The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 7: Heads Up

The time has come! Spoiler alert! Glenn is....ALIVE! Tonight we finally catch up with the aftermath of "Thank You" and Nicholas' suicide, and we find out that Glenn, thank goodness, is not the pile of goo some viewers thought he was at the end of that episode. I always believed he was alive, but it sure does feel good to actually see him. Here's how everything played out in "Heads Up."

Hold On To Me As We Go

The episode opens with Glenn and Nicholas falling off the dumpster and Glenn watching in horror as guts are torn and eaten all around him. Those guts belong to Nicholas and Glenn is able to wiggle under the dumpster while the Walkers feed. He waits them out overnight and then crawls out dehydrated and disheveled after the sun comes up. Suddenly, effing Enid appears on a nearby roof and shouts "heads up" before throwing a water bottle down to Glenn. I don't care. I still hate her. Glenn busts into that building to look for her and realizes she's been staying there by herself. She's hidden away somewhere but we can hear her voice when Glenn calls out to ask what happened in Alexandria. "What happened is what always happens - people died." She explains that the bloodbath wasn't due to Walkers. It was people. She doesn't answer when he asks about Maggie's status though because she's already on the run. Glenn, for real, leave her ass and get home to your wife. 

Glenn does begin his journey home but finds Enid in a cafe and grabs her. He tells Enid that Maggie wouldn't leave her behind so he needs to bring her back to Alexandria with him. She's acting like a little bitch and continues to says "no" like a 4 year old who doesn't want to brush her teeth or go to bed. She eventually pulls a gun on Glenn. He's pissed. I'm livid. Enid calmly tells him to turn around and walk away. He grabs the gun from her and insists she leave with him. No more bullshit. 

As they walk along the road they find (randomly) a helium tank and some balloons. Enid blows them up so they can use them to distract the Walkers. When they approach the walls to Alexandria though, they see the mass of Walkers at the walls and Enid is ready to give up...because she sucks. Glenn gives her a pep talk about how "we going on living for the dead because they can't" and then they release the balloons so the people on the wall in Alexandria will see an "I'm okay" signal coming from outside. 

The Trouble It Might Drag You Down

Back in Alexandria, Maggie is standing at the top of the wall keeping an eye out for Glenn as well as Abraham, Sasha and Daryl. Poor thing. Rick climbs up to chat with her and says maybe they need to come up with a plan to get rid of the Walkers without waiting for their missing friends and their vehicles to come back and help. He thinks maybe they need to do it themselves so Glenn, Daryl, Abraham and Sasha have a clear path to come home. Well, wouldn't that be nice?

Rick doesn't linger too long because he needs to give Ron another shooting lesson. Carl and his ungodly hair assist Ron, as he is very eager to do some live target practice. Rick says they will need to wait on that but promises Ron that he will continue to learn. Ron sneaks into the armory though and steals some bullets. Oh great - let's give the kid with a vendetta and little weapons training a loaded gun. Smokin' Hot Rosita, meanwhile, is giving lessons as well but with machetes. The community members are following her instructions but Eugene is standing still being a pussy. She yells at him about needing to be able to protect himself and Alexandria and he leaves. Eugene is really out of excuses at this point...if the people of Alexandria who have just learned how the world "really is" can get on board with new rules and training, Eugene really needs to get his shit together. 

Being a very busy bee today, Rick sits down with Morgan next and invites Michonne and Carol into the conversation. Rick tells Morgan about the Wolves and the RV and how dangerous they were. He asks Morgan why he wouldn't kill the Wolves and why he would let any of them go. "I know that people can change because everyone sitting at this table has. All life is precious and that idea changed me, it brought me back, and it keeps me living." Morgan is not ready to give up on this idea and he still has a Wolf hidden in that cell nearby. He even enlists substitute doctor Denise to help tend to the guy's wounds. Carol follows her to the cell we see Carol come face to face with Morgan. This "life is precious" thing is going to continue to cause a problem with his stay in Alexandria.

You know who else is causing problems? Spencer. This idiot is trying to use a poorly attached zip wire to shimmy himself from the walls to the crumbling watch tower surrounded by Walkers. Of course he falls and Tara puts herself in danger to save Spencer. Rick and Morgan lift him back over the wall and Rick yells at her "You almost died once for these people! What the hell were you doing?" Tara gives him the finger and I love it. Spencer thought he could get to a vehicle on the other side and help lead the Walkers away. Rick gives him shit for not running the idea by him first, but Spencer correctly points out that Rick wouldn't have listened to him anyway.

The episode ends with Maggie seeing the balloons overhead and running toward Rick and the others who are working to secure the walls from the inside. The tower Spencer had clumsily shot a hook and line at comes crashing down then and destroys that portion of the wall. Holy. Shit. 

The next episode is the mid-season finale and with the horde of Walkers coming in, we can definitely expect some deaths...and not the "extras" that perished when the Wolves attacked. Will Deanna make it through? Is Smokin' Hot Rosita in danger now that TWD hinted at an Abraham/Sasha romance (gag)? Is Carol going to kick Morgan's ass before joining in the Walker fight? Will the brief weapons training many of the people in Alexandria have received help with the Walker invasion? We only have a short time to find out who we will lose and how many tears will be shed...  

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 6: Always Accountable

Tonight we still have no word on Glenn, but we do finally catch up with Daryl, Sasha and Abraham as we continue the "meanwhile" breakaways from the season premiere's Walker diversion mission. The episode opens with Daryl on his motorcycle, Sasha and Abraham in a car right behind, and a mass of Walkers following them on the road. Seems like things are going how they should be but another car comes out of nowhere and begins firing behind Abraham and Sasha. WTF? And there are people on foot firing as well! Who are they?!? Daryl has to take a path away from Sasha and Abraham and the rest of the episode follows their respective separate journeys. Here's what went down in "Always Accountable."

Take Away My Self Destruction

Sasha and Abraham are stuck where they encountered the initial gunfire. Their car is toast and they are on foot with their guns wondering what happened to Daryl. Because Daryl is a tracker, Sasha thinks it's better to let Daryl find them rather than get super lost looking for him. Makes sense. She leaves footprints and markings as a trail while she and Abraham make their way to hide out in a nearby office building. 

As they wait for a Daryl reunion, Sasha blames Abraham for their predicament because she's still pissed he wouldn't let her go solo on this mission. He tells Sasha she had been pretty out of control recently but it's not like Abraham hasn't had his moments too. Abraham goes on a search for supplies in the building while Sasha keeps an eye out for Daryl and he finds some weapons and cigars. He also taunts a Walker and nearly gets himself killed...but he ends up walking away unscathed and I hope this is the end of Abraham's "death wish" behavior.  He vows to Sasha that he's going to start changing his ways and tells her he wants to get to know her a lot more. Um, has Abraham forgotten about Smokin' Hot Rosita? Cuz I think she's clearly the better pick here. 

Where I Go I Just Don't Know

Daryl ends up on his own, taking a path through the woods to get away from the guns, and he and his bike are looking rough. He can't get anyone on his walkie talkie, so he hides his bike in some bushes and proceeds on foot with his crossbow. Daryl encounters two women who surrender quickly....but then a guy comes up behind him and knocks his ass out. 

Daryl wakes up to find the same guy pointing a gun at him and he is instructed to follow the two girls as dude walks behind him with the gun. I hate this guy already. They pass a lot of burned bodies and Daryl's captors explain how they've been fighting the Walkers and trying to take out as many as they could. Daryl doesn't have time for this. He tells them he can help them but dude with the gun says "You're one of them. You're hurt and you're alone and you'll say anything. We should have never trusted your people to begin with." Uh oh. Pretty sure "you're people" is not Alexandria, so where did these guys come from? The Wolves? None of them are sporting the "W."

The trio is on a search for "Patty" but when they arrive in the location where she is supposed to be, they only see Walkers. They assume Patty is a goner and one of the girls passes out. Daryl takes this opportunity to grab their duffle bag and make a run for it. He finds a spot to stop and pull out his crossbows and arrows....and he realizes there is also a cooler in the bag full of insulin. Shit. Must be why the girl passed out. Daryl can't bring himself to run off with the insulin supply so he turns around and brings the cooler back to his captors. He exchanges the bag for dude's gun then walks away. 

A truck arrives with a few more guys and Daryl ducks away to listen to their conversation. The trio tells the head guy, Wade, "we earned what we took" but Wade isn't having it. He says they now also owe him the gas money it took for him to find them. "Earned what we took" sounds an awful lot like the hospital Beth was held in, but that was in Atlanta and the group is far from there at this point. Who are these people? Daryl looks around and realizes these assholes are everywhere and he helps the trio to safety. He even gives the guy his gun back which might be his worst decision ever. 

I'm Gonna Give You Some Of My Good Time

Once the group is safe, Daryl chats with his former captors and they come to an understanding that Daryl is not part of the group that is after them and the three of them are not bad people. They arrive at an area the trio had previously burned down and realize they accidentally killed people they knew with that fire. The girl who needed (and received) the insulin shot gathers some flowers to lay next to their seemingly dead and crispy bodies, and then they feed on her because she's stupid. She dies, they bury her, and Daryl decides the two remaining people are worthy of returning home with him. He asks them the three questions, and they say they've killed a couple thousand Walkers but no people. "Why haven't I killed anybody? Because if I did, there'd be no going back."

Daryl brings them to the bushes where he hid his bike and says they need to find Sasha and Abraham so they could have a ride back to Alexandria. Dude pulls the gun Daryl GAVE BACK to him and they take his crossbow and motorcycle. The girl says "we're sorry," and Daryl replies "you're gonna be." They ride away with his supplies and he's alone in the woods again. However, that lucky SOB finds a working truck not too far away and he's also able to find Sasha and Abraham. As they ride to get their mission back on track, the walkie talkie is working again. A male voice says "help," but it doesn't sound like Glenn....

So, if it's not Glenn, who is on the other end of that walkie talkie asking for help? Where are we in the timeline compared to what's happening in Alexandria? And who is Wade and what's the deal with his group? I'm thinking this might just be an introduction for something happening much later in the season as the Wolves and the many Walkers outside of Alexandria still seem to be the more pressing issues. We only have one more episode until we reach the mid-season finale and I'm hoping that we get everyone back to Alexandria before the show goes on hiatus til 2016. I know...probably wishful thinking.

AHS Hotel Episode 6: Room 33

Well, Halloween may be behind us now but the bloodbath definitely continues in episode 6 of American Horror Story: Hotel. We are moving into the second half of the season and now things kind of have to start coming together (I'm looking at YOU, Asylum), so it seems almost everyone gets at least a cameo tonight. You know what else happens tonight?  THIS: We flash back to Los Angeles in 1926 where The Countess gets out of a cab at....the Murder House from Season 1! Holy shit! She is there to visit crazy ass Doctor Montgomery about an abortion. She claims to be 3 weeks along in her pregnancy but has quite the baby bump going on. I guess incubation is accelerated when you're a vampire? Kristen Stewart was ahead of her time? 

Anywho, Dr. Montgomery takes her to the basement where (for those of you who don't remember) he typically performs abortions along with many gruesome murders. He's a bit startled to see that The Countess' body temperature is 75 degrees. Meh, the thermometer just must be broken. He proceeds to abort the "3 week old" fetus and discovers that it's a very much alive baby...a baby that attacks and kills his nurse. Like mother, like monster. As The Countess wakes up from the ether, Dr. Montgomery hands her the little bundle of joy and says "Congratulations, it's a boy." Could this be the psycho deformed baby from Season 1 as well?

Chase You Down Until You Love Me

John rolls over in his bed and sees Holden. The little guy says "Hi Daddy" and runs away (feels like we've seen this before). John chases him down to the room with the coffins where he also sees a sleeping Alex. He faints...because we're going to need him to wake up again....because that's how ALL of his scenes start on this show. 

Alex puts John to bed and asks Liz Taylor to help relocate the coffins. Might as well - John already thinks he's going crazy anyway, so why not remove things he thinks he saw? John wakes up (shocker!) in his bed and Alex is there in a non-vampire nanny outfit to tell him that he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. She encourages him to check out of the hotel and seek professional help, but he wants to go down to that empty pool. Alex accompanies him and of course there are no coffins there.  

Liz Taylor and Tristan then get it on and apparently they've been getting it on a lot. They've become a couple, they're in looooove, and Liz is scared of what The Countess will do when she finds out. Tristan believes she'll understand once she sees them together. Tristan is effing stupid. 

The Countess meanwhile is, um, servicing Will Drake but he's not rising to the occasion, so she sends Tristan a text to "cum up." When Liz's new man arrives and realizes The Countess wants him to help "get Will started," he tells her he doesn't want to. The Countess gives him a look that could kill. She informs him that for the next hour he will be doing what she wants him to do. I was kinda hoping she'd say "As your maker, I command you!" 

When all of this romping is finally finished (Tristan must be exhausted), The Countess heads to room 33...where her son Bartholomew resides in a crib. So, still a baby? Mother Monster lifts him and tells him she's off to Paris and will return with so much money, she'll never have to leave him again. 

"Roses Have Thorns," They Say. 

Donovan and Ramona roll up after The Countess is gone because it's finally time for them to get their revenge show on the road. They hop right in the elevator and head to the basement to kill the vampire children who, by the way, aren't down there anymore. Donovan chickens out as the elevator doors open but Iris meets Ramona at the pool to assist. Nope. No creepy kids there. Ramona tells Iris she can go in search of the children but Ramona wants to take out the baby in room 33 herself. Iris gives her the key to the room and "Auntie Ramona" pays Bartholomew a visit. The room is dark and she searches for him with a flashlight. We see Bartholomew's strange little eyes just before we see Ramona go down to the floor. 

Turns out Ramona just has a bump on the head and she nurses it at the bar with Liz. Alex is on the search for Bartholomew (worst nanny ever) as Liz confides in Ramona about her loooooove for Tristan. We know how Ramona's story ended when she strayed from The Countess. She gives Liz a good warning about the situation, but Liz totally thinks she can reason with the woman who killed Ramona's boyfriend and his entourage when she found out Ramona was cheating on her. Totally. 

Donovan uses this time to visit the empty penthouse and sniff The Countess' undergarments. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess. Those two Danish girls who were killed in the early episodes interrupt him - they're still looking for Universal Studios and Hollywood attractions. Donovan tells them they can't leave the hotel. "Until you find a purpose, you will be stuck in an unbreakable chain repeating yourselves over and over again." Interesting.  

The girls hope their purpose might be to kill hotel guests and they give it a go with a cocky guy who had just checked in, but they find themselves in the same situation they were before.  Alex gives them an alternate idea....instead of murdering guests, why not just make them go crazy? Why not test out this new plan with John? Why not have them approach a very drunk John for a 3 way? Why not have blood pouring down their bodies while naked and straddling him? FINALLY John packs his suitcase and leaves the hotel. He doesn't realize, however, that Bartholomew has hidden inside.

John picks up Scarlet from her Grandma's house and returns home. She tells John she hasn't heard from her mother in two days and he swears he won't leave Scarlet alone again. He promises he's going to make everything right again. John. Dude. Give it up. He hears something in the kitchen and starts shooting his gun...within eyesight of Scarlet...and back to Grandma's she goes. 

Alex comes to the house to see Scarlet off and she tries to calm John. He calls her out and says he knows she's going back to the hotel. He then goes into the bedroom and slams the door. On her way out, Alex finds Bartholomew hiding in the bushes and brings him home. I guess it wasn't a wasted trip after all!

I Won't Stop Until The Boy Is Mine

The Countess returns home from Paris (that was fast) and she says goodnight to Will, who tells her he loves her. Awww. This would be perfect timing for Liz to confess her undying Tristan love to The Countess. Well, Liz thinks it is anyway. The Countess is thrilled to hear that Liz is in love, but when she finds out who Liz is in love with, she simply states: "I don't share. Maybe when I'm done with him." The problem with that is, Liz is mortal. She doesn't have two or three decades to wait to start her life over again with a new love. Fair enough. The Countess brings Tristan into the discussion. She tells them they have betrayed her and Tristan escalates what began as a calm conversation. "You feed off of the heartbreak! Not me. I was made for real love." Liz pipes in. She wants Tristan. Tristan wants Liz. The Countess wants to rip open Tristan's throat. So she does. 

In this episode we found out that Mother Monster gave birth to a monster, the new and improved Alex will go to any lengths to make sure no one interferes with her new status, and hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned. Honestly, Tristan annoyed the shit out of me...and I'd be just fine if we never see him again...but I was sad for Liz when her one true love gushed blood all over her as he died. The Countess can go ahead and add one more to the list of people who want revenge on her. 

The biggest "aha!" in this episode though is Hotel's direct connection to Murder House. Sure, we recently saw the Murder House realtor, but seeing The Countess interact with the franchise's first psycho was pretty neat. I'm interested to know if Bartholomew is the infantata from Season 1 but for all we know, that was the first and last we'll see of the house this season... 

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 5: Now

Last week's "Morgan Episode" is still fresh in my mind, but tonight I'm looking for answers about Glenn. I need answers about Glenn. I don't get them in this episode....but I do get a few other things I've been waiting on/hoping for. In "Now" we resume the aftermath of the Wolves' raid in Alexandria and the community's slow acceptance of and adjustment to the dangers outside the walls. Here's what happened:

Made Me Learn A Little Bit Faster

Alexandria is in rough shape. Deanna stands on top of the wall overlooking her town and watching its citizens compile all of the dead bodies from the recent massacre. She hears yelling, turns, and sees Rick running like hell toward the gate with hundreds of Walkers behind him. So much for leading them away. Michonne and others get Rick inside the gates before he is overpowered and the opening credits roll...

Rick tries to calm the people of Alexandria by telling them that Daryl, Sasha and Abraham will be there with vehicles to help get the other half of the Walkers away. He assures them that Nicholas and Glenn will be back any moment. The community members are skeptical and start giving Rick a lot of shit. Aaron pipes up, saying the Walkers in the quarry were going to break out regardless and that Rick's plan was the absolutely the right thing to do. He also admits it was his fault the Wolves found them - he reveals that he lost his backpack out on a recruiting mission and the photos, etc. lead the killers right to them. Deanna doesn't react to this. She just walks right past him and down the street away from her people. I think she's about done, and many of the Alexandria residents seem to be adopting her demeanor.

Jessie drags the dead Wolf from her kitchen and out to the graveyard to bury him. She gets that "this is life now" and just wants to move forward. Rick arrives and reminds her that they don't bury killers inside the walls (this still gives me a laugh), but he says they'll take the Wolves out to the woods after the other half of the Walkers is lead away. Jessie doesn't argue...her husband isn't even buried in Alexandria. Not sure why she thought the dude who tried to kill her in her house would be. 

 

Made My Skin A Little Bit Thicker

Carl needs a haircut. Badly. It's beyond distracting at this point. He's still looking for Enid because he's an idiot and he asks Ron to help him search the woods. Ron essentially tells him to screw off and threatens to tell Rick if Carl goes out there on his own. Carl storms off back into his house and Ron heads to the wall to talk to Rick. After tattling on Carl, he asks Rick to teach him how to shoot. Rick hands him a gun and begins a lesson. Don't trust him Rick! 

"You suck mom."

Meanwhile, the poor girl who runs the pantry is getting an earful. Food rations are getting tight and Deanna watches and does nothing when people start a free for all and begin to take what they want. Spencer shows up (never thought I'd be happy to see him) and gives a speech about keeping the community together and fighting the dangers outside instead of fighting one another inside. It works, at least for now, and the looters put the food back that they were about to run off with. He steals some food and a bottle of liquor himself though and decides to go home, get drunk, and tell his mother off. 

That night Deanna goes to the pantry to return the stolen items and a Wolf Walker comes out of the shadows and attacks her. Deanna drops the groceries and picks up a broken bottle. She stabs the hell out of the Walker's chest....which does nothing but ruin her outfit. Rick finally arrives and puts a knife through the Walker's head. She is unharmed and tells Rick she wants to live and she wants the place to stay standing. Rick tells her to lead, and Deanna tells him what the community actually needs is him. 

Makes Me Work A Little Bit Harder 

Rick shows up at Jessie's house and he's distraught. He didn't think they would need to wait this long to get rid of the Wolves' bodies. Rick confides that he had expected Glenn, Abraham, Sasha and Daryl back long before now. She acknowledges that they could still be alive and they still could come back, but what's happening right now...is now. "Tell me there's more." Rick goes in for a kiss (yay!) and it's a pretty great kiss. FINALLY. 

Maggie decides to go look for Glenn herself but Aaron is not going to let her go alone. He shows her a sewer entry which will take them under the wall and (hopefully) past the Walkers as well. This is very reminiscent of Glenn and Tara walking through the tunnel when he was looking for Maggie post-prison nightmare. As the two travel through the dark and disgusting sewer Aaron mentions he hasn't been down there "since the beginning," so of course a few sewer Walkers attack them right at that moment. Aaron takes a tumble and cuts his head, but he insists on moving forward with Maggie after they kill the Walkers. Side note: the makeup on those guys is pretty amazing. Can't imagine how long it took to get those Walkers camera ready. They reach the end and realize the sewer dumps them out right where the Walkers are outside of the walls. Maggie cries and tells Aaron she's pregnant. They return to town and we end the hour with no indication of whether Glenn is okay (I still maintain he is). 

So tonight I'm satisfied that 1) Rick kissed Jessie 2) Deanna got her shit together and 3) Maggie revealed she was pregnant. The rest of this episode was really just filler and I'm ready to find out where the rest of our heroes are and what challenges they are facing. Will we regroup with Abraham, Sasha, Daryl or Glenn next week? I sure do hope so. We only have a few weeks left until the mid season finale and I hate going into those breaks with the Grimes gang divided. 

AHS Hotel Episode 5: Room Service

In true American Horror Story fashion, Halloween extended to one more episode and the bloodshed continued in a big way. Iris and Liz Taylor take center stage tonight and become BFFs while John and Alex create some shenanigans in the background and generally annoy me. Last week's episode was definitely better, but I think "Room Service" set up some interesting developments going into the upcoming episodes. Here's what happened:

Control Your Poison Babe

Alex is having a tough time adjusting to her new, um, situation. While being a doctor allows her easy access to blood banks, having an occupation where you are constantly around people (and their veins) can be quite a challenge. She's also a little concerned about her 75 degree body temperature. Details...

Remember Max? He's the kid who has the measles because his parents are anti-vaccine. He's also in the hospital now with pneumonia, which is turning into a staph infection...and things just aren't looking good. Mom is very distraught and emotional now that she realizes her son probably won't make it (guess she is beyond worrying about what medications "cause" autism), but Alex tells her she won't give up on Max and sends her to go get coffee and gather herself. 

Now, we didn't actually hear Mother Monster explain all of the rules to Alex in last week's episode when she turned her, but I'm assuming Alex is aware that The Countess' creations are not supposed to do any creating themselves. Well, Alex is out of ideas to heal Max so she uses a syringe to insert her blood into his IV without really thinking about the consequences. Max, of course, makes a miraculous recovery and is home in time for Halloween. Alex doesn't see any of the aftermath though because she peaces out and becomes a governess for The Countess' children. 

The next time we see Max, he's killing/feeding on his parents on their kitchen floor. Breakfast is served. He then hops on the school bus to get to his classroom party. Max also has a little girlfriend at school, Madeline, and they sneak off for a smooch....where Max bites his lip so she can taste his blood. Ew. The teacher finds them just as the Madeline is turning, so Max slashes her throat so his girlfriend can feed. He tells her (and eventually the rest of his class) that if she drinks his blood and then the teacher's, she will feel better then she ever has before. Suddenly Max has an army of vampires by his side and they are feeding on faculty. The school goes on lock down and the police arrive, but the kids all have the same story about a man in a mask who terrorized the school. With no victims alive and with everyone else behind closed doors in the school during the "attack," the police believe the story with no problem. 

Alex, you suck. But not as much as...

If It's Not Rough, It Isn't Fun

John goes to his boss and tells him all about his dinner with the dead serial killers. He wants a warrant to essentially rip apart the Hotel Cortez. Given all of the stress and emotional issues John has had in recent years, this is the last straw for the boss man. John is fired and still clueless and still sucks more than Alex. 

He wakes up in his hotel room later that night (because that hasn't happened yet this episode) with a bunch of scratches on him after an apparent wild night with Sally. There's no evidence of a spiraled strap on though so he lucked out there. John doesn't remember anything that happened and he asks her to leave his room immediately. Sally is pisssssssed. She informs him that what they did that night will happen again and again because it's their destiny. "And you can't fight destiny." Oh John, you just can't win. Too bad your wife is a vampire snuggled with your vampire son in a coffin downstairs. Oh, and when was the last time you checked in with your daughter at her (I think) grandparents' house? Alex sure as hell isn't doing any skyping.  

Don't Be A Drag

Donovan brings his mother to see Ramona Royale and tells her that he can help with her revenge plot after all. He explains that Iris has the "in" at the hotel and can be her spy. Iris isn't too keen on this idea because she believes The Countess will see right through her. Donovan says "she never looks at you - you're invisible," and Ramona thinks this plan is perfect. 

Iris has the shakes because she's starving. She returns to the hotel and Liz Taylor mixes her up a "drink" from The Countess' secret stash. Liz reminds her though that she's going to need to feed eventually. Iris is not looking forward to this deed, but then two new guests arrive - a young couple featuring Glee's Darren Criss. They're assholes so Iris' guilt starts to dwindle. She gives them a room and heads back down to the front desk, but they are already calling to order room service. Clearly these two don't understand that this hotel doesn't have pâté. Iris hangs up the phone, crying, and Liz Taylor offers up a solution in the form of cat food. HA!

While they prepare the room service order, Iris notes that she and Liz have talked more today than they have in the entire time they've worked at the hotel. Iris tells her "I look at you, and all I see is questions." Liz invites her to ask away...and we get Liz Taylor's back story. 

Baby, you were born this way. 

We flash back to 1984 where Liz was a married man from Topeka, Kansas. He married his wife because they were the same dress size and when he was alone, he would wear women's clothing. Liz traveled frequently for work and ended up at the Hotel Cortez on one of those trips. He slipped on a nightgown, heels, and a fur coat and ordered himself some champagne. The Countess appeared then and told him she saw him in the lobby. "You dress like a man, walk like a man...but you smell like a woman." He begins to cry, saying he feels ugly. The Countess replies "Let me help you become what you were born to be - a goddess." And so Liz Taylor was born. The Countess didn't turn her into a vampire. Instead, she just gave Liz a makeover and a job. She also murdered Liz's traveling companions after they bullied Liz and swore to ridicule her back at their office. All in a day's work. 

Liz motivates Iris to be just as brave as she was, and Iris brings the room service tray up to the assholes. They begin to eat the cat food pate which is "somewhat decent," but they're pissed that Iris didn't bring them any green vegetables. They continue to act like spoiled brats and Iris eventually slices the girl's throat with a corkscrew and stabs the shit out of the guy with a knife. She drinks their blood and Liz helps her dump the bodies down one of the chutes. Iris is pretty pleased with the whole thing saying, "I never knew how to live until I died."

I must say that I did enjoy seeing the budding friendship between Liz and Iris tonight. It's about time we found out how Liz got so fabulous, and it was beyond time for Iris to grow some balls. I'm not sure how her new role as Ramona's spy will turn out given she is finally coming out of her shell, but Matt Bomer is a beautiful man and Angela Bassett is an amazing actress, so I need to see more of them and soon. Will Alex's gig as governess thwart Ramona's plans? Will Alex's own creation of vampire children come back to bite her (so to speak)? Will John get his shit together and solve the Ten Commandments Killer case without a badge and gun? And finally, can The Countess convince Will Drake to marry her? I feel like we haven't heard a peep from him in forever. 

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep 4: Here's Not Here

As much as we all wanted an update on Glenn this week, TWD writers and producers weren't going to give us any answers so soon after his maybe, possibly, not likely demise. What we get instead is a Morgan episode that takes us back through his journey from crazy town to catching up with Rick's group in Alexandria. This episode is story telling at its best and I'll do what I can to relay everything we found out about our resident pacifist in "Here's Not Here." 

THEN

Morgan begins the episode doing his best Castaway impression and intensely talking to himself. He's even made fire. Morgan has also made a habit of zombie hunting in the woods, beating Walker heads with the butt of his machine gun and burning the bodies in large piles. Neat.  Two living guys are on their own journey nearby and they don't last long -Morgan stabs one in the throat immediately and then strangles the other while yelling "You don't know!" Again, crazy town. 

Morgan comes across a strung up line of empty cans (Walker alarm) and sees a goat tied to a post near a couple of cabins. Of course he goes right in to steal the goat, but a voice calls out and tells him to leave the animal because it's not his. Morgan answers this by firing his machine gun toward the area the voice seems to be coming from, which in my mind is a little reckless given the huge sound it makes. However, the voice asks Morgan to put the gun down and come in and talk. Morgan sneaks around the cabin with his gun raised, and a peaceful looking dude knocks him out from behind. 

Morgan's captor is Eastman, played by John Carroll Lynch (who I love), and he has Morgan locked in a cell right near his kitchen. Morgan wakes up, but before Eastman can even begin to make friendly conversation, Morgan yells "kill me!" continuously. I mean, CONTINUOUSLY. Eastman tosses a small book called "The Art of Peace" into his cell and heads outside to kill a Walker threatening the goat...whose name is Tabitha. Heh. Morgan had asked Rick to kill him as well back in the "Clear" episode but had no success there either. What's his deal? 

Eastman provides Morgan with food and Morgan becomes more quiet as time goes by. He often looks out the window and sees Eastman practicing with a staff which, as we know now, is Morgan's weapon of choice. Eastman gives conversation another chance after a little while and he tells Morgan he's a forensic psychiatrist from Atlanta. He asks Morgan what he did before and what he does now. "I clear. Walkers. People. Anything that gets anywhere near me. I kill em. I clear." Eastman's reply? "That's the biggest load of horseshit  I ever heard." HA! He notices Morgan's wedding ring and asks Morgan if there's a wife and/or kids...and he immediately realizes where Morgan's family is. "You saw it happen. That's how this began. Your body's here but your mind is still there." Eastman says he believes everyone can heal in some capacity and he's there to help Morgan if he wants it. He says the door is open and it literally is. Eastman had unlocked it and gotten rid of the key a while back and Morgan never even thought to check it. "You stay or you go. Those are the choices. I will not allow you to kill me."

Morgan opens the cell door and slowly steps out, glaring at Eastman. He then lunges at Eastman but Eastman is the better fighter. He quickly has Morgan pinned down on the floor with Morgan once again saying "kill me." Eastman shows mercy though and reminds Morgan of his two choices. Morgan goes back into his cell and sits on the floor. Eastman leaves the cell door open...but Morgan slams it shut. 

Over the next couple of days Eastman mentions taking a big trip but can't quite come up with a destination. He leaves to scavenge some supplies and Morgan stays behind (still in his cell though the door is unlocked) and begins to read "The Art of Peace." He's interrupted when he hears Tabitha freaking out because nearby Walkers are apparently craving goat. Morgan runs outside, takes out the Walkers, then drags the bodies off to what looks like a Walker cemetery Eastman has created. Yup, Eastman always checks the bodies for ID so he can mark their graves with a name. Dude has an interesting balance...he knows he has to kill the Walkers but he still treats them like people afterwards. Eastman thanks Morgan for protecting Tabitha and hands Morgan the staff that we've seen him wielding in recent episodes. 

What follows is almost a Karate Kid mentoring sequence where Morgan learns how to use his weapon, but in a very calm and meditative manner. Eastman also tells Morgan that he needs to value his own life so that he may think about the lives of others. "To accept everyone, to protect everyone, and in doing that, protect yourself." The two become good friends and Morgan essentially becomes human again. One night at dinner he finally asks Eastman why he has a cell in his home. The poor guy tells a story about a criminal he had interviewed in the pre-apocalypse days. Eastman knew this person was a clear psychopath and his job was to make sure these types of criminals do not get parole. The guy attacked Eastman during the interview and Eastman defended himself - didn't kill the guy but was able to subdue him. The psycho went back to prison but broke out....and killed Eastman's wife, daughter, and son. WOW. The guy then walked down to the police station and turned himself in, saying the only reason he broke out was to destroy Eastman's life. Eastman built the cell with the intention of getting revenge by kidnapping the psycho and watching him starve to death. He didn't though. "I have come to believe that all life is precious."

Eastman determines that their "trip" should be to the nearest islands but says they are still short of supplies (no kidding). Morgan had left a bunch of his own provisions in one of his cleared areas the day he came across Tabitha. He takes Eastman there to pick up his tarp, canteen, etc. and Eastman sees the signs Morgan had painted around the burned Walker bodies: "Clear," "Pointless Acts," and "Here's Not Here." He asks Morgan who he lost and Morgan talks briefly about his wife and son before a Walker approaches. Morgan is not the same now...he hesitates...and when Eastman pushes him out of the way of a bite, Eastman is bit himself. Damn it. I SO liked this guy. Morgan is pissed too - he's angry that Eastman stepped into his (not so) fight with the Walker, and he's livid that he's inevitably going to lose his mentor now. They begin to fight themselves and Eastman has the upper hand. Morgan hits the ground and says "kill me" again. Eastman drops his weapon and grabs the Walker body to take to the cemetery.

Morgan doesn't follow right away. He's out to kill some Walkers now and in his quest, he comes upon a young couple clearly struggling to survive. Old Morgan would have just killed them immediately. New Morgan saves them from a Walker and heads home. Unfortunately when he arrives, Tabitha is being devoured by a Walker and this just puts me over the top. Eastman's a goner and the goat gets its insides torn out too? UGH! Morgan finds Eastman at the cemetery, breaks the news about Tabitha, and finishes digging the new grave. He looks up and notices that one of the "headstones" has the name of the man who killed Eastman's family. Turns out Eastman did nab him on one of the prisoner excursions where they do garbage clean up and flower planting on the side of the road. He watched him starve and it took 47 days. Eastman then found himself in a similar place Morgan had been in when he arrived. "What I did to him, it didn't bring me any peace. I found my peace when I decided to never kill again." Eastman went back to Atlanta to turn himself in and realized the world had essentially ended. 

Morgan gets Eastman back to the house and Eastman says Morgan is welcome to stay at the house after he dies. He encourages Morgan, however, not to stay and to go out and find people to share his life with instead. He gives Morgan the lucky rabbit's foot his daughter had given him quite some time ago, and then Eastman says he's got a gun locked away and he's "ready." The next screen shows Morgan all packed up and leaving the house...walking past Eastman's grave in the cemetery and finding the sign for Terminus, "a community for all." 

NOW

That recurring guy from the Wolves that Morgan encountered in the Alexandria slaughter is sitting against a wall in one of the houses. Morgan did not kill him after all. Instead, Morgan told him Eastman's story as well as his own story.  The Wolf looks up at him with a thoughtful face and asks "You think it could work out that way with me?" You can see Morgan's spirit life a little as he says yes, but it's short lived. The Wolf tells him "I'm probably going to die. But if I don't, I'm going to have to kill you Morgan. I'm going to have to kill every person here. Children too. Those are the rules. That's my code." Morgan leaves the guy tied up and locked up and heads off toward the sounds of other Alexandrian's in trouble.

Whew. I typically groan when we've got a cliffhanger on our hands end we end up with a character backstory episode to keep us guessing in the meantime. This, however, was a fantastic 90 minutes even though I was incredibly sad when the episode ended. Knowing that Morgan had been traveling alone for so long, obviously Eastman's time was going to be limited from the get go. But seeing where Morgan's new found "we don't need to kill people" thing came from helped me be slightly less mad at him for spending so much time trying to talk things out with the Wolves. Slightly. I think my biggest take away from the episode was Eastman pulling the drivers' licenses from the Walkers and making sure they had marked graves. We've seen Hershel keep zombie friends and family locked in a barn and we've seen crazy ass Lizzy think that Walkers are there for play dates, but we haven't seen an approach to the Walkers' human lives quite like this. The whole thing was very touching and I appreciate Morgan's effort....even if that Wolf is a douchebag...and even if I hope Carol finds him in the locked basement next week!

AHS Hotel Episode 4: Devil's Night

We have reached the annual American Horror Story Halloween episode and it's definitely a doozy! As we all know at this point, anything goes on Halloween - this show allows the spirits to walk freely, the dead to become the undead, and "real" people to pop up where you least expect them to. Tonight's episode is no exception, with a Devil's Night Dinner at the hotel filled with departed (but not quite gone) serial killers from the 1970s/80s. How did these crazies get along, you ask? Here's what went down in episode 4 of AHS Hotel. 

The Religion Of The Insecure

Ms. Evers is trying like hell to clean another pair of bloody sheets in the room above John's. Each time she scrubs and lifts the linens out of the bathtub they become blood soaked again. Is this her Halloween punishment? 

John wakes up to find blood dripping down one of his walls and heads upstairs. We then flash back to 1925 where Ms. Evers is encouraging her son Albert to go trick or treating. She has supplied him with a sheet so he can dress up as a ghost. This costume choice is certainly, um, fitting. She stops to talk with another mother and son and during this conversation, Albert is abducted and taken away in a car. 

John knocks on the door and asks if some sort of accident happened in the room. Ms. Evers claims she always goes "a little mad" on Halloween. She tells John she lost her boy on Halloween, saying she wasn't paying enough attention and wishing she had made him a proper costume. John sympathizes and keeps her company while she has a drink. Ms. Evers further explains that Albert's kidnapper took many boys to his farm. When he was finally caught, all that was recovered of Albert was a bloody sheet. The police found a mass grave of bones but never quite determined how many boys had been killed. She stops her story there because the morning is almost gone and there's still so much to do before the the evening's shin dig. 

Because John is still 95% clueless, he goes to his office to research these killings and can't figure out why he's never heard anything about this before. His partner tells him the Wineville Chicken Coop Murders happened more than 60 years ago. Actually, more than 85. John's computer confirms that said killer was born in 1909...and the online photos also confirm that Ms. Evers either has a doppelganger from the 1920s, or something is amiss in the Hotel Cotez. No shit, John. 

Give Me That Thing I Love

Alex brings Holden home with her (no word if she had to invite him in) and she immediately begins to examine him to see what's wrong with him. His temperature is wayyyy low and he's acting strange. Alex heads to the kitchen to pour him some juice and returns to find Holden sucking on their dog's ripped neck. You're thermometer and stethoscope aren't going to help you here, my friend. 

Holden wants to talk to his "other mommy" because he doesn't feel well and Alex takes him back to the hotel. The little guy goes right to his coffin in the bottom of the empty pool and Alex is shocked. The Countess Elizabeth appears then, promising answers to Alex's questions. Mother Monster explains that she saved Holden like she saves all of her children...she says John was neglecting Holden and he came with her willingly. He then contracted an ancient virus that ensures heath, vitality and everlasting life. 

Alex is getting a little antsy now and pulls a gun out of her purse. She demands that Elizabeth change Holden back, or Alex will kill her. Ha! I guess Alex didn't pick up on that "everlasting life" comment. Elizabeth tells Alex that there is no cure and no going back. She does, however, offer Alex the opportunity to be with her boy forever. In return, all Alex needs to do is pledge her undying loyalty. Alex takes off, but not for long. The next time we see her, Elizabeth is explaining "the transition" and then Alex begins to drink her blood. 

I'm Gonna Marry The Night

Richard Ramirez checks into the Hotel Cortez on Halloween, saying hello to Liz Taylor and reminding her that he has a standing reservation on "Devil's Night." It's his third year in a row, since, you know, Richard Ramirez died in 2013. Liz shows Richard to his room, where James March has left him "presents." He sure he - there are two people sleeping in the hotel bed. Richard murders them, then greets James with a big smile on his face.

He's not the only killer in town today. While John is still wrapping his head around his perpetual confusion, he bellies up to the hotel bar and asks Liz Taylor to make him a double martini. As he starts to drink, even though he previously wouldn't go near alcohol, he meets Aileen Wuornos. Yup, the chick from Monster (love Charlize Theron). She's dead too and played by Lily Rabe, whom I've missed terribly. John buys her a beer and compliments her Halloween costume. "You look just like her!" She asks him how long it's been since he's been laid and instead of mentioning Sally's disappearing act, he says he's got a room. Off they go. Before any sexual activities occur, Aileen knocks John out and ties him to a chair. When he wakes, he's confused (natch) and tries to tell this woman that she's not realllllly Aileen Wuornos. She welcomes him to Devil's Night in reply. John busts out of the chair, they fight, he cuffs her to the bathroom sink, and he checks her wallet to see who she really is. Well John, her driver's license is either an amazing fake ID or she's Aileen Wuornos. 

John heads down to the lobby and tells Liz Taylor about his attacker. He goes to call the cops but the phone is on the fritz. Liz tells him that Mr. March is protective of his Devil's Night guests and assures him that by the time he gets back to his room, Aileen will no longer be cuffed in the bathroom. Liz goes over the evening's guest list with John, which also includes Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, and the Zodiac Killer....but strangely enough, clueless John is also an invitee to the dinner party.

John arrives to dinner wearing a tuxedo that had appeared on his bed. He raises his glass of absinthe like everyone else but still doesn't understand his surroundings. He tells Aileen that she'll be leaving the hotel in his custody after dinner, and when James March introduces himself, John says the builder of the hotel has been dead for more than 80 years, blah blah blah. James says that John should know by now that the impossible becomes possible in this hotel, but dude still believes the dead killers around him are actors in costumes. "We are the Mount Rushmore of murder!" March replies. He tells John that each of the killers around him had once been guests at the hotel and he had mentored them all. The Devil's Night party participants start telling John their stories as well, and James defines them as American success stories because people write books and create movies about them. "You've made your mark in history."

Ms. Evers comes in with dinner and the conversations continue. The absinthe has gotten to John at this point though so when the group begins to stab the shit out of the businessman Sally has procured for dessert, he passes the eff out. When he wakes (I feel John is always waking up on this show) Sally is there alone and says he's hallucinating. Must be the alcohol. She walks him back to his room and promises she won't disappear this time. 

So, as intrigued as I am with the whole Holden eating the dog thing and Ms. Evers' losing her son to a chicken coop, I seriously could have spent the entire hour (and more) watching the dinner party. It's was probably less fun for the viewers who aren't familiar with the dinner guests (some of the jokes about Dahmer's preferences and Gacy's business sense probably went over some heads tonight), but this certainly was creative. My only complaint/worry is Devil's Night might be the only night we see Lily Rabe this season. The woman stole the show in Asylum and Coven. Next week we will probably get back to John's Ten Commandments Killer, Ramona's revenge, and Tristan's Keanu Reeves impression. I may need to watch this episode a few more times first though...