AHS Freak Show Episode 9: Tupperware Party Massacre

Okay, so I was looking forward to this episode based on the name alone. This is a Dandy heavy hour, which actually doesn't bother me given the stupidity levels we've reached in other story lines. In this season's 9th episode we see the demise of another barely used character who got zero development, and we get even more blood than we did in the previous week. Here's where we are with "Tupperware Party Massacre:"

Avon Calling

Dandy visits Maggie/Esmeralda in her fortune telling tent. So wait...does she keep office hours? Maggie swears she knows his voice from somewhere (he almost killed you), but she can't quite place it. Dandy tells her he's had some "misadventures" with the fairer sex and he's hurt someone badly. Dandy is at a loss because "the person who usually helps...can't." Nope. You shot your momma in the head, jackass. Maggie looks into her crystal ball and she sees nothing, but we see an Avon representative knock on the door of the Mott house. Dandy invites her in and immediately bludgeons her with a candlestick. I guess he didn't want to risk the boredom of an Avon sales pitch. What happens next though, I definitely did not see coming. He cuts off the Avon lady's head and attaches it to Gloria's shoulder...so Gloria and the Avon lady can be a Bette and Dot puppet. The vision we see disappears and we go back to Maggie. She tells Dandy that everything is okay...that the rain cloud over his head will pass and he'll go back to the way he was before. He's relieved and pays her $100 for her services. 

A very drunk Jimmy is spoon-feeding (literally) Ima Wiggles and talking dirty to her in the outdoor picnic area. He even gives her a smack on the ass for good measure and his friends just stare in disbelief. The fun with food is interrupted, however, when Jimmy hears Dandy come out of the nearby tent. He stumbles toward Dandy, calling him a murderer (even drunk Jimmy has better sense than sober Maggie). Jimmy takes a swing at him, misses, and hits the ground hard. Dandy puts on his annoyed puckered mouth face, leans over, and quietly tells Jimmy he'll make him suffer for taking the twins away....then Dandy gets in his fancy car and leaves as Jimmy struggles to get back on his feet. Where's Ima when you need her?

Safety First

Elsa and Stanley arrive at a hotel where Ethel had sent Bette and Dot for safe keeping. Elsa had found Ethel's suicide note, naming the twins' hiding spot and instructing Jimmy to go get them. Stanley tells the girls that the locals are back to hating freaks and they lynched Ethel and tore her head off. Totally believable given the full house we see every time there's a performance cutaway. Elsa explains that they need to get Bette and Dot to safety, and she says they should trust her because she was able to get them exactly what they've been hoping for - the doctor who recently performed the conjoined twins surgery. Dot perks up at the news...but Bette lowers her head and pouts. 

Stanley and Elsa take the girls to the warehouse (where I presume Ma Petite had been bottled up), telling Bette and Dot that they all need to wait there for the doctor. Stanley has Elsa believing this shit is actually happening too. The twins are relieved to learn that the dirty table in the warehouse is for examination purposes only, and the actual procedure will be done in a hospital. Bette doesn't want this though. She can't imagine herself on her own...walking around with one leg, so to speak. Stanley says that because each girl has her own heart and lungs, they can be split right down the middle. Um, what about the rest of them? Do they each get one kidney and half a liver? Who gets to keep the vagina? This show is killing me. 

Bette knows there's a chance (a chance?) that both girls won't make it through surgery. She makes a moving speech about the time they've spent together and the things they've worked through. Bette tells her sister that if the doctor has to make a choice to save only one of them, she wants him to save Dot. Awww. Side note: The Golden Globes nominations came out recently and Jessica Lange was nominated for best actress and Kathy Bates was nominated for best supporting actress. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in Sarah Paulson's house that morning. Better luck at the Emmys? 

Here's To The Ladies Who Lunch

Dell is feeling remorseful about the whole killing a defenseless two foot tall woman thing, and shameful about his attraction to men, and he too writes Jimmy a suicide note. Wow. Why not just put Jimmy in a straight jacket now? He can join Kit Walker in the asylum. Wouldn't that be something? Dell thinks he sees Ma Petite on his table and then has a lengthy imaginary conversation with Ethel. He sets up a noose and tries to hang himself, but Desiree walks in and cuts him down just as things are fading to black.

Desiree and Maggie walk through the grounds and run into Theo Huxtable. That's right, Malcolm-Jamal Warner has joined AHS, and it seems Desiree has been seeing him on the side. Maggie promises to keep Desiree's secret, but the conversation is halted by the sounds of one hell of a romp going on in a nearby tent. Well, why not peek right? Jimmy (still totally wasted) has Ima bent over a piece of furniture and Maggie is not happy. She yells at Ima, telling her Jimmy will stick it anywhere because he's drunk. "Hey you leave her out of this," Jimmy slurs. "She's nice...and soft." Ha! 

Jimmy visits the Stepford wives we saw in the season premiere. The ladies are not satisfied with his magic hands this time though and the hostess herself says "He's drunk and he keeps...missing." Jimmy comes out into the living room and interrupts the tupperware party. He hallucinates and thinks one of the women is his mom and they ask him to leave. As soon as Jimmy is gone, Dandy arrives at the front door. He uses the old "my car broke down and I need to use your phone" excuse to get into the house, and once inside, he kills every last one of them. The man of the house arrives home  to find the hors d'oeuvres still out on display....and the bloody bodies of all of the women floating in the pool.

Dandy returns home to take another blood bath and Precious Regina confronts him, saying she went to the cops to help her find her mother. FINALLY. "Regina, I killed your mother." She looks around and sees blood covered stuffed animals. Dandy assures her that isn't her mother's blood. "We buried her weeks ago, mother and I. I recently killed her as well and that's when I discovered the power of bathing in blood."  Precious Regina tries to run away but Dandy locks the door and tells her how happy he is to finally be living his destiny. He asks her to take a bath with him, like when they were little (gross) and my first thought is about the size of the bathtub. Dandy barely fits into it himself. You see where I'm going with this. Anyway, Dandy tells Precious Regina that he has no desire to kill her because she's the only person in the house that's worth a damn. Isn't she really just the only other living person in the house at this point? What happened to the new maid? We saw her once for less than 10 seconds. Dandy lets Precious Regina go, while screaming that he's above the law. 

Precious Regina returns with Detective Colquitt and Dandy happily invites them in and offers them tea. He pretty much admits to being a murderer but then tells the detective that he's going to get away with it. Dandy offers Colquitt $1 million in cash to kill Precious Regina and bury her. Without blinking, the detective shoots her in the head. Damn! I hope Gabrouey Sidibe didn't think she'd be playing a character this season with any depth or background that anyone would really give a shit about. Like her mother before her, Precious Regina was a total waste. 

He's Just Not That Into You

Jimmy is still drunk (yup, this has been the whole hour) and he stumbles into his trailer and finds Bette and Dot wearing something that I'm guessing is supposed to be sexy. Dot tells Jimmy that she almost made a horrible mistake. She had thought the only way she could be happy was to be separated from Bette, but then she realized that Bette is the purest part of her soul. So, no surgery. She offers her condolences for Ethel and assures Jimmy that he never has to be alone. Dot professes her love for him and drops her/their robe. "You're like us. Different, but special. Let me take your pain away and replace it with love." Jimmy considers this but ultimately turns them down, saying he's in love with someone else. That thought didn't occur to him earlier when he was kneading Ima. Just sayin. 

One would think the day couldn't get any worse for Jimmy, but Detective Colquitt drives up with sirens blasting and arrests Jimmy for murdering the housewives. The car zooms away as everyone runs toward it in outrage. 

The episode ends there and we only have one more to go before a brief break. Since Dandy really is above the law, and the characters we should be invested in are clueless about pretty much everything, I'm not sure where this season is going at all. So, Elsa has no issues with the fact that she has a Hollywood agent who's good with cleaning up murder scenes and getting rid of people, and he hasn't actually taken her to Hollywood yet. That doesn't really even seem to be on the radar. Jimmy didn't actually find Ethel's suicide note, no one else knows she left one, but it's fine that she wrapped a chain around her neck and drove her car away so she'd be decapitated? Nothing suspicious there. Maggie told Jimmy a couple of episodes ago that she'd probably recognize the voice of the second clown that almost killed her...and yet she didn't. Precious Regina was used to speaking to her mother once a week, and then not only did she stop hearing from her, she shows up at the house WEEKS later and is told her mother went out to buy squash. Still, no immediate call to the cops. Sigh. I might be ready for this holiday hiatus. 

TWD Season Season 5 Epidode 8: Coda

We've reached the mid-season finale on The Walking Dead and it was a heartbreaking episode for sure. Granted, I didn't expect to go into the holiday break without the death of another character, but "Coda" just about destroyed me in the final 10 minutes. Here's where we are by the end of the hour...

Yup, We're Still Doing This. 

The episode opens with Officer Bob running from the building Rick and company had been using to plot their hospital invasion. Sasha let her guard down a bit and has one hell of a headache because of it. Girl, just because his name is Bob doesn't mean he's your next boyfriend. Anyway, Rick jumps into a police car and follows Officer Bob, yelling for him to stop running. Bob just keeps going as if he can outrun a vehicle with his arms bound behind his back. Rick runs him over, gets out of the car, and tells a mostly broken Bob "you just had to stop." He then shoots him in the head. See ya, Bob. 

The other two cops Rick is holding agree to lie about Officer Bob and tell Dawn he'd been killed by Walkers. The group decides to stick with the original plan of doing a prisoner trade "so no one has to die." Well, that didn't work out so well for Officer Bob...pretty sure it's not going to go smoothly for everyone else either. 

Sasha is feeling pretty stupid about the whole thing and Tyreese tries to get her focused on the task at hand. He chooses now to tell her about the Terminus douchebag that he had claimed to kill but actually didn't. Tyreese reveals that the dude's name was Martin and Sasha was actually the one to kill him in the church slaughter. I'm watching this, hoping that the realization of "I should have killed someone but didn't" would cause one of them to say "hey, maybe we should just attack the hospital because the element of surprise is really key here." Nope. Prisoner swap it is. 

And The Biggest Liability Ever Award Goes To...

No really - Lizzie was less dangerous to have around. 

Father Gabriel is still bumbling around on his own for reasons I don't understand, and he finds himself at a nearby school. Scavenging (?) near a tether ball, he picks up a bible in a backpack near a rotting human leg. Well OF COURSE he cries. Pretty sure it's in his contract to cry at least twice per episode. Gabriel's presence and emotions draw a whole bunch of Walkers out of the building and this idiot has to hobble back to the church with the Walkers right behind him. Now, the church had been completely boarded up and secured before Rick's group left for the hospital. The building was totally a safe place for Gabriel, Michonne, Carl and baby Judith. He just went and effed all of that up though. Gabriel is scratching at the door, begging to be let in the same way his parishioners did the morning they were all slaughtered. He's damn lucky Carl and Michonne take pity on his ass and tear the door apart so he can get in. Now the church is overrun though...and they escape via the floor boards Gabriel used earlier. I'm so over this guy.

As Carl, Michonne, and Gabriel try to figure out what their next move is (since, you know, they now have no shelter), Abraham and the get Eugene to Washington group arrive just in time. Glenn tells Michonne that Eugene is a total liar, and Michonne tells Maggie that Beth is alive and the rest of the gang went to go save her. Well, at least someone was able to share some good news. Since there's really no reason to stay at the church, everyone piles back into the firetruck and heads for the hospital as well. Yay! Reunion!

Respect Mah Authoritaaaay!

Back at the hospital, Beth is doing her awkward lingering wherever Dawn is thing and she overhears Dawn radioing for her missing officers. She can't get a response from the people who went to check on the gunfire they heard. Dawn is struggling to maintain her authority, and the other officers at the hospital are becoming real assholes. O'Donnell in particular thinks it's time for a change in leadership and has no probably saying this to Dawn's face. She draws her gun, there's a brief standoff, he tackles her, and Beth saves the day by pushing his ass through the open elevator doors. 

Having killed two cops intentionally and one patient unintentionally, Beth is at a point where she needs to do some soul searching. She sits in Carol's room and Dawn walks in with some liquor hoping for more bonding time. Dawn says she's well aware that Beth knows whoever the woman is in the hospital bed. She tells Beth that Beth and Carol should stay and be a part of making the hospital better. "This is important....maybe the most important thing you do with your life." We see Carol start to stir in the bed as Dawn finishes her speech. 

And It All Goes Downhill From Here

Two other officers meet Rick outside of the building. He explains the situation to them and so far so good. Rick, Daryl, Tyreese, Sasha and Noah gain entry to the hospital with their two hostages. Whoa. Wait. Why is Noah there? I understand that he wanted to help, but he got his job done when he lured the hostages out to begin with. Who thought this was a good idea? Now I'm anxious. They make their way to a hall where Dawn and a handful of officers wait with Beth and Carol. It's tough to describe the suspense in these last minutes of the episode. The initial trade goes fine. First the male officer for Carol, then the female officer for Beth. The group turns to leave and Dawn says Noah has to stay. 

The officers standing behind Dawn are not happy. They just want this to be over. Dawn, however, is in total bitch mode now, and because Officer Bob was "killed by Walkers" trying to locate Noah, it's only fair for Noah to remain in the hospital. Noah reluctantly agrees and I'm honestly okay with all of this. Just GO for crying out loud! But Beth won't stand for it. She hugs Noah and approaches Dawn with tears in her eyes. She says "I get it now" and stabs Dawn with a pair of hospital scissors. Dawn is startled and her gun goes off....blowing out the back of Beth's head. NOOOOO! Damn it! We can see Dawn immediately freak out because it was an accident but Daryl puts a bullet in her head anyway. Everyone draws their weapons now, but the female cop/hostage tells the other officers to stand down. Daryl starts crying, Carol grabs his shoulder from behind and starts crying, Rick's eyes well up and I'm a total mess sitting on my couch. 

The hospital employees tell Rick that his group can stay there if they want to but Rick says they're leaving and will take anyone who wants to go with them. Abraham's firetruck pulls up to the hospital just as the rest of the group is leaving. We see Daryl exiting the building...carrying Beth. The reactions are gut wrenching. Maggie falls to the ground screaming. Glenn sort of half collapses behind her. Michonne cries. Daryl is sobbing at this point...and I'm spent. 

The episode is not quite over, as Morgan is hot on the trail of the Grimes group. I'm looking forward to seeing what his story line has in store for 2015, but for now, I'm very broken up about Beth. We saw her become so strong in her time since they had to flee the prison, and she was thisclose to being out of that hospital and back with her loved ones. And poor Maggie. "Your sister is alive and we're going to save her! Just kidding. She's actually dead now." Beth did change the hospital for the better though. Dawn had no idea that her speech to Beth would motivate her to take an action that would put Dawn on the floor with a hole in her head. I'm not sure if we'll ever see or hear about the hospital people again, but in my world, that twisted community can thrive a little better now. 

The show will return in the new year and it already feels like a long wait. Will the group just head to Washington now anyway? Will they leave Gabriel's ass at the hospital? He can stay and bless everyone and be a total nuisance there. And now that the supposed love triangle between Carol, Daryl, and Beth has been eliminated, can Carol and Daryl finally get together? I'll hold out hope during this long break. Til then, have a safe and happy holiday season. 

AHS Freak Show Episode 8: Blood Bath

Previously on American Horror Story: a terrifying serial killer was on the loose, Edward Mordrake was awesome, Ethel's accent was endearing, Twisty died, some freaks died, Desiree's ding-a-ling wasn't a ding-a-ling, and the season embarked on what I believe to be a downward spiral. I have to wonder what kind of paycheck Matt Bomer and Patti LaBelle received for the minimal screen time and dialogue. Anyway, this episode isn't much of an improvement in terms of the plot holes and shit that just doesn't make sense, but we do get some legit entertainment out of the hour. Here's where we are with "Blood Bath."

Another One Bites The Dust

"Nu one is innocent eenymoor"

The group from the freak show has spread out through the grounds to try to find Ma Petite. I mean, I imagine she actually gets lost pretty often...even when she hasn't had her neck snapped by an asshole. Jimmy comes across one of her tiny outfits full of blood, and they all believe the little lady was attacked/taken by some kind of animal. This loss hits Elsa hard and she refers to Ma Petite as a little angel. So the right thing to do is cancel Christmas. Not following that logic? Me neither. 

Ethel calls bullshit on Elsa's emotions and accuses her of doing away with Ma Petite because she was beginning to steal the spotlight...a very tiny portion of it anyway. Elsa loses it since, you know, this is one dirty deed where she's actually innocent, and Ethel just keeps pushing her buttons. The bearded lady overheard Elsa's conversation with Stanley/Richard about doing a "mercy killing" with Dot and Bette, and while Elsa admits to wanting to be rid of the twins, she tells Ethel she never intended to hurt them. Well....Ethel's been drinking. She also has a gun. She shoots Elsa's fake leg, prompting Elsa to do the big reveal about how she's a freak too. Wait. Ethel never knew? She's been with this woman for 14 years and never once caught a glimpse of this? I wonder how many of those years she spent drunk....

Anyway, Elsa's sob story gets her nowhere. Ethel tells her "You broke my hear in two, Elsa. I loved you. I defended you." Ethel plans to shoot Elsa and then herself...she already left a suicide note for Jimmy. Elsa suggests they have one last schnapps for the road and Ethel is moved because they've never shared a drink before. They haven't? Again, 14 years together and Ethel had a really bad drinking problem, and she was essentially Elsa's slave and BFF, but they never tossed back a few? Good lord. None of this matters anyway because instead of grabbing the schnapps, Elsa grabs a knife and throws it into Ethel's eye. RIP Canadian Dr. Evil. 

To make matters worse, Elsa enlists Stanley's help in dealing with the situation. They staged a car crash that looked like a suicide...and in the process, Ethel was decapitated so no one would pay attention to the fact that Ethel was completely missing an eyeball that looked like it had been cut out. Minor details. Elsa puts on a ridiculous over the top performance when the group gathers at the crash site and Jimmy consoles her. So...everyone is just buying this? Guess so. There's a tearful funeral at the grounds, attended by Paul the Seal Boy (who is apparently fine now), as well as the newly tattooed Penny who seems to live there now. 

Girls Club

Desiree is heartbroken over Ethel's death and talks to the Amazon woman, the woman with no bottom half, and Penny about how hard it is to be a freak AND a woman. Penny tells the ladies what her father did, and in Ethel's honor, they go looking for daddy. What's the best punishment for a dick who turns his daughter into a permanent spectacle? Tar and feathers! They tie his ass to a chair and make him suffer. Desiree tells him "I'm gonna cut your dick off with this knife and shoot you in the head." If Desiree doesn't have a penis, can't nobody have a penis! 

The party is just getting started when Maggie/Esmeralda interrupts and tries to talk them out of finishing the half done job. She says the women will all be giving up the futures they could have if they kill the guy. Well Maggie, they've already tarred and feathered him which is probably jail-worthy to begin with. Penny opts to let her dad live but with the stipulation that he never comes near her again. She's an empowered lizard girl now...or something.  

New Kid On The Block

Elsa is in search of new talent and finds Barbara, a very hefty girl with a pretty face who has been sent to what looks like an upscale fat camp. Elsa eats a candy bar in front of her (classic) and asks "What if I told you there was a place where every pound of that glorious jiggle would be cheered and celebrated?" Thus, Ima Wiggles is born. Okay, is it wrong to laugh? Because I want to laugh. 

Elsa brings Ima back to the Cabinet of Curiosities and promptly begins feeding her so she can, um, keep her figure. A kind of drunk but mostly hung over Jimmy buries his head in her large bosom and sobs. Elsa had commented to Jimmy that every woman at the freak show had raised him, not just Ethel. He apparently takes maternal comfort any way he can get it. Poor guy. 

Problem Child

Gloria lays on a shrink's couch and talks about how much she loves Dandy and how she refuses to commit him to an institution. Her son's killer instinct apparently started when he was a young boy, and the psychiatrist tells Gloria it's time for Dandy to come in for an appointment. Gloria tricks Dandy by saying he'll be seeing the doctor to test his IQ, so he goes to the shrink's office and takes the "looking at ink blot pictures and saying what you see" test. As you can imagine, Dandy only sees violence and murder...and he's bored. God help me. He realizes the psychiatrist is not interested in how smart Dandy is, and the twerp goes home to yell at his mother. 

Gloria herslef returns home to find that Precious Regina has arrived looking for her mother. Gloria and Dandy make up a series of excuses as to why Dora won't be home anytime soon (or ever) and Precious Regina says she will wait. It takes FAR longer than it should have before she finally threatens to go to the police, but by then, Dandy is already thinking of ways to get rid of her. 

Gloria panics and books immediate travel out of the country. She calls her psychiatrist to say goodbye and he tells her she's making a big mistake and says he's very concerned for her safety. Gloria tells the doctor they won't be needing his services any longer, and she hangs up the phone and goes back to chain smoking...a habit which I'm not sure she even had before tonight. But again, those silly details don't matter. 

Dandy overhears Gloria discussing their imminent travel and confronts her with his scrunchy "I'm going to cry" face. He says he knows that she grew up rich, but that her father lost everything during the depression...Dora had told him as a boy that his mother married her second cousin to get back to the lifestyle she desired. Hmph. Well at least Dora served SOME kind of purpose. The conversation becomes more funny than it really should at that point. 

"You knew what father had done to those little girls. You knew the risks of breeding with your cousin. You're no better than the Roosevelts."

"How dare you say that name in this house?!"

AHS just gave me my second big laugh for the night. Anyway, Dandy tells his mother he can't leave with her. He puts a gun to his head and says it's time for this madness to end. Gloria pleads "I can't go on if you kill yourself," so he takes that opportunity to shoot her in the head. He then bathes in blood...literally takes a blood bath. See what they did there?

The episode ends then and it was an hour of questionable parenting. Elsa is deceiving her "children," Ethel was ready to go through with a murder-suicide with a note to her son, Penny's dad reaped the (not so much) benefits of messing up his daughter, and Gloria....well, Gloria was naive til the very end. I can only assume that Dandy will kill Precious Regina shortly, and I'm just sitting here with my fingers crossed that Dell finds out that Dandy killed his loverboy sooner rather than later. As much as I dislike Dell, I freaking hate Dandy and Dell is the most feasible person to take Dandy out at this point. We'll see what happens in the coming weeks though. I'm not putting anything past Desiree and that dick-cutting knife of hers!

TWD Season 5 Episode 7: Crossed

While last episode focused on Carol and Daryl (which was by far one of my favorite TWD episodes to date), this hour checks in with all of the scattered characters. As we get close to the mid season finale. I'm hoping this episode is setting up another big reunion, which this group really needs. After losing Bob, realizing that Eugene is a big effing liar, and seeing Carol's capture by the hospital douches, it's time for something good to happen. We're not quire there yet, but here's where with are with "Crossed."

The Most Useless Character Ever

Daryl and Noah have rallied the troops at the church to go on a rescue mission to get Carol and Beth out of the Atlanta hospital. Michonne, Carl, Judith, and Father "I'm gonna cry" Gabriel are staying behind. Probably just as well. Gabriel would be more of a liability on that mission than the baby at this point.

The priest is still all bent out of shape over the dried blood of the Terminus people on the church floor. Carl and Michonne defend the slaughter and tell Gabriel exactly how hard it is to survive out there. They also try to give him some advice about defending himself from the Walkers, because he'll need to kill some eventually. Gabriel keeps his "tears are coming at any moment" face and retires to his office. This idiot then lifts up the floor boards and leaves the building from under the church. I'm so over him. Does he really think he's safer without Michonne and Carl?

Garbriel inexplicably wanders through the woods and runs into a Walker pretty quickly. He throws her down to the ground and is about to beat her over the head with a rock...when he realizes she's wearing a cross around her neck. He cries (surprise) and leaves her there. 

A Man Without A Mission

The "Get Eugene to Washington" team is still hanging out in the middle of the road trying to come up with a Plan B. Abraham hasn't moved from his dropping to his knees and sobbing position, and he's a real jerk to Smokin' Hot Rosita when she tries to help him. Eugene is knocked out cold but seems to be okay otherwise...the mullet stayed in tact so there can't be too much damage. Maggie "guards" Eugene and Abraham while the others go looking for water and food and tells Abraham to get over himself because he's not the only person affected by Eugene's lies. He eventually shows signs of getting his shit together. 

Glenn, Stupid Tara, and Smokin' Hot Rosita are trying to filter water to be boiled later and Rosita tells them how she ended up with Eugene and Abraham. She says she was with a different group and they crossed paths in Dallas. Abraham realized that she could be a big help (heh) in getting Eugene to Washington and she was glad to feel needed. Glenn tells Smokin' Hot Rosita that regardless of what happens with Abraham and Eugene, she's welcome to be with their group. She happily accepts. 

Who's The Boss?

Carol is in rough shape at the hospital. Beth overhears Dawn and one of her douchebag officers talking about finding Noah and pulling the plug on Carol. Beth freaks out, Dawn says to unplug the machines, and the douchebag leaves the room with a smile. Dawn tells Beth that her leadership is in question and she has to be a hard ass at all times now. She gives Beth the key to the drug locker and tells her to do what she can to save Carol. When Beth asks why Dawn is letting her do this, Dawn says she had thought Beth was weak, but Beth proved her wrong with the attempted escape. Interesting.

Beth approaches Dr. Edwards and asks what medicine he would give Carol. He realizes Beth has the key and tells her what she needs to know to make sure Carol survives without the machines. She steals the medicine, administers the drugs to Carol, then waits patiently by her bedside for her to wake up.

To The Rescue!

Tyreese tries to get Sasha to talk to him about how she's feeling. He reminds her that he's been through it himself (because this is the only way most viewers remember Karen ever existed), but Sasha's not looking to bond with her brother on this one. Much later in the episode she admits to feeling guilty about having Tyreese stop Bob's transformation instead of doing it herself. They hug it out and it's a nice moment between them. 

When the rescue team sets up shop in a building near the hospital, Rick lays out an invasion plan that will allow them to take out the cops and get Carol and Beth out of there quickly. Tyreese goes back to his "I don't want to kill nobody" nonsense and suggests an alternate plan. He wants to lure two cops to their building, kidnap them, then arrange a trade. No one dies. Daryl agrees with Tyreese (really!?!?!) and this becomes their new plan. Since when does any scenario in The Walking Dead end with "no one dies?" These guys should know better at this point. Noah already told them Dawn is a crazy bitch, and given what JUST happened with The Governor and Gareth, you'd think the violent route would be the chosen route at this point. 

Noah fires off some gunshots outside and draws a patrol car. Rick is able to get the two cops to put their weapons down and the male officer, Lamson, asks Rick if he's a cop. Lamson says he was too and Noah tells Rick that Lamson is "one of the good ones." Just then another patrol car pulls up and the female cop jumps inside as it speeds away. Sasha shoots one of the tires and the douchbags inside have to move on foot to get away from a bunch of Walkers. The female cop is re-captured, Daryl has a close call, but he and Rick overpower the extra cop, giving them three hostages. 

The cops tell Daryl that there's a movement in the hospital to overthrow Dawn and replace her with Lamson...so Dawn might not trade Carol and Beth for them at all. Lamson says he's looking for peaceful resolution and offers to help in any way he can. He tells Rick how to talk to Dawn and what to say to get her to compromise. When Rick says "Thank you, Sergeant Lamson," he replies "My name is Bob." Sasha's interest is peaked...and I roll my eyes. The group then leaves to trade the other two cops and Sasha stays behind with Bob. He pours his heart out to her about one of his friends turned zombie and she's 100% invested in his story. Apparently this Walker is stuck nearby and Sasha offers to shoot this friend to put him out of his misery. When she allows Bob to accompany her to the window so he can show her the location, Bob headbutts her and runs away. Yup, you've been played Sasha.

The episode ends there and we are one week from the mid season finale. I have no idea what the hell Gabriel is doing out in the woods but I'm sure his stupidity will eff something up next week. I imagine Glenn and company will now head back to the church...though they'd be of much better use at the hospital. I have an awful, awful feeling about this prisoner trade, by the way. I wish they had just broken in and rescued Beth and Carol without worrying about killing the cops there. With Lamson on the loose now, I think something is going to go horribly wrong, and there will absolutely be blood shed in that hospital. 

AHS Freak Show Episode Episode 7: Test of Strength

Well, with all of the death scenes that are "just kidding - a character is daydreaming" scenarios we've been dealt, Freak Show gave us torment and murder in this episode. We lost a beloved character, we saw the continuing moral decline of other characters...and (spoiler alert)...Dandy survived the hour. I'm so unbelievably sick of him. Additionally, there are several elements of the episode that are just plain silly. Here's where we are with "Test of Strength."

The Choice Is Yours

Jimmy arrives at the Mott mansion to "rescue" Bette and Dot. Gloria and Dandy maintain that the girls are not being held against their will, and Bette defends the strange mother and son duo by telling Jimmy how well they've been treated. She then calls Jimmy a liar because she totally bought Dandy's story about saving the kids from Twisty. "He's the real hero." Jimmy realizes that Dandy was most likely the other clown there that night and tells the twins they need to leave with him. Dot is ready to go and uses her thoughts to convince Bette to leave as well. As they walk away, Dandy does that scrunchy nose crying thing that has become a staple, and I just want to punch him in the face.  

When we next see Jimmy, he's singing Nirvana's "Come As You Are." Yes, you read that right. During his performance (which Elsa is enjoying about as much as I am), we see clips of Penny tending to Paul the Seal Boy's wounds, Dell beating the shit out of a bartender while waiting for his no-show male prostitute lover, and Stanley setting his sights on his own male prostitute lover. Kind of a random place for a montage, but whatever. 

Jimmy finishes his song, keeps his rage, and calls Elsa a liar. "We don't take orders from liars!!!" He reveals Bette and Dot and tells the rest of the group that Elsa had sold them to the rich family that had tried to buy them earlier. Dot tells everyone that the girls requested to go to Dandy's...that Elsa didn't get rid of them at all. What? Why is she covering for Elsa? And by the way, shouldn't Elsa be in Hollywood by now? No one seems concerned that the talent agent rarely pops up, and there's no real rush to get the ball rolling on this television career thing. Just sayin. Anyway, in exchange for keeping Elsa's actions a secret, the sisters successfully negotiate with her for more stage time and money. Bette also wants to become a comedienne and dye her hair blond. What the hell is happening with this show?

Elsa senses Dot's almost hostile animosity towards her sister. She gives Dot a note asking what her heart's desire is. Dot sends a note back to Elsa, requesting the services of the doctor in Chicago who recently performed the conjoined twins separation surgery. Later in the evening, Elsa dines with Richard/Stanley and tells him she needs him to locate this doctor. She wants to send the twins to Chicago and be rid of them. The fake talent agent suggests it would be easier to just kill them...out of "mercy." Elsa asks him if he's the type of manager who would kill for his client, then they laugh and move on to dessert. 

Take A Rest

Desiree takes a very weak Ethel to the doctor's office and when they arrive, they see a "closed for business" sign on the door.  They find his daughter inside (she's a rude bitch by the way) and she tells them the doctor took a hammer and smashed both of his hands, then blew his brains out. Okay, so that would be an incredibly impressive feat - he's skilled enough to smash one hand, smash the other with the already smashed hand, then somehow pull the trigger on a gun? No one finds this suspicious? Ethel and Desiree are both devastated...where else are they going to find a doctor who is so understanding and supportive of their abnormalities?

An Old Enemy

Penny, Paul the Seal Boy's lady love, sneaks home after caring for his gunshot wound that no one else seems concerned about anymore. Penny's dad is livid that she's been at the freak show all night and he's actually starting to seem a little crazy too. Penny says she's going back there for good as soon as she packs. She also tells her father he'll have to kill her to keep her from leaving the house again to be with Paul. Dad talks about his amazing reputation and how she is shaming him. He says he'll do what it takes to make sure "no one knows you belong to me." He means this literally...he has a tattoo artist on standby to ink the hell out of Penny's sweet face. She almost has a jungle animal print thing going. Dad also had her tongue forked...apparently he wasn't playing around with his threats.

As I Want You To Be

Back at the freak show grounds, Richard/Stanley approaches Dell and tries to blackmail him. He says he saw Dell at the gay bar. He pulls a gun on Dell and tells him that he won't out him...if Dell brings him a dead freak. So...my brain immediately says...Dell should just kill Stanley instead. Right? I mean, wait til Stanley isn't holding a gun...and just kill him. Apparently I'm off my rocker though because....

Dell first decides he's going to try to take out the Amazon Woman. Makes sense because, you know, she's the only person in the whole damn place that could kick his ass...which she does. The writers are really reaching here. Ethel is pisssssed when she finds out about this and Jimmy swears that he'll kick Dell's ass to the curb. When Jimmy approaches him, Dell decides he'll kill Lobster Boy instead. This doesn't work either because the two have a heart to heart and do some male bonding over a bottle of something. Jimmy gets drunk, throws up, tells Dell he knows Dell is his father. they share a hug...all is well. 

In the end, Dell chooses to kill Ma Petite, which was really the most logical choice to begin with (other than Stanley). The poor thing escaped Maggie/Esmeralda's plan last week, but she was unfortunately living on borrowed time. Dell brings her a new dress to wear...so she immediately wants to hug him. I guess she has no idea that he tried to kill the Amazon Woman the night before? Dell picks her up and snaps her neck, and it's very hard to watch. He says "I'm sorry" when it's over, and the next time we see Ma Petite, she's on display at the morbidity museum. For real this time. 

The episode ends there, and I have to say that my interest in this season is starting to wane. Elsa is going to Hollywood! Except she isn't and no one seems to care. Dell is the strongest man alive but is being blackmailed by a snaky dude that he could crush like Ma Petite...but he crushes Ma Petite...after trying to overpower someone whose body would have been almost impossible to remove with no one noticing. The dead doctor has magic hands that allowed him to mangle himself before blowing his brains out. Everyone is good with this explanation. Penny's strict and proper dad knows a freakishly tattooed tattoo artist who comes over to his house...without ruining his reputation. You get where I'm going with this. Can the witches from Coven pop up and resurrect Twisty please?