AHS Hotel Finale: Be Our Guest

Tonight we say goodbye to American Horror Story: Hotel and after last week's bloodbath, I went into this final episode wondering what the big showdown would be. There really isn't one...but there is a lot of jumping ahead in the timeline and then jumping ahead again. I'm happy to say though that I think things are wrapped up pretty nicely in this hour with poetic deaths, sweet reunions, and several characters finding redemption. Here's how "Be Our Guest" closed the season:

I've Had A Little Bit Too Much

The episode opens with a closeup of Liz Taylor and we are hearing her thoughts about how great things were supposed to be when the Hotel Cortez was reborn under new management. Then we see her throat slit. Yup.  

Turning back the clock a bit, a man and woman stand at the front desk waiting to check in. Both Liz and Iris greet them and offer up a glass of champagne. Iris believes these folks are internet reviewers and the new managers are eager to have the Hotel Cortez written up as a 4 star hotel. In selling off The Countess' artwork, Liz and Iris were able to do some very impressive renovations and improvements. When Liz shows the internet couple to their room, it looks nothing like the "this place is haunted and you will die quickly" style we've been seeing all season. Things are looking up!

Well, not quite. The internet couple barely has a chance to marvel at the amenities before Sally shows up and ruins it all.  She gives dude a lethal dose of heroin and when the woman runs out into the hallway screaming, Will Drake stabs her in the neck. Liz surveys the damage and says "It's time we had a god damn meeting."

Several ghosts attend a get together at the bar and the new management pleads with them to stop killing the guests. Most of them aren't really in tune with what's going on at the hotel anyway, but Sally and Will maintain that they will continue to shed blood all over the new carpets. They're like a couple of toddlers who just learned how to say "no." James March enters the room and agrees that the murders must stop. He's concerned that if business turns south, the hotel might have to be sold again...and the next buyer could easily be someone who wants to tear the place down. March is concerned about what happens to the ghosts if the hotel disappears. Will they face judgement day?

March also has a trick up his sleeve. He's holding out hope that the Hotel Cortez will be named a historical landmark and therefore can never be torn down. Apparently the place already fits most of the criteria - it just hasn't been around 100 years yet. Close, but not quite. Sally gets super bitchy about needing to find and kill her soul mate but March reminds her that he could easily send the wrinkly/rubbery rapey guy with the spiral strap-on to set her straight. Ew. She walks out of the meeting and Will follows. 

Gonna Be Okay
Iris visits Sally's room. "You're one lonely, miserable bitch." Ha! Iris tells Sally she is truly sorry for pushing her out a window and talks with her about John. She wants to help ease Sally's pain and gives her a smart phone loaded with Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Sally. Freaking. Loves it. Sure Sally can't leave the hotel, but she can make connections anyway. She finds followers and feels like she is able to express herself to the world. Sally even ditches the needle in her (gasp) happiness. 

Liz, meanwhile, is tasked with reeling Will in and it's not easy. Will has been dead for over a year now and didn't realize his fashion business is pretty much also dead. We learn that Liz sent Lachlan away to "one of the finest schools in the country" and Will wants to keep his son as far away from the hotel as possible. The industry rumor going around is Will has disappeared due to madness or illness. Liz encourages him to sketch new ideas...which Liz will happily bring to the world on his behalf. Cut to Liz addressing the board at Will's fashion house to reignite business...and then cut to fashions shows at the hotel where the ghosts are the models. Awesome. 

As Liz tries to bask in the success, she still misses Tristan who still has inexplicably not shown up in the hotel like everyone else who has died there. In an effort to help, Iris brings in a psychic - Billy Dean Howard from Season 1 (also played by Sarah Paulson). She has a show on Lifetime now where she helps people reconnect with loved ones and she's interested in the paranormal rumors surrounding the hotel. First though, she agrees to try to help Liz. Billy Dean makes contact with Tristan but Tristan doesn't want to talk. He's been hiding on purpose? Billy Dean isn't done though - she has a message from Donovan. Iris panics. "He's not here?!?!" No he's not, but Billy Dean tells her that where Donovan is, it smells like the pancakes she used to make him on Saturday mornings. He says he loves her. Awwww.

Tormented by Tristan's rejection Liz turns her attention to her son and new granddaughter. Once again life was good...right up until it wasn't. We next see Liz telling Ramona about her prostate cancer that is "past the point of treatment."Oh hell. Ramona offers to turn Liz but Liz isn't interested in that. She would prefer to die at the hotel so her actual family can keep visiting her there and she can be with her adopted family forever. Liz calls another meeting and explains the situation. She reveals a bunch of weapons and kindly asks her friends to kill her. She lays back on the bed and everyone grabs a weapon and prepares to strike. Just then....The Countess arrives! None of these people have seen her since her demise (guess she's been hiding out with March). "You were always my fondest creation. I wanted to be here to help you transition." And with that, Liz lays back down and The Countess slits her throat. Liz stands, overlooking her own dead body, and lights a cigarette. She hears someone say "those things will kill ya" and turns to see Tristan standing behind her. He says he didn't talk to Liz because she still had too much living to do. They smooch and it's adorable. 

Turn The Lights Out

We fast forward ahead to October 30th, 2022 (Devil's Night!) where we find out that Billy Dean has had three prime time specials from visits at the Hotel Cortez. Now errrrrybody wants to be haunted there. Iris and Ramona discuss how out of hand this whole thing has gotten and John Lowe appears and joins their conversation. Seems Billy Dean tries to contact him, The Ten Commandment's Killer, every year on Devil's Night. Oh really? This is getting very interesting. John tells Iris to go ahead and get Billy Dean in his hotel room for "an interview." She arrives and he sits across from her, answering her questions. Billy Dean's camera crew doesn't pick him up, but I imagine her ratings will soar nonetheless. 

John explains that his family did find out about his side job as a serial killer...that he was cleaning up the world in his own way. He was being hunted and took his family back to the Hotel Cortez. Well except for Scarlet (naturally). She was shipped off to the school Lachlan was at because she hasn't been abandoned enough this season. The police did catch up with John eventually, a shootout ensued, but he did not quite make it back to the hotel to die. He tells Billy Dean that she only feels his presence on October 30th because it's Devil's Night. He says if she leaves her camera crew behind, he'll show her what Devil's Night means. 

John takes Billy Dean to dinner and introduces her to the cast of killers we met at Devil's Night earlier in the season. She's overwhelmed by the dark spirits so John gives her some absinthe and she drinks it because...why not? They give her a seat at the table, cuff her to the chair, and they all take out a weapon. Billy Dean is terrified. John tells her that they will let her leave, but the interviews, the visits to the hotel, and the TV specials have to stop. She calls his bluff -- these ghosts can't leave the hotel to hold her to her word. Nope. But Ramona can. "I'm a creature who kills to live and drinks a body's worth of blood a day and doesn't think twice about who I'm sucking it from." The next time we see Billy Dean, she's running like hell from the hotel. John goes back to his room where his family is waiting for him. Scarlet is all grown up now and is incredibly understanding and accepting of her crazy ass family's situation. 

You're thisclose to becoming dessert.

The episode ends with The Countess sitting in the lounge wearing a barely there dress and eyeing a young, handsome guest. She compliments his jawline (it always comes down to a Rudy Valentino-esque jawline) and that's that. 

Side note: not sure how many of you obsessively follow awards season like I do, but Lady Gaga won a Golden Globe on Sunday for AHS. I seriously hope that she sticks around for another season. I'd love to see what she does with a role that's a little less....Gaga. 

I still maintain that this was the best AHS season yet. It was 'out there' without being all over the place. It had characters that were annoying but not infuriating. It was violent but with a purpose. It included crumbling relationships that found common ground (some that were better late than never) and in the end, it brought some of the darkest characters out of their hole and into a community. Granted, it was a twisted community, but the sense of family these hotel ghosts and vampires shared tugged at my heartstrings in this episode. Hotel kept the idea of being reborn (one way or another) throughout the season and I love the way it all came together. And since Devil's Night was my favorite episode, I'm thrilled that this hour essentially ended with a reunion. 

We now face another long American Horror Story hiatus. I'm not sure if I will be tuning in to Ryan Murphy's next venture, American Crime Story, but I will sure be keeping an eye out for clues on what Season 6 may hold. Thank goodness I have second half of Season 6 of The Walking Dead to hold me over in the meantime. 

AHS Hotel Episode 11: Battle Royale

After a long holiday break American Horror Story: Hotel is back with the final two episodes of the season. When we last left the Hotel Cortez, Liz Taylor and Iris were on a shooting spree in the penthouse, John and his undead family went home, and Ramona was chowing down on a bunch of vampire kids. Tonight we pick up all three of those story lines as well as link Hotel to another AHS season. Here's where we are with "Battle Royale."

Another Shot Before We Kiss The Other Side

Donovan is begging The Countess to let him love her when Iris and Liz burst through the doors with guns blasting. Though The Countess is hit, Donovan shields her and takes the majority of the bullets. Iris apparently had no idea Donovan was in there (even though she knew his obsession with The Countess had resumed) and she runs to his side as he lay dying...again. He begs her not to let him die in the hotel, and while Liz is freaking out about The Countess escaping, she agrees to help get Donovan out the front door. As soon as they get outside Donovan tearfully thanks his mother then dies in her arms. His desire to be out of the hotel still leaves me wondering about Tristan and how he never came back. Pretty sure that's a plot hole. 

The Countess, meanwhile, is at the mercy of Sally who removes the bullets and bandages her very bloody wounds. She wants The Countess to promise she will never leave her because, you know, "they always leave." I feel like that should tell you something, Sally. Anyway, we then get a bit more background on how hypodermic Sally became the hot mess she is now.  

I'll be needing stitches.

We flash back to Los Angeles in 1993 where she was a songwriter for an up and coming boyfriend/girlfriend duo. They would take Sally to the Hotel Cortez to shoot up and have threesomes. Life was good. One day Sally decided she needed to literally sew the couple to her own body while they were super high and super naked...but the couple was also super overdosing....so this was not a great idea. After a couple of days of being sewn to two dead bodies, the wrinkly/rubbery man with the sharp spiral strap on showed up and began to torture her. Sally pushed through the pain and tore herself away from her lovers. I'm still not sure what the origin of that skin spiral dude is, but at least we know a bit more about why Sally is so effing crazy. I'm wondering though...if those two died in the hotel, where the hell are they?  Plot hole?

Back to the present, Sally explains that she needs The Countess to stay alive because she has to get John Lowe back. Mother Monster is weak though and needs blood to recuperate...blood like her own. Instead of telling Sally to get Ramona out of the cage in the hidden hallway (duh), she feels that she is forced to eat her precious remaining vampire children instead, which she totally does. She sucks them all dry. Just as well though - they don't have a nanny anymore anyway. 

Put My Coat On Faster

The Lowe family arrives back at their house and John and Alex tell their daughter that Holden's return must be kept a secret. Too many people will ask questions about his "hasn't aged a day" appearance. Scarlet is suspect, but really at this point Scarlet should just be happy her parents remembered she exists. They are ready to be one big happy family again....except for they part where Alex and the children are kidnapped when John is away from the house. A key to the hotel hangs near the doorway and John ends up back to the place he was hoping to escape. 

When he arrives at the hotel John goes right to Sally. He assumes she took his family to lure him back in the hotel to kill him. She tells him that March is holding John's family hostage - he still owe's March one more victim. Thou shalt not kill. Once he gives March what he promised, Sally says she will be able to take John to his family. She assures him they are all safe.

Baby You'll Be Famous

Iris and Liz are unable to find their wounded victim and they begin to panic. They go to the hidden hallway and release Ramona, who has finished eating the vampire children Alex and John stashed in there. Seems munching on those little guys didn't agree with her stomach though (really?) and Ramona needs a new human victim immediately. Enter Precious Queenie from Coven who is in town to win big money on The Price is Right. Her "Supreme" enchanted her ticket so she is a shoe in to "come on down!" If you recall, at the end of Coven the witches were "out" and Cordelia and the girls were giving interviews on TV about their home for wayward witches. Liz recognizes Precious Queenie from CNN and helps her to her room. Precious Queenie immediately comments on the bad vibes she's getting from the room but "the hotel is at capacity" so she'll have to make do.

When Precious Queenie goes into the bathroom to freshen up, Ramona is behind the shower curtain. She slices the young witch's chest....but Precious Queenie uses her powers to make sure every cut on her body also appears on Ramona's. "I'm a human voodoo doll, bitch. Anything you do to me goes right back to you!" They fight and exchange angry words, but ultimately Precious Queenie is stabbed from behind by James March. "You may be a witch, but I'm a ghost." Ramona feeds and is ready to take on The Countess. March explains that he helped Ramona because he needs The Countess to die in the hotel so he can have her forever. 

Ramona finds a very sad Gaga in the penthouse and inexplicably has a drink with her. The Countess says she feels cursed because no one who comes within 10 feet of her survives. She offers to give the hotel to Ramona in exchange for her life. The Countess just wants to take Bartholomew and leave. After some making out and probably some other stuff (!) Ramona agrees. We next see The Countess heading toward the elevator with her suitcases. She doesn't make it far. John steps out of the elevator and shoots the shit out of her....he provides her head to March for his collection. 

That evening March and The Countess dine together but she's not quite the same. She says she feels no passion and no power. He vows to help her get accustomed to her new state and he tells The Countess he forgives her for turning him in to the police. She tells her former husband that she did no such thing. March has little time to be confused because Ms. Evers is losing her shit. She's soooo not happy that The Countess is stuck in the hotel. She turned March in - she wanted them to die together so he would see the depth of her devotion. He banishes her from his presence and Ms. Evers says as she take off her apron that she feels strangely free. She leaves the room and doesn't look back. March sits back down at the table and raises a toast in honor of the monthly dinner date with his ex becoming a permanent arrangement. The Countess cries as she sips from her glass. 

The episodes ends there and the finale is just a week away. I will say that my favorite part of the episode was the surprise of seeing Precious Queenie in the hotel. Now Hotel has connections to Murder House as well as Coven. We know that Freak Show and Asylum are connected through Pepper and Sister Mary Eunice, and I'm totally on board with the fan theory that Coven's Madison Montgomery is related to Dr. Charles Montgomery...meaning Murder House and Coven have a connection as well. I love how this is all coming together, but will we get any other surprise connections next week? Will John be reunited with his family (again)? Will Ramona, Iris and Liz be business buddies? And what the hell happened to Lachlan? While I am greatly looking forward to seeing how the season ends, I'm also really sad that the season is ending. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the finale is just as strong as the majority of the previous episodes and we get a fitting send off for these characters. Here's hoping!

AHS Hotel Episode 10: She Gets Revenge

We've reached the final American Horror Story episode of 2015. Its title is "She Gets Revenge" and she sure does. But let me say first that this hour is absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud so many times (perhaps because my sense of humor is as twisted as Ryan Murphy's) and if we have to take an AHS hiatus, this was a great episode to leave us hanging. Here's what went down:

Bluffin' With My Muffin

Liz Taylor is still all messed up about Tristan, so much so that she considers shooting herself in the head. She tells Iris, "I don't want to be here anymore" and Iris reminds her that if she kills herself in the hotel, she will likely be stuck "here." Iris asks if she has any unfinished business and Liz mentions her son. She always wanted to make things right after leaving him. Iris tells Liz to wrap up what needs to be wrapped up...and then they will "go" together. Iris isn't interested in being there anymore either, especially now that Donovan sees no one but The Countess again. 

Ms. Evers helps Liz by calling her son and telling him his papa has arranged for him to stay at the luxurious Hotel Cortez for a week. Liz tells her that she hasn't seen her son in 31 years. WOW. I didn't realize Liz had been at the hotel quite that long. Ms. Evers' view of Liz's lifestyle isn't too favorable (given the time period she is from, that's not surprising) and we learn that she is helping Liz for a price....a brand new jug of oxy soap. "It's like Christmas morning!" HA! 

Liz's not so little boy Douglas arrives at the hotel and makes his way up the hotel steps to the bar for happy hour. He does not recognize his father behind the bar and assumes he is shooting the shit with "Liz." Quite a bit of time passes and Douglas talks about his failed dreams and his stale marriage. The conversation then moves to Douglas' childhood where "dad split and missed my one good season of pee-wee league." He mentions that he's in town to reconnect with his father but Liz keeps her cover and says nothing. She offers to buy Douglas' next drink but he's off to bed. "Some other time."

Because Liz feels like she reconnected with Douglas...even though Douglas didn't actually know he was talking to his father, Liz feels like she's ready "to go." She and Iris buy Ms. Evers a stack-able washer/dryer in appreciation of all her help (this show is a riot tonight) and they begin to discuss the manner in which they will off themselves. Ms. Evers interrupts and says Douglas is at the bar waiting to chat some more with Liz. They talk briefly and then Liz starts to tell Douglas who she is. Douglas knew already. His mom had given him a few clues over the years and he recognized his father right away. Douglas tells Liz "there's plenty of room for another woman in my life." Awwww.

Liz goes to Iris to tell her the news but Iris is busy finalizing her tribute video. Really - she put together a photo collage of herself and animals to the tune of "I Hope You Dance." That's television gold right there. "I wanted to be a beacon of hope to my 3 followers on Instagram." HA! I love this woman. Liz breaks the news gently. She wants to stay alive for her son. She tells Iris that the two of them should take over the hotel. Liz says they've earned it. "The best is yet to come."

This Time I'm Not Leaving Without You

John has taken another victim...well, victims really. In his effort to kill a holy man who clearly didn't understand the "thou shalt have no other gods before me" commandment, he stabbed the shit out of a couple of this man's followers as well. John walked away with the man's ears though so it was a pretty productive outing. 

Having secured his new trophy along with the rest of the collection, John decides it's time for a face to face with Alex. John is pissed that she made him believe Holden was a hallucination. They argue for a bit but they can come to an agreement on one thing - they have been the worst parents ever to poor Scarlet, who is still with grandma wondering what the hell is going on. While Alex has not forgotten about her, she tells John she has a bigger problem on her hands. The Countess found out about the murderous gang of children roaming the city and she is soooo not happy with her vampire nanny. Alex either has to "make things right" or The Countess is going to kill Alex and Holden. Alex needs John's help. Bad.

Alex and John find the children's hideout house (in record time) and the two inexplicably split up to find the kids. Alex comes across Kimmy, one of the girls who does not want to be a part of this group anymore. She's not doing so great. Max and company attack them, John shows up with his gun but doesn't kill any of the kids, and Kimmy dies because she's stopped feeding. "It's too late for Kimmy but it's not too late for the rest of you," Alex says. The kids follow Alex and John back to the Hotel Cortez and they find themselves locked in the secret hallway with Will's dead body and a pissed off and hungry Ramona. "Mama smells appetizers." Oh my. Do vampires eat other vampires?!?!

For whatever reason John and Alex have some sex after locking the kids away. I feel like Sally is going to flip her shit when she finds out. Maybe the rubbery wrinkled rape man will make another appearance. Anyway, John doesn't want to go through with the divorce and Alex mentions that John does seem different now. She's interested in this new John Lowe but she needs to go be a vampire nanny. Sally appears then (yes!) and accuses John of treating her like a whore. She tells him that he can't deny that she is who he really wants. They start to fool around but John stops before it gets too far. Sally tells him that Alex won't want him when she finds out he's a serial killer. "She left you. She lied to you. She wanted you out of her life. I was there for 5 years!" John tells Sally he can't be with her and storms out of the room. 

With Alex's permission, John goes to the video game room and reunites with Holden. Alex is no longer in her vampire nanny uniform and they decide they are taking Holden home and becoming a family again (I assume this also means picking up Scarlet from grandma's house). They walk out of the hotel hand in hand as Sally screams from the balcony above. 

Can't Read My Poker Face

Natacha enters the Hotel Cortez as Donovan enters the other hotel housing Rudy Valentino. This can't be good. As The Countess is confessing her undying love for Rudy in her room, Donovan is professing his undying love for The Countess in Rudy's room. Natacha draws a knife and says "I should have killed you after our first tango" as Rudy draws a sword on Donovan. Rudy is ready to run him through...but Donovan pulls a gun and blows Rudy's brains out. A lot. The Countess, meanwhile, kills Natacha the same way. 

The Countess has also reported Will Drake missing and meets with the police to play the very convincing role of worried wife. No need. Will walks into the room saying "darrrling" and the look on Mother Monster's face is priceless. He explains that he was looking through the renovation area and got lost for 2 days. The Countess ushers the detectives out quickly, shuts the doors, and Will says "you murdered me, you bitch." They argue over what is going to happen with Will's money and The Countess reminds Will that Lachlan will inherit everything and he made her Lachlan's legal guardian. She mentions that maybe Lachlan won't reach adulthood and Will is not happy The Countess is threatening his son. "I don't kill children. But I could make him a blood relative." Another laugh out loud moment tonight. As Will storms off, March appears to remind The Countess that she was warned not to kill Will on the premises. For real - what was she thinking? How could she be so surprised when Will waltzed into the room while she was declaring him a missing person?

Later that night she has a casual romantic with Donovan and tells him about her error. She needs Donovan to retrieve Will's body and put Ramona back in her metal cage. Sure thing. "Perhaps while I'm cleaning up your mess, you can clean up mine." The Countess is confused. What does he mean? "Why don't you text your boyfriend and ask him? Oh that's right, he doesn't know how to text. And you can forget about FaceTime." Oh. Shit. The Countess rushes to Rudy's hotel room and finds what's left of him. It's not pretty. 

When The Countess returns to the Hotel Cortez, Donovan is rocking out to "Hotline Bling." He seems very proud of himself. She tearfully turns off the music and shouts at her jealous lover. "He made me! He made me everything I am." Donovan states that when The Countess turned him...she tried to make him in Rudy's image. The Countess agrees but tells Donovan that he could never live up to Rudy. She asks Donovan why he stayed knowing that she would come back to kill him. Donovan replies that he accepts his death if it is the only way she will let him love her. The Countess cries. She begins to forgive him...but then Iris and Liz storm in with guns blazing and the episode ends. 

In this episode I still look at "she" as Ramona. Whether or not Iris and Liz were successful in their assassination attempt, Rudy's murder dealt a pretty amazing blow to The Countess and knocked her completely off guard. Her broken heart has to be a "win" in the Ramona column. As we go into the holiday break though, we have several open items to wonder about: Will John give up his serial killer quest to be a doting husband and father full time? Will The Countess (if still alive) go after Alex and Holden? Will James March find a new protege? And whether The Countess and Donovan are dead or not, will Iris and Liz take over the hotel? Does Will Drake even care at this point? We'll see what happens when the show returns again in 2016. Til then, I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season!

AHS Hotel Episode 9: She Wants Revenge

This week we revisit Ramona's vendetta against The Countess (haven't seen her since her failed attempt at offing Bartholomew) and we find out how Donovan and Iris are actually going to help execute her plan. Ramona is not the only woman with revenge on her mind though. After finding out what James March did to the love of her life, The Countess herself is mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore. Bonus points if you know the movie reference. Here's what happened in "She Wants Revenge."

Can't Believe My Eyes

We have one cutaway story in tonight's episode and Alex gets the spotlight for just a few minutes. She stops by to check on Max, the boy she gave "the virus" to and then never followed up with. In this scenario "better late than never" doesn't really apply. Alex had seen news reports about children witnessing horrific crimes and a damn light bulb finally went off in her head. Max's house is filled with bodies and he and his buddies are currently finishing up a meal when she arrives. Several of the kids are no longer interested in killing. All of their parents are dead and some of them just want to be normal again. Alex tries to get them to come back to the hotel with her (can't wait to hear Mother Monster's take on this) but they decline and leave together. As Alex watches them go, I have to wonder if she truly understands how badly she effed up here. She just haaaad to save this kid but had no problem leaving her daughter behind to become a vampire nanny...and not a very good one.  

Meanwhile the Countess stares into the hidden corridor that once housed Rudy Valentino and his wife. She cries, thinking about all of the time spent wondering why these two left her when in reality they were in the same building with her all along. I'd be pretty pissed too. She tells March that their arrangement is over - she will no longer dine with him once a month and exchange pleasantries. "I'd kill you if you weren't dead already." She wants the hidden chamber fixed and fixed immediately. I wonder who The Countess is looking to store in there....

In preparation for the his upcoming wedding, Will is helping Lachlan put the finishing touches on his tuxedo. He tells his son that he never met someone who really understood him until he encountered The Countess. "She's the one." Ms. Evers appears then (out of nowhere naturally) and tells Will not to marry her. She offers Will an array of weapons and he looks extremely confused. "Clearly you want to commit suicide. Why else would you want to marry that poisonous leech of a woman?" Will tells Ms. Evers she's fired (ha!) but she continues to try to warn him. "No one survives her." Ain't that the truth.

I'd Give Anything Again To Be Your Babydoll

Despite ongoing plans for this farce wedding The Countess has hired a private detective to locate Rudy. She finds him at a motel and he is overjoyed to see her. Rudy kisses her and pulls her into his room immediately. I'm guessing the wife is in there too but we don't see her. The next scene is full of nudity, moaning, and gyrating. You'd think this would be The Countess and Rudy, but it's actually The Countess and Donovan. They seemed to have kissed and made up. Donovan wants The Countess to swear that from now on she will love only him. The naked lady makes this promise but mentions that she is getting married on Wednesday. "Don't worry. I'll be a widow by Thursday. A rich widow."

Back at the Cortez a trio of questionable characters who could easily be, as Iris observes, from the "douchebag convention" arrives. They have a reservation under the name Stormcock. Really? Turns out we have two porn stars and their director and they've come to make a movie. Apparently many amateur porn entrepreneurs have used the Hotel Cortez as a shooting (heh) location over the years and Iris is just plain tired of it. When the couple is mid-scene she knocks on the door. A very angry director answers and she slits his throat immediately. Iris also doesn't bat an eye when the woman begs for her life. She drives that knife into her chest like it's nothing. The male star runs into the bathroom naked and locks the door. Donovan walks by just then and is pleasantly surprised by the mess his mom has made. 

Donovan reveals to Iris that his revived status with The Countess is a sham. He's still on board with Ramona and they need to act fast. Iris has some news of her own. When The Countess confronted her about Bartholomew's escape, Iris had no choice but to say Ramona was behind it. This was the best way for Iris to protect herself and her son. As Iris talks, Donovan hears the naked dude in the bathroom and breaks the door down. The next time we see the porn star Donovan is offering him to Ramona. He tells Ramona that they have to kill The Countess that night before she gets married. He says he needs to be rid of his "addiction."

Ramona and Donovan sneak into The Countess' room while she sleeps. Ramona approaches her with a knife with the intention of stabbing The Countess in the heart and then cutting off her head. Just before this happens, The Countess opens her eyes and Donovan tasers Ramona. When Iris sees Donovan carrying a semi-conscious Ramona to the new and improved secret corridor, she's confused. She wasn't filled in on this part of Ramona's plan...because Donovan has gone rogue. He's back to believing The Countess will never leave him and he plans to help her store "their" enemies in this room. Iris. Is. Pissed. She goes off on her son and tells him he'll die once The Countess is tired of him again. Ramona groans "listen to your momma" and claims The Countess has probably already moved on to her next man, but Donovan doesn't want to hear any of this. He storms off.

But we know The Countess does have a new man...or an old man who's the current man again...however you want to spin it. Rudy is having a tough time adjusting to this modern world. Natacha, on the other hand, is all about this revived life of theirs. She loves shopping and Uber and more shopping. The Countess tells Rudy that she is about to come into a great deal of money and she wants to use that money to revamp the Hotel Cortez into "a fortress against the modern world." Rudy wants to know where his wife fits into all of this. The answer? She doesn't. The Countess doesn't share. Rudy acknowledges that he would survive if something were to happen to Natacha as long as The Countess is there to comfort him. Wow. He's entirely too agreeable to this.

Electric Chapel

We've reached the wedding and it is definitely a small affair. While Will would have liked a lavish affair with celebrities and media coverage, The Countess had insisted on something intimate and super quick which worked out well. Lachlan is eager to get back to the video game room, The Countess is eager to get the honeymoon started, and Will is eager to have a drink. March shows up at the bar and introduces himself as a long time resident of the hotel. Fair enough. The two men talk about how wonderful marriage is and then The Countess' original husband drops the Bartholomew bomb on Will. See, Will had no idea that he is now a step-dad. As he leans forward over Bartholomew's crib wondering what the hell he's looking at, The Countess enters the room and knocks Will out. When he wakes up...Will finds that he is Ramona's roommate in the completely sealed off hallway. He panics, saying that they will starve if no one comes to save them. Ramona smiles and says "I won't." Then she slits his throat and feeds. The Countess watches all of this on TV from the cameras she installed in the corridor. 

The episode ends there and The Countess is once again a widow. I'm wondering how she's going to spin this though. If Will dies in the hotel, won't he stay there? And most likely not trapped in the secret hall? I'm not sure how The Countess can inherit the money if Will is walking around freely. The episode was pretty good though. There seemed to be a lot of filler but I know we're only a week away from the last 2015 episode so I'm guessing episode 10 is going to pack quite a punch. Will The Countess be able to get rid of Natacha? Will Donovan find out he's been had? Is Iris going to bust Ramona out of her prison? Are we going to see John's return before the year ends? There are a number of people looking for revenge at this point and I think everything will come to a head very soon. 

AHS Hotel Episode 8: The Ten Commandments Killer

At some point we needed to bring the focus back on this serial killer arc that I initially thought would be the main plot line this season. I'm totally fine with it being a side story now given everything else we've seen, but tonight's episode gives us the big reveal and it's a pretty fantastic one. Here's what happened in "The Ten Commandments Killer."

Out On This Lonely Road

We start off with Ren dashing into oncoming traffic and getting...we'll call it "hit" by a very large truck. John runs out into the street as other witnesses flock to her aid as well, but it's no use. She's dead. Rather than linger and have someone ask "was she with you?" John leaves the scene quickly. 

Liz Taylor is fixing her makeup after shedding many tears over the loss of Tristan. Her mourning is interrupted by John running in with his crazy face on asking where the monster is that everyone has been protecting. Liz plays it cool and John starts to rough her up a bit. This is not the time to screw with Liz. She grabs him and threatens him as Sally approaches. Sally says she'll take John to the place the Ten Commandments Killer has been hiding. She leads him to room 64 and tells him the answers lie on the other side of the door. 

John enters and Sally tells him about James March. They are standing in what used to be his office...the office he died in. She tells John he will find what he is looking for behind the armoire and John is quick to push the piece of furniture aside. He finds a hidden door that takes him to a room with the body parts the Ten Commandments Killer has collected from his victims: the hand of a thief (thou shalt not steal) from 1926 and teeth from migrant workers (remember the Sabbath day - keep it holy) from around the same time. Sally then points out the present day collectibles: the brain of a man who worshiped false idols, the tongue and eyeballs from the "thou shalt not commit adultery" victim, the hearts of the two brothers we saw suspended in the creepy house earlier in the season (honor thy father an mother), the vocal chords of the gossip columnists (though shall not bear false witness), and the spleen of a televangelist (thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain). She says someone has been trying to complete March's work. John has that "I don't get it" look about him that he's had for most of the season...just as I'm starting to kick myself for not realizing who the killer is sooner. John says he logged these recent collectibles as evidence himself so how did they end up here? Oh John. You're the killer. Seriously kicking myself. Why else would March have invited John to the special serial killer Halloween dinner? Agh!

Don't Stop, Let's Party

John's partner is hanging out in an autopsy room with Ren and he asks another officer to go check on John's house to make sure his family is okay. John appears, looking more pale than Ren, and he wants to confess to the Ten Commandments killings. He suddenly remembers that the first time he walked into the Hotel Cortez was 5 years ago and not 3 weeks ago as everyone else believes. (Glad to know only 3 weeks have passed in these 8 episodes). This was the same night that John had far too much to drink and subsequently quit drinking...for a while anyway. He came upon the hotel looking for an open bar and found Liz Taylor, Sally, Donovan and a whole bunch of martinis. Donovan invites him to an "after party" upstairs which was really just an awkward dinner between March and The Countess. This is the one night a month the former married couple actually interact with one another and March is pissssed when Donovan interrupts. However, Donovan introduces John as "a man who wants to drink himself to death" and all is forgiven. 

John explains the deaths he saw that day of the carbon monoxide poisoned family and the patriarch who killed himself upon finding their bodies. March points out that John is stating the details with a calm indifference. "I'm a homicide detective. What I know is death is the only thing in life that has meaning." March smiles and shoos The Countess and Donovan out of the room. He introduces himself to John as the hotel owner and gives him some absinthe. March tells John that he is struck by his aura, that he has rage that needs to be let out, but at this point John is just struck by the alcohol. He tells his new soon to be mentor "if they take the leash off of me, crime would drop in this city." This begins a two day discussion that leaves March feeling like he had found a successor. He even gets The Countess to buy in once she sees the pictures of Holden in John's wallet. Her choice to take Holden is what finally turns John into someone who hates the world.

As he deals with the pain of losing his son, John begins to live two lives - one at home with Alex and Scarlett and the other at the hotel with James March. After more discussions March feels it's time to take John to his trophy room. John initially says he will report these crimes, but after thinking about the number of criminals he has seen walk free because of technicalities, he finds himself wanting to follow in March's footsteps on what would have been Holden's 10th birthday. March tells John about a man who has stayed at the hotel...a man who is a pedophile that has never been brought to justice. This man was actually probably not a pedophile at all, but his "sin" was selling academy awards on Craigslist. He worshiped false idols. He is John's first victim and his brains are the first trophy. I guess if I were going to be bludgeoned to death, I would want it to be with a stolen Oscar. 

John realizes what he has done and how much he liked it and he tries to hang himself in the hotel. Sally watches and does nothing. She hopes he'll be hers forever if he dies right then. March cuts him down though and Sally comforts him. John asks why he can't remember things about the hotel when he leaves the hotel. Sally replies, "The Cortez is a jealous mistress John. Possessive. She'll never let you take anything with you." Speaking of mistresses, Sally kindly points out the man and woman who meet at the hotel frequently to cheat on their spouses. Through fake texts John arranges for them to schedule their next tryst at a different hotel. He leaves the man alive but takes his eyes and tongue. 

Hanging On A Moment Of Truth

John's partner is calling bullshit at this point. He tells John that the "Sally" he's talking about has been dead for 20 years. March has been dead for 90. None of this is possible. He tells John he is not responsible for these deaths and John grabs a knife from the autopsy table and kills him. John says "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," but there's no real evidence they had an affair. Alex simply had coffee with him to talk about John's issues and her concern. 

The episode ends with John returning to the hotel carrying a bloody bag with a trophy from his latest kill. He sees Iris at the front desk and tells her he remembers everything. Iris is so relieved because she never knew "which John" would approach the desk on any given day. John tells her he has no regrets except Ren. "That one isn't on you John. Ren died because of Sally." We then see a flashback of Sally telling Ren to follow John everywhere and make sure he doesn't die outside of the hotel. Ren had protected John at all costs. March sees John and asks what is different about him today. John says "Clarity."

So John is the killer...and the signs were all there....and I was clueless. Palm to the forehead. This was a great episode though and I loved every second of it. John has two more kills to go and we have two more episodes to go before the show takes a brief hiatus. Will he somehow make Sally pay for corrupting Ren? Was he sloppy when he killed his partner? And if dying in the hotel keeps you in the hotel, where's Tristan? Do Gaga murders not count? The one tourist girl she killed is still roaming about... Regardless, we are eight episodes in and the season keeps getting better and better. This is hands down my favorite season so far. Fingers crossed we are in for a solid remainder of American Horror Story: Hotel. 

The Walking Dead Season 6 Episode 8: "Start to Finish"

Well kids, we made it to the mid-season finale on The Walking Dead and from a suspense standpoint, it doesn't let us down. The people of Alexandria literally come face to face with the Walker world, the Carol/Morgan conflict escalates, and Jessie's kids might be the most annoying characters to hit this show in quite a while. Look at the flowers boys. Here's what happened in "Start to Finish."

Uh Oh Overflow

We pick up right where we left off with the tower crashing through the gates of Alexandria. The Walkers begin to file in and the "oh shit" look Rick has on his face says it all. He yells for everyone to get inside as he starts shooting at Walkers. Deanna comes running up with her gun as well, aiming for zombie heads this time which proves way more effective than the stomach stabbing she did previously. She falls on a circular saw near the wall reinforcement area and Rick has to practically carry her to Jessie's house, with Carl, Ron, Gabriel and Michonne merging with them there. 

Maggie had just run down from her watch station on the wall because she saw the green balloons Glenn had released nearby. Now she has to scramble back to the top of the wall, losing her ladder in the process. Glenn meanwhile makes a plan to go around to the west wall to try to get into town that way. Enid is all mopey and stupid and he tells her "Our friends are in there. People who care about you. My pregnant wife." He then tells her to run away if she's scared, "but that's how you lose people." 

At this point Jessie takes everyone up to the second floor of her house where Sam is freaking out. She asks him to pretend shit's not falling apart as he sees Michonne and Rick take a bloody Deanna to the next room. Easy peasy, right? Michonne tends to Deanna's bum leg and then begins to tackle the massive cut on Deanna's side from the saw. The only problem is...that cut is flanked by a Walker bite. I'd love to do an "OMG!" or "How could they?!" right now but did anybody really think that Deanna was going to survive this episode?

Offer Me Solutions, Offer Me Alternatives

Tara, Eugene and Smokin' Hot Rosita have sealed themselves off in another garage and they sit and watch the shadows of the Walkers pounding the walls outside. Smokin' Hot Rosita is discouraged and asks her friends if Alexandria is over...to which Tara replies "I think we gotta earn it. All of us. A place like this has to have a price, right? This place isn't over. We're here...so what are we gonna do, gorgeous?" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the line of the night. 

Carol and Morgan are running from the Walkers when Carol slips on some bullet shells and bumps her head. Morgan brings her into the house that also serves as the Wolf jail and he tries to tend to her wound. She's hesitant and he asks her if there's anyone she trusts. "Some more than others. But you're dead last." Ha! 

The Wolf and a very nervous Dr. Denise sit in the basement and wonder what's happening outside. Denise wonders if this guy could be scared at all given what he's done. But the Wolf says that his group didn't kill people. "We freed them...and then we were just going to use what was left. I've done my part. The world will take care of the rest. It won't change." 

Morgan walks toward the windows to see how things are progressing outside and Carol dashes down the basement stairs. She has her knife and is ready to kill the Wolf when of course Morgan jumps in front of her spewing his "all life matters" bullshit. Look, I understand where he's coming from. I do. But this guy is part of a group of people who slaughtered a community and has outright SAID he will kill everyone left in Alexandria if given the chance. Step aside Morgan. Go save the innocent lives of the poor, naive people in the community who are getting their guts eaten.  Carol doesn't want to kill Morgan, but she tells him she will. "You can't. I won't let you."

Carol and Morgan fight, Morgan knocks Carol out, and I'm pissssed. You know what happens next? The effing Wolf knocks Morgan out and holds Denise at knife point. Tara, Eugene and Smokin' Hot Rosita arrive just then, but the Wolf uses Denise as a human shield and disappears. 

Save Yourself, Serve Yourself

Ron heads out to the garage and Carl follows him. Ron seriously sucks. Seriously. He's taking a page from Enid's playbook and whining about how they're all going to die and there's nothing they can do. Ron pulls out the gun he isn't supposed to have and Carl fights with him. Ron breaks the garage windows in the process, allowing the Walkers a clear path in. You. IDIOT. The boys make it back into the house and Jessie and Rick are able to make a temporary barricade against the interior door to the garage. Carl doesn't tattle on Ron but he does pull Ron into another room and aims his gun at him. Carl asks for Ron's gun and says "I get it. My dad killed your dad. But you need to know something - your dad was an asshole." True story. 

As Michonne sits with Deanna, they discuss plans that Deanna had drawn up to help expand and improve the town. Michonne tells her that even now those plans could still work. "I want this place to work." Deanna asks her what that means to her...for her...but Michonne doesn't know. Rick and Michonne switch spots for a bit and Deanna hands Rick a note for Spencer and Maggie. "Will you look out for him like you look out for your people? They're all your people Rick. I didn't run out to help you because I like you or because I think you're a good man or a good father or that you can grow one hell of a beard. I ran over to help because you are one of us." See how that works, Rick? Don't you feel like shit just a little bit now?

There's no more time for heart to hearts. The Walkers have broken in on the first floor of the house. Everyone heads back upstairs and Rick decides that they need to all wear Walker innards and try to leave the house unnoticed. It's worked before. I'm not sure why they don't do this more often. Rick explains the plan and but then lowers his eyes when Gabriel asks "What about Deanna?" Michonne checks in on Deanna one last time and lets her know the group is leaving. She offers to end Deanna's situation, but Deanna isn't quite ready. She has her gun and says she will do it herself when it's time. "Someday this pain will be useful to you," she says. Michonne cries and thanks Deanna for believing. Deanna tells her to "give em hell," and Michonne rejoins the group. Deanna meets her demise guns blazing as the Walkers approach her room. 

As the group prepare to leave, Sam is back to flipping out. Jessie tells him they need to look like the monsters and asks him to pretend none of this is real and that he's someone who is brave. This is quite a stretch, mom. The episode ends with Rick, Carl (toting Judith), Jessie, Sam, Ron, Gabriel and Michonne slowly walking out the front door and down the steps in a single line, hand in hand. All seems to be going well...and then just before the credits roll, Sam can be seen squeezing Jessie's hand and saying "Mom? Mom?"

Are you kidding me?!?! Now is not the time for questions Sam! I swear, between him, Ron, and Morgan this episode, my nerves are shot. Rick and Carl have spent a considerable amount of time saving Ron's ass and Ron continues to be a liability. Sam absolutely sucks at pretending. And Morgan? Yeah, way to go buddy. You got Denise kidnapped by someone who either "frees" people or "uses what's left of them." Ugh. We obviously still have some cliffhangers to drive us crazy mull over until February, because as it stands now we have no Glenn and Maggie reunion, no indication to the group that Abraham, Sasha and Daryl are alive, no resolution to the Carol and Morgan conflict, and a high probability that some of our heroes will become a late lunch for the Walkers they are trying to fool. The show runners owe us a lot of answers when the show returns in 2016!

AHS Hotel Episode 7: Flicker

Tonight American Horror Story: Hotel gives us even more of a background on James March (seriously my favorite Evan Peters character since Tate) as well as The Countess.  About 90% of this hour takes place via flashbacks with just a touch of present day action. Here's what happened in "Flicker."

I'm On The Edge With You

Will and Lochlan stroll through the halls of the hotel and Will tells his son that he and his "blond lady friend" will be together forever. Lochlan is confused because he thought his dad was into guys, but he gives his blessing anyway. Will is having some updates made to the Hotel Cortez, and the construction workers are finding some strange things as they begin renovations. For instance - behind one bit of drywall lies an inch of steel which, we find out, is blocking a secret tunnel. When the workers begin to remove the steel (per Will's instructions) they explore this tunnel and notice several arches/entryways that have been sealed shut with bricks. They're scared...but they don't have to worry long. A zombie like man and woman come out of the shadows and kill them. To make matters worse, there's a gaping hole in the wall now and no steel to keep these things captive. 

The Countess and Iris investigate the bloody scene and the fearless Mother Monster suddenly looks frightened. Iris can't believe her eyes. What could be rattling her? We then flash back to Hollywood in 1925 where silent film heartthrob Rudolph Valentino is shooting a movie. He invites one of the female extras to his house for dinner. They discuss "flickers" and the young woman thinks that being up on the big screen will make them immortal. This young woman is The Countess. They share a tango before Rudy's wife Natacha enters the room...and then the two women share a tango...and then the three of them share a tango...and then the three of them share some sex. All in a day's work. 

The Countess carries on this secret relationship for some time, refusing to kiss and tell when her BFF asks her who she's been seeing while they are at a big Hollywood soiree. Turns out this party is the grand opening of the Hotel Cortez where the dashing owner, James March, is welcoming everyone with a smile. The champagne toast is interrupted though by a man running into the room with a newspaper, saying Valentino is dead. The Countess is devastated. She runs down the hall of the hotel and stands at the edge of a window ready to jump. Pretty sure this is the same window Iris pushed Sally out of. Anyway, James stops her and when their eyes meet, he's immediately smitten. 

I'm Gonna Marry The Dark

Feeling 100% alone, she marries James quickly and it doesn't take long for her to discover his, um, hobbies. She's not startled. The Countess is "drawn to his darkness" and encourages her new hubby to stop slicing up hobos and kill people with jewels or riches - something that will benefit them. This is music to her murderous husband's ears. 

The Countess visits Rudy's grave and encounters his wife...and Rudy himself. He explains that he faked his own death because while on a movie promotional tour, he was turned into a vampire by a F.W. Murnau, the German director behind Nosferatu. When he returned from the tour he gave "the virus" to Natacha, and now he wants to give it to The Countess. He invites her to come away with him and his wife and she joyfully agrees. Unfortunately for her, James is nearby and overhears the entire discussion. He won't let her go without a fight. 

Turns out the man and woman trapped inside the steel wall in the present day hotel are Rudy and Natacha. James kidnapped them before they could steal The Countess away and he sealed them away in the hidden hallway in the hotel. Damn. The Countess had just assumed they stood her up (but I'm guessing they turned her in the mausoleum?) and she is livid when James tells her what was actually hidden back there. As they have this discussion we see Rudy and Natacha walk out of the hotel arm and arm. 

A Little Gambling Is Fun When You're With Me

John finds himself in a mental health ward and this might actually be the first episode where he enters the hour awake. He tells the psychiatrist about the many things going on in his life and he explains that he needs "professional help." That's probably true. But John is also there to find a potential suspect in the Ten Commandments Killer case. Apparently one of the last bits of information he got before being thrown out of his office was a lead in this hospital. 

He hears one of the security guards bragging about how he guards the real psychos in the solitary confinement area, and John takes it upon himself to knock the guard out that evening and steal his keys. This is clearly a well monitored hospital. John finds the patient log and sees that his former partner recently visited room 153 so he heads there. Inside that room is a little girl who does not want to "feed" anymore. She looks like one of The Countess' children and her name is Ren. She's been working with the Ten Commandments Killer and certainly has the stories to prove it. Interesting. John wants to know more about her and we flash back to 1986 where Ren's father leaves her baking in the car so he can go drink inside the Hotel Cortez. The Countess busts a car window and saves her which explains the whole feeding thing. John begs Ren to tell her who the killer is (it's a "he" apparently) and she tells John she'll show him where the Ten Commandments Killer lives if he helps her escape. Again, because there's pretty much no security at this place, the escape is pretty easy. Ren tells John that to find the killer, they need to go to the Hotel Cortez. She then purposefully runs into the street in front of a truck. 

The episode ends there and John seems to be SOL again other than knowing he has to go back to the hotel. With so few episodes left he has to be on the brink of catching this guy, but who is he? Is it someone we haven't even met yet? One of March's proteges? Liz Taylor disguised as the man before Liz Taylor?  Could it possibly be Will Drake? Did he buy the hotel because he knew what it was built for? There are still many open items to close on as we get closer to the finale, but I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. The trip to "old Hollywood" was fun and it was great to see the banter between The Countess and James March. I'm hoping we see much more of it before the season ends!