TWD Season 7 Episode 8: Hearts Still Beating

Tonight we've reached the mid-season finale on The Walking Dead and I'm relieved to say it doesn't disappoint. Yes, there is bloodshed. Yes, there is an almost endless amount of Negan sarcasm. Yes, we lose another character that we've come to love. But most importantly, we can say yes, our heroes finally start getting back to being heroes. Here's what went down during the 90 minutes of "Hearts Still Beating."

They Can Smell Your Intentions

The episode opens in Hilltop with Maggie sitting next to Glenn and Abraham's graves. She's crying but for a woman who looked like death in the season premiere, she's definitely got some color back in her cheeks. She climbs to the top of the wall to keep watch and douchebag Gregory calls out to her from below. He says that the folks in town have been chattering about how Sasha and Maggie saved Hilltop from the Walker invasion. "Don't let it go to your head." Maggie quickly replies, "Don't let it bother you."

Turns out the Hilltopians (we're just going to go with that) do see themselves in a debt of gratitude to Sasha and Maggie and they're swinging by the ladies' little house frequently to drop off apple pies and other goodies. They know the way to a pregnant woman's heart for sure. Enid thinks they are also encouraging Maggie to run for president of Hilltop...if that's a thing. Come to think of it, I have no idea what Gregory's title is outside of douchebag. Anyway, Maggie is 100% fine with all of the attention and she's hoping she, Sasha and Jesus will start having more pull around the community. Speaking of Jesus... 

We resume in the Sanctuary with Daryl after he receives the "go now" note. He and his filthy sweatsuit duck into a room with peanut butter and clothes and it's like our boy hit the jackpot. He quickly changes into a better ensemble and shoves some peanut butter in his mouth.  Good for him.

Daryl sneaks outside and begins to steal one of the motorcycles. The Savior known as Fat Joey catches him but swears he won't say anything. "I'm just trying to get by. Just like you." Daryl beats him to death with a pipe anyway just as Jesus swings around the corner. He grabs Fat Joey's gun and off they go to Hilltop.

We Don't Deal With Outsiders Very Well

CAROL!!! How I've missed you so. My favorite tv lady is laying on the couch in her cozy not

Kingdom home, reading a book near the fireplace. Not kidding. I like what she's done with the place. She senses someone outside and realizes Morgan has dropped off a bag of fruit. She calls out to him and invites him inside so she can tell him she doesn't want or need the food. Morgan starts to argue with her until he realizes she has a stash of her own produce thanks to Ezekiel.

Carol is all kinds of popular today though - Richard comes bearing gifts as well and he's eager to talk to Morgan and Carol about something important. He sees the Saviors as a huge threat and he wants Carol to talk Ezekiel out of the deal they have with Negan. "I know that Ezekiel likes you. I also know that Ezekiel trusts you." Richard says one day things will go bad and The Kingdom will fall. Richard wants Ezekiel to attack the Saviors and destroy them but he needs Carol and Morgan to help get this party started. Carol says she wants nothing to do with The Kingdom, the Saviors, or the fight. Morgan thinks Ezekiel can continue to build peace with the deal he's made with Negan and Richard storms out quickly. 

Take It Slow
Rick, meanwhile, is still out and about with Aaron trying to determine how they are going to cross the lake of Walkers to the barge on the other side. A small boat with bullet holes in it seems to be the only way and it totally makes sense for both of them to get in a boat that looks sure to sink. The boys use pieces of a broken fence as paddles/weapons as the boat makes its way across the water. As expected though, the boat fills up with water fairly quickly and just as they reach a sturdy canoe at the halfway point, a Walker pulls Aaron under water. I assume he's a goner because he shouldn't have been on the damn boat to begin with, but Aaron somehow makes it in the canoe unscathed and both he and Rick reach the barge. I wonder if he'll end up like Bob (remember Bob?)...bitten under water but not quick to realize it.

Once inside the barge, Aaron and Rick find guns (no ammo) and several other boxes of supplies. Negan should be pleased. Rick mumbles a bit about how people at home aren't on board with the plan to serve Negan but Aaron is fully supportive. After seeing what Negan did to Glenn and Abraham, he'll do what it takes to make sure everyone is safe. The boys are somehow able to navigate the barge back to land and load their findings into the truck. As they drive away, we see boots approach the water. The owner of the barge perhaps?

All My Friends Are Heathens

Negan is still hanging out at Rick's house. He shaves in Rick's bathroom. He cooks pasta sauce in Rick's kitchen and makes eyepatchless Carl help him out. Olivia has been on a search for lemonade and Tara is able to provide her with some of the stash she had in her kitchen. Tara offers to take over for Olivia since the poor girl is in tears on the front porch, but Olivia says she's fine and heads back in the house. "I told Rick I would watch Judith and I'm going to do that." Negan, Carl, Olivia and Judith then sit down to dinner like one big (not so) happy family. 

At the gates Eugene and Smokin' Hot Rosita have re-entered Alexandria to find Spencer unloading his car of supplies with the Saviors and sucking up big time. Rosita has the bullet Eugene made her and Gabriel sees her staring at it in church. He tells her the Saviors will kill her if she kills Negan and she doesn't care - as long as he dies first. She tells Gabriel, "If Abraham was alive, we could fight. If Glenn was alive, Maggie's kid would have a father. Michonne and Carl can fight. They have Rick. Aaron has Eric. Eugene knows things. Daryl's strong." Gabriel tells Rosita that they will win but they have to wait for the right moment or create it together..."and you're a part of that 'together.' We need you." He leaves her to her thoughts and exits the church.

Spencer cleans himself up and seeks out Negan, armed with a half full bottle of liquor. Smokin' Hot Rosita is back in smokin' hot mode as she sits on her porch and calls out to him, asking if he's got a hot date. Spencer explains that he's going to try to win Negan's favor to help the community. He's bummed that Smokin' Hot Rosita ended whatever they had started and she admits to using him. She then apologizes. Spencer turns on an "aw shucks" attitude and asks if she wants to have dinner that evening. Smokin' Hot Rosita smiles and agrees. Maybe she's going to abandon the killing Negan thing for a while.

Spencer is held up on the steps of Rick's house by Arat who seems to be one of the key Saviors. Negan steps outside (I'm assuming with a full belly) to see what the commotion is all about. Spencer introduces himself and the two men share a drink on the porch followed by an outdoor game of pool. Nice to know the Alexandrian's have a pool table handy to drag out into the street on a beautiful day. Spencer takes this opportunity to talk shit about Rick, saying he has a history of not working well with others. Most of the town is witnessing this conversation. Spencer asks Negan to put him in charge but Negan says that Rick is out there getting shit done and swallowing his hate. "That takes guts. And then there's you...the guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his dirty work so he could take Rick's place. So I gotta ask, if you want to take over, why not kill Rick yourself and just TAKE OVER?" Spencer looks surprised and starts to say he wasn't looking for Rick to die but Negan cuts him off. "If I had to guess...it's because ya got no guts." Negan then takes out a knife and literally guts Spencer. So much for dinner.

Don't Make Any Sudden Moves
At this point we're hoping the episode will just end, right? I mean, Spencer was annoying as shit. Let's let him be the "big mid-season finale death" we've all come to expect. Negan isn't done yet though. He picks up Lucille and says someone needs to clean up the mess Spencer has made on the ground. Smokin' Hot Rostia stands fairly close to him. She aims her gun with her one bullet and MISSES. She hits Lucille instead which is almost worse. Shit Rosita! Did you not learn anything from Daryl?!?!

Rick and Aaron arrive home just then and Rick is surprised that to see that the Saviors have already come back to Alexandria for more supplies. He's eager to get to his house but sees that Aaron has a misunderstanding with one of Negan's assholes. The Saviors start beating the shit out of Aaron and I don't even understand how Rick can get him off the ground. Rick drags Aaron toward his house right as Rosita has fired her gun. Negan picks up the bullet casing and realizes the bullet was made from scratch. Arat holds a knife against Rosita's face as he demands to know who made it. Rosita claims she did but Negan knows she's lying. She's ready for her face to be cut up but she should know that's not how this works. Negan orders Arat to "kill somebody" and Arat shoots Olivia in the face. DAMN IT!

Rick flips out but Negan explains how reasonable he is being all things considered. He fills Rick in on dumbass Carl sneaking into the Sanctuary and shooting some of his men. He then tells Rick he eliminated Spencer for him. "And this one here? She shot Lucille trying to kill me just now so I gave you one less mouth to feed...and by lookin' at her, that mouth did some major damage." Rick asks Negan to leave, telling him there's a bunch of shit waiting for him at the gate. Negan agrees, but says he first needs to know who made the bullet. Eugene speaks up and explains how he did it so Negan believes him. At first I think Negan is going to kill him...but why take out a resource who can make bullets? Off Eugene goes with the Saviors just as Walker Spencer is waking up. At least Rick is able to channel his anger into violently stabbing Spencer's head.

You Don't Know The Half Of The Abuse
Michonne returns home from her quest to find Negan and tells a very solemn Rick where she'd been. Though she had kidnapped the female Savior on the road to get to Negan, Michonne settled for seeing where Negan lived. After this woman showed Michonne the Sanctuary from afar, Michonne realized anything she would do, she would need a team to do it. Though we didn't see it onscreen, Michonne killed the Savior and dumped the car. She tells Rick they are outnumbered. "It's not even close. But that doesn't change the way that I feel." Michonne says they have to fight and they have to find a way to beat the Saviors. Rick agrees (woohoo!) and they share an adorable kiss.

The final minutes show Rick, Michonne, Tara, Rosita and a newly patched up Carl entering the gates of Hilltop and reuniting with Maggie. Rick tells Maggie she was right about fighting the Saviors and while they embrace, Daryl and Jesus come walking up from around the corner. Daryl and Rick cry when they hug, Enid and Carl share a smile, and Rosita and Sasha share...a head nod. Good enough. Daryl hands Rick the gun he took from Fat Joey and the group marches towards Gregory's house. 

The episode "ends" there but after the previews for what's to come in 2017, we see those same boots from earlier step out near Alexandria. I'm hoping it's someone from Oceanside because that would make me less bitter about the hour we spent on Tara a few weeks ago.

So The Walking Dead in 2016 is over and I'm so glad things seem to be looking up for Season 7...not necessarily looking up for the characters, but at least looking up for the viewers. We've endured way too many hours of watching Daryl mop floors, seeing Dwight brood, and witnessing Rick play the role of Negan's bitch. The "All Out War" is finally on its way and I'm excited to see how it plays out on the show. Also exciting? Seeing Spencer get his guts ripped out. Dude had gotten on my last nerve. Poor Olivia though...I was really starting to love her and seeing her slap Negan last week was awesome. I guess we should know by now that when minor characters start to grow balls, they will be exiting the show sooner rather than later.

How will Smokin' Hot Rosita cope with causing Olivia's death? How is Daryl coping with his guilt about Glenn? I have to wonder how that first conversation between Daryl and Maggie went when he got to Hilltop. I also have to wonder how the conversation between Carl and Rick went after Negan left Alexandria. "What were you thinking?! Look at the mess in the kitchen! And for god's sake, cover up your eye hole!" I've been anxious to see the gang back together again and once we get Morgan and Carol (and the tiger) in the mix, I'll be a happy camper. Until then, have a safe and happy holiday season. 

TWD Season 7 Episode 7: Sing Me A Song

Well the good news is this week we leave Oceanside completely behind and pick up with the groups in The Sanctuary and Alexandria. The bad news is, we go another 90 minutes without Carol, Morgan, and that badass tiger The Kingdom. Seriously. It's been a month. Anyway, "Sing Me a Song" takes us on a journey with Jesus and Carl as they stow away into Neganland and circles back with Rick, Michonne, and Smokin' Hot Rosita as they struggle with the new way of living. Here's what went down in episode 7. 

Why You Wasting Your Time?

The episode opens with Michonne standing in front of the burning mattresses that once belonged to the homes in Alexandria. She walks home, whistling "The Farmer in the Dell" as two Walkers follow behind her, very reminiscent of the time when she was solo and roaming around with two Walkers as "pets." Michonne slashes their heads and does the same with many other Walkers. She builds a Walker barrier in the road, and when a Savior comes driving up, Michonne disarms her and says "Take me to Negan." The woman resists at first, but off they go. 

On the flip side, Rick is still in "I'll do anything Negan wants" mode and he and Aaron are still out on a run to scavenge supplies for the Saviors. They hop a fence that reads "Keep going. The only thing here 4 you is trouble." because it's always opposite day on The Walking Dead.  They arrive at what essentially looks like an obstacle course someone has made to protect their land, so there must be something pretty big waiting for them. Unfortunately this is the last we see of Michonne, Rick, and Aaron tonight. Did I mention this episode is 90 minutes?

A Girl You Couldn't Impress

Smokin' Hot Rosita is hell bent on making some bullets today but Eugene is doing his normal "I'm going to say things in a way you don't understand until you decide you don't need my help" thing. Spencer rolls up and asks why they aren't going to get supplies for Negan. He likens the situation to paying taxes and reminds Eugene and Rosita that this is all Rick's fault. Rosita asks him if he can do better and Spencer thinks he can. She laughs and says "pay your taxes and leave me the hell alone." She and Eugene begin walking.

They arrive at the building where Abraham and Eugene had discussed making bullets to begin with...you know, back when Eugene called dibs and became Stage 2 Eugene. He's not interested in being there though and goes back to speaking gibberish. Eugene says the Saviors have the numbers and one bullet isn't going to make a difference. Smokin' Hot Rosita is tired of hearing this shit. "You owe me and you owe him. And if there's a price, I'll pay it. But don't you tell me 'no!' You don't know anything. You don't do anything. You're a coward. You're weak. You're only alive because you lied and people felt sorry for you. Now do something useful and make me a bullet." Ouch. Big ouch. Eugene gets to work. Rosita tries to apologies for the things she said but Eugene rejects the apology. "I'd like to take it back to awkward silence now." 

Spencer, meanwhile, pairs up with Gabriel to go on a run...wait. Stop the presses. Gabriel is going on a run? He's just full of surprises these days. Spencer spends the car ride being a whiny little bitch and complaining about Rick. "The thing I keep thinking is, the only good thing that could happen for us now is he never makes it back." Spencer. Seriously. What the hell are you talking about? I don't even have time to be annoyed because Gabriel shuts that shit down. He tells Spencer to stop the car. "What you're saying doesn't make you a sinner. But it does make you a tremendous shit. Just for now. It doesn't have to be terminal." HA!!! Gabriel exits the car and heads back to Alexandria on foot. Fantastic. The holy man has come such a long way. 

Spencer then inexplicably runs into the woods, leaving his car door open. He finds a Walker stuck in a tree who is in possession of a compound bow. Spencer is able to get the bow and in the process he finds a note in the Walker's jacket. It's written in Latin but Spencer totally knows Latin so the note leads him to supplies o'plenty. He returns to Alexandria with a shit ton of taxes to pay. 

Why You So Obsessed With Me?

Jesus and Carl are right where we left them, on a truck heading into the Sanctuary. Jesus grabs a bottle of maple syrup out of one of the boxes and squeezes it outside along the way to leave a trail. What a waste. It's a damn good thing he isn't using crazy cheese. Anyway, as they approach the compound Jesus suggests they jump out and find a way in by foot. Carl agrees but then just stays in the truck after Jesus exits. He waves at Jesus and I experience my first Carl annoyance of the night. He's been on screen less than a minute. 

Carl is armed with one of the machine guns the Saviors took from Alexandria and I'm wondering what his big plan is here. Put himself in a crate that he hopes ends up in Negan's bedroom? Hope they don't unload the truck at all today and sneak into the building at night? How does this one-eyed dude with inexcusable hair think he is going to kill a guy with countless followers on his own turf? Oh, here's how. When the Saviors immediately start unloading the truck, Carl just opens fire. He steps out and tells everyone (and there are tons of people) to lower their weapons. "I only want Negan. No one else has to get hurt." Carl, you're an idiot. This was your plan? No wonder Enid gave you a quick kiss and a "good luck" and left your ass behind. Negan is nearby laughing. Carl makes a move to shoot more people and he's tackled quickly by Dwight, who disarms him. Negan helps Carl off the ground and offers to show him around.  

The Sanctuary is a massive warehouse and Negan takes Carl inside where many Saviors are waiting. Negan tells them that the other Saviors have returned with a ton of supplies, which could be theirs if they play by the rules. They applaud him but he's not done showing off yet. Negan takes Carl into a room where all of his "wives" are. Dude has a setup like Charlie Sheen and his goddesses. I don't know if Negan has tiger's blood but I'd definitely say he's winning. One wife in particular, Amber, is super emotional today. Sherry tattles on her and tells Negan that Amber is still meeting up with her former husband, Max. She asks Negan to go easy on Amber as if that's a thing. Negan exits the conversation, hands Carl a beer, and sits down across from Amber. "Amber, baby, you know I don't want anyone to be here that doesn't want to be here, right?" He offers her the chance to leave and go back to Mark, but reminds her that if she stays, she cannot cheat on him. Amber says she'll stay and apologizes. "I love you Negan."

Negan is smooching Sherry when Dwight and Daryl enter the room. How embarrassing for Dwight. Daryl has brought lunch so Carl can see that Daryl is a slave to Negan, much like the way his dad is. Negan then leads Carl into another room to get to know him. He's impressed with Carl but can't continue with the conversation. "It's like talking to a birthday present. You've got to take that crap off your face." Carl refuses and Negan asks if Carl really wants to piss him off. Carl relents and removes the eye patch. Negan says a whole bunch of mean shit and Carl starts to cry...with one eye anyway. "Holy hell kid. Look, it's easy to forget you're just a kid. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything." He encourages Carl to leave the bandages off because no one would mess with him looking like that. Negan then asks Carl to sing him a song. The only thing Carl can come up with is "You Are My Sunshine" and while he sings, Negan practices his form swinging Lucille around the room. He asks Carl if his mom sang him that song...and where his mom is. Carl tells Negan he had to shoot her before she turned and he replies "Damn, no wonder you're a little serial killer in the making."

It's Clear That You're Upset With Me

The boys head to what seems to be the main room where Mark is tied to a chair and scared out of his mind. The rest of the group is kneeling as Negan talks about people who break the rules. Mark broke the rules while...reconnecting with his former wife, and now he gets a hot iron to the face. He and Dwight are twinsies now. Mark passes out from the pain and pisses himself in the process. Daryl is assigned cleanup duty. He makes a comment to Negan in the realm of "if you do anything to Carl" and promptly finds himself back in confinement. Someone slips him a note under the door that says "go now" and this is the last we see of Daryl this episode. 

Negan decides to take Carl home and we see Jesus on top of the truck heading out of the Sanctuary. He's had quite a commute today. Negan heads straight to the pantry and gives Olivia a bunch of shit about being overweight and managing the rations. What a dick. Olivia starts to cry and he apologizes. Kinda. "It looks like I'm going to be here a while awaiting your fearless leader's return, and if you like, I think it would enjoyable to screw your brains out...I mean if you're agreeable to it." Olivia slaps him across the face and he says "I am about 50% more into you now." He demands she make him some lemonade while he waits and off she goes. 

Carl reluctantly takes Negan on a grande tour of his house and in the process, Negan discovers Judith. He is smitten with her immediately. Negan takes Judith out to the porch and sits with her in a rocking chair as Carl sits very awkwardly by his side. Negan jokes (maybe?) about burying Rick and Carl in the flower bed and moving into "the suburbs." He then gives Judith a smooch and a smile and we fade out. No word on whether Olivia makes banging lemonade or if Negan liked it.  

The episode ends there and I've said "Damn it Carl!" out loud more times this hour(ish) than I have in a long time. As Negan makes himself at home, will Spencer win his favor in delivering the treasure trove of supplies? Is this Spencer's play to oust Rick as the leader of Alexandria? Do we think he got those supplies from the obstacle course Rick and Aaron are facing? So many questions leading up to next week's mid-season finale. As it stands now Negan is sitting pretty on Rick's porch with Rick nowhere to be found. Not only has Spencer arrived back in town, but so has Smokin' Hot Rosita and her one bullet that Eugene made. Michonne is on her way to the Sanctuary, though Negan isn't there anymore, and it seems Daryl is about to make his way out of the Sanctuary which essentially means shit is in chaos. Since we suffered two big losses in the season premiere, I'm hoping our heroes are spared next week...unfortunately, Smokin' Hot Rosita has had more dialogue recently than she's had in all of the seasons she's been on the show, and I'm worried for her. We know it's way too soon for Negan to die, so maybe her single bullet will at least shave off some of Carl's hair when she fires it. A girl can dream, can't she?

TWD Season 7 Episode 6: "Swear"

Anyone wondering what Tara's been up to? No? Me neither. The only time I think of her is when Denise's empty eye socket comes to mind, so imagine my surprise when I realized this WHOLE episode is about the life and times of the zombie apocalypse's most unlucky lesbian. How can you devote an entire episode to Tara, you ask? Here's what went down in "Swear."

We'll Meet Beyond The Shore

We flash back to Heath and Tara in their camper, eating okra and discussing how they've gone farther than they were supposed to and have been gone longer than the two weeks they initially estimated. Heath is still queasy about their attack on the Saviors and his general outlook on the future is bleak. I don't blame him. 

Tara and Heath find their way to a bridge that is impassable based on the number of abandoned vehicles and containers. They assume there are supplies up for grabs though and proceed on foot until they find a dump truck. Seems it was mid dump (heh) and a duffel bag is sticking out from the pile of sand coming from the vehicle. Heath cautions Tara not to mess with it - who knows what else is in that sand? But because Tara is often stupid, she goes for it and unearths dozens of Walkers in the process. Heath looks like he might be able to get in the clear but then realizes Tara is surrounded. He shoots the Walkers who are just about to eat her and gets surrounded himself. Tara looks like she wants to save him but ends up falling backwards over the bridge instead. 

Somewhere Beyond The Sea

A woman and a girl are walking along a beach stabbing at Walkers stuck in the sand. They come across a motionless Tara near the water, still alive, but the girl wants to shove a spear in her head anyway. "We're supposed to. I want to!" The woman, Cyndie, says they are not going to kill her and the kid is pissed. Her name is Rachel and I can already tell she is a pain in the ass. 

They hide Tara (still unconscious) behind some driftwood and Cyndie brings her food and water, assuming Tara is still knocked out. Tara is on the mend though and follows Cyndie back to her home to discover there is a village alive and well near the shore. Granted, the village is all women and children, which is weird, but we've now uncovered a third community near(ish) Alexandria that seems to be thriving. Tara is not incognito for long as shots are fired where she's hiding and observing. She runs, but runs into Rachel who is ready to shoot her ass. Cyndie intervenes and they are now surrounded by women with guns. Tara looks like she may pee her pants. "I'm cool. I'm not here to hurt anybody." They all just awkwardly stare at each other until the commercial break. 

We next see Tara in the quarters of Natania who I'm guessing is the leader of this community, Oceanside. Cathy and Beatrice seem to be Natania's two right hands, if that's a thing, and they want answers from Tara. She explains that she's from Atlanta and she's been traveling with a friend for a couple of years, but they recently were separated in Walker chaos. During a zombie attack she got knocked off a bridge and washed up on shore nearby. Tara says she will happily leave if they will just point her in the direction of the bridge. Natania informs her that they usually shoot strangers on sight but Cyndie is her granddaughter and risked her life trying to protect Tara. They'll need to think on what they want to do with her.

Tara ends up staying for dinner and eating stew with these these ladies as well as Cyndie. Natania is hoping to convince Tara to stay because she thinks Tara would be valuable to the community and at the same time, Tara wouldn't be able to tell anyone where they are. Natania even offers to help her find Heath and give him a home there too. Tara's a bit confused since she has yet to see a man in Oceanside but Natania explains that they while they were in their previous community, they got into a "skirmish" with another group (who we can assume is the Saviors since Negan is everywhere) and all of the men were killed. Natania's daughter, Cyndie's mother was killed as well in addition to Cyndie's 11 year old brother. After that, the ladies and kids left with only the shirts on their backs and ended up at Oceanside. They also decided at that time to shoot anyone else they see on sight. They want to stay hidden. 

Natania asks Tara to start telling them the truth and Tara spills the beans on Alexandria including their recent slaughter of Saviors. She also mentions the girlfriend that she's eager to get back to. Oh Tara...you might as well stay. You seriously may have hit a gold mine in Oceanside, my friend. Tara suggests Oceanside and Alexandria work together and Cyndie is all for it. Natania decides she will send Beatrice and Cathy with Tara to find Heath and then check out Alexandria. Cyndie wants to go and is denied. Pretty sure Cyndie has the hots for Tara and Tara is probably going to wish she stayed once she realizes what happened at home. 

My Heart Will Lead Me There Soon

In the morning Tara sets off with her guides but something doesn't feel right. As they quietly approach a Walker, Tara realizes these bitches are going to kill her and she runs. Beatrice catches up with her though and Tara pleads for her life. Beatrice tells her that her community is dead already because of what they did to the Saviors. "You can't stop them. There are more Saviors. More outposts."  Yes Tara...the Saviors were the ones that killed all of the men and every boy over 10 in Oceanside. Lined them all up and shot them in the head. "We were supposed to keep working for them and then one night we left. We got away and we are NOT going to let you lead them back to us." Beatrice aims her gun at Tara and Cyndie sneaks up from behind and knocks Beatrice over, shouting for Tara to run. Tara has done SO much running in this hour. Cyndie catches up with Tara and makes her swear she will not come back and not tell anyone where they are. Tara swears, then Cyndie hands her a pack with food, water and a spear and takes her to the bridge. 

Tara makes it safely across (Cyndie's a hell of a shot and covers her before Beatrice and Cathy grab her and take her home) but there's no sign of Heath. Tara heads home on foot, which is crazy to me since she and Heath had been gone more than two weeks with a vehicle, and she does find some supplies along the way. At one abandoned store in particular she grabs a bobble head of a female doctor which makes me sad. Eugene is the first to welcome Tara home...but he's also the first to fill her in on everything. Smokin' Hot Rosita tries to comfort her. It's not like Alexandria is a happy home for her anymore either. She says she'll go anywhere Tara wants to go. "There's gotta be somewhere. We can square this. We can make this right." Tara looks up and says she didn't see anywhere like that in her travels. 

The episode ends there and I'm ready to get back to the fun stuff. I need more Jesus, more Ezekiel's tiger, and more rogue Michonne. We are nearing the mid-season finale and while I know there is something big on the horizon (based on the books anyway), we're sure as hell taking our sweet time getting there...or in the realm of there...or in the outskirts of that realm. What will we find out in the final episodes of 2016? Will we get back to The Kingdom? Will Tara reveal any details about Oceanside? Will we see the post-Gregory era of Hilltop? Will any more of these communities start to become allies? Not sure if we can look forward to that in the near future, but man I hope these last couple of episodes are exciting. 

TWD Season 7 Episode 5: Go Getters

At long last we have made our way back to Hilltop, Jesus, and most importantly Maggie, as she struggles with losing Glenn and carrying her baby to term as safely as possible. This episode is frustrating (as I'm sure it was meant to be) and I'm hoping for better things for the...Hilltopians? Hilltopites? Hilltopees? Not sure exactly what to call them, but here's where they stand after "Go Getters." 

Get Me Through The Day

Maggie wakes up in Dr. Carson's office in Hilltop and she looks much better than she did the last time we saw her. He tells Maggie the placenta is detached from her uterus which is usually caused by some kind of trauma. Ya think? The baby is okay for now but Maggie needs to take it easy to keep the baby healthy. He suggests Maggie should stay in Hilltop until the baby is born so he can monitor both of them. 

Sasha is waiting outside and is glad to hear Maggie will be okay. Maggie asks Sasha "Where is he? Where are they both?" Sasha takes her to two fresh graves and hands her Hershel's watch. It had been in Glenn's pocket and she wanted to make sure Maggie got it. Abraham only had a cigar in his pocket which makes me smile. Sasha says she will stay in Hilltop with Maggie just as Jesus approaches (yay Jesus!) with fresh flowers for the graves. It's a nice moment until Gregory arrives. He is seriously the worst leader ever. He still doesn't know anyone's name and he's pissy because "Rich" and his group did not defeat the Saviors. Gregory wants Maggie and Sasha gone as soon as possible and tells them they can stay the night but must leave in the morning. He's a dick. I hope a Walker eats him soon. 

Later in the day Sasha confronts Jesus about Gregory and wonders why Jesus isn't leading the group. I laugh when she asks "What do you want, Jesus?" He says he just wants to help and Sasha replies that maybe he should do more than that. Jesus reaches into his pocket then and pulls out a necklace. It was Abraham's. Smokin' Hot Rosita made it for him and he left it behind in Hilltop the first time he visited there because all he could think about was Sasha. Smokin' Hot Rosita is going to be thrilled when she see's Sasha wearing it. 

I Can Hardly Breathe

The ladies are startled that night to see the Hilltop gates open and mini fires sprawled out at the entrance. There's also music blasting. It's like someone rang the Walker dinner bell. Sasha and Jesus spring into action and start taking out Walkers while Maggie hijacks a frigging tractor and mows a bunch of them down, along with the car whose radio is out of control. I'm glad someone knows what the hell they're doing. Where was Gregory in all this? Did the Saviors set this up?

The next day Jesus is trying to reason with Gregory to let the women stay at Hilltop. No dice. He wants them gone before the Saviors arrive but it's too late. Simon and many Saviors roll up and Jesus hides the women quickly. Simon informs Gregory that the group Hilltop sided with has been silenced. Gregory plays dumb and in addition to being the worst leader ever, he's also the worst liar ever. I will say the "I just pissed my pants" look he has on his face is my favorite part of the episode though. 

Simon pulls Gregory into his office and tells him they staged the Walker attack the night before to show the dangers just outside of Hilltop and how helpful the Saviors are in protecting them. The thing is...the Saviors didn't have to come in and protect Hilltop at all thanks to Maggie, Sasha and Jesus. I'll refrain from trinity jokes there. Gregory says his people must have learned some skills from the Saviors and that's how they were able to "clean up the mess" themselves. I don't think Simon buys that...he goes on to talk about the new group of people working for the Saviors now. "They are real go getters." Simon asks Gregory if there's anything else he should know about and Gregory takes him to the closet he thinks Maggie and Sasha are in. Instead, Simon finds that Gregory has been sitting on a plethora of scotch which has become his own personal stash in that closet. He's outdone Spencer by a mile. Simon takes all of the bottles and begins the "we take half of everything" search that the Saviors are so well known for...right after he makes Gregory kneel before him.  

When the Saviors finally leave the house, Jesus brings Maggie and Sasha out of a different closet and they are not happy. Jesus tells Gregory the women are definitely staying and that Gregory shouldn't be in charge anymore. Gregory says he made progress with the Saviors today and they can actually be quite reasonable. Maggie punches him in the face and I start clapping loudly. She just noticed that Hershel's watch is in Gregory's pocket...she had attached it to the rocks on Glenn's grave earlier. He tells her it would be a shame to leave a watch like that out in the rain. Dick. Maggie tells him this is their home now and he better learn their names. Jesus thanks Maggie and Sasha and apologizes for Gregory's nonsense. He promises to make it up to them. Sasha pulls him to the side and tells him he can do so by finding out where Negan lives. 

When You're Gone

Back in Alexandria, one-eyed Carl and his inexcusable hair are throwing darts at a dart board. You read that right. As you can imagine, it's not going well. Rick and Aaron are getting ready to go on a run and ask Carl to go with. He refuses because he knows most of the supplies Rick gathers will go to the Saviors during their next visit. Carl takes his whiny ass to the window and sees (surprise!) Enid is leaving. He's pissed, though I'm not sure why. Enid is ALWAYS leaving. She needs to see Maggie and Carl tells her he isn't going to save her anymore. She climbs the wall and my brain starts to hurt. 

Enid travels via bicycle (guess she had one hidden outside of the walls?) and she inexplicably gets off the bike when she sees a Walker approaching...so she's 100% back to being Stupid Enid. A car speeds by her then and runs over the Walker, and of course the driver is Carl. I'm not sure if he hit the Walker by accident because he's as accurate of a driver as he is a dart player, or if he's abandoned the "I'm not saving you anymore" thing in all of five minutes and decided to accompany her on her journey. 

I guess the car is out of commission now because the two kids continue on foot...but do not really walk near each other. Carl sees a backpack on the side of the road and finds two sets or roller skates in it. The backpack doesn't seem big enough for that, but the two start skating happily down the road toward Hilltop. As much as one-eyed Carl and Stupid Enid annoy the shit out of me, it's nice to see them actually being kids, even if it is short lived. 

They arrive at Hilltop just as the Saviors are packing up their truck. Carl tells Enid he plans to kill Negan and though she won't join him, she wishes him well with a smooch. Enid makes her way into Hilltop and attaches green balloons to what she thinks is Glenn's grave but is actually Abraham's. Maggie approaches just then with Hershel's watch to put back on the grave...but she gives it to Enid instead. "We don't need anything to remember him by. We have us." At first I think the hour is going to end on that touching note, but instead we see Jesus stow away on one of the Saviors' trucks. He takes a swig of scotch (heh) and then notices Carl is there too. 

The episode ends there, and as mentioned, there were elements that were infuriating. 1) Someone needs to take Gregory out. He sucks. 2) Someone needs to take Simon out. He's not as much fun as Negan. And 3) I think Carl could do both with the right set of darts if he stood just a foot to the right of where he thinks he should stand. Just sayin. I do, however, think this episode was a nice kick-off to Maggie taking over Hilltop and being a true leader. She was on the verge of becoming a huge influence as Deanna's right hand in Alexandria, and I'm excited to see what she has in store for the folks who have to understand that Gregory is a useless dick. Having to depend on a useless dick in a zombie apocalypse is beyond adding insult to injury....hence the reason I still believe Spencer will never have Smokin' Hot Rosita in his bed again. Zing! 

TWD Season 7 Episode 4: Service

Tonight the story takes us back to Alexandria where our heroes are licking their wounds and trying to figure out how to move forward under the reign of Negan. The group is adjusting (or not adjusting) in different ways and seeing Rick continue to bow down to someone else is unreal. What happens when Negan pays his new subjects a visit? Here's where we are after "Service."

I Should Stick Up For Myself

The episode opens with Rick and Michonne laying in bed not facing one another. Rick is sound asleep but Michonne is restless. She goes downstairs and quietly pulls a rifle from inside the fireplace, placing it in a duffel bag before sneaking out the door. She heads out of the community for target practice, shooting Walkers in the head I assume in an effort to prepare to shoot Negan in the head someday. She's not so great at it but she does get lucky and accidentally kills a deer in the woods. Dinner!

Meanwhile Smokin' Hot Rosita and Spencer are heading on a run and Eugene is guarding the gate. He's out of it and they have a hard time getting his attention to get him to open the gate. Spencer tells Eugene they are going to find stuff to offer Negan when he arrives and asks if he wants to come with. Rosita has a look on her face that resembles "you dumbass," and when Eugene says he's not up to the task, Rosita responds, "that sounds about right." Eugene explains that he's trying to fix a music player to give to Negan...but he barely finishes this sentence before the Saviors are knocking at the gate. Rick arrives then and reminds Negan that they were supposed to have a week before he came to collect, and as Negan explains that he doesn't give a shit, Rick spots Daryl. Boy does he look like hell. Negan hands Lucille to Rick and says "hold this" as he trots on in to Alexandria to take what he wants. 

The Saviors, including Daryl, search every house, taking beds, couches, and medication. Rick shows Negan around the community and he asks Rick "Whatever happened to that sick girl? Widows, especially ones that look like that, they are special. I love em. Right after their husbands go, they are just empty inside...but usually not for long! Where is she? I would love to see her." This whole speech is annoying me but Negan redeems himself just a moment later when Gabriel appears behind him asking Negan if he's there to pay his respects. "Holy crap! You are creepy as shit, sneaking up on me wearing that collar with that freaky ass smile." This makes me laugh out loud. I know Negan is the villain, but he is totally on point here. Gabriel introduces himself and shows Negan to 3 freshly filled in graves. Good thinking buddy - Negan would have taken Maggie with him if he knew she was alive. 

The graveyard chat is interrupted by gunshots. Back at Rick's house, Carl, his eye-patch, and his inexcusable hair are threatening a couple of Saviors taking all the shit from the house. He has his gun pointed at them and tells Negan "you should go...before you figure out how dangerous we all are." DAMN IT CARL! Remember that time Negan almost made your dad cut your arm off? After he bashed in the heads of two of the strongest members of your group? Carl hands over his gun, leading Negan to ask where the rest of the guns are stored. Rick now has to take him to the armory and surrender all of the weapons...Carl, no more talking. Or anything else please. 

The More You Suffer

Negan meets Olivia and asks her for the inventory list. Turns out there are two guns missing. Rick makes an excuse that there are people out on a run, so Negan turns that around to say Olivia is at fault for not knowing where they are. He says if the guns don't turn up, he's going to kill Olivia even though he really doesn't like killing women. Rick has to call a town meeting to plead with the group to hand over or help find the weapons. "We give them what they want and we live in peace. There is no way out of this. Let me put this to all of you as clearly as I can - I'm not in charge anymore....Negan is."

The group disperses and looks for the missing weapons. Rick remembers that Spencer used to hide supplies for himself and goes to his house. After Aaron and Gabriel help him search every room, Rick finally finds the guns, some canned goods and some alcohol hidden in an air vent, and I'm then reminded how much Spencer sucks. Rick turns the guns in to Negan and Olivia lives to see another day. Her job also just got exponentially easier. 

I Know I'm Being Used

Spencer and Smokin' Hot Rosita resume their run but not before Douchebag Dwight takes their weapons, canteen, and even Rosita's hat. He also tells them they must bring back Daryl's bike. Rosita drives to the place Daryl's bike is hidden and Spencer digs it out from under the bushes and branches. As he rolls the motorcycle to the back of the van, he tells Rosita that she is smokin' hot they are outnumbered. That this is life now. That this is where Rick got them. Rosita's not really listening though - she is stalking a handful of Walkers in the forest. She sneaking up on them pretty successfully until Spencer starts calling out for her and the Walkers all turn and attack her at the same time. Dumbass. She kills one of the Walker Saviors that died during the Denise death-by-crossbow battle and takes the gun the Walker still has on him. Spencer arrives and yells at her because Spencer still just doesn't get it. She tries to clue them into the fact that Dwight took their guns because the Saviors were going to take ALL of the guns. His three brain cells start to make sense of this before she looks at him in disgust and says, "this is not our life."

Spencer and Smokin' Hot Rosita return to Alexandria just as the Saviors are packing up their vehicles with all the spoils of the day and preparing to leave the community. Spencer delivers Daryl's bike to Douchebag Dwight and in turn, he gives Rosita her hat back. "We took the guns and most of the beds. I hope you find a place to lay your pretty little head." He leaves on the motorcycle as Daryl painfully watches this happen for a second time. Did I mention Daryl looks like hell?

Just before the Saviors leave though, Rick spots Michonne in a window and confronts her about the rifle. The weapon wasn't on the inventory list but Rick wants to earn bonus points with Negan. How humiliating. Michonne is not happy about giving up the gun but she relents. She walks out of the building with the deer over her shoulder so Negan would know she had been hunting and not pretending an array of Walker's heads were his. Negan appreciates Rick's honestly in turning over the rifle...and he takes the deer too. Rick hopes this will allow Daryl to stay in Alexandria but no dice. Negan asks Daryl to sway him and Daryl looks at the ground and says nothing. Negan shifts gears back over to Rick and asks "Do you want me to go? Then just say those two magic words." Rick barely musters up a 'thank you,' reluctantly gives Lucille back to Negan, and the Saviors leave Alexandria with Daryl in tow.  

I Lost My Nerve

We close out "Service" with Rick scolding Spencer for hiding supplies and all Spencer can say is "you went in my house?" I really forgot how stupid he was. As Rick walks away he talks shit about how Rick has lead them to this place. "We're so lucky! I guess Abraham and Glenn were lucky too?" Rick doesn't turn around but promises Spencer that if he ever says anything like that again, he'll break Spencer's jaw and knock his teeth out. Smokin' Hot Rosita overhears this exchange and I'm hoping she's going to kick Spencer's ass when she slams the van door shut. He explains he hid the guns a while ago back when Rick was first taking over as their new leader. She walks away from him and we see that she has brought back the gun from the woods. She goes to Eugene and asks him to make her a bullet. 

Rick goes home and makes a sleeping area where his bed used to be out of the remaining blankets and pillows. Michonne enters and does not agree with the way things are going. She tells him that everything they have they got from fighting. Rick says that even if they aligned with Hilltop, the Saviors still have the numbers. Michonne doesn't understand what kind of a life they will have this way and Rick goes on to tell her about Shane...and how Judith probably isn't his baby. He says he knew it but had to accept it. He calls her his daughter and says he hopes that he can raise her and protect her and teach her how to survive. "This is how we live now. I had to accept that too so I could keep everyone else alive." Rick asks Michonne to accept it as well and she promises to try. When we see her go back to her usual target practice spot with no gun, it's a sad sight....but not as sad as the sight of their mattresses burning on the side of the road. Michonne encounters these and her eyes tear up. The Saviors aren't even using the beds - they just want Rick and company to know they can take anything they want at any time. 

The episode ends there and so does the thriving community Rick and company had built after the Wolves invaded. I appreciate Michonne and Smokin' Hot Rosita trying to hold on to what little protection they can keep. Even though Rick "isn't in charge anymore," someone here has to think ahead to "shit's going to hit the fan again eventually." Will they start a mild group of rebels? Will Michonne be able to support Rick in the new normal? Does Spencer understand that his booty call days with Smokin' Hot Rosita are probably over? I think she'd rather go without than deal with his whiny ass anymore. Such is life in the post-apocalyptic world of friends with benefits. 

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 10

Let me start off by saying I did not love this finale. We've had nine hours of pretty fantastic television, but Chapter 10 was like three chapters crammed into one and I'm not sure why. Were there some bright moments? Sure. But I think I would have been fine if the story ended last week...even with the "what happens to Lee?" cliffhanger. Here's what went down in the final episode of American Horror Story: Roanoke.

I Don't Know What I'm To Say

The episode opens in a flashback to the Millers and the cast of My Roanoke Nightmare in a PaleyFest interview in front of a mass of fans. Season 1 has just become a phenomenon and Sydney is touting the people involved in the show as much as he can to drum up support for another season. Agnes in particular makes me laugh as she eagerly jumps in, hoping for Season 2. "I really think we've just scratched the surface on what makes The Butcher tick." She's already starting to go cuckoo and I love it. All of the young girls are screaming for Rory and he is eating it up, much to the chagrin of his not yet fiance, Audrey.  Dominic plays to the fans as well, but one fan in particular is there to see Lee. She "identifies" with Lee and brings her a sweet drawing of Lee and Flora. Cut to this fan's video blog about the end of Season 2 and how it was bigger than the first season. Fans everywhere were asking if the footage was real or fake, but Lee's upcoming murder trial answered that question.

We go now to another TV show within the TV show called Crack'd which is airing an episode all about Lee. The Season 2 footage showed Lee killing the Polk boy, Todd the fan, as well as Monet and her fabulous hair. This should have been an easy conviction right? Nah. Lee did a lot of drugs with the hillbilly while in captivity so obviously she was hallucinating when she committed all of those crimes on camera. The footage also showed the Polks torturing her, so Lee's defense attorney puts together a convincing argument that Lee "didn't know what she was doing" during that time. The attorney doesn't mention the possession by not Lady Gaga. Probably a good call. The jury buys it and Lee is acquitted of all charges. 

But then there's that little matter of Lee's taped confession to killing Mason. THAT has to be an easy conviction, right? Well, don't you know that Lee's confession was also a reaction to her captors...and she only said those things to impress the Polks? That's what the defense is going with but the prosecution actually has an eye witness on hand to testify...Flora. She was apparently watching her parents argue from behind a tree in the woods that night. She tells the jury that Lee clocked Mason with a rock and kept hitting him until he stopped moving. Lee leans over and whispers something to her attorney who then rises to cross-examine the little girl. She asks Flora to talk about Priscilla, "the ghost girl from the TV show." The jury then thinks Flora is making everything up and acquits Lee of this murder as well. Good grief. 

Today's Another Day To Find You

Okay, so part 1 of this finale is over. Onto Lee's post trial media parade and the return of Lana Winters from AHS Asylum. If you recall, I spent most of that season referring to her as Stupid Lana and she really doesn't make me feel any differently tonight. Just as she was at the end of Asylum, Stupid Lana is still a world famous author and her television interviews are ratings gold. Lee goes on her live show to tell her story. We learn that Lee has become an author and motivational speaker (seriously?) and she has chosen Stupid Lana over people like Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters because Stupid Lana too has killed to survive traumatic circumstances. 

Stupid Lana asks Lee how she is coping with the hell she went through in both rounds of Roanoke and the aftermath. Lee explains that her goal of getting Flora back in her life is what keeps her going. See, Flora pretty much hates her mother's guts and she lives with Mason's parents these days, so Lee is now preparing to head back to the courtroom again for a custody battle. Stupid Lana mentions that because of Mason's murder trial, most of America believes Flora is a liar. Lee gets super defensive before her interviewer asks: "Where is Flora?" Uh oh. Seems Mason's parents reported Flora missing an hour before the show began. Lee begins to panic but her cries of "I have to find my daughter!" are stifled by the sound of gunfire in the hallway. The last of the torturing Polks busts in and shoots up most of the room. Stupid Lana introduces herself and tells him he is on live television. "The world is watching you young man. Millions of people. You have an opportunity to tell your truth." He knocks her ass out with the butt of his gun as the police barrel in and shoot the redneck dead. The picture becomes a "Technical Difficulties. Please Stand By." sign and my brain is starting to hurt. What the hell was the point of all this other than learning Flora is missing...AGAIN?

I'll Be Gone 

Starting part 3 of this chapter, we know go to yet another show within the show, Spirit Chasers. These paranormalists are morons and choose to film an episode of their show during the blood moon in the Miller's house. Who even owns the house at this point? Doesn't matter. The Spirit Chasers and crew actually have no authorization to even be on the grounds, but they are somehow still joined by Ashley Gilbert, the little guy who played Tangina Cricket in My Roanoke Nightmare. I've missed him. 

When the sun goes down all of the toys and monitors the Spirit Chasers have start to get some crazy activity. Some of it is paranormal and some of it is the fact that Lee is walking around in the house. Whyyyyyyyyy? She's there looking for Flora and tells the Spirit Chasers they're stupid f*cks for being there. Heh. These guys are too busy being fanboys to listen and follow Lee around the house with their camera. The first ghost they encounter isn't Priscilla though...it's the Piggy Man and he guts  Tangina Cricket Ashley immediately. Now the Spirit Chasers are paying attention and shitting their pants. Chaser #1 is attacked by one of the Chens. Chaser #2 runs from the nurses and makes it safely outside with the cameraman. Chaser #3 makes it out the front door as well but meets The Butcher's cleaver immediately. The police arrive just then and when they get out of their cars, a shower of arrows rains down and kills everyone still standing. 

Lee is still inside wandering around looking for Flora and finds her on the top floor just as more police arrive along with news crews. The reporters are describing the situation as "a standoff" because they believe Lee has kidnapped Flora and is holding her in the house. Do they also think Lee is responsible for the arrows and cleaver? It's not really addressed. Lee apologizes to Flora for everything (including killing her father) and begs her to walk out of there and be a family with her. Flora wants to stay with Priscilla and in the house forever. She's willing to burn the place down and throws a straight up hissy fit when Lee argues with her. Are you wondering how this bullshit will be resolved? Lee offers to stay in the house instead and take care of Priscilla. She says she will be Priscilla's mommy if Flora agrees to go back and live with Mason's parents. "You can come visit us when it's not the blood moon." WHAT?!?! Am I hearing this right? "Please," she says. "Let me do that for you." Flora and Priscilla are good with this plan and Lee burns the effing house down. Flora escapes just in time and sees her mom and Priscilla hand in hand as she is driven off the grounds. The last shot we see is of the blood moon and torches descending upon the police and camera crews still standing outside the house.

And that's that. Look, I was okay with Ryan Murphy trying to re-create the tension from The People v. OJ Simpson with Lee's trial. I could almost swallow his need for a Lana Winters cameo. However, the hillbilly shootout that went nowhere, followed by the worst Ghost Hunters imitation ever, simply made me throw my hands up in the air and scream. I don't buy that the last Polk standing would shoot up a room except for the person he actually came to shoot. I don't buy that Flora somehow ran away to the Miller's house by herself because she wanted to die there and be with Priscilla forever. I don't buy that after all Lee was willing to do to save herself (i.e. kill her ex-husband and try to make her daughter look crazy in court), she was cool with burning down a house and spending eternity with the everyone who died on that land. And I REALLY don't buy that she'd want Flora to come chill with the ghosts during the non blood moon periods. This final hour just doesn't make sense to me but I won't let it shadow the overall amazing season we've watched. Roanoke took a path quite unlike any other season with the documentary and reality TV style format and I really did love that. I'm just going to pretend the whole thing ended after Lee was acquitted, wrote a book, made a shit ton of money, and learned to live with the fact that her kid hated her. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 9

With only one week left until the finale, one would hope we start getting some real closure in Chapter 9 of AHS Roanoke and we do. We find out who the sole survivor is, how this person escaped the worst real estate investment ever, and it did not play out like I thought it would at all. I'm not complaining though. I love where we end up when the hour ends. 

Right Back On My Feet Again

The episode opens with three soon to be dead fans of My Roanoke Nightmare trekking through the woods trying to find the Season 2 shoot. They are wearing helmet cameras and also have selfie sticks, hoping to "blow up the internet" with their Instagram posts throughout their journey. Just as they are about to geek out over finding the tree that once held Flora's yellow hoodie, they see a woman frantically running around looking for her car. She's bleeding. She's Diana. She's dead. When they finally do arrive at the car, it is flipped over and Diane's body is inside. 

The youngins are Milo, Todd and Sophie (welcome back Taissa Farmiga). They run a fan website and blog for My Roanoke Nightmare and they hightail it to the police station and describe what they had seen. The detective interviewing them says they found no body at the scene - just the overturned vehicle. He calls them pranksters and warns them to stay away from the house. Todd (formerly Jake Puckerman on Glee) thinks there's an injustice here and he won't stand for it. 

Of course the trio heads back into the woods to face their fears and they return at night, no less. They posted their video of the dead body and received 20,000 follows and they are thrilled to know they are trending on Twitter...not trending enough to blow up the internet though. We'll get back to these fools in a bit. 

Well You're A Real Tough Cookie

We switch gears to the nonsense happening inside the house now as Dylan, the actor who played Ambrose in My Roanoke Nightmare, is explaining himself to Audrey and Lee. Seems Sydney instructed him to show up at the front door at a certain time on a certain day, but Dylan has not heard from his producer since. He does not have a car with him because he ubered...but he somehow also does not have a cell phone on him. How is that possible? I must have a total misunderstanding on how one ubers around. Plot hole?

The ladies are quick to inform him that errrrrybody is dead and it's the last night of the blood moon. Dylan suggests they make a stretcher for Lee and head out on foot, citing his time in the military evacuating folks under dangerous conditions. Lee tells him the Polks are nearby and they have vehicles and weapons....they also might still have Monet.  

Dylan, Audrey and a hobbling Lee make it to the outskirts of the Polk's farm and they see a truck. It's getting dark and they need to act...they decide that Dylan will run for the truck and the women will do a quick search nearby to see if they can find Monet as well as the incriminating tapes. Dylan tells them that as soon as they hear the truck start, they have to jump in regardless of whether or not they find Monet. The three of them go off in separate directions. Audrey finds Monet, and the camera, and one of the last hillbillies standing and she shoots him. The two women flee the scene and end up back in the Miller's farm house. Good grief. Oh and Dylan? The other hillbilly has nabbed him for The Butcher and her mob...they are now approaching the farm. 

As Monet and Audrey discuss getting their shit together and getting out of this mess, Audrey can't help but think Lee is dead. She wouldn't have left behind the camera they found since, you know, they needed it to prove their innocence. Monet grabs the camera and they watch Lee's confession about Mason. Oh shit. Lee, by the way, is still in the woods and now meeting up with not Lady Gaga. She eats a pig's heart, ala The Butcher, and we can only assume she's now batshit crazy. 

You Don't Fight Fair

Todd, Milo and Sophie are getting closer to the Miller's house when they encounter Lee or whatever version of Lee she is now. She slits Todd's throat and Sophie and Milo sprint until they find the production trailer. Inside they see they see the cameras for each room and all of the dead people. Sophie's whimper of "awww, but I love Shelby" makes me laugh...as if Shelby was still a character to her. They also see Lee approaching the house and call the police. The police, of course, don't believe them.  Sophie wants to save Audrey and Monet and convinces Milo to join her. 

Monet and Audrey have locked themselves in the upstairs bedroom and hear a commotion in the hallway. Monet peaks out and sees Lee at the top of the stairs. Lee doesn't look right but the women are too busy telling her they know about Mason to realize it. Lee says "You don't belong here. Your vile presence spoils this sacred ground." Uh oh. We've heard this before. Monet starts yelling all kinds of shit back at her and Lee throws her over the banister to her death. Damn. Audrey runs out of the house but ends up falling half way into the bunker. Lee cleaves her in the shoulder and dumps her ass in.  

Milo and Sophie have now reached the house but so have Lee, The Butcher, and her followers. They witness Dylan get the old disembowel treatment before being burnt to a crisp on stakes. We see all of this happen via the iPhone cameras these two fools are still toting. Thank goodness for the iCloud?

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

When morning arrives, so do the police...apparently they decided to take the social media posts from the youngins seriously. They are too little too late though as they arrive to the remnants of a human bbq as well as the rest of the carnage throughout the house and at the nearby trailer. 

Lee is no longer possessed by not Lady Gaga and is very out of sorts when the police wake her up in the woods near the bbq scene. You know who else is out of sorts? Audrey. She's still alive but she's been in a nasty ass underground space all night. The police rescue her as well and she sees Lee getting into a police car. She flips the eff out, yells "murderer!" and grabs a gun from the cop helping her and aims it at Lee. The remaining cops, having no idea what the hell is going on, put a shit ton of bullets into Audrey and also put a permanent stop to her accent. Thank you. 

The episode ends there and wow! Ryan Murphy allowed the demise of Sarah Paulson's character! I know technically Sally was dead last season but her ghost was a main character so that doesn't count. I did read that Sarah will return as stupid Lana Winters from Asylum in the finale, so he was probably comfortable with her shootout tonight knowing that Lana is getting another chance in the spotlight. Will Lee be able to exonerate herself? Will she go to jail for Mason's murder? Will she ever look at beef jerky the same way again? We only have one more episode to go (this season feels so short) and I'm eager to see how Roanoke finishes up. I've SO loved this season. 

TWD Season 7 Episode 3: The Cell

Tonight we move on from The Kingdom and follow Daryl back to Negan's compound, also known as The Sanctuary. Our hero isn't doing so great though and I think we can all imagine why. If dude hadn't lost his cool and attacked Negan in the semi-circle of torture, Glenn would still have a head, Maggie Would still have a husband, and the rest of us would still have a kind soul to cling to on this show. What happens to Daryl once he is living among the Saviors? Here's where we are after "The Cell."

We Got A Front Row Seat

"Hungry?"

At the start of the episode we find out that Dwight spends his non-douchebag time watching episodes of Who's the Boss, playing an array of board games, picking vegetables, and carving wooden figures. I'm with him on the first two for sure. That Tony Danza... he's amazing. When he's not making delicious looking sandwiches for himself, Dwight smears dog food on bread and feeds it to Daryl. It sucks to be Daryl. He sits in a cell, naked, dirty and hungry...counting on Dwight to feed him and waiting on Negan to do his worst. My first thought is: Daryl is naked. My second thought is: I needed this before Season 7. 

Daryl's torture is not just a dark small space with disgusting food - he constantly hears the peppy song "Easy Street" blasting in his cell. The song is annoying AF. Eventually Dwight brings him sweatpants and a sweatshirt bearing a big red "A" and ushers him down the hall to meet the doctor. Sherry, the woman Dwight stole Daryl's bike with, is there and she greets Daryl by name. Dwight yells at her. Awkward. Even more awkward is the negative pregnancy test she just took that is sitting on the table. Dwight sarcastically says "better luck next time." 

The doctor gives Daryl a clean bill of health and Dwight takes him back to his cell. Dwight tells Daryl he can make it easy on himself but Daryl isn't breaking just yet...though we do see him slam against the door several times as "Easy Street" starts to play again. Negan sits outside the cell with Dwight , laughing and listening to Daryl losing it, and he wants to reward Dwight for all of his hard work. He tells him he can have his way with "you know who" or any other woman "as long as she says yes." Dwight isn't interested though and makes some excuses about sticking to his work. Who is "you know who?"

A Life That Can't Be Beat

Dwight takes Daryl's bike out on a mission and the Savior who has taken over Daryl feeding duty does not lock the door to the cell after he drops off the dog food. Is this on purpose? Is this a test? Daryl slips out the door and sneaks through the hallway, waiting for the perfect moment to make his escape. Sherry pops up behind him and encourages him to just go back to the cell. "Whatever he's done to you, there's more. There's always more." Daryl doesn't listen though and gets caught just outside the door by a group of Negan's guys and then Negan himself. 

Negan has that amazing smile on his face as he taunts Daryl. "Who are you?" he asks one of his guys. Dude says "Negan." He asks the next guy, and the next guy and they all say the same thing. Oh that's right. We're all Negan, Negan is everywhere, here a Negan, there a Negan, everywhere a Negan, Negan. Something like that anyway. Negan tells Daryl he has three choices: 1) Wind up on a spike outside the fence and work as a dead man. 2) Get out of the cell and work for points, but wish he was a dead man. 3) Work for Negan voluntarily and live like a king. There is no door number 4. Daryl says nothing and doesn't flinch when Negan raises his bat. He admires Daryl's badassery and leaves his guys to beat the crap out of Daryl and return him to the cell. 

Back in his dark and dirty little space, Daryl hears Sherry's voice outside. She's crying. Sherry tells him that when she and Dwight met him that first time in the woods, they were trying to flee the Saviors for good. "Back in the woods, after I lost Tina, when we took your stuff and decided to go back...I told you I was sorry. You said 'you're gonna be.' And I am." Sherry then walks away. That's nice of her to say and all but it really means nothing given everyone's current situation. 

The World Is But A Treat

Dwight's mission is to find a defected Savior and bring him back to The Sanctuary for Negan's judgement. He catches up to the guy down the road and saves him from a Walker attack. The defector looks at Dwight and asks how he can still be so loyal to Negan after what he did to Dwight and his wife. His wife? This poor dude gives a speech about Negan's mandates and how he can't live with the way things are anymore...and he drops to his knees and asks Dwight for a mercy killing. Dwight is a douchebag and threatens to dig up this guy's dead wife and feed her to the crows if he doesn't get up and go back to The Sanctuary. As the defector stands and begins to walk back he says "Okay D, you win. But you know there's nothing left." Dwight shoots him in the back and goes home. 

Sherry is the first person Dwight sees upon his return and we can assume she was his wife at some point. Now she belongs to Negan. "We did the right thing," he tells her. "It's a hell of a lot better than being dead." She pauses and says "yeah," but she has no conviction in her voice whatsoever. 

Dwight then goes to Daryl's cell and tells him Negan has taken a shine to him and he should consider himself lucky. Daryl still isn't interested. When Dwight leaves the cell the song changes from "Easy Street" to Roy Orbison's "Crying," which pretty much sums up the first part of this season. Daryl looks at the Polaroid picture of Glenn's body that Dwight had thrown in the cell and starts to sob. Thinking Daryl has finally broken down, Dwight brings him to Negan who is happy to receive him. Negan tells Daryl that things weren't always so great with him and Dwight...Dwight and his "super hot wife and her super hot sister" used to work for points before their attempted escape and Tina fell behind on points to pay for medication. Negan asked her to marry him as a fair trade and they fled. We know Tina died after Daryl found them and tried to help them, and when Dwight and Sherry decided to steal Daryl's shit and come back to ask for forgiveness, Sherry became Negan's wife in order to keep Dwight alive. And now Dwight is one of his top guys and he wants Daryl to also be one of his top guys. "All you gotta do is answer one simple question. Who are you?" Daryl pauses for a long time...and then says "Daryl." Dwight throws Daryl back in the cell and goes outside, exasperated. He sees the Walker version of the dude he shot earlier approach the fence and turns his back on him. 

The episode ends there and it seems we will have to wait a long time to see Daryl back where he belongs. I'll be honest and say I totally would have jumped on the Negan train by now if I were him so kudos to him for having balls (and a stomach) of steel. It was nice to get a little bit of a background on Dwight and Sherry, and I can't imagine what goes through Dwight's mind each time he looks at Negan or has any interaction with his hot wife. Will Dwight and Daryl become friends? Will Daryl convince Dwight and others to revolt? Or will Daryl eventually give in and become one of the Saviors? Time will tell, but in the meantime, here's hoping we get one or two "Daryl gets a naked hose down in his cell" scenes.