Tonight's episode of American Horror Story: Apocalypse brings out Cordelia's Coven in full force and also takes us on a side journey to another AHS season that I was not expecting (color me pleasantly surprised though). Still no significant time spent on Murder House, but at least we are seeing more and more familiar faces. Who pops up in this hour? Here's where we are after "Could It Be...Satan?"
You're Not The Way You Seemed
The episode opens with Langdon reminiscing about the good old days with whoever Matrix Miriam was based on. We flash back to what appears to be a teenage Langdon, dining with the "real" Miriam (or whatever her name actually was) and she is played by Kathy Bates...so who knows what the hell happened to Constance. Langdon says he's not sure how this woman found him, but he was grateful for his home with her. She fixed him good meals, for which they would say "grace" to the dark lord, and she was no stranger to bloodshed. She killed her first 3 husbands. "If something isn't working, it's best to just cut the cord and make sure the insurance policy is up to date." When Langdon jokingly comments on her evil behavior, she responds: "Hell yeah! I'm the devil momma."
Langdon's trip down memory lane is interrupted when he senses strong powers in Outpost 3. In another part of the facility we circle back with Cordelia, Madison and Myrtle as well as the newly undead Mallory, Coco and Dinah. Cordelia notes that Coco and Mallory had been under an identity spell for their protection (didn't want to interfere with Coco's Instagram success?) but they are awakened now because the Coven needs all the help they can get in fighting evil. Dinah immediately bows out...and also doesn't seem phased that her son died choking on his own poisoned vomit in the next room. When Langdon and Matrix Miriam appear, Dinah is eager to tell him she is not taking sides in this fight and Coco is eager to say she does not want to die a second time. Lagndon indicates that he has already won the fight, as evidenced by the current state of the world, and I'm left wondering if he somehow orchestrated the missile attacks. I'm also left wondering how often Cordelia brings witches back from the dead these days. When Langdon was doing his weird blood pentagram ritual thingy last week and saying he had thought he got rid of the witches, did he not realize that people don't stay dead in Cordelia-land?
You Cheated And You Schemed
We flash back again and visit Outpost 3 three years before the world was pretty much destroyed. The underground dwelling was indeed a boys' school called the Hawthorne School For Exceptional Young Men. Much like Miss Robichaux's Academy, this school was designed to teach magic to its promising inhabitants. Cheyenne Jackson, Billy Porter, and B.D. Wong are leading the charge for these warlocks, and their characters' names are John Henry Moore, Behold Chablis, and Baldwin Pennypacker, according to Wikipedia. Regardless of their character names, I'd sure as hell love to see them do a Broadway mashup of some kind throughout the halls of Hawthorne. Anyway, the trio is summoned to a meeting with their Grand Chancellor, Ariel, who has discovered a young man with incredible powers. We see a police interrogation video where a very emotional Michael Langdon uses his mind to break the limbs off of the cop and literally make his head explode. Ariel thinks this young man might be the "Alpha" they have been waiting for, meaning a male "Supreme" that could rival Cordelia. Totally. If I were part of a group of warlocks, practicing good magic, and looking for a powerful leader, I would definitely want the guy who can turn a human head into a pinata. Doesn't seem like anything bad could happen there. Sigh. John Henry Moore thinks the boy is simply possessed by a demon and doesn't want anyone to get their hopes up.
Ariel goes to the jail to meet with Langdon and we learn that Langdon was imprisoned for putting a bunch of knives into the local butcher. When said butcher was being a dick to non-robot Miriam, Langdon used his mind to throw 5 knives into dude's body, but he plays this off to Ariel as an accident. He pretends that he doesn't know his powers or how to control them even though we know he's evil as fuck. Ariel busts Langdon out of jail and invites him to Hawthorne, which is pretty much like inviting Tom Riddle to Hogwarts, and Langdon happily goes with. Non-robot Miriam is even waiting outside the jailhouse when Langdon drives away with Ariel, wishing her boy the best of luck from afar. "I'm a true believer, Michael. I'll be here for you. Always! Hail the new world!"
When Ariel and Langdon arrive at the warlock school, Ariel explains that Hawthorne used to have a big, beautiful building before they had to literally go underground. Apparently when Cordelia started giving TV interviews and "outing" the magic folk, the locals burned the place down. Langdon receives a mostly warm welcome from the Hawthorne students and faculty (Mr. Moore is not thrilled), and Ariel immediately puts him to the test. Langdon passes the scrying challenge with flying colors, he masters transporting himself all over the room and ceiling in a flash, and finally, he makes it snow inside the library. He makes it snow so convincingly that he almost freezes Ariel and his trio of magic men to death. Some would view this as a red flag. I would view this as a red flag. Ariel views this as Langdon "spreading his wings."
You're The Devil In Disguise
Ariel asks for a meeting with the Supreme, and Cordelia makes her way to Hawthorne with Myrtle and Zoe in tow. They leave behind their current group of students, one of which being pre-identity spell Mallory...who had recently turned a "change the color of the rose" exercise into a "turn the rose petals into beautiful butterflies" moment. Zoe notes that Mallory's genealogy may go all the way back to Salem, so I guess I understand why she would need to be protected. Anyway, Cordelia and her two sidekicks meet with Ariel and his trio of magic men to discuss the potential Alpha in their midst. Ariel wants Cordelia to give Langdon the test of the seven wonders and Cordelia says that is out of the question. She believes she would be condemning this young boy to his death by administering the test because there will never be a male Supreme. Cordelia laments losing Misty Day in the test of the seven wonders (I was pisssssssssed too when Misty did not return from her personal hell), and she does not want to put anyone else in that situation. Ariel calls her out on leaving Precious Queenie at the Hotel Cortez, and we now have a quick AHS: Hotel crossover too! If you recall, Precious Queenie was killed at the Hotel Cortez and much like the Murder House, if you die there, you're stuck there. Cordelia apparently did everything she could to try to bring Precious Queenie back from the dead, but she was no match for the evil of the hotel. "The light from which we draw our power was extinguished by Satan himself." Cordelia reiterates that she values all of the witches and warlocks at their schools and says there will be no test.
Langdon overhears what is happening in the meeting and makes his way to the Hotel Cortez, easily retrieving
The episode ends there and I will say it's been fun to revisit the AHS: Coven characters. That was one of my favorite seasons. The James March cameo was a fun little treat as well, and I find it very interesting that there was a rival magic school for boys run by idiots during that time when Miss Robichaux's Academy was thriving. I'm trying to figure out at what point during these flashback sequences Cheyenne Jackson's character either 1) shaves his undesirable facial hair or 2) dies a horrible, awful, gratuitous death. At least one of those two things is coming, right? He seems to be the only Hawthorne guy with half a brain so he's got to go. And considering what Hawthorne becomes during the apocalypse, I assume these flashbacks will also include Langdon wiping out the exceptional young men at some point too? Were there really any other outposts governed by The Cooperative, or was Outpost 3 the sole experiment for Langdon on his search for evil people to assist him in his new world? And finally, do we think Zoe still has a toxic vagina? Before Cordelia brought her back from the dead right at the end of Season 3, dudes who had sex with Zoe (that were not undead dudes) would become dead dudes. I have to wonder if Cordelia's "back to life" powers got rid of Zoe's vaginal toxins...and maybe Coco's stupidity as well. The jury's still out on that one.
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