My brain is still trying to absorb all of the bloodshed and butchery from the season premiere, but this evening we were treated to another lengthy American Horror Story: Hotel episode that rivals the first. We had so many characters introduced last week, some of whom met gruesome ends...or did they? What is the deal with the inhabitants of the Hotel Cortez? Are they alive? Dead? Zombies? Vampires? Some combination? We did get several answers in "Chutes and Ladders" tonight in addition to the origin story of the hotel. Here's what happened:
Sit Right Down Where You Belong
Alex makes a house call to Max, a little boy who has been very sick. He is bedridden and as Alex examines him, his mom expresses concern that he might have strep. She learned that on the internet. Nope. Max has the measles. The boy's mom breathes a sigh of relief when she hears the diagnosis because she was worried "it was something serious." Dumb ass. Alex had encouraged this family to do all of the vaccinations a long time ago but Max's parents were concerned that vaccines could cause autism (more internet?). Vaccines could also cause your kid to not get the effing measles. Alex goes on with a long speech about how people should protect their children when they can and this is obviously very personal for her. Though she doesn't blame John for not protecting Holden...not one bit.
Speaking of John, the displaced detective wakes up from a snooze (which apparently everyone does frequently) in room 64. He heads to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and notices something rather suspicious in the shower behind him. Meh. Just a couple of dead people getting it on. He wakes again (another dream) and sees Holden. He chases the boy through the halls and down the stairs but instead he encounters a bar with a crazy-eyed Sally on a stool and Liz Taylor pouring drinks. She says to John "Oh I know that look. Hanging on to your sobriety like it's the last train out of Dodge. The hour between 2 and 3am is always the worst." Sally mentions that she wrote a song with Patti Smith once before Patti dropped her because of her drug use. She became lost after this and says John looks like someone who wants to get lost. She inches closer to John and asks him to tell her about the last time he was drunk. Sally wants to know every detail. To my surprise, he begins to describe that day almost immediately....
He had spent the day working a crime scene where a an entire family had died. The power had been out and the dad was using a generator in the meantime. While he was at work there was a carbon monoxide leak, and he came home to find his entire family had died. He shot himself. John spent a lot of time at a bar that night and didn't go home for 2 days. When he did, he decided to take his family to the beach and the carnival on the pier. This is where Holden was taken. In saying that, John looks at Sally and says "I can't afford to get lost" and he leaves the bar without drinking.
When John returns to work the next day he has received a package from the Hotel Cortez. The building is evacuated and a bomb squad is called in. It's not a bomb at all. Instead it's an Academy Award covered in dry blood.
I Can't See Straight Anymore
We find Sally straddling the diva dude who (seemingly) got him self rape-murdered by the rubbery skinned guy last week. She has sewn most of him into a mattress and she tells the barely seen part of his face that he cannot cheat death. She kisses him and then pushes his face back into the mattress. Sally is emotional now but also distracted by screams coming from the floors below. Turns out Iris is giving the remaining Swedish girl that...protein shake...to cleanse her body. The creepy blond children are gnawing on her arms and maintain that she still tastes gross. "That's because she's dead," Iris replies. Liz Taylor dumps the girl's body down a chute where other bodies lay in a heap. The smell must be terrific.
The creepy blond kids are back in their room of video games and candy all zoned out while hooked to IVs. They are donating blood. That's nice of them. After all, Mother Monster needs nourishment and Donovan needs motivation to put some clothes on. The Countess Elizabeth wants to go to a fashion show to "hunt" but Donovan would rather stay home and binge watch House of Cards. See? Told you they were normal.
Will Drake conducts his fashion show right in the lobby of the hotel. Elizabeth and Donovan sit front and center as Finn Wittrock's character, Tristan, works the runway. The Countess liiiiikes him. The hunt is barely a hunt at all! Tristan is also a coke head and he breaks in to the penthouse looking for drugs. Donovan finds him and nearly kills him but Elizabeth intervenes. Tristan tries to flee and finds himself in room 64. Weird. Also in this room? James March, the original hotel owner. Evan Peters is donning a pencil thin mustache, an ascot, and an accent straight out of The Great Gatsby this season and this character is a far cry from anything we've seen him do in the past.
Before he has a chance to truly introduce himself, Miss Evers the cleaning lady (Mare Winningham) interrupts. She's brought in a woman who was soliciting gentlemen at the bar downstairs. James puts a gun in Tristan's hand. "Pull the trigger and take her last breath. It's exhilarating." Tristan is all "get off me man" and James does the deed himself. Miss Evers is quick to change the linens...she must do this often.
Tristan is off and running again and this time he encounters Elizabeth, who turns him into a vampire. Elizabeth tells him "the beauty of the virus is - you never age." He asks her about fangs and she tells him that they, as vampires, don't bite. They cut. The two have quite a romp in the bathtub and The Countess explains the tips and tricks for Tristan's new situation. Never drink from the dead, avoid the feeble and diseased and polluted. "The sun won't kill you but it should be avoided. It will stop your vitality."Turns out Elizabeth was born in 1904 (bitch gets around) but she tells Tristan that she loved the late 1970s the most. She was quite the disco queen but there's no indication of whether she rode anyone's disco stick. We're starting to learn a little bit more about her when Donovan rolls up. He. Is. Pissed. She tells him to pack his things and get gone. She and Tristan then begin their own hunt...which involves him picking up guys online and luring them to the penthouse. Ha! Look out Grindr.
You've Left Me Speechless
John's daughter Scarlet inexplicably comes to visit him at the hotel. I thought the whole point of John living in the hotel was to stay away from his family so they can be safe. Oh, and please invite her during the fashion show to a building filled with strangers. Makes total sense. Scarlet sits next to Lachlan and the two become fast friends. He even takes her down to the empty pool area where four tiny coffins reside. Again, where is her dad? Scarlet recognizes Holden right away. When she is able to visit the creepy kid room later (again unsupervised), her brother chats her up like she's stood him up for a play date. Holden tells Scarlet she can come visit whenever she wants but he's not going to go home. She leans in to take a selfie so she'll have proof that Holden is alive...but he's a blur when she gets home and tries to show the photo to her parents. Her PARENTS by the way are at the house with tons of police trying to figure out who could have taken her. Palm to the forehead. Anywho, John yells at Scarlet and tells her Holden is dead and never coming back. Scarlet calls him a liar and runs to her room. Alex essentially tells John he sucks and she goes to bed.
John goes back to the Hotel Cortez and takes his anger out on Iris since, you know, it's her fault Scarlet roamed through the hotel unsupervised. What??? He arrests her as an accessory to...something...and then realizes that's effing stupid. They sit down to chat and Iris gives him the background of the evil establishment.
James March was a self made rich man who built the hotel in 1925 and designed it to suit his needs. He needed secret hallways, chutes and other areas to murder people and such. "No body, no crime" he'd say. He had torture chambers, a plethora of weapons, and a maid to provide him with fresh linens and a clean shirt when needed. She could apparently get a stain out of anything. James was sloppy though and someone turned him in. Iris claims no one knows who, but she's betting his wife since she'd inherit everything if he were caught or killed. In classic "you'll never take me alive!" fashion, James kills himself before he can be arrested...and he takes Miss Evers with him at her request. I guess one still needs clean clothes in the afterlife. One last detail? James' office was room 64.
After some research into the hotel and it's owner (not sure why he didn't do that when he got the initial phone call from the supposed killer in room 64), John believes that the current serial killer he is chasing is picking up where James March left off. He sees a pattern...and that pattern is The 10 Commandments.
So, AHS dropped a lot on us in this hour and 42 minutes(!). We know the hotel was built with the purpose to commit murders, we know James March and his trusty laundress still roam the halls, and we know he's still eager to kill. He was married though and it seemed like his wife may have been Elizabeth. She would have been 21 when the hotel was built so that would be about right. She speaks of love and heartbreak throughout the episode, so maybe she was the one who tipped off the police. Maybe she turned into a sexy vampire around that time as well. We also know that Holden and the other creepy blonds are Mother Monster's "children." I'm eager to see how they were chosen. I'm still curious about the other inhabitants who died at the Hotel Cortez though. Are they all roaming the halls somewhere? James' victims? The Countess' prey? Is this another Murder House in addition to a vampire dwelling? Time will tell.
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