Dr. Thredson is free to council Stupid Lana about her situation, and he agrees that she doesn’t belong in an asylum. He would, however, like to “cure” her of her “sickness” even though she technically is not his patient.  She agrees to take her happy pills and subject herself to Thredson’s “therapy.” He administers a drug that makes her sick to her stomach. As he shows her photos of scantily clad women, she vomits, and this will supposedly train her body to be repulsed by women. Stupid Lana is a trooper though because she wants to get the hell out of Briarcliff. Then Thredson shows her a suggestive photo of Wendy. How did he get that?!?! “From your house when I was there.” Because lesbians trying to hide their relationship just leave photos like that on the coffee table? She tries with all her might to hold back, but she throws up again.

Round 2 of therapy features Daniel, a patient who wants to assist with the treatment. Daniel is smoking hot and he disrobes to “help” Stupid Lana…who then gives the very porn response of “Whatever you say, doctor. I want to do whatever works.” Gross.  What follows might be the most disturbing thing I have seen on television. Thredson asks her to touch herself. She does so with tears in her eyes but does not want Daniel to touch her….no worries there. Thredson tells her to touch his genitals while touching herself, and she is just a mess.

Side note: My hat’s off to Sara Paulson for her work here. I can’t imagine what it was like to shoot this. However, I still won’t be able to refrain for calling her character Stupid Lana. At least, not yet.

Stupid Lana can’t go through with it. Thredson approaches her later and apologizes to her, saying he never should have tried that therapy. What? He then gives her the photo of Wendy, explaining that he will be taking her out of Briarcliff at the end of the week. Soooo, she no longer needs to be “cured?” What is the deal with this guy?

Kit is released from solitary confinement because he wants to confess to Sister Jude. He asks her if God sees everything, and she says “God sees all.” If she believes that, I hope she is doing some serious repenting herself. Kit thinks he must have killed those women because everyone is saying he did. He remembers that Sister Jude told him when he arrived that he would never find forgiveness until he admitted to what he had done. Kit asks for forgiveness and wants Sister Jude to help him find God. Right now I can’t decide if this is a ploy or is he really starting to believe he is a killer.

Remember Shelley? Yeah, well, she’s screwed. Not only is she missing her legs, she now suffers from experimental injections at the hands of Dr. Creepy. While playing the role of mad scientist, he receives a phone call from Father Hotness. He encourages Dr. Creepy to take care of any “housekeeping” that might be lingering. Oh no! Father Hotness is evil too? I don’t know if I can take all of this disappointment. Dr. Creepy leaves to clean house and drags Anne Frank to his lair, throwing her around a little. She is ready for him though and pulls a gun, which she had pick-pocketed from one of the guards (again, the security in this place is appalling). She hears a commotion behind a door of the room, shoots Arden in the leg and demands the key. When Anne opens the door she finds a deformed Shelley, who looks up and says “Kill me.” We’ve reached the end of the episode.

Theory: Dr. Thredson is Bloody Face. He became entirely too sinister in this episode, knows far too much about the killings, and went to great lengths to obtain what should have been a secret photo in Stupid Lana’s house. He had his own look of repulsion as he showed Stupid Lana the photos of the women, and he seemed almost invigorated at her failed attempt of arousal with Daniel. If he is not Bloody Face, then he is at the very least, wicked.

Theory: Father Hotness is one of the twins “saved” by Hans Gruber at the death camp. There had to have been some significance to the story about the twins, the timing works out just fine, and this would explain why a man of God is okay with employing a murderous Nazi at Briarcliff. Additionally, Father Hotness expressed admiration for the doctor in episode one during his dinner with Sister Jude, explaining to her that science/medicine and religion go together because doctors have been given gifts from God to achieve such scientific advancements. One can only wonder what kind of “advancements” Dr. Creepy has come up with beyond the creatures living in the woods.

Again – just food for thought.

AHS Asylum: Who's Crazy Now?

Episode 3 of American Horror Story: Asylum is brought to you by the words “whore” and “Satan.”

We open again with Teresa screaming her head off. Why wouldn’t we? In present day Briarcliff Manor, she watches from behind a metal door as Bloody Face brutally stabs Leo, whom she has already left bleeding and helpless (just wanted to throw that reminder out there). I imagine it’s getting harder and harder to breathe…. That metal door isn’t too helpful though as Bloody Face makes his(?) way in and attacks her quickly, and at this point we’re expecting a twist, right? Well Adam Levine still lives! He and the bloody stump that was his right arm dash in to save his lady love, knocking down Bloody Face so Teresa can stab the shit out of the killer while still screaming. She helps Leo up, dialing 911 for rescue – time for the escape! We know this isn’t over for them though. Sure enough, there’s Bloody Face. And….there’s another Bloody Face. What?!?! One Bloody Face pulls a gun and shoots Leo and Teresa dead. Again, what?!? The mystery Bloody Faces take off their masks and it appears we have two young men who I assume are some sort of Bloody Face worshipers.  Bloody Face #1 is freaking out that Bloody Face #2 killed the lovebirds. I guess they were just supposed to scare them, but it doesn’t matter – enter Bloody Face #3 (another twist!) to advance hastily down the hall toward his fans…  

Just missing?

Back to 1964, where a newly possessed Sister Mary Eunice drops off the mail to Sister Jude and alerts her to the storm a brewin’. Funny thing about the mail though – it includes a newspaper from June 28, 1949, which when Sister Jude was Slut Judy and ran over a little girl in the blue dress while driving home drunk from a club. Understandably, Sister Jude is freaking out. Dr. Thredson approaches her about the corporal punishment she administers and encourages her to use positive reinforcement and compassion instead. Where did they find this guy? Sister Jude asserts that she is a beacon of compassion, so much so that she has arranged for a movie night at Briarcliff to take the patients’ minds off the pending storm. I’ve got my fingers crossed for Psycho (1960) or Cape Fear (1962), but Sister Jude goes with The Sign of the Cross (1932). Makes sense – what better way to calm down a mob of mentally unstable individuals that to show them a film where Emperor Nero orders that Christians to be fed to the lions? The mind reels.

As Sister Jude tries to regain her composure from the newspaper delivery, Sister Mary Eunice bursts in with the communion wine, claiming it has been watered down and someone must be drinking it outside of mass. Does this mean we are going to see a church service in Briarcliff at some point? Oh, I do hope so. She encourages Sister Jude to taste the wine to confirm the theory but then notes that Sister Jude has not drank alcohol since 1949 when she renounced all worldly pleasures. Interesting. Sister Jude starts to respond, but she notices the young nun is wearing a ton of lipstick as Sister Mary Eunice proceeds to drink a generous glass of the communion wine. Sister Mary Eunice informs us the lipstick is called “ravish me red” and is a gift for Sister Jude from Dr. Arden. I am now giddy with anticipation. Shit is going to hit the fan in this episode.  

Elsewhere in the asylum Dr. Creepy is still trying to figure out what on earth is going on with the microchip looking object he pulled from Kit’s neck in Episode 1. He dismantles it, but it has a life of its own, and the pieces heal and re-form each time he breaks the chip apart. He puts Kit back on his table for examination, and the chip sprouts legs again and desperately wants to reconnect with Kit. The mad scientist asks Kit who he is working for, convinced that the chip was inserted in Kit’s neck because he was sent in to spy on Dr. Creepy’s lab listing the East German Stazi, the KGB, and Jews (all of them?) as possible suspects. As he explains this as he pokes and prods Kit’s neck again and again, finally slicing back in. Ow. 

In this episode we also meet (albeit briefly) “The Mexican.” No, not the 2001 critically slammed movie starring Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts….man, I wish that had been better. The Mexican in this instance is a older woman who knows immediately that Sister Mary Eunice is evil. She flees from “Satan! Satan!” in the common room, making her way back to her dark and ominous quarters to pray. Enter Sister Mary Satan to slap away her rosary beads and command her to her knees. The Mexican calls her Satan several more times, pleading for her life before the devil nun opens her neck with a pair of scissors. Worried about the body? Don’t be – the creatures outside were hungry anyway.

Just a side note before we move forward – Lily Rabe is beyond fantastic in this episode. I’m so glad her character has been expanded beyond the meek wuss we started out with. I’m incredibly impressed with her as an actress, and it’s refreshing that Jessica Lange isn’t the only scene stealer this season.  

Anyway, Sister Mary Eunice is not quite finished stirring up trouble, so she enters Dr. Creepy’s chamber and is just all kinds of nasty....dirty with several “r”s. You have some work to do now, Shelley. She offers herself to Dr. Creepy, but he calls her a “whore,” slaps her, and tells her to shut her filthy mouth. He then orders her out of his office.

As Dr. Creepy shuffles about, baffled about his encounter with Sister Mary Eunice, Sister Jude pays him a visit to give him hell about the red lipstick and newspaper. He gives her hell and explains that he had admired Sister Mary Eunice’s purity. He believes now that Shelley has corrupted her. They both kind of talk over each other – her not addressing how the nasty nun became so nasty, and he never saying anything about the newspaper. Odd scene.

Back in the common room (that always makes me think of Hogwarts) Dr. Thredson is helping to set up movie night. Stupid Lana approaches him to get a message to Wendy. He pretends to act like he would never go against Sister Jude, but he puts the note in his pocket. Stupid Lana now has escape on the mind again, as does Shelley. She approaches Grace in the bakery (it’s real!) and asks to be part of Kit’s next escape plan. Shelley tells Grace she needs to get to Paris. “Here, I’m a freak. There, I would be celebrated.” Hold that thought, kid.

The storm is beginning to rage, and Sister Jude retreats to her office to pray. The phone rings, and on the other line is the voice of the little girl she killed. “You never even bothered to get out of the car.” Sister Jude begins to crack…she cries “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” into the phone and hangs up. She looks down on her desk and sees the little girl’s cracked glasses, and it’s just too much. She reaches for the communion wine, and now we have ourselves a party.

Showtime. The patients assemble in the common room, and a drunk Sister Jude walks shakily down the aisle to “introduce the picture.” Is she ready for her close up? The thunder booms, and the audience is terrified. Sister Jude is a hot mess and calms them by saying the lyrics to “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel, a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. This song comes at the very end of the show/movie after the male lead is killed while committing a crime, leaving his daughter (a girl in a blue dress) behind. Well played, Ryan Murphy.

Stupid Lana sits next to Dr. Thredson, who doesn’t have the best news for her. He had gone to see Wendy before the storm. The door to her house was open, as was the hallway window, and he found blood but no Wendy. He thinks Wendy may have met the same demise as the other Bloody Face victims. A light bulb goes on in her head – wait, if Wendy was alive when I came here to interview Bloody Face….and Bloody Face got to Wendy….but Kit didn’t escape…oh shit. Yes, Lana. This is why you’re stupid.

At this point she, Kit, Grace and Shelley are all roaming the hallways with the same idea in mind: escape (anyone else alarmed by the lack of security in this place?). Stupid Lana is sorry – she was wrong about Kit, but someone she loves is in danger and she must get out. The plan is thwarted when Karl the orderly approaches. Shelley offers to “distract” him so the others can get away. She asks them to wait for her. Shelley takes too long, and they leave her.

Outside in the raging storm, Kit, Grace and Stupid Lana have a Shawshank Redemption moment before running through the woods to freedom. Just kidding. They find the remains of The Mexican…as well as the creatures Dr. Creepy has been hiding in the forest. I’m sure they are failed experiments, but I’m not sure why they are flesh eaters who look like Sloth from The Goonies. Back through the death chute and into Briarcliff the three patients go. Well, at least they can finish watching the movie?

Drunk Sister Jude is also wandering through the asylum looking for The Mexican. What she finds instead is A FREAKING ALIEN! WTF?!?!?! This is a face to face, up close and personal encounter. She (rightfully) passes the eff out. She awakens to the evil nun telling her three patients have escaped (The Mexican, Shelley and Pepper, who I thought had just gone to the bathroom). She shuts off the movie, telling the audience missing the ending is fine because “they all die.” Foreshadowing?

Dr. Creepy seems to have lost his marbles at this point as well. He stands in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary with the “ravish me red” lipstick, no doubt thinking of Sister Mary Eunice’s loss of purity. He puts that red lipstick all over the cheeks and, um, nipples of the statue and calls it a “whore” over and over again, eventually toppling it over. On his way back to his lair, he finds Shelley….another whore.

He takes her to his chamber to collect on her episode 2 offer to see her candied apple, and he proceeds to try to rape her. She screams, but he tells her “no one is going to hear you here.” So, I assume he did kill the prostitute from the last episode. Dr. Creepy mounts Shelley but is not able to rise to the occasion. She laughs (so do I) and he clocks her. She awakens to find that Dr. Creepy has removed her legs at the knees, making any kind of escape impossible now. We end the episode with her screams.

So at this point, we are left with a ton of questions. Was the alien really there, or was it a manifestation of someone who hasn’t had any alcohol in 15 years downing a bottle of wine? If the alien WAS there, was it trying to recover the chip from Kit’s neck? Allllllso, do we have ghosts and hauntings to look forward to in addition to demons and aliens, or are these just mind games Sister Mary Eunice is able to play given her evil powers and such? How long will she be possessed before anyone figures it out? Where the hell is Monsignor Timothy?  Time will tell.