AHS Coven: This Means War

The last 10 minutes of tonight's episode of American Horror Story: Coven is by far the most suspenseful we've seen this season. This was an awesome way to lead into yet another break (the series resumes in 2014), and I lost count of the number of times I said "Oh my God!" out loud during the hour. Here's where we are....

 

The Secret Life of Hank

We  flash back to Chattahoochee National Forest in 1991, where a young Hank and his father are camping and sharing coffee. Hank is on his first hunting trip and he's nervous. His father explains that their family has consisted of hunters for generations. Well, at least we know that Hank is more than just a hired douchebag. When Hank's chance comes...he hesitates to shoot the witch and she tries to set him on fire. Hank's dad takes the flames on his arm and kills the witch instead.

 

In the present day Hank is hanging out in Atlanta where apparently a witch hunting corporation exists. Neat. Hank's dad is in charge and he is not pleased with Hank's lack of progress. He reminds Hank that his job is only to gather intelligence and not get his hands dirty. See, I'm even more pissed about Kaylee now. Dad tells Hank that he was sloppy with Kaylee and someone else from the corporation had to be sent to kill a maid and a desk clerk to cover up the murder. Dad also tells Hank that he ordered the attack on Cordelia. The corporation believed that injuring her would cause her to need Hank more...and give him more of an "in" with the coven. Well, dude, that totally backfired.

 

When Hank returns to wherever the hell he's living these days, he is subjected to Marie's voodoo powers. She uses a doll to torture him, then calls him on the phone to tell him "they die tonight or the next needle I use will put a hole in your heart." That's quite an ultimatum.

  

 

See No Evil

Cordelia has become a pro at finding her way around the house...she just drops things more than she would like. As she tries to clean up a shattered carton of eggs, not dead Myrtle jumps in to help her. She asks if Cordelia ever believed that she was the one who blinded her as Fiona had accused. She then asks Cordelia to use her new power to see that she is innocent. Cordelia tells Myrtle that she doesn't need to use her power to know Myrtle could never harm her.

 

Myrtle and the rest of The Council have a Sunday dinner, where the duo that solidified her death eat and drink their hearts out. Myrtle explains her return from the dead just as The Council is starting to realize they have been poisoned and turned into live human statues:

 

“Are you terrified? You should be! At any rate, I’m not going to kill you. Maybe after dessert. I did put a lot of effort into the key lime pie.”

 

Myrtle then removes one eyeball from each of them. She also happily cuts up their bodies and boils the pieces. So Myrtle is a crazy bitch after all. Awesome! She gives those eyes to Cordelia and the witch can see again.

 

When Fiona finds her newly healed daughter she and Myrtle have a pissing contest over who committed what crime and who is the better witch...then Cordelia essentially tells them to STFU and leaves to lie down. Myrtle gives her a hug before she exits the room, and Cordelia realizes that while she regained her sight, she has lost her power of vision.

 

 

Please Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Nan waits faithfully at the hospital for word of Luke's recovery. Zoe and Madison help her barge into Luke's room where his mother flips out on them. She says they brought a darkness upon her house, but Nan interrupts her. Even though Luke is in a coma, she can hear Luke's thoughts. Nan tells Joan to sing a song to Luke - a song she sang to him when he broke his arm as a boy. She does, and it seems to work. Joan tells Nan that she is a miracle.

 

I anticipate this warm and happy scene continuing but Luke's thoughts go down a different path. Nan says that there is a God and He is judging Joan for what she did to Luke's father. Huh? Apparently Luke's father's death was not an accident (I've never once wondered about Luke's father). Seems daddy was cheating on Joan and told her he was leaving her...he was then was suddenly attacked by a swarm of bees and his allergies to bee stings caused his demise. I'm not sure how a swarm of bees attacking a man in a completely sealed car in the dead of night wasn't suspicious? Joan banishes Nan from the hospital...and when Luke fully wakes up and accuses her of murder, she smothers him with a pillow. Whoa!

 

 

We Make A Great Team

Cordelia teaches Misty a thing or two about herbs and spells and Misty is able to channel her power of resurgence into a potted plant. Is reviving a plant more difficult than raising a decaying corpse from the dead? I would think not but what do I know? Misty compliments Cordelia on her ability to lead but Cordelia shuts her down quickly. "Fiona is the leader of this coven." Take it easy, Cordelia. Who was leading the coven while Fiona was off doing her own thing for so long?

 

Hank arrives and attempts a happy reunion with his wife. He says all the right things, throwing his arms around her and pleading for another chance at their marriage. He stops only for a second to look at Misty...realize she is the one he failed to kill in the woods. Cordelia is cold to Hank and that makes me very happy. She tells him "your shit is in a box in the closet. Get it, and get out." Ha! 

 

Because We Haven't Seen Kyle Yet...

Fiona brings home a dog to help protect the house. The canine quickly finds Kyle who now knows the word "dog." Good for him? Kyle then kills the dog. So much for protection.

 

Kyle apparently knows all sorts of words. The three young witches return home from the hospital to find him playing gin with Fiona. For a Supreme witch, she really sucks at gin. Fiona tells the girls she "fixed" Kyle. He's not "all there" but she has turned him into a guard dog that will attack on command. FINALLY Kyle has a purpose.

 

 

Talking Heads

Marie's hair salon is hopping with customers when Fiona arrives with Madam LaLaurie's head. They make their way back to Madam LaLaurie's torture room where the headless woman (still donning that fantastic tiger sweat suit) gives a slight wave from her cage. Ha! Fiona wants to make a deal...actually an alliance. She tells Marie about the witch hunters not realizing that Marie is behind the attempted killings. Marie tells Fiona she will be popping champagne when the coven is dead, not helping her protect it. She then orders Precious Queenie to take the head in the box outside and burn it. Um, WHAT?

 

Instead Precious Queenie take Madam LaLaurie's head to what I assume is her apartment or new living quarters and forces her to watch Roots. She tells Madam LaLaurie that she can't burn her because she would be leaving the world as an ignorant woman. As the television series begins, Madam LaLaurie closes her eye's and sings "I Wish I Was In Dixie." She then watches a history of The Civil Rights movement and her eyes well up with tears.

 

Precious Queenie returns to the hair salon and Marie puts her to work right away. She doesn't even ask about the head, which I find odd. Doesn't she hate Madam LaLaurie? Hasn't she dedicated a considerable amount of time making sure she suffers? We don't have a chance to find out if she realizes the head is alive and well, so to speak. Hank bursts through the door and shoots the place up. He targets all of Marie's employees...including Queenie, who fall forward with a would in her gut. Hank makes his way through the shop and finally finds Marie. Just as he did when he was a boy, he hesitates. Queenie is able to grab a gun that one of the fallen witches had dropped on the floor...and she uses her voodoo power to blow Hank's (her) brains out. Good riddance, douchebag. I am not at all sorry to see you go.

 

In the final moments of the episode, Marie arrives at Miss Robichaux's. Time for an alliance?

Gin!

So in this hour we really had a bloodbath, but we also learned that the real enemy this season is a corporation of witch hunters. Who would have thunk it? What will Hank's dad's retaliation be? Also, I may have pegged Joan Ramsey as a nutcase, but a killer? Someone who would murder the son she's spent so many years, um, cleansing? Color me surprised on that one. And finally...as pissed off as I've been at Precious Queenie these past couple of weeks, I had a pit in my stomach when she sacrificed herself. Now, because no one really stays dead on this show, I'm hoping she comes back and participates in whatever battle is coming with the other witch hunters. Unfortunately we will have to wait until January 8th to find out, but you can bet I will be re-watching the episodes in the meantime!

 

 

 

AHS Coven: Nothing's Sacred

It feels like it’s been forever since the last episode of American Horror Story: Coven. No amount of turkey or mashed potatoes could distract me from the two week hiatus we had. Before the show took the Thanksgiving break, there were many lingering questions and shit was really starting to hit the fan. Here’s where we are:

                          

Use Your Words

Zoe tries to teach Kyle to speak so he can rejoin society. Why would he do that? I’m not sure what they did with his mother’s body….but if anyone is looking for suspects I imagine that the suddenly not dead son might need to go in for questioning. Madison is fine with Kyle being the way he is, as evidenced by the way she enters the room and shoves her tongue down his throat. They leave him alone with a computerized learning program so they can go do witchy things, and Zoe returns later to check on his progress. Kyle holds her and tells her “This road goes two ways. I love you.” Zoe loves him too and a distraught Madison listens in on the other side of the door. This Tarzan/Jane thing is cute and all, but again…I am so bored with this story line.

The Voodoo That You Do

Precious Queenie walks through a sketchy part of town and encounters a homeless man who wants to have his way with her. She really knows how to attract the good ones, huh? Precious Queenie picks up a piece of wood with nails sticking out of it, bashes her own hand with it, then him, and homeless dude is down for the count. Zoe and Madison find her at that moment and tell her they need her in the coven. Precious Queenie says she’s with Marie and the voodoo witches now….as she tears out the heart of the homeless guy. She tells her former sister witches “War is coming. And you’re going to lose.”

 

When we next see her, Precious Queenie is delivering fast food to Madam LaLaurie. She asks Precious Queenie what she ever did to deserve the betrayal. She tells the young witch “You put me in here. You can let me out.” Precious Queenie looks like she’s considering this but Marie shows up and cuts off Madam LaLaurie’s right hand. Damn. It’s going to be hard for her to finish her burger that way.

The Perfect Storm

Cordelia gathers Madison, Zoe and Nan to discuss the battle plan for Fiona’s demise. She notes that losing Precious Queenie was her own failure but also states that the young voodoo witch is dead to her now. Me too. I can’t believe she could betray anyone wearing that cute tiger sweat suit. Anywho, Cordelia explains that they have one shot at this and to fail would be a suicide mission. No kidding.

 

The coven’s devious planning is interrupted by a knock at the door. Somehow Spalding is not available to answer it…neither is Madam LaLaurie. When Zoe finally makes her way to the front of the house, Misty Day is on the other side of the door looking for help. Yay! I’ve missed her…and I’m sure she’s missed Stevie. She tells Zoe that a witch hunter tried to kill her and asks for protection for her and her friend. Um, Friend? Myrtle!!!! I’m so excited to see her. She’s got some very unfortunate skin and her voice is raspy and rough. She has a happy(ish) reunion with Cordelia and states that she has seen the face of the new Supreme. Misty’s power of resurrection far surpasses the feats a growing Supreme encounter as they come into their powers. “She’s brought more people back from the dead than Jesus Christ.” Ha! Get this woman a new Stevie!

The witches robe up and begin a ceremony known as The Sacred Taking which allows for the ascension of the next Supreme. It is a ritual that has been invoked three times in periods of crisis to ensure the survival of the coven. The first convening happened during the Salem witch trials when the surviving witches decided it was time to move south. The reigning Supreme at the time knew she would be too weak to travel with them and she took her own life so a new Supreme could lead the group to their new destination. This is the sacrifice the Supreme is intended to make when The Sacred Taking occurs. This is what they expect from Fiona (really? have they met her?).

As the faces of the previous Supremes stare down at the women from the paintings, Cordelia says no one should wish to be the next Supreme. She notes that none of the women on the walls had happy lives. Fiona only lived it up because she ran from her responsibilities. Now is the time for her to fulfill her obligations as Supreme.

Remember Luke?

So, the delicious next door neighbor Luke was stabbed by a zombie during the Halloween show, taken to heal…and then never heard from again. Nice to know he’s still alive I guess? His mother dresses his wound and tells him how evil the girls from Miss Robichaux’s are. When Luke explains that they saved him, momma Joan slaps him across the face and says “Only Jesus can save you.” Duh Luke. Joan then insists he cleanse himself of his sins. How? Maybe going to confession? Prayer? Giving himself lashes? Nah. An Ajax enema is the best way to purify these days. When Joan looks at Luke and says “take off your pants” I wait for Frankenkyle to burst through the door and bludgeon her to death with her bible. That does not happen. Instead, Luke tearfully climbs into the bathtub to begin his cleansing.

 

Later on in the evening Nan goes to check on Luke. She’d heard his cries and swoops in for the rescue. As they attempt to make their escape, momma Joan appears. She has dialed 911 and is telling the operator there is an armed intruder in her house. Luke freaks out and pushes his mother in the next room. Joan thinks she has the upper hand…but then several bullets fly through the window and take both her and Luke out. Nan can’t seem to catch a break.

No need to worry though – Misty arrives quickly to revive Joan as Nan accompanies Luke in an ambulance. Cordelia lurks outside and finds a silver bullet. As she touches one of them she has a vision of a witch hunter shooting Joan. So, is Joan a witch or did he intend to kill Nan and the Ramseys just happened to be there?

 

I’m Ready For My Close Up

Fiona is sick as shit, vomiting frequently and writhing on the floor in pain. She has about a month left to live and the time is slipping away quickly. Luckily Fiona has The Axeman to comfort her. He wants to run away with her and spend that last month together. She doesn’t want her new love to see her decay and he offers up the idea of Fiona killing herself so she could be free of the pain. Fiona doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction but...

After another round of puking, Fiona hears music coming from Madison’s bedroom. She’s startled to see Madison dancing around in a red dress. This scene kind of reminds me last season when Sister Mary Eunice danced around in the red lingerie while singing “You Don’t Own Me.” Fiona can’t believe her eyes. Clearly she doesn’t realize no one (but Kaylee) dies on this show. Madison claims she is the next Supreme and says Fiona will burn for slitting her throat and framing Myrtle for Cordelia’s attack. She gives Fiona an ultimatum – burn or swallow a handful of pills and go to sleep.

 

Fiona starts to pack her bags. She’s getting the hell out of here…but wait. Myrtle appears and tells Fiona that Madison, the new Supreme, resurrected her and reiterates Fiona’s choices. Fiona doesn’t want either choice. She tells Myrtle she has found someone she loves, that she belongs to. “He wants to take care of me.” Myrtle not so kindly points out that The Axeman won’t stay til the end and Fiona will die alone anyway…and so Fiona prepares herself for the pills.

 

She reminisces with Myrtle about the selfish detours she has taken in life. She recalls a boy she met at Woodstock. This is a bit random. Is the Woodstock boy Cordelia’s father? Do we care at this point? Fiona asks Myrtle to look after Cordelia, her “most terrible failure.” She picks up a handful of pills and washes them down with a glass of water. As she closes her eyes Myrtle leaves the room…but Spalding appears. What!?!?! Is he resurrected now too?!?!? To my relief he is just a ghost. He tells her he was murdered and remains in the house as a watcher, just as the previous members of his family had been. Spalding tells Fiona she has been tricked and is giving in to a group of lesser witches. He hands Fiona a bottle with a liquid that will expunge the pills. I guess that’s better than an Ajax enema….and she’s used to barfing at this point anyway.  

 

The coven waits downstairs for the new Supreme to reveal herself. Instead, Fiona appears... looking very much like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. Side Note: Patti LuPone (Joan Ramsey) played Norma Desmond in the London cast of Sunset Boulevard in the early 90s. Fiona congratulates Cordelia on the plan she and the girls concocted. “I’m so proud of you. You really are my daughter.” Cordelia buys into this nonsense quickly and tells Fiona about the witch hunters. They need Fiona now more than ever.

 

The doorbell rings. Again, Spalding and Madam LaLaurie are nowhere to be found to answer it. You can tell Fiona’s wheels are starting to turn as she opens the door. Where is the maid? She receives her answer immediately…the delivery at the front door is Madam LaLaurie’s head in a box. She’s still “alive” so to speak, which is more than we can say for the Minotaur.

 

The episode ends there and I do feel like we are getting somewhere at least. We’ve resurrected just about everyone, we know that Luke is okay but his mother is a whack job, and we’ve caught a glimpse of Frankenkyle possibly just becoming Kyle. What we don’t know is – when will the coven learn that Hank is hunting them and he’s working for Marie? WHO is the next Supreme? How many more episodes until we get a coven vs. voodoo showdown? I’m so glad we don’t have to wait two weeks for the next episode and I’m beyond eager to see what the next AHS hour holds.