When we last left the craziness of Freak Show, Stanley (disguised as talent agent Richard) had Elsa and the twins believing they would soon embark on a television career. Elsa, however, dumped Dot and Bette at psycho Dandy's house, which is throwing a wrench into Stanley's plans of collecting their heads....literally. Desiree found out she's allllll woman, and Jimmy discovered that he's not exactly the ladies man he hoped to be. Dell might have had the quickest romance in AHS history, and Precious Regina was introduced, hopefully to wreak some havoc on Dandy's insane ass. There's a ton happening on the show right now and "Bullseye" is just as chaotic...
It's My Party
It's Elsa's birthday week and everyone is celebrating. The "freaks" believe that once Elsa makes it big in Hollywood, she will bring all of them out there to share in her success. Even though Elsa's family is excited for their future, they can't help but mope a little about the twins' departure. Elsa had told the group Dot and Bette decided to leave on their own accord, and she doesn't want to hear another word about it.
Elsa calms her frustrations by hopping into bed with the tattooed Seal Boy. They've apparently had quite the fling going on and she offers to have him meet her in Hollywood before the rest of the clan. He says he could manage to learn how to drive to make this happen. Elsa responds with "of course, when I have a normal suitor, you can simply pretend to be my chauffeur...which you would be." Ouch.
Don't feel too sorry for Paul the Seal Boy. He's managed to also hook up with the hospital volunteer from the first episode. Dude gets around. Apparently Jimmy's not the only guy in the Cabinet of Curiosities with magic hands. Anyway, Paul and his tattoos jump from Elsa's bed to this young lady's and he professes his love for her. Elsa eventually finds out that someone else is sampling Paul's, um, ink and it does not go over well. More on that later.
Wheel Of Fortune
Paul the Seal Boy makes his way into town to buy perfume for, well, the woman he's banging who isn't Elsa. He runs into Dandy and Dandy is in quite a hurry, buying two of all of the female hair care products and make-up. Dandy pretends not to know him, but Paul mentions that Dandy showed up to the Freak Show and tried to buy the twins....and then Paul puts two and two together, so to speak.
He goes back home and tells his theory to Jimmy, insinuating that Elsa got rid of the girls. Jimmy dismisses Paul as an ungrateful jerk and the Seal Boy ends up confronting Elsa. He reeks of someone else's perfume, so Elsa already assumes he is cheating on her (if we can really call it that). And when Paul mentions the twins, she instantly flips her shit. She wakes everyone up, screams at them, demeans them and tells them they are not loyal. She says the only way to prove they are faithful is for one of them to climb aboard the wheel/bullseye. You see, Elsa was quite the expert knife thrower back in the day, so those who would trust her would have no problem being strapped to the wheel. Jimmy volunteers first, but Paul pushes him aside.
Elsa takes her time and draws out the suspense. The first knife lands near Paul's head. The second lands between his legs. The third lands right in his gut. D'oh! She swears it was an accident, but there's no way she was going to let him stick around with his accusations....or perfume. They move him to Elsa's trailer (to wait for the doctor that is never coming) and his lady love arrives to check on him. Apparently the two were supposed to rendezvous at some point during the night and he obviously never made it. Elsa leaves the lovebirds in her trailer and heads to the big top, and that's the last we see of Paul and his girlfriend this episode.
Pick On Someone Your Own Size
Stanley and Maggie/Esmeralda meet on the outskirts of the camp to discuss the missing twins. Stanley wants a payday and tells Maggie to lure Jimmy to a barn so they can kill him and take his hands back to the museum. Maggie argues and he presses her for a better idea. She offers up Ma Petite...the world's smallest (and possibly cutest) woman. The plan is jar her up and drown her...but Maggie can't go through with it. She's grown to care for these "freaks" and she asks Jimmy to run away with her. They smooch and he tells her to pack her bags. He just has one thing to take care of first. Maggie gleefully returns to her tent, but Stanley is there and he is pissssssed. He says he's moving forward with his plan to get Jimmy's hands and storms off.
Marry That Girl. Marry Her Anyway.
Dandy and Gloria have a new maid but Dandy liked Dora better. "Hindsight is 20/20 dear," his mother tells him. Gloria assumes that Dandy is going to use Dot and Bette as some sort of plaything(s) but Dandy declares he is in love with them. He intends to marry them. Gloria is appalled...because, you know, a two headed daughter-in-law is far more disgraceful than a son who murders people.
Bette is also totally in love with Dandy but Dot continues to be a Debbie Downer. She assumes she and Bette are prisoners without really being prisoners...and she's right. She asks if they can go back to their tent and retrieve some personal items, but Dandy insists he will just replace anything that they may have left behind. He also informs them that there's a story in the newspaper about the first surgery separating Siamese twins. A light bulb goes off in Dot's head....Dandy has the money it would take for their surgery. She envisions being free of Bette and reuniting with Jimmy, hoping that she would be the twin to survive the procedure.
Dandy would like for the girls to get along a bit better. He doesn't want any secrets between the three of them and offers an "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours" revelation game. Dandy starts by saying he was the one who killed the clown and saved everyone. He tells the girls Jimmy was unconscious and he's the real hero. Bette is enamored and Dot calls bullshit. The game ends abruptly.
Gloria finds her son sobbing in his room and runs to his aid. He broke into Dot's diary and read the not so friendly things she wrote about him. He realizes that his aspirations of a happy trio have been demolished, and he tells his mother "I was never destined to feel love. I know why I was put here. My purpose is to bring death." He grabs a knife and heads down the stairs. Jimmy is at the door, looking for the girls.
I'll Cry If I Want To
Ethel invites Elsa to have a piece of the birthday cake she made for her. Elsa gives a teary speech about family and how she sees Ethel as a sister. She doesn't understand why the others don't trust her. Ethel lights the candle on the cake and comforts Elsa...then she says "If I ever found out you're lying or did wrong by those girls, I'll kill you with my own two hands. Now, make a wish." Ha! Elsa wishes to be loved, blows out the candle, and the episode ends there.
Just about every bit of this episode ended on a cliffhanger. What will happen to Jimmy and the twins? Will Paul die from his wounds? Is there a point to his lady love showing up when she did? How quickly does Maggie think she can get Jimmy out of town? I feel like a major death (or two) is coming next week. They've been teasing us with the "These characters are dead and at the oddity museum! Just kidding!" scenes for a while now, so there has to be something big coming soon right? One thing's for sure: Ethel is one bad ass bearded lady. I have to wonder if Elsa ended up with any hair in her cake....
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