TWD Season 7 Episode 5: Go Getters

At long last we have made our way back to Hilltop, Jesus, and most importantly Maggie, as she struggles with losing Glenn and carrying her baby to term as safely as possible. This episode is frustrating (as I'm sure it was meant to be) and I'm hoping for better things for the...Hilltopians? Hilltopites? Hilltopees? Not sure exactly what to call them, but here's where they stand after "Go Getters." 

Get Me Through The Day

Maggie wakes up in Dr. Carson's office in Hilltop and she looks much better than she did the last time we saw her. He tells Maggie the placenta is detached from her uterus which is usually caused by some kind of trauma. Ya think? The baby is okay for now but Maggie needs to take it easy to keep the baby healthy. He suggests Maggie should stay in Hilltop until the baby is born so he can monitor both of them. 

Sasha is waiting outside and is glad to hear Maggie will be okay. Maggie asks Sasha "Where is he? Where are they both?" Sasha takes her to two fresh graves and hands her Hershel's watch. It had been in Glenn's pocket and she wanted to make sure Maggie got it. Abraham only had a cigar in his pocket which makes me smile. Sasha says she will stay in Hilltop with Maggie just as Jesus approaches (yay Jesus!) with fresh flowers for the graves. It's a nice moment until Gregory arrives. He is seriously the worst leader ever. He still doesn't know anyone's name and he's pissy because "Rich" and his group did not defeat the Saviors. Gregory wants Maggie and Sasha gone as soon as possible and tells them they can stay the night but must leave in the morning. He's a dick. I hope a Walker eats him soon. 

Later in the day Sasha confronts Jesus about Gregory and wonders why Jesus isn't leading the group. I laugh when she asks "What do you want, Jesus?" He says he just wants to help and Sasha replies that maybe he should do more than that. Jesus reaches into his pocket then and pulls out a necklace. It was Abraham's. Smokin' Hot Rosita made it for him and he left it behind in Hilltop the first time he visited there because all he could think about was Sasha. Smokin' Hot Rosita is going to be thrilled when she see's Sasha wearing it. 

I Can Hardly Breathe

The ladies are startled that night to see the Hilltop gates open and mini fires sprawled out at the entrance. There's also music blasting. It's like someone rang the Walker dinner bell. Sasha and Jesus spring into action and start taking out Walkers while Maggie hijacks a frigging tractor and mows a bunch of them down, along with the car whose radio is out of control. I'm glad someone knows what the hell they're doing. Where was Gregory in all this? Did the Saviors set this up?

The next day Jesus is trying to reason with Gregory to let the women stay at Hilltop. No dice. He wants them gone before the Saviors arrive but it's too late. Simon and many Saviors roll up and Jesus hides the women quickly. Simon informs Gregory that the group Hilltop sided with has been silenced. Gregory plays dumb and in addition to being the worst leader ever, he's also the worst liar ever. I will say the "I just pissed my pants" look he has on his face is my favorite part of the episode though. 

Simon pulls Gregory into his office and tells him they staged the Walker attack the night before to show the dangers just outside of Hilltop and how helpful the Saviors are in protecting them. The thing is...the Saviors didn't have to come in and protect Hilltop at all thanks to Maggie, Sasha and Jesus. I'll refrain from trinity jokes there. Gregory says his people must have learned some skills from the Saviors and that's how they were able to "clean up the mess" themselves. I don't think Simon buys that...he goes on to talk about the new group of people working for the Saviors now. "They are real go getters." Simon asks Gregory if there's anything else he should know about and Gregory takes him to the closet he thinks Maggie and Sasha are in. Instead, Simon finds that Gregory has been sitting on a plethora of scotch which has become his own personal stash in that closet. He's outdone Spencer by a mile. Simon takes all of the bottles and begins the "we take half of everything" search that the Saviors are so well known for...right after he makes Gregory kneel before him.  

When the Saviors finally leave the house, Jesus brings Maggie and Sasha out of a different closet and they are not happy. Jesus tells Gregory the women are definitely staying and that Gregory shouldn't be in charge anymore. Gregory says he made progress with the Saviors today and they can actually be quite reasonable. Maggie punches him in the face and I start clapping loudly. She just noticed that Hershel's watch is in Gregory's pocket...she had attached it to the rocks on Glenn's grave earlier. He tells her it would be a shame to leave a watch like that out in the rain. Dick. Maggie tells him this is their home now and he better learn their names. Jesus thanks Maggie and Sasha and apologizes for Gregory's nonsense. He promises to make it up to them. Sasha pulls him to the side and tells him he can do so by finding out where Negan lives. 

When You're Gone

Back in Alexandria, one-eyed Carl and his inexcusable hair are throwing darts at a dart board. You read that right. As you can imagine, it's not going well. Rick and Aaron are getting ready to go on a run and ask Carl to go with. He refuses because he knows most of the supplies Rick gathers will go to the Saviors during their next visit. Carl takes his whiny ass to the window and sees (surprise!) Enid is leaving. He's pissed, though I'm not sure why. Enid is ALWAYS leaving. She needs to see Maggie and Carl tells her he isn't going to save her anymore. She climbs the wall and my brain starts to hurt. 

Enid travels via bicycle (guess she had one hidden outside of the walls?) and she inexplicably gets off the bike when she sees a Walker approaching...so she's 100% back to being Stupid Enid. A car speeds by her then and runs over the Walker, and of course the driver is Carl. I'm not sure if he hit the Walker by accident because he's as accurate of a driver as he is a dart player, or if he's abandoned the "I'm not saving you anymore" thing in all of five minutes and decided to accompany her on her journey. 

I guess the car is out of commission now because the two kids continue on foot...but do not really walk near each other. Carl sees a backpack on the side of the road and finds two sets or roller skates in it. The backpack doesn't seem big enough for that, but the two start skating happily down the road toward Hilltop. As much as one-eyed Carl and Stupid Enid annoy the shit out of me, it's nice to see them actually being kids, even if it is short lived. 

They arrive at Hilltop just as the Saviors are packing up their truck. Carl tells Enid he plans to kill Negan and though she won't join him, she wishes him well with a smooch. Enid makes her way into Hilltop and attaches green balloons to what she thinks is Glenn's grave but is actually Abraham's. Maggie approaches just then with Hershel's watch to put back on the grave...but she gives it to Enid instead. "We don't need anything to remember him by. We have us." At first I think the hour is going to end on that touching note, but instead we see Jesus stow away on one of the Saviors' trucks. He takes a swig of scotch (heh) and then notices Carl is there too. 

The episode ends there, and as mentioned, there were elements that were infuriating. 1) Someone needs to take Gregory out. He sucks. 2) Someone needs to take Simon out. He's not as much fun as Negan. And 3) I think Carl could do both with the right set of darts if he stood just a foot to the right of where he thinks he should stand. Just sayin. I do, however, think this episode was a nice kick-off to Maggie taking over Hilltop and being a true leader. She was on the verge of becoming a huge influence as Deanna's right hand in Alexandria, and I'm excited to see what she has in store for the folks who have to understand that Gregory is a useless dick. Having to depend on a useless dick in a zombie apocalypse is beyond adding insult to injury....hence the reason I still believe Spencer will never have Smokin' Hot Rosita in his bed again. Zing! 

TWD Season 7 Episode 4: Service

Tonight the story takes us back to Alexandria where our heroes are licking their wounds and trying to figure out how to move forward under the reign of Negan. The group is adjusting (or not adjusting) in different ways and seeing Rick continue to bow down to someone else is unreal. What happens when Negan pays his new subjects a visit? Here's where we are after "Service."

I Should Stick Up For Myself

The episode opens with Rick and Michonne laying in bed not facing one another. Rick is sound asleep but Michonne is restless. She goes downstairs and quietly pulls a rifle from inside the fireplace, placing it in a duffel bag before sneaking out the door. She heads out of the community for target practice, shooting Walkers in the head I assume in an effort to prepare to shoot Negan in the head someday. She's not so great at it but she does get lucky and accidentally kills a deer in the woods. Dinner!

Meanwhile Smokin' Hot Rosita and Spencer are heading on a run and Eugene is guarding the gate. He's out of it and they have a hard time getting his attention to get him to open the gate. Spencer tells Eugene they are going to find stuff to offer Negan when he arrives and asks if he wants to come with. Rosita has a look on her face that resembles "you dumbass," and when Eugene says he's not up to the task, Rosita responds, "that sounds about right." Eugene explains that he's trying to fix a music player to give to Negan...but he barely finishes this sentence before the Saviors are knocking at the gate. Rick arrives then and reminds Negan that they were supposed to have a week before he came to collect, and as Negan explains that he doesn't give a shit, Rick spots Daryl. Boy does he look like hell. Negan hands Lucille to Rick and says "hold this" as he trots on in to Alexandria to take what he wants. 

The Saviors, including Daryl, search every house, taking beds, couches, and medication. Rick shows Negan around the community and he asks Rick "Whatever happened to that sick girl? Widows, especially ones that look like that, they are special. I love em. Right after their husbands go, they are just empty inside...but usually not for long! Where is she? I would love to see her." This whole speech is annoying me but Negan redeems himself just a moment later when Gabriel appears behind him asking Negan if he's there to pay his respects. "Holy crap! You are creepy as shit, sneaking up on me wearing that collar with that freaky ass smile." This makes me laugh out loud. I know Negan is the villain, but he is totally on point here. Gabriel introduces himself and shows Negan to 3 freshly filled in graves. Good thinking buddy - Negan would have taken Maggie with him if he knew she was alive. 

The graveyard chat is interrupted by gunshots. Back at Rick's house, Carl, his eye-patch, and his inexcusable hair are threatening a couple of Saviors taking all the shit from the house. He has his gun pointed at them and tells Negan "you should go...before you figure out how dangerous we all are." DAMN IT CARL! Remember that time Negan almost made your dad cut your arm off? After he bashed in the heads of two of the strongest members of your group? Carl hands over his gun, leading Negan to ask where the rest of the guns are stored. Rick now has to take him to the armory and surrender all of the weapons...Carl, no more talking. Or anything else please. 

The More You Suffer

Negan meets Olivia and asks her for the inventory list. Turns out there are two guns missing. Rick makes an excuse that there are people out on a run, so Negan turns that around to say Olivia is at fault for not knowing where they are. He says if the guns don't turn up, he's going to kill Olivia even though he really doesn't like killing women. Rick has to call a town meeting to plead with the group to hand over or help find the weapons. "We give them what they want and we live in peace. There is no way out of this. Let me put this to all of you as clearly as I can - I'm not in charge anymore....Negan is."

The group disperses and looks for the missing weapons. Rick remembers that Spencer used to hide supplies for himself and goes to his house. After Aaron and Gabriel help him search every room, Rick finally finds the guns, some canned goods and some alcohol hidden in an air vent, and I'm then reminded how much Spencer sucks. Rick turns the guns in to Negan and Olivia lives to see another day. Her job also just got exponentially easier. 

I Know I'm Being Used

Spencer and Smokin' Hot Rosita resume their run but not before Douchebag Dwight takes their weapons, canteen, and even Rosita's hat. He also tells them they must bring back Daryl's bike. Rosita drives to the place Daryl's bike is hidden and Spencer digs it out from under the bushes and branches. As he rolls the motorcycle to the back of the van, he tells Rosita that she is smokin' hot they are outnumbered. That this is life now. That this is where Rick got them. Rosita's not really listening though - she is stalking a handful of Walkers in the forest. She sneaking up on them pretty successfully until Spencer starts calling out for her and the Walkers all turn and attack her at the same time. Dumbass. She kills one of the Walker Saviors that died during the Denise death-by-crossbow battle and takes the gun the Walker still has on him. Spencer arrives and yells at her because Spencer still just doesn't get it. She tries to clue them into the fact that Dwight took their guns because the Saviors were going to take ALL of the guns. His three brain cells start to make sense of this before she looks at him in disgust and says, "this is not our life."

Spencer and Smokin' Hot Rosita return to Alexandria just as the Saviors are packing up their vehicles with all the spoils of the day and preparing to leave the community. Spencer delivers Daryl's bike to Douchebag Dwight and in turn, he gives Rosita her hat back. "We took the guns and most of the beds. I hope you find a place to lay your pretty little head." He leaves on the motorcycle as Daryl painfully watches this happen for a second time. Did I mention Daryl looks like hell?

Just before the Saviors leave though, Rick spots Michonne in a window and confronts her about the rifle. The weapon wasn't on the inventory list but Rick wants to earn bonus points with Negan. How humiliating. Michonne is not happy about giving up the gun but she relents. She walks out of the building with the deer over her shoulder so Negan would know she had been hunting and not pretending an array of Walker's heads were his. Negan appreciates Rick's honestly in turning over the rifle...and he takes the deer too. Rick hopes this will allow Daryl to stay in Alexandria but no dice. Negan asks Daryl to sway him and Daryl looks at the ground and says nothing. Negan shifts gears back over to Rick and asks "Do you want me to go? Then just say those two magic words." Rick barely musters up a 'thank you,' reluctantly gives Lucille back to Negan, and the Saviors leave Alexandria with Daryl in tow.  

I Lost My Nerve

We close out "Service" with Rick scolding Spencer for hiding supplies and all Spencer can say is "you went in my house?" I really forgot how stupid he was. As Rick walks away he talks shit about how Rick has lead them to this place. "We're so lucky! I guess Abraham and Glenn were lucky too?" Rick doesn't turn around but promises Spencer that if he ever says anything like that again, he'll break Spencer's jaw and knock his teeth out. Smokin' Hot Rosita overhears this exchange and I'm hoping she's going to kick Spencer's ass when she slams the van door shut. He explains he hid the guns a while ago back when Rick was first taking over as their new leader. She walks away from him and we see that she has brought back the gun from the woods. She goes to Eugene and asks him to make her a bullet. 

Rick goes home and makes a sleeping area where his bed used to be out of the remaining blankets and pillows. Michonne enters and does not agree with the way things are going. She tells him that everything they have they got from fighting. Rick says that even if they aligned with Hilltop, the Saviors still have the numbers. Michonne doesn't understand what kind of a life they will have this way and Rick goes on to tell her about Shane...and how Judith probably isn't his baby. He says he knew it but had to accept it. He calls her his daughter and says he hopes that he can raise her and protect her and teach her how to survive. "This is how we live now. I had to accept that too so I could keep everyone else alive." Rick asks Michonne to accept it as well and she promises to try. When we see her go back to her usual target practice spot with no gun, it's a sad sight....but not as sad as the sight of their mattresses burning on the side of the road. Michonne encounters these and her eyes tear up. The Saviors aren't even using the beds - they just want Rick and company to know they can take anything they want at any time. 

The episode ends there and so does the thriving community Rick and company had built after the Wolves invaded. I appreciate Michonne and Smokin' Hot Rosita trying to hold on to what little protection they can keep. Even though Rick "isn't in charge anymore," someone here has to think ahead to "shit's going to hit the fan again eventually." Will they start a mild group of rebels? Will Michonne be able to support Rick in the new normal? Does Spencer understand that his booty call days with Smokin' Hot Rosita are probably over? I think she'd rather go without than deal with his whiny ass anymore. Such is life in the post-apocalyptic world of friends with benefits. 

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 10

Let me start off by saying I did not love this finale. We've had nine hours of pretty fantastic television, but Chapter 10 was like three chapters crammed into one and I'm not sure why. Were there some bright moments? Sure. But I think I would have been fine if the story ended last week...even with the "what happens to Lee?" cliffhanger. Here's what went down in the final episode of American Horror Story: Roanoke.

I Don't Know What I'm To Say

The episode opens in a flashback to the Millers and the cast of My Roanoke Nightmare in a PaleyFest interview in front of a mass of fans. Season 1 has just become a phenomenon and Sydney is touting the people involved in the show as much as he can to drum up support for another season. Agnes in particular makes me laugh as she eagerly jumps in, hoping for Season 2. "I really think we've just scratched the surface on what makes The Butcher tick." She's already starting to go cuckoo and I love it. All of the young girls are screaming for Rory and he is eating it up, much to the chagrin of his not yet fiance, Audrey.  Dominic plays to the fans as well, but one fan in particular is there to see Lee. She "identifies" with Lee and brings her a sweet drawing of Lee and Flora. Cut to this fan's video blog about the end of Season 2 and how it was bigger than the first season. Fans everywhere were asking if the footage was real or fake, but Lee's upcoming murder trial answered that question.

We go now to another TV show within the TV show called Crack'd which is airing an episode all about Lee. The Season 2 footage showed Lee killing the Polk boy, Todd the fan, as well as Monet and her fabulous hair. This should have been an easy conviction right? Nah. Lee did a lot of drugs with the hillbilly while in captivity so obviously she was hallucinating when she committed all of those crimes on camera. The footage also showed the Polks torturing her, so Lee's defense attorney puts together a convincing argument that Lee "didn't know what she was doing" during that time. The attorney doesn't mention the possession by not Lady Gaga. Probably a good call. The jury buys it and Lee is acquitted of all charges. 

But then there's that little matter of Lee's taped confession to killing Mason. THAT has to be an easy conviction, right? Well, don't you know that Lee's confession was also a reaction to her captors...and she only said those things to impress the Polks? That's what the defense is going with but the prosecution actually has an eye witness on hand to testify...Flora. She was apparently watching her parents argue from behind a tree in the woods that night. She tells the jury that Lee clocked Mason with a rock and kept hitting him until he stopped moving. Lee leans over and whispers something to her attorney who then rises to cross-examine the little girl. She asks Flora to talk about Priscilla, "the ghost girl from the TV show." The jury then thinks Flora is making everything up and acquits Lee of this murder as well. Good grief. 

Today's Another Day To Find You

Okay, so part 1 of this finale is over. Onto Lee's post trial media parade and the return of Lana Winters from AHS Asylum. If you recall, I spent most of that season referring to her as Stupid Lana and she really doesn't make me feel any differently tonight. Just as she was at the end of Asylum, Stupid Lana is still a world famous author and her television interviews are ratings gold. Lee goes on her live show to tell her story. We learn that Lee has become an author and motivational speaker (seriously?) and she has chosen Stupid Lana over people like Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters because Stupid Lana too has killed to survive traumatic circumstances. 

Stupid Lana asks Lee how she is coping with the hell she went through in both rounds of Roanoke and the aftermath. Lee explains that her goal of getting Flora back in her life is what keeps her going. See, Flora pretty much hates her mother's guts and she lives with Mason's parents these days, so Lee is now preparing to head back to the courtroom again for a custody battle. Stupid Lana mentions that because of Mason's murder trial, most of America believes Flora is a liar. Lee gets super defensive before her interviewer asks: "Where is Flora?" Uh oh. Seems Mason's parents reported Flora missing an hour before the show began. Lee begins to panic but her cries of "I have to find my daughter!" are stifled by the sound of gunfire in the hallway. The last of the torturing Polks busts in and shoots up most of the room. Stupid Lana introduces herself and tells him he is on live television. "The world is watching you young man. Millions of people. You have an opportunity to tell your truth." He knocks her ass out with the butt of his gun as the police barrel in and shoot the redneck dead. The picture becomes a "Technical Difficulties. Please Stand By." sign and my brain is starting to hurt. What the hell was the point of all this other than learning Flora is missing...AGAIN?

I'll Be Gone 

Starting part 3 of this chapter, we know go to yet another show within the show, Spirit Chasers. These paranormalists are morons and choose to film an episode of their show during the blood moon in the Miller's house. Who even owns the house at this point? Doesn't matter. The Spirit Chasers and crew actually have no authorization to even be on the grounds, but they are somehow still joined by Ashley Gilbert, the little guy who played Tangina Cricket in My Roanoke Nightmare. I've missed him. 

When the sun goes down all of the toys and monitors the Spirit Chasers have start to get some crazy activity. Some of it is paranormal and some of it is the fact that Lee is walking around in the house. Whyyyyyyyyy? She's there looking for Flora and tells the Spirit Chasers they're stupid f*cks for being there. Heh. These guys are too busy being fanboys to listen and follow Lee around the house with their camera. The first ghost they encounter isn't Priscilla though...it's the Piggy Man and he guts  Tangina Cricket Ashley immediately. Now the Spirit Chasers are paying attention and shitting their pants. Chaser #1 is attacked by one of the Chens. Chaser #2 runs from the nurses and makes it safely outside with the cameraman. Chaser #3 makes it out the front door as well but meets The Butcher's cleaver immediately. The police arrive just then and when they get out of their cars, a shower of arrows rains down and kills everyone still standing. 

Lee is still inside wandering around looking for Flora and finds her on the top floor just as more police arrive along with news crews. The reporters are describing the situation as "a standoff" because they believe Lee has kidnapped Flora and is holding her in the house. Do they also think Lee is responsible for the arrows and cleaver? It's not really addressed. Lee apologizes to Flora for everything (including killing her father) and begs her to walk out of there and be a family with her. Flora wants to stay with Priscilla and in the house forever. She's willing to burn the place down and throws a straight up hissy fit when Lee argues with her. Are you wondering how this bullshit will be resolved? Lee offers to stay in the house instead and take care of Priscilla. She says she will be Priscilla's mommy if Flora agrees to go back and live with Mason's parents. "You can come visit us when it's not the blood moon." WHAT?!?! Am I hearing this right? "Please," she says. "Let me do that for you." Flora and Priscilla are good with this plan and Lee burns the effing house down. Flora escapes just in time and sees her mom and Priscilla hand in hand as she is driven off the grounds. The last shot we see is of the blood moon and torches descending upon the police and camera crews still standing outside the house.

And that's that. Look, I was okay with Ryan Murphy trying to re-create the tension from The People v. OJ Simpson with Lee's trial. I could almost swallow his need for a Lana Winters cameo. However, the hillbilly shootout that went nowhere, followed by the worst Ghost Hunters imitation ever, simply made me throw my hands up in the air and scream. I don't buy that the last Polk standing would shoot up a room except for the person he actually came to shoot. I don't buy that Flora somehow ran away to the Miller's house by herself because she wanted to die there and be with Priscilla forever. I don't buy that after all Lee was willing to do to save herself (i.e. kill her ex-husband and try to make her daughter look crazy in court), she was cool with burning down a house and spending eternity with the everyone who died on that land. And I REALLY don't buy that she'd want Flora to come chill with the ghosts during the non blood moon periods. This final hour just doesn't make sense to me but I won't let it shadow the overall amazing season we've watched. Roanoke took a path quite unlike any other season with the documentary and reality TV style format and I really did love that. I'm just going to pretend the whole thing ended after Lee was acquitted, wrote a book, made a shit ton of money, and learned to live with the fact that her kid hated her. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 9

With only one week left until the finale, one would hope we start getting some real closure in Chapter 9 of AHS Roanoke and we do. We find out who the sole survivor is, how this person escaped the worst real estate investment ever, and it did not play out like I thought it would at all. I'm not complaining though. I love where we end up when the hour ends. 

Right Back On My Feet Again

The episode opens with three soon to be dead fans of My Roanoke Nightmare trekking through the woods trying to find the Season 2 shoot. They are wearing helmet cameras and also have selfie sticks, hoping to "blow up the internet" with their Instagram posts throughout their journey. Just as they are about to geek out over finding the tree that once held Flora's yellow hoodie, they see a woman frantically running around looking for her car. She's bleeding. She's Diana. She's dead. When they finally do arrive at the car, it is flipped over and Diane's body is inside. 

The youngins are Milo, Todd and Sophie (welcome back Taissa Farmiga). They run a fan website and blog for My Roanoke Nightmare and they hightail it to the police station and describe what they had seen. The detective interviewing them says they found no body at the scene - just the overturned vehicle. He calls them pranksters and warns them to stay away from the house. Todd (formerly Jake Puckerman on Glee) thinks there's an injustice here and he won't stand for it. 

Of course the trio heads back into the woods to face their fears and they return at night, no less. They posted their video of the dead body and received 20,000 follows and they are thrilled to know they are trending on Twitter...not trending enough to blow up the internet though. We'll get back to these fools in a bit. 

Well You're A Real Tough Cookie

We switch gears to the nonsense happening inside the house now as Dylan, the actor who played Ambrose in My Roanoke Nightmare, is explaining himself to Audrey and Lee. Seems Sydney instructed him to show up at the front door at a certain time on a certain day, but Dylan has not heard from his producer since. He does not have a car with him because he ubered...but he somehow also does not have a cell phone on him. How is that possible? I must have a total misunderstanding on how one ubers around. Plot hole?

The ladies are quick to inform him that errrrrybody is dead and it's the last night of the blood moon. Dylan suggests they make a stretcher for Lee and head out on foot, citing his time in the military evacuating folks under dangerous conditions. Lee tells him the Polks are nearby and they have vehicles and weapons....they also might still have Monet.  

Dylan, Audrey and a hobbling Lee make it to the outskirts of the Polk's farm and they see a truck. It's getting dark and they need to act...they decide that Dylan will run for the truck and the women will do a quick search nearby to see if they can find Monet as well as the incriminating tapes. Dylan tells them that as soon as they hear the truck start, they have to jump in regardless of whether or not they find Monet. The three of them go off in separate directions. Audrey finds Monet, and the camera, and one of the last hillbillies standing and she shoots him. The two women flee the scene and end up back in the Miller's farm house. Good grief. Oh and Dylan? The other hillbilly has nabbed him for The Butcher and her mob...they are now approaching the farm. 

As Monet and Audrey discuss getting their shit together and getting out of this mess, Audrey can't help but think Lee is dead. She wouldn't have left behind the camera they found since, you know, they needed it to prove their innocence. Monet grabs the camera and they watch Lee's confession about Mason. Oh shit. Lee, by the way, is still in the woods and now meeting up with not Lady Gaga. She eats a pig's heart, ala The Butcher, and we can only assume she's now batshit crazy. 

You Don't Fight Fair

Todd, Milo and Sophie are getting closer to the Miller's house when they encounter Lee or whatever version of Lee she is now. She slits Todd's throat and Sophie and Milo sprint until they find the production trailer. Inside they see they see the cameras for each room and all of the dead people. Sophie's whimper of "awww, but I love Shelby" makes me laugh...as if Shelby was still a character to her. They also see Lee approaching the house and call the police. The police, of course, don't believe them.  Sophie wants to save Audrey and Monet and convinces Milo to join her. 

Monet and Audrey have locked themselves in the upstairs bedroom and hear a commotion in the hallway. Monet peaks out and sees Lee at the top of the stairs. Lee doesn't look right but the women are too busy telling her they know about Mason to realize it. Lee says "You don't belong here. Your vile presence spoils this sacred ground." Uh oh. We've heard this before. Monet starts yelling all kinds of shit back at her and Lee throws her over the banister to her death. Damn. Audrey runs out of the house but ends up falling half way into the bunker. Lee cleaves her in the shoulder and dumps her ass in.  

Milo and Sophie have now reached the house but so have Lee, The Butcher, and her followers. They witness Dylan get the old disembowel treatment before being burnt to a crisp on stakes. We see all of this happen via the iPhone cameras these two fools are still toting. Thank goodness for the iCloud?

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

When morning arrives, so do the police...apparently they decided to take the social media posts from the youngins seriously. They are too little too late though as they arrive to the remnants of a human bbq as well as the rest of the carnage throughout the house and at the nearby trailer. 

Lee is no longer possessed by not Lady Gaga and is very out of sorts when the police wake her up in the woods near the bbq scene. You know who else is out of sorts? Audrey. She's still alive but she's been in a nasty ass underground space all night. The police rescue her as well and she sees Lee getting into a police car. She flips the eff out, yells "murderer!" and grabs a gun from the cop helping her and aims it at Lee. The remaining cops, having no idea what the hell is going on, put a shit ton of bullets into Audrey and also put a permanent stop to her accent. Thank you. 

The episode ends there and wow! Ryan Murphy allowed the demise of Sarah Paulson's character! I know technically Sally was dead last season but her ghost was a main character so that doesn't count. I did read that Sarah will return as stupid Lana Winters from Asylum in the finale, so he was probably comfortable with her shootout tonight knowing that Lana is getting another chance in the spotlight. Will Lee be able to exonerate herself? Will she go to jail for Mason's murder? Will she ever look at beef jerky the same way again? We only have one more episode to go (this season feels so short) and I'm eager to see how Roanoke finishes up. I've SO loved this season. 

TWD Season 7 Episode 3: The Cell

Tonight we move on from The Kingdom and follow Daryl back to Negan's compound, also known as The Sanctuary. Our hero isn't doing so great though and I think we can all imagine why. If dude hadn't lost his cool and attacked Negan in the semi-circle of torture, Glenn would still have a head, Maggie Would still have a husband, and the rest of us would still have a kind soul to cling to on this show. What happens to Daryl once he is living among the Saviors? Here's where we are after "The Cell."

We Got A Front Row Seat

"Hungry?"

At the start of the episode we find out that Dwight spends his non-douchebag time watching episodes of Who's the Boss, playing an array of board games, picking vegetables, and carving wooden figures. I'm with him on the first two for sure. That Tony Danza... he's amazing. When he's not making delicious looking sandwiches for himself, Dwight smears dog food on bread and feeds it to Daryl. It sucks to be Daryl. He sits in a cell, naked, dirty and hungry...counting on Dwight to feed him and waiting on Negan to do his worst. My first thought is: Daryl is naked. My second thought is: I needed this before Season 7. 

Daryl's torture is not just a dark small space with disgusting food - he constantly hears the peppy song "Easy Street" blasting in his cell. The song is annoying AF. Eventually Dwight brings him sweatpants and a sweatshirt bearing a big red "A" and ushers him down the hall to meet the doctor. Sherry, the woman Dwight stole Daryl's bike with, is there and she greets Daryl by name. Dwight yells at her. Awkward. Even more awkward is the negative pregnancy test she just took that is sitting on the table. Dwight sarcastically says "better luck next time." 

The doctor gives Daryl a clean bill of health and Dwight takes him back to his cell. Dwight tells Daryl he can make it easy on himself but Daryl isn't breaking just yet...though we do see him slam against the door several times as "Easy Street" starts to play again. Negan sits outside the cell with Dwight , laughing and listening to Daryl losing it, and he wants to reward Dwight for all of his hard work. He tells him he can have his way with "you know who" or any other woman "as long as she says yes." Dwight isn't interested though and makes some excuses about sticking to his work. Who is "you know who?"

A Life That Can't Be Beat

Dwight takes Daryl's bike out on a mission and the Savior who has taken over Daryl feeding duty does not lock the door to the cell after he drops off the dog food. Is this on purpose? Is this a test? Daryl slips out the door and sneaks through the hallway, waiting for the perfect moment to make his escape. Sherry pops up behind him and encourages him to just go back to the cell. "Whatever he's done to you, there's more. There's always more." Daryl doesn't listen though and gets caught just outside the door by a group of Negan's guys and then Negan himself. 

Negan has that amazing smile on his face as he taunts Daryl. "Who are you?" he asks one of his guys. Dude says "Negan." He asks the next guy, and the next guy and they all say the same thing. Oh that's right. We're all Negan, Negan is everywhere, here a Negan, there a Negan, everywhere a Negan, Negan. Something like that anyway. Negan tells Daryl he has three choices: 1) Wind up on a spike outside the fence and work as a dead man. 2) Get out of the cell and work for points, but wish he was a dead man. 3) Work for Negan voluntarily and live like a king. There is no door number 4. Daryl says nothing and doesn't flinch when Negan raises his bat. He admires Daryl's badassery and leaves his guys to beat the crap out of Daryl and return him to the cell. 

Back in his dark and dirty little space, Daryl hears Sherry's voice outside. She's crying. Sherry tells him that when she and Dwight met him that first time in the woods, they were trying to flee the Saviors for good. "Back in the woods, after I lost Tina, when we took your stuff and decided to go back...I told you I was sorry. You said 'you're gonna be.' And I am." Sherry then walks away. That's nice of her to say and all but it really means nothing given everyone's current situation. 

The World Is But A Treat

Dwight's mission is to find a defected Savior and bring him back to The Sanctuary for Negan's judgement. He catches up to the guy down the road and saves him from a Walker attack. The defector looks at Dwight and asks how he can still be so loyal to Negan after what he did to Dwight and his wife. His wife? This poor dude gives a speech about Negan's mandates and how he can't live with the way things are anymore...and he drops to his knees and asks Dwight for a mercy killing. Dwight is a douchebag and threatens to dig up this guy's dead wife and feed her to the crows if he doesn't get up and go back to The Sanctuary. As the defector stands and begins to walk back he says "Okay D, you win. But you know there's nothing left." Dwight shoots him in the back and goes home. 

Sherry is the first person Dwight sees upon his return and we can assume she was his wife at some point. Now she belongs to Negan. "We did the right thing," he tells her. "It's a hell of a lot better than being dead." She pauses and says "yeah," but she has no conviction in her voice whatsoever. 

Dwight then goes to Daryl's cell and tells him Negan has taken a shine to him and he should consider himself lucky. Daryl still isn't interested. When Dwight leaves the cell the song changes from "Easy Street" to Roy Orbison's "Crying," which pretty much sums up the first part of this season. Daryl looks at the Polaroid picture of Glenn's body that Dwight had thrown in the cell and starts to sob. Thinking Daryl has finally broken down, Dwight brings him to Negan who is happy to receive him. Negan tells Daryl that things weren't always so great with him and Dwight...Dwight and his "super hot wife and her super hot sister" used to work for points before their attempted escape and Tina fell behind on points to pay for medication. Negan asked her to marry him as a fair trade and they fled. We know Tina died after Daryl found them and tried to help them, and when Dwight and Sherry decided to steal Daryl's shit and come back to ask for forgiveness, Sherry became Negan's wife in order to keep Dwight alive. And now Dwight is one of his top guys and he wants Daryl to also be one of his top guys. "All you gotta do is answer one simple question. Who are you?" Daryl pauses for a long time...and then says "Daryl." Dwight throws Daryl back in the cell and goes outside, exasperated. He sees the Walker version of the dude he shot earlier approach the fence and turns his back on him. 

The episode ends there and it seems we will have to wait a long time to see Daryl back where he belongs. I'll be honest and say I totally would have jumped on the Negan train by now if I were him so kudos to him for having balls (and a stomach) of steel. It was nice to get a little bit of a background on Dwight and Sherry, and I can't imagine what goes through Dwight's mind each time he looks at Negan or has any interaction with his hot wife. Will Dwight and Daryl become friends? Will Daryl convince Dwight and others to revolt? Or will Daryl eventually give in and become one of the Saviors? Time will tell, but in the meantime, here's hoping we get one or two "Daryl gets a naked hose down in his cell" scenes.

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 8

Well kids, tonight's episode of American Horror Story keeps the bloodbath coming as we are one step closer to finding out who is the lone survivor of My Roanoke Nightmare: Three Days In Hell. Do the hillbillies end up making meat of all of their captives? Does not Lady Gaga come back and beat Shelby's ass for killing Matt? Is the "real" butcher headed on a rampage? Who exactly meets a disgusting demise in Chapter 8? Here's where we are after the hour... 

I'm Guided To Another World

We pick up with Agnes taking a meat cleaver to the head and Dominic freaking out from the bedroom window upstairs. The torchbearers outside are coming for Dominic and Shelby and Dominic is still screaming at the cameras for Sydney to get them out of the house. Idiot. Shelby tells him no one is coming to save them and leads him to Edward's artwork escape tunnel hoping he might be there to help. No dice. The Chen family is there instead, climbing all over the walls like they just hopped out of The Grudge. Back into the house we go. 

Dominic and Shelby make it into the kitchen and Dominic injures his hand in the process. They have a moment of quiet before the Piggy Man attacks. Shelby stabs him, she and Dominic run out into the hallway, and they come face to...something with the Chens. The chandeleir drops and smashes Shelby's leg and Dominic barely gets her up the stairs away from the paranormal activity. They find themselves in the same bedroom once again and Shelby tearfully laughs. "Dominic, I killed the only man I ever loved. I took his life with my own hands. There's no place left for me." She then slits her own throat and bleeds out. Well shit. 

Can You Take Me Higher?

Meanwhile Mama Polk is sharpening her knife to slice off some more Lee jerky while her son maintains the camera on Lee's cell phone. For whatever reason Mama decides to tell Lee about their family history and how they ended up in their current state...sparing you the details, let's just say the Polks keep it in the family. Mama hands the knife off to her boy to cut off "a nice piece of filet" and leaves him to it. 

The next time we see Lee and the hillbilly boy, she's missing an ear and begging for water. He complies and asks her why she's crying. Lee tells him about Flora and says that every mother loves their children. The young Polk disagrees. He has some confidence issues - he wasn't even important enough to be in the Season 1 story of My Roanoke Nightmare. Lee sees an opportunity as he talks about who he wishes he could be. One of his great grandfathers or uncles or cousins or something (I've lost track of their inbred timeline at this point) was the Piggy Man in the 1800s. He slaughtered hogs but also found that he had a knack for slaughtering people after being inspired by The Butcher. "Made himself a legend." Lee tells the boy he could be even bigger than the Piggy Man, but this backfires and he screams at her to shut her mouth. 

Later on, a very weary Lee sees the Polk boy snorting some cocaine and he offers her some. She tells him she's an addict and trying to stay sober. I'm just about to say "Lee, it doesn't matter at this point" when she says "It doesn't matter, does it? There's no 'after' after this." He tells her that traditionally after they take the best parts, they make bone broth with the rest. Lee eagerly snorts a line and I don't blame her. She asks to see Flora and of course the hillbilly can't let her. She compromises and makes a video with her phone in hopes that the found footage will also find Flora. In the video she CONFESSES TO KILLING MASON! Holy hell! 

The Polk boy is intrigued by Lee's ability to kill. He says he's never killed anyone before and Lee will be his first. She uses the term "pop your cherry" and he stands and moves himself very close to her. She goes along with it. "Do you want to touch me? I want you to. I want to make you feel good." He unties one of Lee's hands so she can, um, make him feel good and she puts him in a headlock and strangles him...and then stabs him in the head for good measure.   

Let's Make Our Escape

Monet and Audrey are still locked up in an alternate pen on the Polk farm and to my disappointment, Sarah Paulson is still using an unbelievably whiny British accent. She's killing me. Two of the other hillbillies are still trying to figure out the difference between the actors and the Millers but decide they don't really care. Both women have teeth and both women can supply the goods for a new tooth necklace. Those are all the rage in the incest world apparently. Monet's chair breaks in the process and she beats the shit out of one of the Polks while the other one leaves to get a pair of teeth-pulling pliers. Monet then leaves Aurdrey behind, saying she'd be back for her. Heh. She ain't coming back for you. 

Mama watches over Audrey while her remaining kin chase after Monet, and Lee creeps in to saves the day. She bashes Mama and unties Audrey....who then proceeds to finish Mama off by crushing her skull. They escape and make their way back to the house through Edward's tunnel. There they find what's left of Matt and Lee has a total breakdown. Audrey drags her upstairs and they end up in the same  room with Dominic and a very dead Shelby. Assuming Dominic killed them both, the women throw Dominic into the hallway and lock him out of the bedroom. The Piggy Man comes a callin' just then and stabs the hell out of Dominic. And then there were...three? Where's Monet?

The sun comes up and Audrey and Lee decide to go back to the Polk farm and try to recover any video footage they can before hot-wiring the hillbilly truck. Lee convinces Audrey that even though she killed Mama Polk in self-defense, the Roanoke show runners will edit it to make her seem like a crazy killer. We know the only reason Lee wants to get the phones/cameras is to destroy her confession of killing Mason. Audrey is on board though (because she's stupid) and they pass by Dominic's bloody body on their way downstairs. I am totes wishing one of the Chens would snap Audrey's neck right about now. Either that or rip out her tongue. I can't TAKE that voice anymore! The two women make it safely to the front door and the Piggy Man is on the other side, except it's not really the Piggy Man. It's the actor who played Ambrose in the Piggy Man costume. 

The episode ends there and we only have two more to go. I'll say that I'm bummed that Shelby not only didn't make it out of the house, but didn't make it out of the house by her own hand. Or maybe I'm bummed because I wanted more screen time for Lily Rabe this season. I heart her. Anyway, with Shelby and Dominic gone, which of the remaining ladies will survive? Lee, the confessed killer? Monet, assuming she and her fabulous hair escaped the Polks? Nah, I bet it will be Audrey. Ryan Murphy loooooves Sarah Paulson and I can't picture this season closing without her emerging victorious. I'm not even factoring in the dude who played Ambrose. I think we all know he's toast. 

TWD Season 7 Episode 2: The Well

This week The Walking Dead fans can rest a little easier as this hour follows a completely different group of characters than the season premiere. Spoiler alert - no one dies a horrible, awful, gory, disgusting death tonight so we have that going for us. "The Well" focuses on Morgan and Carol, their entrance into The Kingdom, and the strange leader and followers they meet there. Here's what went down in episode 2....

I'm Gonna Be A Mighty King

Carol wakes up in a horse drawn cart with Morgan walking by her side. They are attacked by Walkers and the cart breaks. Carol hoists herself up and staggers into the woods away from Morgan and the spear carrying men. Side note: I love these guys. I'm pretty sure they could jump into that portal from the Epic animated movie and easily fit in. Anyway, Carol stops in front of a deteriorating house and sees an old woman in the window beckoning for her to come in...well, she thinks she does. That old woman is actually a zombie. She staggers some more and leans against the fence. Several Walkers are closing in on her now and Morgan and the spear guys (oh heyyyyyyyy, Daniel Newman) arrive and save her. The strange thing is - each time Carol watches a Walker killed, she sees who they were when they were alive. Carol, you've got issues darlin.'

Carol wakes up a second time in a comfy bed with Morgan sitting in a chair next to her. Seems to be a theme tonight. He tells her she's been asleep for 2 days and then takes her on a wheelchair tour of their new surroundings. "The people here call this place The Kingdom. They've been helping you so I've been helping them." This is a fast paced wheelchair tour and Morgan doesn't give Carol too many other details as he takes her to meet the man in charge. Just as he's rolling her into the, um, throne room, he tells Carol she is about to meet King Ezekiel. This is fun on it's own right? But it gets better. Ezekiel not only goes to Michonne's hairdresser, he has a tiger. HE HAS A TIGER. 

Carol's face is priceless throughout this entire scene. King Ezekiel calms Shiva the TIGER (seriously, file this under "pets I would never expect anyone to have during a zombie apocalypse"), who is not too thrilled with this unknown person. Shiva takes a chill pill though as Carol tries to figure out wtf to say to this King. She ends up turning into golly gee Baker Carol and makes me laugh out loud when she cheerfully says "I don't know what the hell is going on in the most wonderful way!" You and me both!

Working On My Roar

Morgan goes hunting with Ezekiel and some spear people and they heard a bunch of hogs into a room with a tied-up Walker. Why a Walker? So their bellies will be full of rotten meat. Uh...these hogs aren't going back to The Kingdom for dinner are they? While Morgan also ponders this, a whole bunch of Walkers approach. Ben, a spear guy in training, is assigned the first Walker to dispose of, and Ben must be in the early stages of training because he stabs the Walker in the neck with a machete. Ezekiel ends up killing it and Ben will have to go back to Zombie Killing 101. As other Walkers attack, Ezekiel notices Morgan's skill with a staff. Morgan explains that a friend trained him and Ezekiel asks Morgan to train Ben. Morgan reluctantly agrees, though I think he is internally excited about the opportunity to mentor someone. 

Turns out Ben is a quick study and a neat kid. There is definitely a bond brewing there. The two join Ezekial and the spear people out on another mission. They wait in an abandoned parking lot and when a suspicious truck pulls in, the reasoning behind feeding the hogs dead meat becomes clear. These animals are offers to The Saviors. Damn, Negan is everywhere! Only a handful of people from The Kingdom know about the deal with the Saviors and Ezekiel asks Morgan to keep the secret. The Saviors in this pick up group are, of course, douchebags and one in particular throws some punches at Richard who seems to be Eziekiel's right hand man or close to it. Ezekiel doesn't condone violence though so Richard heads home with a bloody mouth...even though Richard looks more than capable of beating the shit out of all of those guys.

Free To Do It All My Way

Morgan wants to report what he has seen to Carol but she is nowhere to be found when he reaches her room. She has spent the day as Baker Carol, rolling herself around The Kingdom collecting supplies where she could...some clothes here...a knife there. She was never planning to stay in The Kingdom long. I beleive her exact words to Morgan post-throne room were "You're shitting me right? This place is a damn circus!" 

Carol waits on the outskirts of The Kingdom until dark and starts to leave the community. Ezekiel finds her in the garden and she does the whole "Well gee I'm leaving cuz what good am I here?" thing and the King calls bullshit. Really. He stops his sonnet style talk and says "never bullshit a bullshitter." Carol tells Ezekiel that The Kingdom is a joke and he's selling his people a fairy tale. He doesn't necessarily disagree. The King tells her that people want someone to follow, to make them feel safe. Ezekiel (he reveals that Ezekiel is his actual name) had been a zoo keeper before the apocalypse and Shiva had fallen into a concrete moat in an exhibit. The moat was empty and her leg tore completely open. Ezekiel jumped in, knowing the risk, wrapped his shirt around her to stop the bleeding and ended up saving her life. She was his protector from that point on. When you're a dude with a tiger, it's easy for people to talk you up and make you a leader. And of course...his experience in community theater didn't hurt either. 

This story is all fine and dandy but Carol still wants to peace out. Ezekiel encourages her to "go but not go" and I have no idea what the hell he's talking about until Morgan and Carol are standing in front of the house from the opening scene of the episode. So Carol isn't leaving, but she wants her own space outside of The Kingdom. That's a decent compromise I guess. Morgan drops her off, lowers the flag on the mailbox and heads back to his protege. Carol clears the house and makes it her own. In the final moments of the hour Ezekiel and Shiva show up bearing fruit. Just a friendly neighborhood "hello!"

Oh, I forgot to mention...
Ezekiel has a tiger. 

The episode ends there and in spite of the tiger...yes in spite of the post-apocalyptic tiger...I found "The Well" fairly underwhelming. I allllmost said "dry" but I stopped myself. Kinda. Maybe it's because all of this is a slow setup to Morgan "finding himself," or Carol understanding that she's more valuable (and much more safe) with a community than she is moping on her own, or the rise of the next generation of spear carriers, or the kickoff of Extreme Makeover: Zombie Edition, or whatever the case may be for The Kingdom and its people. While I appreciate that I never felt the need to throw up during this hour, I do wish I felt the need to say "I can't wait for the next Carol/Morgan episode" when it ended. Will Ezekiel and his hair liven up this story line? Can the tiger somehow summon He-Man and become the Battle Cat? Maybe? Oh come on...you think that's a stretch when we already have Jesus on this show? We'll see what happens when the TWD returns next week. Until then, I leave you with a picture of my favorite part of "The Well."

AHS Roanoke: Chapter 7

After last week's season shift from documentary to reality TV, I went into tonight's episode wondering how exactly the blood moon would take it's toll on the folks participating in Sydney's Season 2 of "My Roanoke Nightmare." Chapter 6 had ended with Rory (who had played Edward Mott in the show within the show) dying at the hands of the crazy nurses and Matt realizing the final "R" had been applied to the murder message in the dining room. Who will be the next casualty? Get ready for a blood bath. Here's what went down in Chapter 7. 

Call My Name And Save Me From The Dark 

The episode opens with Sydney and a cameraman watching the footage live from the producers trailer on the outskirts of the farm land. Sydney sees Dominic arrive and Matt attack him and celebrates. One of the production assistants arrives with dinner and asks about Diana. Sydney tells the young girl he doesn't care about Diana, which is just as well considering she was most likely mangled by one of The Butcher's followers in Chapter 6. The assistant leaves and the cameraman sees a glimpse of Rory's demise before the picture on the screen flickers. We hear the assistant scream outside. Is The Butcher out there? Nope. But crazy ass Agnes is out there dressed as her Butcher character and she takes a meat cleaver to all three of these fools. So much for Season 2. 

Meanwhile the housemates are on a search for Rory. Dominic finds a puddle of blood and one of the rooms and Audrey assumes it's all part of the show. She remembers that Rory was offered a screen test in a Brad Pitt movie and believes he and Sydney worked together to stage his death so he could leave. Audrey, you're dumb. 

The rest of the group survives the night and when morning comes, Dominic tries to rekindle his fling with Shelby in the kitchen. She insists she loves Matt and the only reason she is in the house at all is to win him back. Matt witnesses this exchange and marches in the room. "If you want her, you can have her. Just stay out of my way." Shelby tearfully runs to her room but she is not alone. Crazy ass Agnes is there (still speaking like The Butcher) and she hacks Shelby in the shoulder. Damn, she's making quick work of these guys. Shelby begs Agnes for her life just as Dominic barrels in and knocks Agnes' crazy ass out....or not. By the time Dominic grabs a towel to try to stop the blood gushing from Shelby's arm, Agnes is gone.  

Bid My Blood To Run

Shelby is in rough shape and the group is screaming into the cameras for Sydney to call an ambulance. They don't understand why he hasn't intervened yet. Lee mentions the escape tunnel under the house and says she will go get help. Monet and Audrey offer to go as well but they are leery of venturing outside knowing Agnes is still roaming around with a cleaver. Lee pulls out her gun and says they will be fine. Of course she has her gun. Why would anyone search her for weapons before she entered the house? I mean...it's not like the actors and "Nightmare" viewing audience believe she's a killer or anything. Facepalm. 

The women make their way through the tunnel and see a shadowy figure ahead of them. Audrey calls out Rory's name....but it's actually Edward. He's not the friendly ghost Rory portrayed him as. Lee shoots in his direction several times and the women run out into the woods. They wander for quite some time and finally find the production trailer, as well as the production bodies. Audrey has a breakdown. Monet curses like a sailor. Lee? She shoots Agnes when the crazy bitch comes running at them with her weapon. Dayum! The three women then take off running again and stop, out of breath, when they think they are safe. Audrey uses her phone camera to record one last message to Rory, professing her love. The thing is...Rory's bloody body is hanging from a tree above her. 

Audrey is on the ground sobbing at this point but things aren't going to get any better. The "real" hillbillies show up and Mama Polk is just as twisted as the documentary version portrayed her to be. The Polks kidnap all three women and take them to their, uh, humble abode. Lee is turned into jerky pretty quickly and Mama Polk feeds her to Audrey and Monet who are tied up and helpless in another room. This is the last we see of them this episode. 

Save Me From The Nothing I've Become

Matt tends to Shelby and assures her that at one time he really did love her. He says she did not ruin their marriage by sleeping with Dominic. "Our marriage was over the day we moved into this house. This place took something from me. I haven't felt human for two years." I appreciate his honesty but maybe save the "this is over" discussion for when Shelby is not lying in a bed with an open gash in her shoulder. 

When Shelby is asleep Matt travels back down to the basement, not aware that Dominic is following him. Matt stands near some shelves and then he looks at someone we can't really see and says "I've been waiting for you." Dominic wakes Shelby right away and brings her downstairs. The "real" version of Gaga has mounted Matt for old times sake. Shelby grabs a crowbar, bashes the witch and screams for the witch to leave Matt alone. Matt quickly tells his wife, "I came back for her. I am in love with her, Shelby. She is the reason I came back." Like any woman scorned, Shelby then beats Matt to death with the crowbar, Negan style. 

Dominic drags Shelby away from the bloody scene and explains that she will need to turn herself in. She is emotional, now fully realizing what she has done, and asks Dominic for help. He points out the obvious: "There are hidden cameras all over this house." Duh Shelby. Their conversation is interrupted by a commotion outside - Agnes is in front of the house holding a torch. Yup, Agnes is still alive and kickin. She had taken a pair of pliers, warmed them in the flames of a torch ("the fire will purify my body"), and then dug the bullet in her shoulder out herself. This bitch sure is resourceful. A group of people approaches behind her, also with torches. Could it be? Yes, The Butcher herself and her Roanoke followers have arrived. Agnes isn't sure if she should be elated or terrified. She tries to speak with The Butcher...but The Butcher answers her by splitting her head in half with her cleaver. 

The episode ends there and thank goodness that gore is over. Tonight we saw the production staff slaughtered, Matt literally lost his head, Lee (or at least portions of Lee) became hillbilly dinner, and the fake Butcher was butchered by the real Butcher. This was a pretty gross hour. Will Audrey and Monet wind up like Lee? If she's still alive, does Lee have a hope in hell of surviving with her limbs still attached? Will the "real" Butcher get some dialog so we know if Agnes was spot on with that accent? Will Audrey or Monet escape the Polks? Is Flora going to pop back up at some point with that damn yellow hoodie? Knowing that only one person will survive and we still have three chapters to go, I'm beyond curious as to how AHS is going to fill these last hours if we're knocking off a handful of characters per episode now. Time will tell.