AHS Freak Show Episode 9: Tupperware Party Massacre

Okay, so I was looking forward to this episode based on the name alone. This is a Dandy heavy hour, which actually doesn't bother me given the stupidity levels we've reached in other story lines. In this season's 9th episode we see the demise of another barely used character who got zero development, and we get even more blood than we did in the previous week. Here's where we are with "Tupperware Party Massacre:"

Avon Calling

Dandy visits Maggie/Esmeralda in her fortune telling tent. So wait...does she keep office hours? Maggie swears she knows his voice from somewhere (he almost killed you), but she can't quite place it. Dandy tells her he's had some "misadventures" with the fairer sex and he's hurt someone badly. Dandy is at a loss because "the person who usually helps...can't." Nope. You shot your momma in the head, jackass. Maggie looks into her crystal ball and she sees nothing, but we see an Avon representative knock on the door of the Mott house. Dandy invites her in and immediately bludgeons her with a candlestick. I guess he didn't want to risk the boredom of an Avon sales pitch. What happens next though, I definitely did not see coming. He cuts off the Avon lady's head and attaches it to Gloria's shoulder...so Gloria and the Avon lady can be a Bette and Dot puppet. The vision we see disappears and we go back to Maggie. She tells Dandy that everything is okay...that the rain cloud over his head will pass and he'll go back to the way he was before. He's relieved and pays her $100 for her services. 

A very drunk Jimmy is spoon-feeding (literally) Ima Wiggles and talking dirty to her in the outdoor picnic area. He even gives her a smack on the ass for good measure and his friends just stare in disbelief. The fun with food is interrupted, however, when Jimmy hears Dandy come out of the nearby tent. He stumbles toward Dandy, calling him a murderer (even drunk Jimmy has better sense than sober Maggie). Jimmy takes a swing at him, misses, and hits the ground hard. Dandy puts on his annoyed puckered mouth face, leans over, and quietly tells Jimmy he'll make him suffer for taking the twins away....then Dandy gets in his fancy car and leaves as Jimmy struggles to get back on his feet. Where's Ima when you need her?

Safety First

Elsa and Stanley arrive at a hotel where Ethel had sent Bette and Dot for safe keeping. Elsa had found Ethel's suicide note, naming the twins' hiding spot and instructing Jimmy to go get them. Stanley tells the girls that the locals are back to hating freaks and they lynched Ethel and tore her head off. Totally believable given the full house we see every time there's a performance cutaway. Elsa explains that they need to get Bette and Dot to safety, and she says they should trust her because she was able to get them exactly what they've been hoping for - the doctor who recently performed the conjoined twins surgery. Dot perks up at the news...but Bette lowers her head and pouts. 

Stanley and Elsa take the girls to the warehouse (where I presume Ma Petite had been bottled up), telling Bette and Dot that they all need to wait there for the doctor. Stanley has Elsa believing this shit is actually happening too. The twins are relieved to learn that the dirty table in the warehouse is for examination purposes only, and the actual procedure will be done in a hospital. Bette doesn't want this though. She can't imagine herself on her own...walking around with one leg, so to speak. Stanley says that because each girl has her own heart and lungs, they can be split right down the middle. Um, what about the rest of them? Do they each get one kidney and half a liver? Who gets to keep the vagina? This show is killing me. 

Bette knows there's a chance (a chance?) that both girls won't make it through surgery. She makes a moving speech about the time they've spent together and the things they've worked through. Bette tells her sister that if the doctor has to make a choice to save only one of them, she wants him to save Dot. Awww. Side note: The Golden Globes nominations came out recently and Jessica Lange was nominated for best actress and Kathy Bates was nominated for best supporting actress. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in Sarah Paulson's house that morning. Better luck at the Emmys? 

Here's To The Ladies Who Lunch

Dell is feeling remorseful about the whole killing a defenseless two foot tall woman thing, and shameful about his attraction to men, and he too writes Jimmy a suicide note. Wow. Why not just put Jimmy in a straight jacket now? He can join Kit Walker in the asylum. Wouldn't that be something? Dell thinks he sees Ma Petite on his table and then has a lengthy imaginary conversation with Ethel. He sets up a noose and tries to hang himself, but Desiree walks in and cuts him down just as things are fading to black.

Desiree and Maggie walk through the grounds and run into Theo Huxtable. That's right, Malcolm-Jamal Warner has joined AHS, and it seems Desiree has been seeing him on the side. Maggie promises to keep Desiree's secret, but the conversation is halted by the sounds of one hell of a romp going on in a nearby tent. Well, why not peek right? Jimmy (still totally wasted) has Ima bent over a piece of furniture and Maggie is not happy. She yells at Ima, telling her Jimmy will stick it anywhere because he's drunk. "Hey you leave her out of this," Jimmy slurs. "She's nice...and soft." Ha! 

Jimmy visits the Stepford wives we saw in the season premiere. The ladies are not satisfied with his magic hands this time though and the hostess herself says "He's drunk and he keeps...missing." Jimmy comes out into the living room and interrupts the tupperware party. He hallucinates and thinks one of the women is his mom and they ask him to leave. As soon as Jimmy is gone, Dandy arrives at the front door. He uses the old "my car broke down and I need to use your phone" excuse to get into the house, and once inside, he kills every last one of them. The man of the house arrives home  to find the hors d'oeuvres still out on display....and the bloody bodies of all of the women floating in the pool.

Dandy returns home to take another blood bath and Precious Regina confronts him, saying she went to the cops to help her find her mother. FINALLY. "Regina, I killed your mother." She looks around and sees blood covered stuffed animals. Dandy assures her that isn't her mother's blood. "We buried her weeks ago, mother and I. I recently killed her as well and that's when I discovered the power of bathing in blood."  Precious Regina tries to run away but Dandy locks the door and tells her how happy he is to finally be living his destiny. He asks her to take a bath with him, like when they were little (gross) and my first thought is about the size of the bathtub. Dandy barely fits into it himself. You see where I'm going with this. Anyway, Dandy tells Precious Regina that he has no desire to kill her because she's the only person in the house that's worth a damn. Isn't she really just the only other living person in the house at this point? What happened to the new maid? We saw her once for less than 10 seconds. Dandy lets Precious Regina go, while screaming that he's above the law. 

Precious Regina returns with Detective Colquitt and Dandy happily invites them in and offers them tea. He pretty much admits to being a murderer but then tells the detective that he's going to get away with it. Dandy offers Colquitt $1 million in cash to kill Precious Regina and bury her. Without blinking, the detective shoots her in the head. Damn! I hope Gabrouey Sidibe didn't think she'd be playing a character this season with any depth or background that anyone would really give a shit about. Like her mother before her, Precious Regina was a total waste. 

He's Just Not That Into You

Jimmy is still drunk (yup, this has been the whole hour) and he stumbles into his trailer and finds Bette and Dot wearing something that I'm guessing is supposed to be sexy. Dot tells Jimmy that she almost made a horrible mistake. She had thought the only way she could be happy was to be separated from Bette, but then she realized that Bette is the purest part of her soul. So, no surgery. She offers her condolences for Ethel and assures Jimmy that he never has to be alone. Dot professes her love for him and drops her/their robe. "You're like us. Different, but special. Let me take your pain away and replace it with love." Jimmy considers this but ultimately turns them down, saying he's in love with someone else. That thought didn't occur to him earlier when he was kneading Ima. Just sayin. 

One would think the day couldn't get any worse for Jimmy, but Detective Colquitt drives up with sirens blasting and arrests Jimmy for murdering the housewives. The car zooms away as everyone runs toward it in outrage. 

The episode ends there and we only have one more to go before a brief break. Since Dandy really is above the law, and the characters we should be invested in are clueless about pretty much everything, I'm not sure where this season is going at all. So, Elsa has no issues with the fact that she has a Hollywood agent who's good with cleaning up murder scenes and getting rid of people, and he hasn't actually taken her to Hollywood yet. That doesn't really even seem to be on the radar. Jimmy didn't actually find Ethel's suicide note, no one else knows she left one, but it's fine that she wrapped a chain around her neck and drove her car away so she'd be decapitated? Nothing suspicious there. Maggie told Jimmy a couple of episodes ago that she'd probably recognize the voice of the second clown that almost killed her...and yet she didn't. Precious Regina was used to speaking to her mother once a week, and then not only did she stop hearing from her, she shows up at the house WEEKS later and is told her mother went out to buy squash. Still, no immediate call to the cops. Sigh. I might be ready for this holiday hiatus.