AHS Hotel Episode 10: She Gets Revenge

We've reached the final American Horror Story episode of 2015. Its title is "She Gets Revenge" and she sure does. But let me say first that this hour is absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud so many times (perhaps because my sense of humor is as twisted as Ryan Murphy's) and if we have to take an AHS hiatus, this was a great episode to leave us hanging. Here's what went down:

Bluffin' With My Muffin

Liz Taylor is still all messed up about Tristan, so much so that she considers shooting herself in the head. She tells Iris, "I don't want to be here anymore" and Iris reminds her that if she kills herself in the hotel, she will likely be stuck "here." Iris asks if she has any unfinished business and Liz mentions her son. She always wanted to make things right after leaving him. Iris tells Liz to wrap up what needs to be wrapped up...and then they will "go" together. Iris isn't interested in being there anymore either, especially now that Donovan sees no one but The Countess again. 

Ms. Evers helps Liz by calling her son and telling him his papa has arranged for him to stay at the luxurious Hotel Cortez for a week. Liz tells her that she hasn't seen her son in 31 years. WOW. I didn't realize Liz had been at the hotel quite that long. Ms. Evers' view of Liz's lifestyle isn't too favorable (given the time period she is from, that's not surprising) and we learn that she is helping Liz for a price....a brand new jug of oxy soap. "It's like Christmas morning!" HA! 

Liz's not so little boy Douglas arrives at the hotel and makes his way up the hotel steps to the bar for happy hour. He does not recognize his father behind the bar and assumes he is shooting the shit with "Liz." Quite a bit of time passes and Douglas talks about his failed dreams and his stale marriage. The conversation then moves to Douglas' childhood where "dad split and missed my one good season of pee-wee league." He mentions that he's in town to reconnect with his father but Liz keeps her cover and says nothing. She offers to buy Douglas' next drink but he's off to bed. "Some other time."

Because Liz feels like she reconnected with Douglas...even though Douglas didn't actually know he was talking to his father, Liz feels like she's ready "to go." She and Iris buy Ms. Evers a stack-able washer/dryer in appreciation of all her help (this show is a riot tonight) and they begin to discuss the manner in which they will off themselves. Ms. Evers interrupts and says Douglas is at the bar waiting to chat some more with Liz. They talk briefly and then Liz starts to tell Douglas who she is. Douglas knew already. His mom had given him a few clues over the years and he recognized his father right away. Douglas tells Liz "there's plenty of room for another woman in my life." Awwww.

Liz goes to Iris to tell her the news but Iris is busy finalizing her tribute video. Really - she put together a photo collage of herself and animals to the tune of "I Hope You Dance." That's television gold right there. "I wanted to be a beacon of hope to my 3 followers on Instagram." HA! I love this woman. Liz breaks the news gently. She wants to stay alive for her son. She tells Iris that the two of them should take over the hotel. Liz says they've earned it. "The best is yet to come."

This Time I'm Not Leaving Without You

John has taken another victim...well, victims really. In his effort to kill a holy man who clearly didn't understand the "thou shalt have no other gods before me" commandment, he stabbed the shit out of a couple of this man's followers as well. John walked away with the man's ears though so it was a pretty productive outing. 

Having secured his new trophy along with the rest of the collection, John decides it's time for a face to face with Alex. John is pissed that she made him believe Holden was a hallucination. They argue for a bit but they can come to an agreement on one thing - they have been the worst parents ever to poor Scarlet, who is still with grandma wondering what the hell is going on. While Alex has not forgotten about her, she tells John she has a bigger problem on her hands. The Countess found out about the murderous gang of children roaming the city and she is soooo not happy with her vampire nanny. Alex either has to "make things right" or The Countess is going to kill Alex and Holden. Alex needs John's help. Bad.

Alex and John find the children's hideout house (in record time) and the two inexplicably split up to find the kids. Alex comes across Kimmy, one of the girls who does not want to be a part of this group anymore. She's not doing so great. Max and company attack them, John shows up with his gun but doesn't kill any of the kids, and Kimmy dies because she's stopped feeding. "It's too late for Kimmy but it's not too late for the rest of you," Alex says. The kids follow Alex and John back to the Hotel Cortez and they find themselves locked in the secret hallway with Will's dead body and a pissed off and hungry Ramona. "Mama smells appetizers." Oh my. Do vampires eat other vampires?!?!

For whatever reason John and Alex have some sex after locking the kids away. I feel like Sally is going to flip her shit when she finds out. Maybe the rubbery wrinkled rape man will make another appearance. Anyway, John doesn't want to go through with the divorce and Alex mentions that John does seem different now. She's interested in this new John Lowe but she needs to go be a vampire nanny. Sally appears then (yes!) and accuses John of treating her like a whore. She tells him that he can't deny that she is who he really wants. They start to fool around but John stops before it gets too far. Sally tells him that Alex won't want him when she finds out he's a serial killer. "She left you. She lied to you. She wanted you out of her life. I was there for 5 years!" John tells Sally he can't be with her and storms out of the room. 

With Alex's permission, John goes to the video game room and reunites with Holden. Alex is no longer in her vampire nanny uniform and they decide they are taking Holden home and becoming a family again (I assume this also means picking up Scarlet from grandma's house). They walk out of the hotel hand in hand as Sally screams from the balcony above. 

Can't Read My Poker Face

Natacha enters the Hotel Cortez as Donovan enters the other hotel housing Rudy Valentino. This can't be good. As The Countess is confessing her undying love for Rudy in her room, Donovan is professing his undying love for The Countess in Rudy's room. Natacha draws a knife and says "I should have killed you after our first tango" as Rudy draws a sword on Donovan. Rudy is ready to run him through...but Donovan pulls a gun and blows Rudy's brains out. A lot. The Countess, meanwhile, kills Natacha the same way. 

The Countess has also reported Will Drake missing and meets with the police to play the very convincing role of worried wife. No need. Will walks into the room saying "darrrling" and the look on Mother Monster's face is priceless. He explains that he was looking through the renovation area and got lost for 2 days. The Countess ushers the detectives out quickly, shuts the doors, and Will says "you murdered me, you bitch." They argue over what is going to happen with Will's money and The Countess reminds Will that Lachlan will inherit everything and he made her Lachlan's legal guardian. She mentions that maybe Lachlan won't reach adulthood and Will is not happy The Countess is threatening his son. "I don't kill children. But I could make him a blood relative." Another laugh out loud moment tonight. As Will storms off, March appears to remind The Countess that she was warned not to kill Will on the premises. For real - what was she thinking? How could she be so surprised when Will waltzed into the room while she was declaring him a missing person?

Later that night she has a casual romantic with Donovan and tells him about her error. She needs Donovan to retrieve Will's body and put Ramona back in her metal cage. Sure thing. "Perhaps while I'm cleaning up your mess, you can clean up mine." The Countess is confused. What does he mean? "Why don't you text your boyfriend and ask him? Oh that's right, he doesn't know how to text. And you can forget about FaceTime." Oh. Shit. The Countess rushes to Rudy's hotel room and finds what's left of him. It's not pretty. 

When The Countess returns to the Hotel Cortez, Donovan is rocking out to "Hotline Bling." He seems very proud of himself. She tearfully turns off the music and shouts at her jealous lover. "He made me! He made me everything I am." Donovan states that when The Countess turned him...she tried to make him in Rudy's image. The Countess agrees but tells Donovan that he could never live up to Rudy. She asks Donovan why he stayed knowing that she would come back to kill him. Donovan replies that he accepts his death if it is the only way she will let him love her. The Countess cries. She begins to forgive him...but then Iris and Liz storm in with guns blazing and the episode ends. 

In this episode I still look at "she" as Ramona. Whether or not Iris and Liz were successful in their assassination attempt, Rudy's murder dealt a pretty amazing blow to The Countess and knocked her completely off guard. Her broken heart has to be a "win" in the Ramona column. As we go into the holiday break though, we have several open items to wonder about: Will John give up his serial killer quest to be a doting husband and father full time? Will The Countess (if still alive) go after Alex and Holden? Will James March find a new protege? And whether The Countess and Donovan are dead or not, will Iris and Liz take over the hotel? Does Will Drake even care at this point? We'll see what happens when the show returns again in 2016. Til then, I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season!

AHS Hotel Episode 9: She Wants Revenge

This week we revisit Ramona's vendetta against The Countess (haven't seen her since her failed attempt at offing Bartholomew) and we find out how Donovan and Iris are actually going to help execute her plan. Ramona is not the only woman with revenge on her mind though. After finding out what James March did to the love of her life, The Countess herself is mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore. Bonus points if you know the movie reference. Here's what happened in "She Wants Revenge."

Can't Believe My Eyes

We have one cutaway story in tonight's episode and Alex gets the spotlight for just a few minutes. She stops by to check on Max, the boy she gave "the virus" to and then never followed up with. In this scenario "better late than never" doesn't really apply. Alex had seen news reports about children witnessing horrific crimes and a damn light bulb finally went off in her head. Max's house is filled with bodies and he and his buddies are currently finishing up a meal when she arrives. Several of the kids are no longer interested in killing. All of their parents are dead and some of them just want to be normal again. Alex tries to get them to come back to the hotel with her (can't wait to hear Mother Monster's take on this) but they decline and leave together. As Alex watches them go, I have to wonder if she truly understands how badly she effed up here. She just haaaad to save this kid but had no problem leaving her daughter behind to become a vampire nanny...and not a very good one.  

Meanwhile the Countess stares into the hidden corridor that once housed Rudy Valentino and his wife. She cries, thinking about all of the time spent wondering why these two left her when in reality they were in the same building with her all along. I'd be pretty pissed too. She tells March that their arrangement is over - she will no longer dine with him once a month and exchange pleasantries. "I'd kill you if you weren't dead already." She wants the hidden chamber fixed and fixed immediately. I wonder who The Countess is looking to store in there....

In preparation for the his upcoming wedding, Will is helping Lachlan put the finishing touches on his tuxedo. He tells his son that he never met someone who really understood him until he encountered The Countess. "She's the one." Ms. Evers appears then (out of nowhere naturally) and tells Will not to marry her. She offers Will an array of weapons and he looks extremely confused. "Clearly you want to commit suicide. Why else would you want to marry that poisonous leech of a woman?" Will tells Ms. Evers she's fired (ha!) but she continues to try to warn him. "No one survives her." Ain't that the truth.

I'd Give Anything Again To Be Your Babydoll

Despite ongoing plans for this farce wedding The Countess has hired a private detective to locate Rudy. She finds him at a motel and he is overjoyed to see her. Rudy kisses her and pulls her into his room immediately. I'm guessing the wife is in there too but we don't see her. The next scene is full of nudity, moaning, and gyrating. You'd think this would be The Countess and Rudy, but it's actually The Countess and Donovan. They seemed to have kissed and made up. Donovan wants The Countess to swear that from now on she will love only him. The naked lady makes this promise but mentions that she is getting married on Wednesday. "Don't worry. I'll be a widow by Thursday. A rich widow."

Back at the Cortez a trio of questionable characters who could easily be, as Iris observes, from the "douchebag convention" arrives. They have a reservation under the name Stormcock. Really? Turns out we have two porn stars and their director and they've come to make a movie. Apparently many amateur porn entrepreneurs have used the Hotel Cortez as a shooting (heh) location over the years and Iris is just plain tired of it. When the couple is mid-scene she knocks on the door. A very angry director answers and she slits his throat immediately. Iris also doesn't bat an eye when the woman begs for her life. She drives that knife into her chest like it's nothing. The male star runs into the bathroom naked and locks the door. Donovan walks by just then and is pleasantly surprised by the mess his mom has made. 

Donovan reveals to Iris that his revived status with The Countess is a sham. He's still on board with Ramona and they need to act fast. Iris has some news of her own. When The Countess confronted her about Bartholomew's escape, Iris had no choice but to say Ramona was behind it. This was the best way for Iris to protect herself and her son. As Iris talks, Donovan hears the naked dude in the bathroom and breaks the door down. The next time we see the porn star Donovan is offering him to Ramona. He tells Ramona that they have to kill The Countess that night before she gets married. He says he needs to be rid of his "addiction."

Ramona and Donovan sneak into The Countess' room while she sleeps. Ramona approaches her with a knife with the intention of stabbing The Countess in the heart and then cutting off her head. Just before this happens, The Countess opens her eyes and Donovan tasers Ramona. When Iris sees Donovan carrying a semi-conscious Ramona to the new and improved secret corridor, she's confused. She wasn't filled in on this part of Ramona's plan...because Donovan has gone rogue. He's back to believing The Countess will never leave him and he plans to help her store "their" enemies in this room. Iris. Is. Pissed. She goes off on her son and tells him he'll die once The Countess is tired of him again. Ramona groans "listen to your momma" and claims The Countess has probably already moved on to her next man, but Donovan doesn't want to hear any of this. He storms off.

But we know The Countess does have a new man...or an old man who's the current man again...however you want to spin it. Rudy is having a tough time adjusting to this modern world. Natacha, on the other hand, is all about this revived life of theirs. She loves shopping and Uber and more shopping. The Countess tells Rudy that she is about to come into a great deal of money and she wants to use that money to revamp the Hotel Cortez into "a fortress against the modern world." Rudy wants to know where his wife fits into all of this. The answer? She doesn't. The Countess doesn't share. Rudy acknowledges that he would survive if something were to happen to Natacha as long as The Countess is there to comfort him. Wow. He's entirely too agreeable to this.

Electric Chapel

We've reached the wedding and it is definitely a small affair. While Will would have liked a lavish affair with celebrities and media coverage, The Countess had insisted on something intimate and super quick which worked out well. Lachlan is eager to get back to the video game room, The Countess is eager to get the honeymoon started, and Will is eager to have a drink. March shows up at the bar and introduces himself as a long time resident of the hotel. Fair enough. The two men talk about how wonderful marriage is and then The Countess' original husband drops the Bartholomew bomb on Will. See, Will had no idea that he is now a step-dad. As he leans forward over Bartholomew's crib wondering what the hell he's looking at, The Countess enters the room and knocks Will out. When he wakes up...Will finds that he is Ramona's roommate in the completely sealed off hallway. He panics, saying that they will starve if no one comes to save them. Ramona smiles and says "I won't." Then she slits his throat and feeds. The Countess watches all of this on TV from the cameras she installed in the corridor. 

The episode ends there and The Countess is once again a widow. I'm wondering how she's going to spin this though. If Will dies in the hotel, won't he stay there? And most likely not trapped in the secret hall? I'm not sure how The Countess can inherit the money if Will is walking around freely. The episode was pretty good though. There seemed to be a lot of filler but I know we're only a week away from the last 2015 episode so I'm guessing episode 10 is going to pack quite a punch. Will The Countess be able to get rid of Natacha? Will Donovan find out he's been had? Is Iris going to bust Ramona out of her prison? Are we going to see John's return before the year ends? There are a number of people looking for revenge at this point and I think everything will come to a head very soon. 

AHS Hotel Episode 8: The Ten Commandments Killer

At some point we needed to bring the focus back on this serial killer arc that I initially thought would be the main plot line this season. I'm totally fine with it being a side story now given everything else we've seen, but tonight's episode gives us the big reveal and it's a pretty fantastic one. Here's what happened in "The Ten Commandments Killer."

Out On This Lonely Road

We start off with Ren dashing into oncoming traffic and getting...we'll call it "hit" by a very large truck. John runs out into the street as other witnesses flock to her aid as well, but it's no use. She's dead. Rather than linger and have someone ask "was she with you?" John leaves the scene quickly. 

Liz Taylor is fixing her makeup after shedding many tears over the loss of Tristan. Her mourning is interrupted by John running in with his crazy face on asking where the monster is that everyone has been protecting. Liz plays it cool and John starts to rough her up a bit. This is not the time to screw with Liz. She grabs him and threatens him as Sally approaches. Sally says she'll take John to the place the Ten Commandments Killer has been hiding. She leads him to room 64 and tells him the answers lie on the other side of the door. 

John enters and Sally tells him about James March. They are standing in what used to be his office...the office he died in. She tells John he will find what he is looking for behind the armoire and John is quick to push the piece of furniture aside. He finds a hidden door that takes him to a room with the body parts the Ten Commandments Killer has collected from his victims: the hand of a thief (thou shalt not steal) from 1926 and teeth from migrant workers (remember the Sabbath day - keep it holy) from around the same time. Sally then points out the present day collectibles: the brain of a man who worshiped false idols, the tongue and eyeballs from the "thou shalt not commit adultery" victim, the hearts of the two brothers we saw suspended in the creepy house earlier in the season (honor thy father an mother), the vocal chords of the gossip columnists (though shall not bear false witness), and the spleen of a televangelist (thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain). She says someone has been trying to complete March's work. John has that "I don't get it" look about him that he's had for most of the season...just as I'm starting to kick myself for not realizing who the killer is sooner. John says he logged these recent collectibles as evidence himself so how did they end up here? Oh John. You're the killer. Seriously kicking myself. Why else would March have invited John to the special serial killer Halloween dinner? Agh!

Don't Stop, Let's Party

John's partner is hanging out in an autopsy room with Ren and he asks another officer to go check on John's house to make sure his family is okay. John appears, looking more pale than Ren, and he wants to confess to the Ten Commandments killings. He suddenly remembers that the first time he walked into the Hotel Cortez was 5 years ago and not 3 weeks ago as everyone else believes. (Glad to know only 3 weeks have passed in these 8 episodes). This was the same night that John had far too much to drink and subsequently quit drinking...for a while anyway. He came upon the hotel looking for an open bar and found Liz Taylor, Sally, Donovan and a whole bunch of martinis. Donovan invites him to an "after party" upstairs which was really just an awkward dinner between March and The Countess. This is the one night a month the former married couple actually interact with one another and March is pissssed when Donovan interrupts. However, Donovan introduces John as "a man who wants to drink himself to death" and all is forgiven. 

John explains the deaths he saw that day of the carbon monoxide poisoned family and the patriarch who killed himself upon finding their bodies. March points out that John is stating the details with a calm indifference. "I'm a homicide detective. What I know is death is the only thing in life that has meaning." March smiles and shoos The Countess and Donovan out of the room. He introduces himself to John as the hotel owner and gives him some absinthe. March tells John that he is struck by his aura, that he has rage that needs to be let out, but at this point John is just struck by the alcohol. He tells his new soon to be mentor "if they take the leash off of me, crime would drop in this city." This begins a two day discussion that leaves March feeling like he had found a successor. He even gets The Countess to buy in once she sees the pictures of Holden in John's wallet. Her choice to take Holden is what finally turns John into someone who hates the world.

As he deals with the pain of losing his son, John begins to live two lives - one at home with Alex and Scarlett and the other at the hotel with James March. After more discussions March feels it's time to take John to his trophy room. John initially says he will report these crimes, but after thinking about the number of criminals he has seen walk free because of technicalities, he finds himself wanting to follow in March's footsteps on what would have been Holden's 10th birthday. March tells John about a man who has stayed at the hotel...a man who is a pedophile that has never been brought to justice. This man was actually probably not a pedophile at all, but his "sin" was selling academy awards on Craigslist. He worshiped false idols. He is John's first victim and his brains are the first trophy. I guess if I were going to be bludgeoned to death, I would want it to be with a stolen Oscar. 

John realizes what he has done and how much he liked it and he tries to hang himself in the hotel. Sally watches and does nothing. She hopes he'll be hers forever if he dies right then. March cuts him down though and Sally comforts him. John asks why he can't remember things about the hotel when he leaves the hotel. Sally replies, "The Cortez is a jealous mistress John. Possessive. She'll never let you take anything with you." Speaking of mistresses, Sally kindly points out the man and woman who meet at the hotel frequently to cheat on their spouses. Through fake texts John arranges for them to schedule their next tryst at a different hotel. He leaves the man alive but takes his eyes and tongue. 

Hanging On A Moment Of Truth

John's partner is calling bullshit at this point. He tells John that the "Sally" he's talking about has been dead for 20 years. March has been dead for 90. None of this is possible. He tells John he is not responsible for these deaths and John grabs a knife from the autopsy table and kills him. John says "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," but there's no real evidence they had an affair. Alex simply had coffee with him to talk about John's issues and her concern. 

The episode ends with John returning to the hotel carrying a bloody bag with a trophy from his latest kill. He sees Iris at the front desk and tells her he remembers everything. Iris is so relieved because she never knew "which John" would approach the desk on any given day. John tells her he has no regrets except Ren. "That one isn't on you John. Ren died because of Sally." We then see a flashback of Sally telling Ren to follow John everywhere and make sure he doesn't die outside of the hotel. Ren had protected John at all costs. March sees John and asks what is different about him today. John says "Clarity."

So John is the killer...and the signs were all there....and I was clueless. Palm to the forehead. This was a great episode though and I loved every second of it. John has two more kills to go and we have two more episodes to go before the show takes a brief hiatus. Will he somehow make Sally pay for corrupting Ren? Was he sloppy when he killed his partner? And if dying in the hotel keeps you in the hotel, where's Tristan? Do Gaga murders not count? The one tourist girl she killed is still roaming about... Regardless, we are eight episodes in and the season keeps getting better and better. This is hands down my favorite season so far. Fingers crossed we are in for a solid remainder of American Horror Story: Hotel. 

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 8: "Start to Finish"

Well kids, we made it to the mid-season finale on The Walking Dead and from a suspense standpoint, it doesn't let us down. The people of Alexandria literally come face to face with the Walker world, the Carol/Morgan conflict escalates, and Jessie's kids might be the most annoying characters to hit this show in quite a while. Look at the flowers boys. Here's what happened in "Start to Finish."

Uh Oh Overflow

We pick up right where we left off with the tower crashing through the gates of Alexandria. The Walkers begin to file in and the "oh shit" look Rick has on his face says it all. He yells for everyone to get inside as he starts shooting at Walkers. Deanna comes running up with her gun as well, aiming for zombie heads this time which proves way more effective than the stomach stabbing she did previously. She falls on a circular saw near the wall reinforcement area and Rick has to practically carry her to Jessie's house, with Carl, Ron, Gabriel and Michonne merging with them there. 

Maggie had just run down from her watch station on the wall because she saw the green balloons Glenn had released nearby. Now she has to scramble back to the top of the wall, losing her ladder in the process. Glenn meanwhile makes a plan to go around to the west wall to try to get into town that way. Enid is all mopey and stupid and he tells her "Our friends are in there. People who care about you. My pregnant wife." He then tells her to run away if she's scared, "but that's how you lose people." 

At this point Jessie takes everyone up to the second floor of her house where Sam is freaking out. She asks him to pretend shit's not falling apart as he sees Michonne and Rick take a bloody Deanna to the next room. Easy peasy, right? Michonne tends to Deanna's bum leg and then begins to tackle the massive cut on Deanna's side from the saw. The only problem is...that cut is flanked by a Walker bite. I'd love to do an "OMG!" or "How could they?!" right now but did anybody really think that Deanna was going to survive this episode?

Offer Me Solutions, Offer Me Alternatives

Tara, Eugene and Smokin' Hot Rosita have sealed themselves off in another garage and they sit and watch the shadows of the Walkers pounding the walls outside. Smokin' Hot Rosita is discouraged and asks her friends if Alexandria is over...to which Tara replies "I think we gotta earn it. All of us. A place like this has to have a price, right? This place isn't over. We're here...so what are we gonna do, gorgeous?" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the line of the night. 

Carol and Morgan are running from the Walkers when Carol slips on some bullet shells and bumps her head. Morgan brings her into the house that also serves as the Wolf jail and he tries to tend to her wound. She's hesitant and he asks her if there's anyone she trusts. "Some more than others. But you're dead last." Ha! 

The Wolf and a very nervous Dr. Denise sit in the basement and wonder what's happening outside. Denise wonders if this guy could be scared at all given what he's done. But the Wolf says that his group didn't kill people. "We freed them...and then we were just going to use what was left. I've done my part. The world will take care of the rest. It won't change." 

Morgan walks toward the windows to see how things are progressing outside and Carol dashes down the basement stairs. She has her knife and is ready to kill the Wolf when of course Morgan jumps in front of her spewing his "all life matters" bullshit. Look, I understand where he's coming from. I do. But this guy is part of a group of people who slaughtered a community and has outright SAID he will kill everyone left in Alexandria if given the chance. Step aside Morgan. Go save the innocent lives of the poor, naive people in the community who are getting their guts eaten.  Carol doesn't want to kill Morgan, but she tells him she will. "You can't. I won't let you."

Carol and Morgan fight, Morgan knocks Carol out, and I'm pissssed. You know what happens next? The effing Wolf knocks Morgan out and holds Denise at knife point. Tara, Eugene and Smokin' Hot Rosita arrive just then, but the Wolf uses Denise as a human shield and disappears. 

Save Yourself, Serve Yourself

Ron heads out to the garage and Carl follows him. Ron seriously sucks. Seriously. He's taking a page from Enid's playbook and whining about how they're all going to die and there's nothing they can do. Ron pulls out the gun he isn't supposed to have and Carl fights with him. Ron breaks the garage windows in the process, allowing the Walkers a clear path in. You. IDIOT. The boys make it back into the house and Jessie and Rick are able to make a temporary barricade against the interior door to the garage. Carl doesn't tattle on Ron but he does pull Ron into another room and aims his gun at him. Carl asks for Ron's gun and says "I get it. My dad killed your dad. But you need to know something - your dad was an asshole." True story. 

As Michonne sits with Deanna, they discuss plans that Deanna had drawn up to help expand and improve the town. Michonne tells her that even now those plans could still work. "I want this place to work." Deanna asks her what that means to her...for her...but Michonne doesn't know. Rick and Michonne switch spots for a bit and Deanna hands Rick a note for Spencer and Maggie. "Will you look out for him like you look out for your people? They're all your people Rick. I didn't run out to help you because I like you or because I think you're a good man or a good father or that you can grow one hell of a beard. I ran over to help because you are one of us." See how that works, Rick? Don't you feel like shit just a little bit now?

There's no more time for heart to hearts. The Walkers have broken in on the first floor of the house. Everyone heads back upstairs and Rick decides that they need to all wear Walker innards and try to leave the house unnoticed. It's worked before. I'm not sure why they don't do this more often. Rick explains the plan and but then lowers his eyes when Gabriel asks "What about Deanna?" Michonne checks in on Deanna one last time and lets her know the group is leaving. She offers to end Deanna's situation, but Deanna isn't quite ready. She has her gun and says she will do it herself when it's time. "Someday this pain will be useful to you," she says. Michonne cries and thanks Deanna for believing. Deanna tells her to "give em hell," and Michonne rejoins the group. Deanna meets her demise guns blazing as the Walkers approach her room. 

As the group prepare to leave, Sam is back to flipping out. Jessie tells him they need to look like the monsters and asks him to pretend none of this is real and that he's someone who is brave. This is quite a stretch, mom. The episode ends with Rick, Carl (toting Judith), Jessie, Sam, Ron, Gabriel and Michonne slowly walking out the front door and down the steps in a single line, hand in hand. All seems to be going well...and then just before the credits roll, Sam can be seen squeezing Jessie's hand and saying "Mom? Mom?"

Are you kidding me?!?! Now is not the time for questions Sam! I swear, between him, Ron, and Morgan this episode, my nerves are shot. Rick and Carl have spent a considerable amount of time saving Ron's ass and Ron continues to be a liability. Sam absolutely sucks at pretending. And Morgan? Yeah, way to go buddy. You got Denise kidnapped by someone who either "frees" people or "uses what's left of them." Ugh. We obviously still have some cliffhangers to drive us crazy mull over until February, because as it stands now we have no Glenn and Maggie reunion, no indication to the group that Abraham, Sasha and Daryl are alive, no resolution to the Carol and Morgan conflict, and a high probability that some of our heroes will become a late lunch for the Walkers they are trying to fool. The show runners owe us a lot of answers when the show returns in 2016!

AHS Hotel Episode 7: Flicker

Tonight American Horror Story: Hotel gives us even more of a background on James March (seriously my favorite Evan Peters character since Tate) as well as The Countess.  About 90% of this hour takes place via flashbacks with just a touch of present day action. Here's what happened in "Flicker."

I'm On The Edge With You

Will and Lochlan stroll through the halls of the hotel and Will tells his son that he and his "blond lady friend" will be together forever. Lochlan is confused because he thought his dad was into guys, but he gives his blessing anyway. Will is having some updates made to the Hotel Cortez, and the construction workers are finding some strange things as they begin renovations. For instance - behind one bit of drywall lies an inch of steel which, we find out, is blocking a secret tunnel. When the workers begin to remove the steel (per Will's instructions) they explore this tunnel and notice several arches/entryways that have been sealed shut with bricks. They're scared...but they don't have to worry long. A zombie like man and woman come out of the shadows and kill them. To make matters worse, there's a gaping hole in the wall now and no steel to keep these things captive. 

The Countess and Iris investigate the bloody scene and the fearless Mother Monster suddenly looks frightened. Iris can't believe her eyes. What could be rattling her? We then flash back to Hollywood in 1925 where silent film heartthrob Rudolph Valentino is shooting a movie. He invites one of the female extras to his house for dinner. They discuss "flickers" and the young woman thinks that being up on the big screen will make them immortal. This young woman is The Countess. They share a tango before Rudy's wife Natacha enters the room...and then the two women share a tango...and then the three of them share a tango...and then the three of them share some sex. All in a day's work. 

The Countess carries on this secret relationship for some time, refusing to kiss and tell when her BFF asks her who she's been seeing while they are at a big Hollywood soiree. Turns out this party is the grand opening of the Hotel Cortez where the dashing owner, James March, is welcoming everyone with a smile. The champagne toast is interrupted though by a man running into the room with a newspaper, saying Valentino is dead. The Countess is devastated. She runs down the hall of the hotel and stands at the edge of a window ready to jump. Pretty sure this is the same window Iris pushed Sally out of. Anyway, James stops her and when their eyes meet, he's immediately smitten. 

I'm Gonna Marry The Dark

Feeling 100% alone, she marries James quickly and it doesn't take long for her to discover his, um, hobbies. She's not startled. The Countess is "drawn to his darkness" and encourages her new hubby to stop slicing up hobos and kill people with jewels or riches - something that will benefit them. This is music to her murderous husband's ears. 

The Countess visits Rudy's grave and encounters his wife...and Rudy himself. He explains that he faked his own death because while on a movie promotional tour, he was turned into a vampire by a F.W. Murnau, the German director behind Nosferatu. When he returned from the tour he gave "the virus" to Natacha, and now he wants to give it to The Countess. He invites her to come away with him and his wife and she joyfully agrees. Unfortunately for her, James is nearby and overhears the entire discussion. He won't let her go without a fight. 

Turns out the man and woman trapped inside the steel wall in the present day hotel are Rudy and Natacha. James kidnapped them before they could steal The Countess away and he sealed them away in the hidden hallway in the hotel. Damn. The Countess had just assumed they stood her up (but I'm guessing they turned her in the mausoleum?) and she is livid when James tells her what was actually hidden back there. As they have this discussion we see Rudy and Natacha walk out of the hotel arm and arm. 

A Little Gambling Is Fun When You're With Me

John finds himself in a mental health ward and this might actually be the first episode where he enters the hour awake. He tells the psychiatrist about the many things going on in his life and he explains that he needs "professional help." That's probably true. But John is also there to find a potential suspect in the Ten Commandments Killer case. Apparently one of the last bits of information he got before being thrown out of his office was a lead in this hospital. 

He hears one of the security guards bragging about how he guards the real psychos in the solitary confinement area, and John takes it upon himself to knock the guard out that evening and steal his keys. This is clearly a well monitored hospital. John finds the patient log and sees that his former partner recently visited room 153 so he heads there. Inside that room is a little girl who does not want to "feed" anymore. She looks like one of The Countess' children and her name is Ren. She's been working with the Ten Commandments Killer and certainly has the stories to prove it. Interesting. John wants to know more about her and we flash back to 1986 where Ren's father leaves her baking in the car so he can go drink inside the Hotel Cortez. The Countess busts a car window and saves her which explains the whole feeding thing. John begs Ren to tell her who the killer is (it's a "he" apparently) and she tells John she'll show him where the Ten Commandments Killer lives if he helps her escape. Again, because there's pretty much no security at this place, the escape is pretty easy. Ren tells John that to find the killer, they need to go to the Hotel Cortez. She then purposefully runs into the street in front of a truck. 

The episode ends there and John seems to be SOL again other than knowing he has to go back to the hotel. With so few episodes left he has to be on the brink of catching this guy, but who is he? Is it someone we haven't even met yet? One of March's proteges? Liz Taylor disguised as the man before Liz Taylor?  Could it possibly be Will Drake? Did he buy the hotel because he knew what it was built for? There are still many open items to close on as we get closer to the finale, but I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. The trip to "old Hollywood" was fun and it was great to see the banter between The Countess and James March. I'm hoping we see much more of it before the season ends!

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 7: Heads Up

The time has come! Spoiler alert! Glenn is....ALIVE! Tonight we finally catch up with the aftermath of "Thank You" and Nicholas' suicide, and we find out that Glenn, thank goodness, is not the pile of goo some viewers thought he was at the end of that episode. I always believed he was alive, but it sure does feel good to actually see him. Here's how everything played out in "Heads Up."

Hold On To Me As We Go

The episode opens with Glenn and Nicholas falling off the dumpster and Glenn watching in horror as guts are torn and eaten all around him. Those guts belong to Nicholas and Glenn is able to wiggle under the dumpster while the Walkers feed. He waits them out overnight and then crawls out dehydrated and disheveled after the sun comes up. Suddenly, effing Enid appears on a nearby roof and shouts "heads up" before throwing a water bottle down to Glenn. I don't care. I still hate her. Glenn busts into that building to look for her and realizes she's been staying there by herself. She's hidden away somewhere but we can hear her voice when Glenn calls out to ask what happened in Alexandria. "What happened is what always happens - people died." She explains that the bloodbath wasn't due to Walkers. It was people. She doesn't answer when he asks about Maggie's status though because she's already on the run. Glenn, for real, leave her ass and get home to your wife. 

Glenn does begin his journey home but finds Enid in a cafe and grabs her. He tells Enid that Maggie wouldn't leave her behind so he needs to bring her back to Alexandria with him. She's acting like a little bitch and continues to says "no" like a 4 year old who doesn't want to brush her teeth or go to bed. She eventually pulls a gun on Glenn. He's pissed. I'm livid. Enid calmly tells him to turn around and walk away. He grabs the gun from her and insists she leave with him. No more bullshit. 

As they walk along the road they find (randomly) a helium tank and some balloons. Enid blows them up so they can use them to distract the Walkers. When they approach the walls to Alexandria though, they see the mass of Walkers at the walls and Enid is ready to give up...because she sucks. Glenn gives her a pep talk about how "we going on living for the dead because they can't" and then they release the balloons so the people on the wall in Alexandria will see an "I'm okay" signal coming from outside. 

The Trouble It Might Drag You Down

Back in Alexandria, Maggie is standing at the top of the wall keeping an eye out for Glenn as well as Abraham, Sasha and Daryl. Poor thing. Rick climbs up to chat with her and says maybe they need to come up with a plan to get rid of the Walkers without waiting for their missing friends and their vehicles to come back and help. He thinks maybe they need to do it themselves so Glenn, Daryl, Abraham and Sasha have a clear path to come home. Well, wouldn't that be nice?

Rick doesn't linger too long because he needs to give Ron another shooting lesson. Carl and his ungodly hair assist Ron, as he is very eager to do some live target practice. Rick says they will need to wait on that but promises Ron that he will continue to learn. Ron sneaks into the armory though and steals some bullets. Oh great - let's give the kid with a vendetta and little weapons training a loaded gun. Smokin' Hot Rosita, meanwhile, is giving lessons as well but with machetes. The community members are following her instructions but Eugene is standing still being a pussy. She yells at him about needing to be able to protect himself and Alexandria and he leaves. Eugene is really out of excuses at this point...if the people of Alexandria who have just learned how the world "really is" can get on board with new rules and training, Eugene really needs to get his shit together. 

Being a very busy bee today, Rick sits down with Morgan next and invites Michonne and Carol into the conversation. Rick tells Morgan about the Wolves and the RV and how dangerous they were. He asks Morgan why he wouldn't kill the Wolves and why he would let any of them go. "I know that people can change because everyone sitting at this table has. All life is precious and that idea changed me, it brought me back, and it keeps me living." Morgan is not ready to give up on this idea and he still has a Wolf hidden in that cell nearby. He even enlists substitute doctor Denise to help tend to the guy's wounds. Carol follows her to the cell we see Carol come face to face with Morgan. This "life is precious" thing is going to continue to cause a problem with his stay in Alexandria.

You know who else is causing problems? Spencer. This idiot is trying to use a poorly attached zip wire to shimmy himself from the walls to the crumbling watch tower surrounded by Walkers. Of course he falls and Tara puts herself in danger to save Spencer. Rick and Morgan lift him back over the wall and Rick yells at her "You almost died once for these people! What the hell were you doing?" Tara gives him the finger and I love it. Spencer thought he could get to a vehicle on the other side and help lead the Walkers away. Rick gives him shit for not running the idea by him first, but Spencer correctly points out that Rick wouldn't have listened to him anyway.

The episode ends with Maggie seeing the balloons overhead and running toward Rick and the others who are working to secure the walls from the inside. The tower Spencer had clumsily shot a hook and line at comes crashing down then and destroys that portion of the wall. Holy. Shit. 

The next episode is the mid-season finale and with the horde of Walkers coming in, we can definitely expect some deaths...and not the "extras" that perished when the Wolves attacked. Will Deanna make it through? Is Smokin' Hot Rosita in danger now that TWD hinted at an Abraham/Sasha romance (gag)? Is Carol going to kick Morgan's ass before joining in the Walker fight? Will the brief weapons training many of the people in Alexandria have received help with the Walker invasion? We only have a short time to find out who we will lose and how many tears will be shed...  

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 6: Always Accountable

Tonight we still have no word on Glenn, but we do finally catch up with Daryl, Sasha and Abraham as we continue the "meanwhile" breakaways from the season premiere's Walker diversion mission. The episode opens with Daryl on his motorcycle, Sasha and Abraham in a car right behind, and a mass of Walkers following them on the road. Seems like things are going how they should be but another car comes out of nowhere and begins firing behind Abraham and Sasha. WTF? And there are people on foot firing as well! Who are they?!? Daryl has to take a path away from Sasha and Abraham and the rest of the episode follows their respective separate journeys. Here's what went down in "Always Accountable."

Take Away My Self Destruction

Sasha and Abraham are stuck where they encountered the initial gunfire. Their car is toast and they are on foot with their guns wondering what happened to Daryl. Because Daryl is a tracker, Sasha thinks it's better to let Daryl find them rather than get super lost looking for him. Makes sense. She leaves footprints and markings as a trail while she and Abraham make their way to hide out in a nearby office building. 

As they wait for a Daryl reunion, Sasha blames Abraham for their predicament because she's still pissed he wouldn't let her go solo on this mission. He tells Sasha she had been pretty out of control recently but it's not like Abraham hasn't had his moments too. Abraham goes on a search for supplies in the building while Sasha keeps an eye out for Daryl and he finds some weapons and cigars. He also taunts a Walker and nearly gets himself killed...but he ends up walking away unscathed and I hope this is the end of Abraham's "death wish" behavior.  He vows to Sasha that he's going to start changing his ways and tells her he wants to get to know her a lot more. Um, has Abraham forgotten about Smokin' Hot Rosita? Cuz I think she's clearly the better pick here. 

Where I Go I Just Don't Know

Daryl ends up on his own, taking a path through the woods to get away from the guns, and he and his bike are looking rough. He can't get anyone on his walkie talkie, so he hides his bike in some bushes and proceeds on foot with his crossbow. Daryl encounters two women who surrender quickly....but then a guy comes up behind him and knocks his ass out. 

Daryl wakes up to find the same guy pointing a gun at him and he is instructed to follow the two girls as dude walks behind him with the gun. I hate this guy already. They pass a lot of burned bodies and Daryl's captors explain how they've been fighting the Walkers and trying to take out as many as they could. Daryl doesn't have time for this. He tells them he can help them but dude with the gun says "You're one of them. You're hurt and you're alone and you'll say anything. We should have never trusted your people to begin with." Uh oh. Pretty sure "you're people" is not Alexandria, so where did these guys come from? The Wolves? None of them are sporting the "W."

The trio is on a search for "Patty" but when they arrive in the location where she is supposed to be, they only see Walkers. They assume Patty is a goner and one of the girls passes out. Daryl takes this opportunity to grab their duffle bag and make a run for it. He finds a spot to stop and pull out his crossbows and arrows....and he realizes there is also a cooler in the bag full of insulin. Shit. Must be why the girl passed out. Daryl can't bring himself to run off with the insulin supply so he turns around and brings the cooler back to his captors. He exchanges the bag for dude's gun then walks away. 

A truck arrives with a few more guys and Daryl ducks away to listen to their conversation. The trio tells the head guy, Wade, "we earned what we took" but Wade isn't having it. He says they now also owe him the gas money it took for him to find them. "Earned what we took" sounds an awful lot like the hospital Beth was held in, but that was in Atlanta and the group is far from there at this point. Who are these people? Daryl looks around and realizes these assholes are everywhere and he helps the trio to safety. He even gives the guy his gun back which might be his worst decision ever. 

I'm Gonna Give You Some Of My Good Time

Once the group is safe, Daryl chats with his former captors and they come to an understanding that Daryl is not part of the group that is after them and the three of them are not bad people. They arrive at an area the trio had previously burned down and realize they accidentally killed people they knew with that fire. The girl who needed (and received) the insulin shot gathers some flowers to lay next to their seemingly dead and crispy bodies, and then they feed on her because she's stupid. She dies, they bury her, and Daryl decides the two remaining people are worthy of returning home with him. He asks them the three questions, and they say they've killed a couple thousand Walkers but no people. "Why haven't I killed anybody? Because if I did, there'd be no going back."

Daryl brings them to the bushes where he hid his bike and says they need to find Sasha and Abraham so they could have a ride back to Alexandria. Dude pulls the gun Daryl GAVE BACK to him and they take his crossbow and motorcycle. The girl says "we're sorry," and Daryl replies "you're gonna be." They ride away with his supplies and he's alone in the woods again. However, that lucky SOB finds a working truck not too far away and he's also able to find Sasha and Abraham. As they ride to get their mission back on track, the walkie talkie is working again. A male voice says "help," but it doesn't sound like Glenn....

So, if it's not Glenn, who is on the other end of that walkie talkie asking for help? Where are we in the timeline compared to what's happening in Alexandria? And who is Wade and what's the deal with his group? I'm thinking this might just be an introduction for something happening much later in the season as the Wolves and the many Walkers outside of Alexandria still seem to be the more pressing issues. We only have one more episode until we reach the mid-season finale and I'm hoping that we get everyone back to Alexandria before the show goes on hiatus til 2016. I know...probably wishful thinking.

AHS Hotel Episode 6: Room 33

Well, Halloween may be behind us now but the bloodbath definitely continues in episode 6 of American Horror Story: Hotel. We are moving into the second half of the season and now things kind of have to start coming together (I'm looking at YOU, Asylum), so it seems almost everyone gets at least a cameo tonight. You know what else happens tonight?  THIS: We flash back to Los Angeles in 1926 where The Countess gets out of a cab at....the Murder House from Season 1! Holy shit! She is there to visit crazy ass Doctor Montgomery about an abortion. She claims to be 3 weeks along in her pregnancy but has quite the baby bump going on. I guess incubation is accelerated when you're a vampire? Kristen Stewart was ahead of her time? 

Anywho, Dr. Montgomery takes her to the basement where (for those of you who don't remember) he typically performs abortions along with many gruesome murders. He's a bit startled to see that The Countess' body temperature is 75 degrees. Meh, the thermometer just must be broken. He proceeds to abort the "3 week old" fetus and discovers that it's a very much alive baby...a baby that attacks and kills his nurse. Like mother, like monster. As The Countess wakes up from the ether, Dr. Montgomery hands her the little bundle of joy and says "Congratulations, it's a boy." Could this be the psycho deformed baby from Season 1 as well?

Chase You Down Until You Love Me

John rolls over in his bed and sees Holden. The little guy says "Hi Daddy" and runs away (feels like we've seen this before). John chases him down to the room with the coffins where he also sees a sleeping Alex. He faints...because we're going to need him to wake up again....because that's how ALL of his scenes start on this show. 

Alex puts John to bed and asks Liz Taylor to help relocate the coffins. Might as well - John already thinks he's going crazy anyway, so why not remove things he thinks he saw? John wakes up (shocker!) in his bed and Alex is there in a non-vampire nanny outfit to tell him that he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. She encourages him to check out of the hotel and seek professional help, but he wants to go down to that empty pool. Alex accompanies him and of course there are no coffins there.  

Liz Taylor and Tristan then get it on and apparently they've been getting it on a lot. They've become a couple, they're in looooove, and Liz is scared of what The Countess will do when she finds out. Tristan believes she'll understand once she sees them together. Tristan is effing stupid. 

The Countess meanwhile is, um, servicing Will Drake but he's not rising to the occasion, so she sends Tristan a text to "cum up." When Liz's new man arrives and realizes The Countess wants him to help "get Will started," he tells her he doesn't want to. The Countess gives him a look that could kill. She informs him that for the next hour he will be doing what she wants him to do. I was kinda hoping she'd say "As your maker, I command you!" 

When all of this romping is finally finished (Tristan must be exhausted), The Countess heads to room 33...where her son Bartholomew resides in a crib. So, still a baby? Mother Monster lifts him and tells him she's off to Paris and will return with so much money, she'll never have to leave him again. 

"Roses Have Thorns," They Say. 

Donovan and Ramona roll up after The Countess is gone because it's finally time for them to get their revenge show on the road. They hop right in the elevator and head to the basement to kill the vampire children who, by the way, aren't down there anymore. Donovan chickens out as the elevator doors open but Iris meets Ramona at the pool to assist. Nope. No creepy kids there. Ramona tells Iris she can go in search of the children but Ramona wants to take out the baby in room 33 herself. Iris gives her the key to the room and "Auntie Ramona" pays Bartholomew a visit. The room is dark and she searches for him with a flashlight. We see Bartholomew's strange little eyes just before we see Ramona go down to the floor. 

Turns out Ramona just has a bump on the head and she nurses it at the bar with Liz. Alex is on the search for Bartholomew (worst nanny ever) as Liz confides in Ramona about her loooooove for Tristan. We know how Ramona's story ended when she strayed from The Countess. She gives Liz a good warning about the situation, but Liz totally thinks she can reason with the woman who killed Ramona's boyfriend and his entourage when she found out Ramona was cheating on her. Totally. 

Donovan uses this time to visit the empty penthouse and sniff The Countess' undergarments. You gotta do what you gotta do I guess. Those two Danish girls who were killed in the early episodes interrupt him - they're still looking for Universal Studios and Hollywood attractions. Donovan tells them they can't leave the hotel. "Until you find a purpose, you will be stuck in an unbreakable chain repeating yourselves over and over again." Interesting.  

The girls hope their purpose might be to kill hotel guests and they give it a go with a cocky guy who had just checked in, but they find themselves in the same situation they were before.  Alex gives them an alternate idea....instead of murdering guests, why not just make them go crazy? Why not test out this new plan with John? Why not have them approach a very drunk John for a 3 way? Why not have blood pouring down their bodies while naked and straddling him? FINALLY John packs his suitcase and leaves the hotel. He doesn't realize, however, that Bartholomew has hidden inside.

John picks up Scarlet from her Grandma's house and returns home. She tells John she hasn't heard from her mother in two days and he swears he won't leave Scarlet alone again. He promises he's going to make everything right again. John. Dude. Give it up. He hears something in the kitchen and starts shooting his gun...within eyesight of Scarlet...and back to Grandma's she goes. 

Alex comes to the house to see Scarlet off and she tries to calm John. He calls her out and says he knows she's going back to the hotel. He then goes into the bedroom and slams the door. On her way out, Alex finds Bartholomew hiding in the bushes and brings him home. I guess it wasn't a wasted trip after all!

I Won't Stop Until The Boy Is Mine

The Countess returns home from Paris (that was fast) and she says goodnight to Will, who tells her he loves her. Awww. This would be perfect timing for Liz to confess her undying Tristan love to The Countess. Well, Liz thinks it is anyway. The Countess is thrilled to hear that Liz is in love, but when she finds out who Liz is in love with, she simply states: "I don't share. Maybe when I'm done with him." The problem with that is, Liz is mortal. She doesn't have two or three decades to wait to start her life over again with a new love. Fair enough. The Countess brings Tristan into the discussion. She tells them they have betrayed her and Tristan escalates what began as a calm conversation. "You feed off of the heartbreak! Not me. I was made for real love." Liz pipes in. She wants Tristan. Tristan wants Liz. The Countess wants to rip open Tristan's throat. So she does. 

In this episode we found out that Mother Monster gave birth to a monster, the new and improved Alex will go to any lengths to make sure no one interferes with her new status, and hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned. Honestly, Tristan annoyed the shit out of me...and I'd be just fine if we never see him again...but I was sad for Liz when her one true love gushed blood all over her as he died. The Countess can go ahead and add one more to the list of people who want revenge on her. 

The biggest "aha!" in this episode though is Hotel's direct connection to Murder House. Sure, we recently saw the Murder House realtor, but seeing The Countess interact with the franchise's first psycho was pretty neat. I'm interested to know if Bartholomew is the infantata from Season 1 but for all we know, that was the first and last we'll see of the house this season... 

The Walking Dead Season 6 Ep. 5: Now

Last week's "Morgan Episode" is still fresh in my mind, but tonight I'm looking for answers about Glenn. I need answers about Glenn. I don't get them in this episode....but I do get a few other things I've been waiting on/hoping for. In "Now" we resume the aftermath of the Wolves' raid in Alexandria and the community's slow acceptance of and adjustment to the dangers outside the walls. Here's what happened:

Made Me Learn A Little Bit Faster

Alexandria is in rough shape. Deanna stands on top of the wall overlooking her town and watching its citizens compile all of the dead bodies from the recent massacre. She hears yelling, turns, and sees Rick running like hell toward the gate with hundreds of Walkers behind him. So much for leading them away. Michonne and others get Rick inside the gates before he is overpowered and the opening credits roll...

Rick tries to calm the people of Alexandria by telling them that Daryl, Sasha and Abraham will be there with vehicles to help get the other half of the Walkers away. He assures them that Nicholas and Glenn will be back any moment. The community members are skeptical and start giving Rick a lot of shit. Aaron pipes up, saying the Walkers in the quarry were going to break out regardless and that Rick's plan was the absolutely the right thing to do. He also admits it was his fault the Wolves found them - he reveals that he lost his backpack out on a recruiting mission and the photos, etc. lead the killers right to them. Deanna doesn't react to this. She just walks right past him and down the street away from her people. I think she's about done, and many of the Alexandria residents seem to be adopting her demeanor.

Jessie drags the dead Wolf from her kitchen and out to the graveyard to bury him. She gets that "this is life now" and just wants to move forward. Rick arrives and reminds her that they don't bury killers inside the walls (this still gives me a laugh), but he says they'll take the Wolves out to the woods after the other half of the Walkers is lead away. Jessie doesn't argue...her husband isn't even buried in Alexandria. Not sure why she thought the dude who tried to kill her in her house would be. 

 

Made My Skin A Little Bit Thicker

Carl needs a haircut. Badly. It's beyond distracting at this point. He's still looking for Enid because he's an idiot and he asks Ron to help him search the woods. Ron essentially tells him to screw off and threatens to tell Rick if Carl goes out there on his own. Carl storms off back into his house and Ron heads to the wall to talk to Rick. After tattling on Carl, he asks Rick to teach him how to shoot. Rick hands him a gun and begins a lesson. Don't trust him Rick! 

"You suck mom."

Meanwhile, the poor girl who runs the pantry is getting an earful. Food rations are getting tight and Deanna watches and does nothing when people start a free for all and begin to take what they want. Spencer shows up (never thought I'd be happy to see him) and gives a speech about keeping the community together and fighting the dangers outside instead of fighting one another inside. It works, at least for now, and the looters put the food back that they were about to run off with. He steals some food and a bottle of liquor himself though and decides to go home, get drunk, and tell his mother off. 

That night Deanna goes to the pantry to return the stolen items and a Wolf Walker comes out of the shadows and attacks her. Deanna drops the groceries and picks up a broken bottle. She stabs the hell out of the Walker's chest....which does nothing but ruin her outfit. Rick finally arrives and puts a knife through the Walker's head. She is unharmed and tells Rick she wants to live and she wants the place to stay standing. Rick tells her to lead, and Deanna tells him what the community actually needs is him. 

Makes Me Work A Little Bit Harder 

Rick shows up at Jessie's house and he's distraught. He didn't think they would need to wait this long to get rid of the Wolves' bodies. Rick confides that he had expected Glenn, Abraham, Sasha and Daryl back long before now. She acknowledges that they could still be alive and they still could come back, but what's happening right now...is now. "Tell me there's more." Rick goes in for a kiss (yay!) and it's a pretty great kiss. FINALLY. 

Maggie decides to go look for Glenn herself but Aaron is not going to let her go alone. He shows her a sewer entry which will take them under the wall and (hopefully) past the Walkers as well. This is very reminiscent of Glenn and Tara walking through the tunnel when he was looking for Maggie post-prison nightmare. As the two travel through the dark and disgusting sewer Aaron mentions he hasn't been down there "since the beginning," so of course a few sewer Walkers attack them right at that moment. Aaron takes a tumble and cuts his head, but he insists on moving forward with Maggie after they kill the Walkers. Side note: the makeup on those guys is pretty amazing. Can't imagine how long it took to get those Walkers camera ready. They reach the end and realize the sewer dumps them out right where the Walkers are outside of the walls. Maggie cries and tells Aaron she's pregnant. They return to town and we end the hour with no indication of whether Glenn is okay (I still maintain he is). 

So tonight I'm satisfied that 1) Rick kissed Jessie 2) Deanna got her shit together and 3) Maggie revealed she was pregnant. The rest of this episode was really just filler and I'm ready to find out where the rest of our heroes are and what challenges they are facing. Will we regroup with Abraham, Sasha, Daryl or Glenn next week? I sure do hope so. We only have a few weeks left until the mid season finale and I hate going into those breaks with the Grimes gang divided. 

AHS Hotel Episode 5: Room Service

In true American Horror Story fashion, Halloween extended to one more episode and the bloodshed continued in a big way. Iris and Liz Taylor take center stage tonight and become BFFs while John and Alex create some shenanigans in the background and generally annoy me. Last week's episode was definitely better, but I think "Room Service" set up some interesting developments going into the upcoming episodes. Here's what happened:

Control Your Poison Babe

Alex is having a tough time adjusting to her new, um, situation. While being a doctor allows her easy access to blood banks, having an occupation where you are constantly around people (and their veins) can be quite a challenge. She's also a little concerned about her 75 degree body temperature. Details...

Remember Max? He's the kid who has the measles because his parents are anti-vaccine. He's also in the hospital now with pneumonia, which is turning into a staph infection...and things just aren't looking good. Mom is very distraught and emotional now that she realizes her son probably won't make it (guess she is beyond worrying about what medications "cause" autism), but Alex tells her she won't give up on Max and sends her to go get coffee and gather herself. 

Now, we didn't actually hear Mother Monster explain all of the rules to Alex in last week's episode when she turned her, but I'm assuming Alex is aware that The Countess' creations are not supposed to do any creating themselves. Well, Alex is out of ideas to heal Max so she uses a syringe to insert her blood into his IV without really thinking about the consequences. Max, of course, makes a miraculous recovery and is home in time for Halloween. Alex doesn't see any of the aftermath though because she peaces out and becomes a governess for The Countess' children. 

The next time we see Max, he's killing/feeding on his parents on their kitchen floor. Breakfast is served. He then hops on the school bus to get to his classroom party. Max also has a little girlfriend at school, Madeline, and they sneak off for a smooch....where Max bites his lip so she can taste his blood. Ew. The teacher finds them just as the Madeline is turning, so Max slashes her throat so his girlfriend can feed. He tells her (and eventually the rest of his class) that if she drinks his blood and then the teacher's, she will feel better then she ever has before. Suddenly Max has an army of vampires by his side and they are feeding on faculty. The school goes on lock down and the police arrive, but the kids all have the same story about a man in a mask who terrorized the school. With no victims alive and with everyone else behind closed doors in the school during the "attack," the police believe the story with no problem. 

Alex, you suck. But not as much as...

If It's Not Rough, It Isn't Fun

John goes to his boss and tells him all about his dinner with the dead serial killers. He wants a warrant to essentially rip apart the Hotel Cortez. Given all of the stress and emotional issues John has had in recent years, this is the last straw for the boss man. John is fired and still clueless and still sucks more than Alex. 

He wakes up in his hotel room later that night (because that hasn't happened yet this episode) with a bunch of scratches on him after an apparent wild night with Sally. There's no evidence of a spiraled strap on though so he lucked out there. John doesn't remember anything that happened and he asks her to leave his room immediately. Sally is pisssssssed. She informs him that what they did that night will happen again and again because it's their destiny. "And you can't fight destiny." Oh John, you just can't win. Too bad your wife is a vampire snuggled with your vampire son in a coffin downstairs. Oh, and when was the last time you checked in with your daughter at her (I think) grandparents' house? Alex sure as hell isn't doing any skyping.  

Don't Be A Drag

Donovan brings his mother to see Ramona Royale and tells her that he can help with her revenge plot after all. He explains that Iris has the "in" at the hotel and can be her spy. Iris isn't too keen on this idea because she believes The Countess will see right through her. Donovan says "she never looks at you - you're invisible," and Ramona thinks this plan is perfect. 

Iris has the shakes because she's starving. She returns to the hotel and Liz Taylor mixes her up a "drink" from The Countess' secret stash. Liz reminds her though that she's going to need to feed eventually. Iris is not looking forward to this deed, but then two new guests arrive - a young couple featuring Glee's Darren Criss. They're assholes so Iris' guilt starts to dwindle. She gives them a room and heads back down to the front desk, but they are already calling to order room service. Clearly these two don't understand that this hotel doesn't have pâté. Iris hangs up the phone, crying, and Liz Taylor offers up a solution in the form of cat food. HA!

While they prepare the room service order, Iris notes that she and Liz have talked more today than they have in the entire time they've worked at the hotel. Iris tells her "I look at you, and all I see is questions." Liz invites her to ask away...and we get Liz Taylor's back story. 

Baby, you were born this way. 

We flash back to 1984 where Liz was a married man from Topeka, Kansas. He married his wife because they were the same dress size and when he was alone, he would wear women's clothing. Liz traveled frequently for work and ended up at the Hotel Cortez on one of those trips. He slipped on a nightgown, heels, and a fur coat and ordered himself some champagne. The Countess appeared then and told him she saw him in the lobby. "You dress like a man, walk like a man...but you smell like a woman." He begins to cry, saying he feels ugly. The Countess replies "Let me help you become what you were born to be - a goddess." And so Liz Taylor was born. The Countess didn't turn her into a vampire. Instead, she just gave Liz a makeover and a job. She also murdered Liz's traveling companions after they bullied Liz and swore to ridicule her back at their office. All in a day's work. 

Liz motivates Iris to be just as brave as she was, and Iris brings the room service tray up to the assholes. They begin to eat the cat food pate which is "somewhat decent," but they're pissed that Iris didn't bring them any green vegetables. They continue to act like spoiled brats and Iris eventually slices the girl's throat with a corkscrew and stabs the shit out of the guy with a knife. She drinks their blood and Liz helps her dump the bodies down one of the chutes. Iris is pretty pleased with the whole thing saying, "I never knew how to live until I died."

I must say that I did enjoy seeing the budding friendship between Liz and Iris tonight. It's about time we found out how Liz got so fabulous, and it was beyond time for Iris to grow some balls. I'm not sure how her new role as Ramona's spy will turn out given she is finally coming out of her shell, but Matt Bomer is a beautiful man and Angela Bassett is an amazing actress, so I need to see more of them and soon. Will Alex's gig as governess thwart Ramona's plans? Will Alex's own creation of vampire children come back to bite her (so to speak)? Will John get his shit together and solve the Ten Commandments Killer case without a badge and gun? And finally, can The Countess convince Will Drake to marry her? I feel like we haven't heard a peep from him in forever.