Coming off of the Halloween episodes, I was almost sad going into this evening's American Horror Story hour. Twisty's departure definitely caused a lull in "Pink Cupcakes" but we did learn some interesting things about our already very interesting characters. This is an episode of lust, deceit, and murder, but tonight's show lacked the overall edge of your seat vibe the previous episodes had. Here's where we are in week 5 of AHS Freak Show...
An Assortment of Oddities
The episode opens with a celebration at the American Morbidity Museum where professional swindlers Stanley/Richard and Maggie/Esmeralda stand disregarded in the background. The museum is unveiling its new exhibit: "Modern Mutations." When the curtain opens, the tattooed Seal Boy from The Cabinet of Curiosities is dead and floating in a sealed tank. You think that's shocking? The tank featuring Dot and Bette's heads is next and I have an "oh shit!" moment. I hope this is just a fantasy Stanley/Richard is having. We already lost Twisty incredibly soon. Let's hold onto the twins for a little while longer, shall we?
I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar.
Jimmy practices his lobster boy juggling act outside because he apparently still gets stage fright. Esmeralda approaches and offers to read his palm and tell him his future. She says that a man is coming to give him information and that man will be a liar. Esmeralda then tells Jimmy that he should go north and get out of the freak show. Sensing that Esmeralda really cares about him, Jimmy goes in for the kiss...but Esmeralda pulls her head away. She says Jimmy's future is bright but she is not in it. Ouch.
Back to work. Dell is nowhere to be found and we are getting close to show time. Jimmy goes to Dell and Desiree's trailer and finds a very pissed off Desiree. She has no idea where her hubby is and cries over a drink...and her 3 boobs...about the early days between her and Dell. He made her feel alive and now she feels nothing. Jimmy is all kinds of depressed too and he sits down and cries about Meep. This seems like an appropriate time for them to make out(!) and I immediately wonder what the lobster hands are going to do with all of those titties. Jimmy makes do and moves his hands even lower. Desiree is bleeding "down there" though Jimmy passes her off to Ethel to take to a doctor.
After an examination, Ethel's doctor tells Desiree she has suffered a miscarriage, which is strange considering Desiree never believed she could reproduce at all. Everyone thought Desiree was a boy when she was born. Her parents named her Derek and imagine their surprise when "he" hit puberty and sprouted boobs. The doctor says Desiree was never a boy at all though...turns out that ding-a-ling she had described is actually an enlarged clitoris. She's all woman and then some.
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| So you're saying I don't have a ding-a-ling? |
Desiree confronts Dell when he finally comes home. See, Ethel had told her that Dell is Jimmy's father (do you think that made Desiree feel weird about having his lobster hands in her lady parts?) and she's pissed that Dell kept this a secret from her. She informs Dell that she is leaving him - the doctor is going to hook her up with some cosmetic surgery to take care of her abnormalities, and she's going to find a normal husband, have a normal life, and make some normal babies. For now though...she's moving in with Ethel which is pretty damn funny. Dell takes it upon himself to visit the doctor the next day and break both of his hands. He tells the doctor to stay away from his wife and threatens to kill the doctor's family if he tells anyone about this visit. What. A. Douche.
Pushing Up Daisies
At Gloria and Dandy's house, Momma discovers (most underused guest star ever) Patti LaBelle's dead body in the dining room. No Gloria...Dora will not be turning the percolator on. Nor will Dora be available to clean the mess that is, well, Dora. Dandy rushes in with a "Someone must have broken into our home and murdered her" bullshit comment but Gloria knows right away that he killed their beloved maid. Gloria sends Dandy to his room which is totally the right punishment. I'm guessing if he had chopped Dora's body up, he wouldn't get dessert tonight either. Harsh, Gloria. Harsh.
Dora's final resting place is a specially made flower bed. Dandy apologizes to his mom for killing her and Gloria shrugs it all off as mental condition common among the affluent. She says Dandy's father had the same illness, and "he stifled it the only way he knew how." He apparently hung himself from a maple tree. There's no indication of how long ago this happened though.
I wondered if this would be the last we hear of Dora, but Gabourey Sidibe has been cast as Dora's daughter, Regina. Seems Precious Regina has been trying to get a hold of her mom with no luck. She calls Gloria, who assures her that Dora is fine...she just works really hard and probably won't be able to call Precious Regina back for at least a month. That's not suspicious at all, Gloria. She makes the conversation even more awkward by asking Precious Regina her opinion of what kind of a mother she's been to Dandy. Gloria cries about her failures as a parent and Precious Regina freaks out and pretty much hangs up on her.
American Psycho
Dandy works out in his room in his tighty whities and converse sneakers and thinks about his new lease on life...as well as taking lives. He believes Twisty was put on earth to introduce him to murder and now he has quite a taste for it. "But I am no clown. I am perfection. I am greatness. I am the future and the future starts tonight." Apparently tonight is a popular night at what looks like the local (probably secret) gay strip club. Dandy gets himself all dressed up for his big night there. You know who else is in the club though? Dell and his stripper/escort boyfriend, played by Matt Bomer. Well color me surprised! This explains why he banged the bearded lady and married a woman who he thought had a penis. Best of both worlds.
Anyway, Dell is very protective of his new man....a little too protective. He doesn't seem to get the whole "escorts service other guys too" portion of the job, so he's there every day trying to spend time with the young hottie. I guess we know why Dell is missing from the freak show all the time. Everyone assumes he is on a drunken binge, but in reality he is pretty much obsessed with this dude. Dell ultimately wants to leave his wife and the freak show behind and start a new life with his new paramour, but the young hottie is mostly content with his job and assumes Dell is all talk. With his emotions getting the best of him, the strong man storms off, leaving his boyfriend to be Dandy's next victim. Off to Twisty's bus they go and Matt Bomer exits the show as quickly as he entered....well not super quickly...Dandy has to stab him a bazillion times and cut off his limbs before he finally dies.
I Want My ETV
The new "talent scout" Richard visits Elsa in her tent just before showtime. He tells her he works in television and can make her a star, but Elsa is not a TV fan. She wants to be in motion pictures. She's ready for her close-up and believes television is "the death of art and civilization." Richard says he's eager to watch tonight's performance anyway and he exits to go find his seat in the full house. Elsa takes the stage but the audience is not a fan. Some are giggling, some aren't paying attention at all, and some start to "boo" and throw food at her. Suddenly Elsa has changed her tune and wants Richard to tell her more about television stardom.
Elsa totally buys Richard's story about having "The Elsa Mars Hour" on TV. She gets herself all done up and struts toward his car, ready for her big break. As she approaches impostor's vehicle though, she sees Dot and Bette in the back seat....then she sees Richard drive away with them.
Stanley/Richard takes the twins on a picnic, complete with poisoned cupcakes. He's been trying to sell them on their own one hour TV show and the ever so gullible Bette is on board right away. Dot doesn't indulge in her cupcake but Bette is affected by the poison of hers right away. Dot feels the pain as Bette fades away. Stanley suffocates Dot...and then we find out that this has ALL been a DAYDREAM. Whew. Both twins actually refuse the cupcakes. After all, they have to watch their weight if they are going to be TV personalities.
When the sisters return to camp, they tell Elsa all about this new opportunity. Elsa explains that she too will have her own show but she'll mentor them in their career as well. Isn't that nice of her? Dot is hesitant but Bette is practically packing their suitcase. Elsa takes the twins to meet a seamstress who will make them new TV-worthy clothes. Well, that's what the twins think anyway. Elsa actually takes them to Gloria's house. Whaaaat?
The episode ends there and I'm just tired of all things having to do with Dandy. Twisty was so much more fun and brought a terror factor that no one else on this show has. I'm offended on behalf of the clown any time Dandy puts on Twisty's mask, and I really hope he moves to the back burner next week. I did, however, really enjoy Angela Bassett tonight. She hasn't done much since her character's introduction and it was time for her to have a moment. Is she really done with Dell? Is Dell going to go from douchebag to psycho when he realizes his boyfriend is dead or at least missing? Will Stanley and Maggie actually snag any of the freaks or will Stanley's museum fantasy remain just that? I'm waiting for some of these folks to start serving a purpose and I'm hoping the wait doesn't go on for too many more episodes.
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