Previously on American Horror Story: a terrifying serial killer was on the loose, Edward Mordrake was awesome, Ethel's accent was endearing, Twisty died, some freaks died, Desiree's ding-a-ling wasn't a ding-a-ling, and the season embarked on what I believe to be a downward spiral. I have to wonder what kind of paycheck Matt Bomer and Patti LaBelle received for the minimal screen time and dialogue. Anyway, this episode isn't much of an improvement in terms of the plot holes and shit that just doesn't make sense, but we do get some legit entertainment out of the hour. Here's where we are with "Blood Bath."
Another One Bites The Dust
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| "Nu one is innocent eenymoor" |
The group from the freak show has spread out through the grounds to try to find Ma Petite. I mean, I imagine she actually gets lost pretty often...even when she hasn't had her neck snapped by an asshole. Jimmy comes across one of her tiny outfits full of blood, and they all believe the little lady was attacked/taken by some kind of animal. This loss hits Elsa hard and she refers to Ma Petite as a little angel. So the right thing to do is cancel Christmas. Not following that logic? Me neither.
Ethel calls bullshit on Elsa's emotions and accuses her of doing away with Ma Petite because she was beginning to steal the spotlight...a very tiny portion of it anyway. Elsa loses it since, you know, this is one dirty deed where she's actually innocent, and Ethel just keeps pushing her buttons. The bearded lady overheard Elsa's conversation with Stanley/Richard about doing a "mercy killing" with Dot and Bette, and while Elsa admits to wanting to be rid of the twins, she tells Ethel she never intended to hurt them. Well....Ethel's been drinking. She also has a gun. She shoots Elsa's fake leg, prompting Elsa to do the big reveal about how she's a freak too. Wait. Ethel never knew? She's been with this woman for 14 years and never once caught a glimpse of this? I wonder how many of those years she spent drunk....
Anyway, Elsa's sob story gets her nowhere. Ethel tells her "You broke my hear in two, Elsa. I loved you. I defended you." Ethel plans to shoot Elsa and then herself...she already left a suicide note for Jimmy. Elsa suggests they have one last schnapps for the road and Ethel is moved because they've never shared a drink before. They haven't? Again, 14 years together and Ethel had a really bad drinking problem, and she was essentially Elsa's slave and BFF, but they never tossed back a few? Good lord. None of this matters anyway because instead of grabbing the schnapps, Elsa grabs a knife and throws it into Ethel's eye. RIP Canadian Dr. Evil.
To make matters worse, Elsa enlists Stanley's help in dealing with the situation. They staged a car crash that looked like a suicide...and in the process, Ethel was decapitated so no one would pay attention to the fact that Ethel was completely missing an eyeball that looked like it had been cut out. Minor details. Elsa puts on a ridiculous over the top performance when the group gathers at the crash site and Jimmy consoles her. So...everyone is just buying this? Guess so. There's a tearful funeral at the grounds, attended by Paul the Seal Boy (who is apparently fine now), as well as the newly tattooed Penny who seems to live there now.
Girls Club
Desiree is heartbroken over Ethel's death and talks to the Amazon woman, the woman with no bottom half, and Penny about how hard it is to be a freak AND a woman. Penny tells the ladies what her father did, and in Ethel's honor, they go looking for daddy. What's the best punishment for a dick who turns his daughter into a permanent spectacle? Tar and feathers! They tie his ass to a chair and make him suffer. Desiree tells him "I'm gonna cut your dick off with this knife and shoot you in the head." If Desiree doesn't have a penis, can't nobody have a penis!
The party is just getting started when Maggie/Esmeralda interrupts and tries to talk them out of finishing the half done job. She says the women will all be giving up the futures they could have if they kill the guy. Well Maggie, they've already tarred and feathered him which is probably jail-worthy to begin with. Penny opts to let her dad live but with the stipulation that he never comes near her again. She's an empowered lizard girl now...or something.
New Kid On The Block
Elsa is in search of new talent and finds Barbara, a very hefty girl with a pretty face who has been sent to what looks like an upscale fat camp. Elsa eats a candy bar in front of her (classic) and asks "What if I told you there was a place where every pound of that glorious jiggle would be cheered and celebrated?" Thus, Ima Wiggles is born. Okay, is it wrong to laugh? Because I want to laugh.
Elsa brings Ima back to the Cabinet of Curiosities and promptly begins feeding her so she can, um, keep her figure. A kind of drunk but mostly hung over Jimmy buries his head in her large bosom and sobs. Elsa had commented to Jimmy that every woman at the freak show had raised him, not just Ethel. He apparently takes maternal comfort any way he can get it. Poor guy.
Problem Child
Gloria lays on a shrink's couch and talks about how much she loves Dandy and how she refuses to commit him to an institution. Her son's killer instinct apparently started when he was a young boy, and the psychiatrist tells Gloria it's time for Dandy to come in for an appointment. Gloria tricks Dandy by saying he'll be seeing the doctor to test his IQ, so he goes to the shrink's office and takes the "looking at ink blot pictures and saying what you see" test. As you can imagine, Dandy only sees violence and murder...and he's bored. God help me. He realizes the psychiatrist is not interested in how smart Dandy is, and the twerp goes home to yell at his mother.
Gloria herslef returns home to find that Precious Regina has arrived looking for her mother. Gloria and Dandy make up a series of excuses as to why Dora won't be home anytime soon (or ever) and Precious Regina says she will wait. It takes FAR longer than it should have before she finally threatens to go to the police, but by then, Dandy is already thinking of ways to get rid of her.
Gloria panics and books immediate travel out of the country. She calls her psychiatrist to say goodbye and he tells her she's making a big mistake and says he's very concerned for her safety. Gloria tells the doctor they won't be needing his services any longer, and she hangs up the phone and goes back to chain smoking...a habit which I'm not sure she even had before tonight. But again, those silly details don't matter.
Dandy overhears Gloria discussing their imminent travel and confronts her with his scrunchy "I'm going to cry" face. He says he knows that she grew up rich, but that her father lost everything during the depression...Dora had told him as a boy that his mother married her second cousin to get back to the lifestyle she desired. Hmph. Well at least Dora served SOME kind of purpose. The conversation becomes more funny than it really should at that point.
"You knew what father had done to those little girls. You knew the risks of breeding with your cousin. You're no better than the Roosevelts."
"How dare you say that name in this house?!"
AHS just gave me my second big laugh for the night. Anyway, Dandy tells his mother he can't leave with her. He puts a gun to his head and says it's time for this madness to end. Gloria pleads "I can't go on if you kill yourself," so he takes that opportunity to shoot her in the head. He then bathes in blood...literally takes a blood bath. See what they did there?
The episode ends then and it was an hour of questionable parenting. Elsa is deceiving her "children," Ethel was ready to go through with a murder-suicide with a note to her son, Penny's dad reaped the (not so much) benefits of messing up his daughter, and Gloria....well, Gloria was naive til the very end. I can only assume that Dandy will kill Precious Regina shortly, and I'm just sitting here with my fingers crossed that Dell finds out that Dandy killed his loverboy sooner rather than later. As much as I dislike Dell, I freaking hate Dandy and Dell is the most feasible person to take Dandy out at this point. We'll see what happens in the coming weeks though. I'm not putting anything past Desiree and that dick-cutting knife of hers!
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